42: Build a Thriving God-Centered Marriage | Beth Sri

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Hey, I'm your host, Mari Wagner,

and you're listening to the ever be

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podcast where faith meets lifestyle.

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I'm so excited you're here, whether you're

a new listener or a longtime follower,

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I know there's something here for you.

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Pull up a chair and listen in for

insightful real life conversations

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and actionable steps on how to claim

the full life God created you for.

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If you're a woman desiring to live

a Christ centered life in today's

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modern world, then this is for you.

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Welcome to Ever Be.

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_1_11-20-2024_133208: Hey guys,

welcome back to ever be today.

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We have a very exciting

guest, uh, Beth Sari.

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She is an author and she's

going to be sharing a little

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bit more about her in a second.

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Um, but basically how this came to

be is I have a marriage group with

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a few other married friends that

we have that we meet once a month.

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And we recently read.

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One of Beth's books that she wrote with

her husband, Edward Sri, um, it's called

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the good, the messy and the beautiful.

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And it was such a wonderful book to

allow us to have good conversations

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around what is a good God centered

marriage really supposed to look like,

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you know, what are areas we can grow in,

um, as well as just some good laughs.

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You had some good stories in there

that definitely brought us some, some

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laughter and joy to our conversation.

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So welcome Beth.

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I'm so excited to chat with you today.

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beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: Thanks.

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So good to be here, Mari.

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_1_11-20-2024_133208: Can you share

a little bit about who you are?

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Maybe just give us an introduction.

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Oh, that

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beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208:

my name's Beth Stree.

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have been married for 25 years

and we have eight children.

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Um, actually just became

grandparents this past summer,

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which is absolutely fantastic.

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I, it was one of those things where

it's like, Oh, it's so amazing.

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I'm like, okay, I believe you.

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I don't have any concept

and I just have to say it's.

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better I ever, ever realized.

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Um, and they live close to

us, which is the literal best.

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And he's just, I, I just adore them.

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It's so fun to see my

daughter as a mom too.

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That part has just been fantastic.

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So, um,

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_1_11-20-2024_133208: is so

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beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208:

have eight kids, eight kids,

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um, five girls, three boys.

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Our is 24, our youngest is eight.

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Um.

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Yeah, that's the essentials right there.

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_1_11-20-2024_133208: you are

an experienced wife and mother.

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beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: I've

done a lot of things, a lot of well and

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probably even more things not so well.

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So

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_1_11-20-2024_133208: Oh, amazing.

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Well, let's just dive right in.

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I kind of just want to start off with a

basic question, but how can newlyweds set

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the foundation for a thriving marriage?

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Early on, like what are some

things that we can do early on?

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And by newlyweds, I feel like we're

talking like first five years of marriage

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I think is a pretty standard term for

you know being called a newlywed So

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what are some things that we can do

as newlyweds to really set a really

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strong foundation from the start?

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beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: yeah.

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So this, this is a great question.

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Um, I guess I would approach it

more like remembering why you

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got married in the first place.

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It's so easy to, to kind of get stuck

in the, the complication or the drudgery

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or the familiarity even life together.

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Um, so if you can remember the

good things about your spouse.

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Why you chose him.

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Um,

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yeah, and then bring those regularly

to mind, I think is a great practice

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with with anyone, whether it's our

spouse, you know, our, our children,

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our friends, our parents, our siblings,

um, to really just honor the goodness

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that is there and and know that

the person standing in front of us.

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Is fully human, which means coexists

with lot of absurdity and a lot of

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woundedness and a lot of other things

and that doesn't, that doesn't lessen

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the goodness of the person with us.

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_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah, absolutely,

that's great advice What would

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you say are some common pitfalls

couples might face in those first

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years and how can we overcome them?

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beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah, you

know, I have to say these questions going

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back to the beginning of all of this.

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I just, it's hard for me to connect.

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Um,

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_1_11-20-2024_133208: Mm hmm

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beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208:

I was such a different person

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back in the day, like seriously.

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And I don't think there were nearly

as many, um, there wasn't as much

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knowledge and information available.

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I mean, I had friends

who were ahead of me.

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stage of life.

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And they were my go to's, um, few books.

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There weren't podcasts.

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You know what I mean?

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Like I'm showing my age

here, but, um, yeah.

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So, so what can you do

to the question for me?

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_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah, just like, you

know, I feel like those, those first few

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years of marriage, like we just have such

good intentions, but there's often, um,

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maybe like common ways that people fall

short or just some common pitfalls that

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you might fall into as a married couple,

as you're learning to love each other.

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Well, what do you feel like are some

of those common pitfalls and how

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can we, you know, it's, it's hard

to say, like, how can we avoid them?

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Cause.

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In our humanness, like you said,

we're always going to encounter,

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uh, brokenness and sin and in our

own selfishness in so many ways.

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And marriage reveals that to us for sure.

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But what would your advice be, you

know, to kind of what are those common

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pitfalls and how can you work on them?

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How can you grow?

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beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah.

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I think self awareness is the

first one to, to really be able to

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acknowledge I'm hurting my spouse here

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_1_11-20-2024_133208: Hmm.

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Yeah.

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beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: that

without shutting down to name it

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without, um, giving into the anger

that might accompaniment accompany

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it and just acknowledge it and

say, I am feeling disappointed.

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I'm feeling misunderstood.

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I'm feeling invisible.

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I'm feeling unlovable.

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I know you love me.

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And for whatever reason, maybe

it's my previous wounding.

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Um, I'm not feeling it right now.

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We can just name vulnerably and honestly

what's going on here, that that in itself

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is like next level, because in order to

say it, you have to what's going on in

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your body, in your heart, in your mind,

in your soul, and be familiar enough with

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your own movements sense Oh, that's grief.

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Oh, that's fear.

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And then to have the, the safety

in your relationship to say it.

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and I'm saying this now in my late

forties, and this is a new skill for me.

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So I, I wouldn't want to put this

on someone who's like newly married.

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Um, because I think there

are natural progressions that

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happen one first gets married.

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I mean, there's the newness of it all

and the excitement and your whole future.

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out in front of you.

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Don't know which way it's going to go.

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I mean, I like in marriage to,

um, space mountain does coaster

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in the dark at Disneyland.

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You buckle up, you get in that little car

and that's your vows, your wedding day.

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And then you don't know

which way you're going.

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_1_11-20-2024_133208: So true.

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beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: down,

sideways, upside down, backwards.

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You don't know.

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You just know the person

who's next to you.

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You know the person who

brought you together.

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Um, and you, you know that you're

in it to win it, but you don't know

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what life and your marriage and your

vocation is going to throw at you.

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_1_11-20-2024_133208: Totally.

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beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: does.

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_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah, totally.

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And so I love that you're talking,

you know, your advice here is like

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to really lean into transparency with

your spouse as well as, um, like I,

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like really like leaning into your

heart and like identifying like, okay,

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like, what is it that I'm feeling?

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What is it that I'm experiencing?

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Where's is coming from

having that self awareness.

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Now, one thing if you want can touch

on it a little bit, I feel like where

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people struggle with this is a lot of the

times I find people struggle with this.

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Like real honesty, you know, either

with other people or with their spouse.

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And I think a lot of times the

misconception is that if you're brutally

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honest, it automatically leads to conflict

and people want to avoid conflict.

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So how can you, you know, grow in this

skill of honesty, or maybe like, what

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can you, can we do to receive our spouse

when they're being honest to kind of

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encourage this practice of just like

transparency, um, without there just

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naturally being a defense that lines up.

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With that, does that make sense?

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Mm hmm.

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Ha ha ha.

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Mm hmm.

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Mm hmm.

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Mm hmm.

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Mm hmm.

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Mm hmm.

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Ha ha ha.

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beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: where

conflict was either shrouded or

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there was a tension you could feel,

but maybe there wasn't a blow up.

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Or maybe for some of us, there was intense

conflict in the home that actually led

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to amputation and rupture in the form

of our parents separating or divorcing.

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That's a very real place to

come from because all of that

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gets stored inside of us.

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we're conscious of it or not.

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And so we're very careful to,

um, not repeat those things body,

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you know, trauma is in the body.

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And so it's a sort of template

that we see the world through.

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so when we get in similar situations

without us even thinking about

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it, we will react in ways as if

what's happening in front of us

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with our beloved is in the past.

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Um, and so it can take a whole

hot to say, okay, time out.

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That's not where we are.

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am actually safe here.

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are my husband, my wife, we

are sacramentally married.

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We are together before God.

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have chosen you before all others

to be with me in this lifetime.

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You have made a commitment of your life

to me and I want to be honest with you.

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And I know because I know

you, it could hurt you.

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And just feel so much

for anyone in that spot.

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I mean, I've been in that spot.

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It's, that is a really tough place to be.

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And if we really want to grow, then,

then we will say the thing, but in a

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way that we can hope it would be heard.

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Um, and if, and again, sometimes we

need support around us, not our spouse,

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but maybe a therapist, spiritual

director, mentor, good friend, somebody

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that can hold space for us that

maybe we take the feelings to first.

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To like, as a check, Hey, is this legit?

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Should I be feeling this way?

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I don't know.

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Um, am I off base here, know, and then

have them be a sort of, um, mirror to

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us and say, yeah, that makes sense.

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It'd be good to bring that up.

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But I think sometimes when

we tiptoe around conflict,

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it really doesn't serve us.

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We may have peace.

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_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah,

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beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: and

shalom is the, um, you know, it's

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a Hebrew word and we hear it in

the Bible, but it's not just peace.

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It's often translated as peace.

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Well, what it actually

means is right relationship

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where it's deeper than just like a, a,

a piece of sorts, you know, absence of

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war, It's, we are really for each other.

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We are really with each other

and we are really united.

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_1_11-20-2024_133208: united.

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One thing you said that I

really liked was, well, you

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mentioned how we often like.

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Know that we are loved by our spouse

like, you know that deep in your

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heart and yet There's something that

feels like why am I not feeling it?

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You know, like I know you love me but

why do I for some reason not feel loved

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and I feel like in my husband and I we've

been married three and a Half years and

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we've absolutely had these conversations

where we're like, I know you love me,

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but I don't feel loved you know and I It

is brave to say that, first of all, to

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really come to that conclusion of just

like, why are we missing each other?

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And I think it's so helpful to

name that, especially in conflict.

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Um, just to remind each other of

that, to kind of like, almost like

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bring your guard down and like lessen

those walls of like, I know we're in

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a heated discussion, or I know we're

talking about something really painful.

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Let me just remind you,

like, I do love you.

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Or, you know, if the other person,

like, I, I know that you love me.

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I'm, like, trying to hold

on to that, you know.

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But, here's how I feel.

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And I think those first few years

of marriage, you know, can be, Um,

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you know, beautiful and exciting,

but also like messy as you're

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learning to love each other.

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And part of the selflessness of marriage

is learning to love each other in the

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way that your spouse receives love best.

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Not the way, not always the

way that is most natural to us.

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And so while you're like really

learning to do that, well, I

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think it's always good to, yeah.

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To just do what you were

saying of just like.

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Coming to each other in transparency

and just always giving each other that

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reminder of like You know, I do love you,

you know, and this is what i'm feeling or

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like I know I know you love me But yet I

think we're missing the mark here Like can

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we just have a conversation about it and

just being really open to like receiving?

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Whatever your spouse is feeling even

if it is hurtful to hear That they're

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not being loved because in the end like

we're always trying our best to love

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our spouse And it, and it hurts when you

hear like, Oh, wow, like I'm trying, but

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like, it's not being received that way.

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Um, this just reminds me of one of

the, one of the stories in your book

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that I, I really loved was, uh, you

were talking about gift giving and

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how that is like a love language that

you have and how your husband noticed

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that you really liked the gift.

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This certain type of maple syrup.

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And so for your birthday, he like bought

you all these cases of maple syrup.

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And he was like, yes, like I nailed it.

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Like I'm so intentional.

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Like I finally got the gift right.

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And, oh, we all laughed when we read

and you're like, but I'm your wife.

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Like, you know, like maple syrup, why

would you get your wife maple syrup?

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So talk to me a little bit about that.

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A little bit about maybe

like love languages.

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I think that's something that is

such a growth, uh, has been for us,

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like a growth spur in our marriage,

like learning to love each other

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in each other's love languages.

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Tell, talk to me a little bit about that.

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What kind of pasta is it?

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Okay.

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I've never heard of that.

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Yum.

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Yes.

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beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208:

there, you know, like we're

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not speaking the same language.

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Um, so it, so love language, I,

I think the, the concept really

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unlocks that in a certain way.

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I think there's way more ways to

love someone than just the five

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that are offered, but it's a great

starting point, you know, so yeah,

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so I've realized like, um, I think

in general that just like, there are

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certain ways that my, my husband,

my family really received my love.

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Um, if we could add more love

languages, my, my husband loves food.

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He loves.

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Like really well prepared home cooked

meals, especially Italian ones.

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There's a particular pasta

he wishes I made more often.

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Um, I usually make it for his

birthday and other specialties.

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My son in law has actually started

asking for it because he knows he

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likes it as much as my husband does.

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It's not that I don't like making it.

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It's I don't have a good recipe.

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And so it's a stress thing

because I combined two recipes.

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You never know how it's going to turn out.

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It's called Norchina.

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It's not, it's really not that hard.

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It's basically, um, a sausage

without fennel, but with cream

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and then caramelized onions.

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: 00:16:20

It's pretty, pretty basic, but there,

there are certain things that are

303

: 00:16:24

just a lot for me to pull together.

304

: 00:16:26

So, so when we joke about,

Oh, are you making Norcina?

305

: 00:16:30

I'm like, no.

306

: 00:16:33

But I am thinking something that,

you know, your mom's soup or a

307

: 00:16:38

matcha or carbonara, you know,

all these different things.

308

: 00:16:41

So, so anyway, like there are certain

things that I can do for him that he

309

: 00:16:49

communicated, he's expressed and I

received that he feels loved when,

310

: 00:16:53

as soon as he walks in the door

coming home, light up and smile and

311

: 00:16:57

go over to him and give him a hug.

312

: 00:16:59

Even if I'm like having the

worst day, even if like, I just.

313

: 00:17:03

You know, did something really dumb or

I'm in feeling something when he's home,

314

: 00:17:08

if I can just take that the 30 seconds to

stop, smile, engage, that can really set

315

: 00:17:16

us on the tone for, you know, having a

really beautiful evening together, don't

316

: 00:17:21

you, that it's not the end of the world.

317

: 00:17:23

It's just, you know, it's

like an, a missed opportunity.

318

: 00:17:26

And then there are things for him as

well, that I just need him to, to do.

319

: 00:17:32

For instance, when we

first were married, um.

320

: 00:17:36

be in bed talking at night

before we're about to doze off.

321

: 00:17:39

And we had a custom of always saying

our prayers together at that time.

322

: 00:17:43

And we'd be talking and then all

of a sudden he would just say,

323

: 00:17:45

in the name of the father, son,

and he would just start praying.

324

: 00:17:48

And I'm like, oriented.

325

: 00:17:51

And then I finally said,

are you ready to pray?

326

: 00:17:56

Sometimes I'm still thinking we're

talking and you've decided we're done.

327

: 00:18:00

And you go to pray.

328

: 00:18:01

And he was like, Oh yeah, totally.

329

: 00:18:03

_1_11-20-2024_133208:

That's such a guy thing.

330

: 00:18:05

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: It totally

is, but I can appreciate where he's

331

: 00:18:08

_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yes.

332

: 00:18:08

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208:

He's like, I'm tired.

333

: 00:18:09

I don't want to keep going on.

334

: 00:18:11

_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yes.

335

: 00:18:11

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: calm down.

336

: 00:18:12

You know,

337

: 00:18:13

_1_11-20-2024_133208: My

husband does something similar.

338

: 00:18:15

We'll be chatting and there'll

be a moment of silence.

339

: 00:18:17

And then we have an Alexa in the

room and she'll, he'll just be

340

: 00:18:19

like, Alexa, turn the lights off.

341

: 00:18:21

And I'm like, okay, I guess,

I guess we're done chatting.

342

: 00:18:23

I guess it's time to go to bed now.

343

: 00:18:26

Just that communication piece, you know?

344

: 00:18:28

Yeah.

345

: 00:18:33

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: just

shared something that's, you know,

346

: 00:18:34

on the more vulnerable side or

something more dear to our hearts.

347

: 00:18:38

And then something like

that happens again.

348

: 00:18:40

They don't mean anything by it.

349

: 00:18:43

Their intention is good and it

can still impact us negatively.

350

: 00:18:49

And so that's where we can just

bring it up and be like, Hey, I know

351

: 00:18:53

you didn't mean this and it hurt.

352

: 00:18:56

What can we do differently next time?

353

: 00:19:00

_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah.

354

: 00:19:01

Amazing.

355

: 00:19:02

So your book speaks about the

embracing like the messiness of

356

: 00:19:06

marriage and just kind of like,

Knowing that that's going to come

357

: 00:19:09

with marriage and really embracing it.

358

: 00:19:11

How do you feel like newlyweds can

approach this messiness and this conflict

359

: 00:19:16

in a way that actually can strengthen

their bond instead of tear it down?

360

: 00:19:21

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah.

361

: 00:19:22

This is the million

dollar question, right?

362

: 00:19:24

Um, I think it's knowing, I think if,

we've heard, we've heard young couples.

363

: 00:19:34

Many times over.

364

: 00:19:35

And I think even the two of us were this

way where you're engaged, you're getting

365

: 00:19:40

married and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

366

: 00:19:42

We know people suffer in marriage.

367

: 00:19:43

We know that some people struggle,

but we're going to do it differently.

368

: 00:19:47

We're going to keep Jesus in the

middle and we're going to show

369

: 00:19:51

people, you know, how it's done.

370

: 00:19:53

People are going to come to our

wedding and have these conversion

371

: 00:19:55

experiences because there's so palpably

feeling that God is present here.

372

: 00:20:01

And I, I love that desire.

373

: 00:20:02

It's noble.

374

: 00:20:04

know, it's, it's countercultural.

375

: 00:20:06

It's really making a stand for God

and the beauty of the sacrament.

376

: 00:20:11

Fast forward, those same couples that

have this beautiful vision and hope

377

: 00:20:16

and desire, um, start to struggle

and it can be really easy to just.

378

: 00:20:23

feel intense shame over that.

379

: 00:20:25

You know, I'm not good enough.

380

: 00:20:26

We just aren't enough.

381

: 00:20:28

We couldn't hack it.

382

: 00:20:29

We thought we were this and look,

we're just as bad as everybody

383

: 00:20:32

else or something like that.

384

: 00:20:34

Um, and I would just, I would just

encourage any couple that's thinking

385

: 00:20:41

that or any spouse that's thinking

that to just really consider.

386

: 00:20:45

The sacraments working, you

know, when God looks down on,

387

: 00:20:51

on the couple, he sees a unity.

388

: 00:20:54

He sees one, um, that word cling in the

book of Genesis can actually be translated

389

: 00:21:01

to mean glue you are glued to your spouse.

390

: 00:21:05

And so the fact that you're, you're not

perfectly getting along and perfectly

391

: 00:21:12

growing and having perfect bliss

means that the sacrament is working.

392

: 00:21:17

It means that God is working to, to

chisel the two of you down so that

393

: 00:21:21

you fit better together and that you

fit better into the plan that he has.

394

: 00:21:27

for you.

395

: 00:21:27

It's a part of the process.

396

: 00:21:29

It's not something to say,

Oh no, what have we done?

397

: 00:21:33

Or we shouldn't have done there.

398

: 00:21:34

So maybe we just weren't meant

to be, or we're not cut out for

399

: 00:21:36

marriage or I'm not this way.

400

: 00:21:38

It's actually no rather God is here.

401

: 00:21:42

He has drawn us together and he is drawing

us to himself through these difficulties.

402

: 00:21:49

It doesn't make them less hard and

you still may need outside help

403

: 00:21:53

and that, that is totally fine.

404

: 00:21:55

It makes sense.

405

: 00:21:56

We can't do this Christian thing alone.

406

: 00:21:59

Um, but it's not a sign of that needs

to be turned into shame fear or anything

407

: 00:22:06

else that's going to keep us from the

heart of God and what he has for us.

408

: 00:22:10

_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah, that's

a really beautiful reminder and

409

: 00:22:12

I think very, um, just relatable

to Prophet Circles, especially.

410

: 00:22:17

I know that being a missionary

myself, uh, in when we first, um,

411

: 00:22:22

started out our marriage and being

kind of in those like more like.

412

: 00:22:27

Just like hyper Catholic circles, you

know, when you're in that Catholic

413

: 00:22:30

community and you're surrounded by so

many wonderful people who are genuinely

414

: 00:22:35

striving for holiness, genuinely striving,

striving for a Christ centered life.

415

: 00:22:39

That was something I

hadn't encountered before.

416

: 00:22:41

Um, I really got involved

as a missionary and it was

417

: 00:22:44

encouraging and beautiful, but I.

418

: 00:22:46

I think anybody who's really involved

in those kind of communities can

419

: 00:22:49

relate to what you're saying.

420

: 00:22:50

Like there is this like beautiful

zeal of like, we are going to do this.

421

: 00:22:53

Like we are going to be that God

centered couple, like in our community,

422

: 00:22:58

you know, in our culture and like,

and it's all going to be great.

423

: 00:23:03

And it's almost like you feel exempt

from, like, the difficulties of marriage

424

: 00:23:08

because you have, like, God so, so

prominently in your personal life.

425

: 00:23:13

And you're like, oh, my gosh,

like, because we're these faithful,

426

: 00:23:15

faithful Catholics, like, we

probably won't struggle with

427

: 00:23:17

these things in our marriage.

428

: 00:23:18

And, um, I just think it's, yeah,

just encouraging and refreshing to

429

: 00:23:22

hear the words that you had to say.

430

: 00:23:24

And always to remember that it's not

a place of shame, um, because I think

431

: 00:23:29

that's so often where the enemy wants

to take us of like, Oh, you thought

432

: 00:23:32

you were going to be a good Catholic

couple and, and you're struggling,

433

: 00:23:35

man, that's, that's shameful, you know?

434

: 00:23:37

And, and we know that

that's not of the Lord.

435

: 00:23:39

Um, so, yeah, I think, um, One more

thing too, if you could just speak into,

436

: 00:23:47

yeah, into like couples that really

want to have a God centered marriage.

437

: 00:23:51

What role do faith and prayer play

in navigating just like all that

438

: 00:23:56

there is in marriage and how can we

really set a foundation of Christ

439

: 00:24:00

at the center of our marriage?

440

: 00:24:03

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah,

I mean, there are certain practices.

441

: 00:24:05

Obviously the church is lined out

for us going to mass on Sundays,

442

: 00:24:10

holy days of obligation, you know,

devotional prayers, things like that.

443

: 00:24:14

Liturgical living, it's not like

prescribed necessarily aside from Lent

444

: 00:24:18

and Friday, um, penances and whatnot.

445

: 00:24:22

So I feel like the church in her

wisdom gives us a lot of that are firm.

446

: 00:24:28

But then flexibility, know, so I think

primarily praying individuals, there

447

: 00:24:36

are times where, and this is something

we wrote about as well, where Ted and

448

: 00:24:40

I, his name is Edward, but he goes by

449

: 00:24:44

_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yes.

450

: 00:24:44

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: clarify.

451

: 00:24:45

Some people get really confused.

452

: 00:24:47

So the only thing you can't call him

is Ed, because that's my dad's name.

453

: 00:24:50

So I get very confused.

454

: 00:24:51

I should call my husband Ed So Ted or

Edward, um, yeah, because we both from

455

: 00:24:59

our formation before we were married,

we were both committed to daily prayer.

456

: 00:25:04

And so we just continued that, um,

in the midst of early marriage,

457

: 00:25:08

it was easy to do together.

458

: 00:25:10

And then as the kids started coming,

that was a little bit more complicated.

459

: 00:25:13

And I mean, it's, my prayer

has evolved over many years.

460

: 00:25:18

Many different ways.

461

: 00:25:19

Um, but I think, I really think that

just the faithfulness to up to meet

462

: 00:25:28

with our Lord each day to have that

conversation with him, um, to really

463

: 00:25:33

seek him first, um, really just gave

us the light and, and the fullness

464

: 00:25:41

and the grace and the capacity to

then encounter and serve one another.

465

: 00:25:48

then our children and the other

people that were in our lives.

466

: 00:25:52

Um, it's almost like if you, um,

if you have a lamp next to your

467

: 00:25:56

bed, if it's not plugged in,

it's not doing much of anything.

468

: 00:26:00

_1_11-20-2024_133208: Hmm.

469

: 00:26:01

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: You

plugged in in order to do what it

470

: 00:26:04

was made for and shine light on

the surroundings, its environment.

471

: 00:26:08

And so similarly to be, to be a

wife, to be a husband, to be a

472

: 00:26:13

mom or a dad, or a son or daughter

of God, if you're not plugged in.

473

: 00:26:18

daily prayer.

474

: 00:26:21

are you really going to be able to

shine the light Christ on those around

475

: 00:26:26

you as fully if you're not united

to him, if he's not your source,

476

: 00:26:32

if he's not animating your person.

477

: 00:26:34

Um, and I can't, I have to say like

full, full disclosure, our prayer was

478

: 00:26:39

not beautiful, fantastic, con consoling,

like just awesome every single day.

479

: 00:26:44

There were many times for

both of us that it was.

480

: 00:26:48

It felt rope.

481

: 00:26:50

felt like we were just, you know,

punching the clock and checking

482

: 00:26:53

the box God still used that.

483

: 00:26:56

And God still works that, um,

sometimes through our, our

484

: 00:27:01

failures and difficulties.

485

: 00:27:02

There's times where I remember talking

to, um, an old spiritual director

486

: 00:27:07

and I'm like, I had the horrible day,

this happened and this kid, and then

487

: 00:27:10

my husband and, and dinner and blah.

488

: 00:27:13

And she's, and I'm like,

well, did you pray?

489

: 00:27:15

And I'm like, yes.

490

: 00:27:16

And that's what makes it crazy.

491

: 00:27:18

Think about if you didn't pray.

492

: 00:27:19

And I'm like,

493

: 00:27:22

I would have been even more off the

rails, you know, and not that have good

494

: 00:27:27

days or we pray and everything's great,

but there is something about to it,

495

: 00:27:33

being faithful to it and showing up that

God has something to work with that.

496

: 00:27:38

And he does, he does come to us and

he does give us more of his life

497

: 00:27:43

_1_11-20-2024_133208: Absolutely.

498

: 00:27:44

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: show up.

499

: 00:27:45

_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah.

500

: 00:27:45

And it's just grace.

501

: 00:27:47

I mean, I totally relate to that.

502

: 00:27:49

And like you said, it's not like

prayer is like a genie lamp that we're

503

: 00:27:52

rubbing, like make everything perfect.

504

: 00:27:55

But I do definitely experience like

the days when I prioritize prayer, even

505

: 00:28:00

in the midst of like the craziest day

where I'm like, there is no way I can

506

: 00:28:03

set aside time to be with the Lord.

507

: 00:28:05

You know, the day that I actually

prioritize the Lord and do that.

508

: 00:28:09

Either things magically get done or

even if they don't, there's still

509

: 00:28:14

like a stillness and a peace about

my heart of just like, okay, it's not

510

: 00:28:18

going to fall apart and that's fine.

511

: 00:28:20

And those are just like the

graces the Lord gives us when

512

: 00:28:22

we, when we meet him in prayer.

513

: 00:28:24

Okay.

514

: 00:28:24

You mentioned that your prayer has

evolved over the years and that in

515

: 00:28:27

different seasons of life, I'm sure

with children and as you have more

516

: 00:28:30

kids, um, yeah, it looks differently.

517

: 00:28:33

Can you just share maybe like what has

prayer looked like in different seasons?

518

: 00:28:37

Cause I think that's a conversation,

um, People really need to hear.

519

: 00:28:41

People hear a lot about prayer, but a

lot of the times we don't know what that

520

: 00:28:44

looks like in different people's lives.

521

: 00:28:46

And I think when we go from one season

to the next, maybe newly married to one

522

: 00:28:49

kids to two kids, um, there's a lot of

questions around like, what is, what

523

: 00:28:53

could my prayer life look like right now?

524

: 00:28:55

So can you just shed some light

on like, what does it look like

525

: 00:28:58

in different seasons of your life?

526

: 00:28:59

What are some different examples

of why people can be praying?

527

: 00:29:01

Yeah.

528

: 00:29:05

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208:

faithful and flexible, um, faithful

529

: 00:29:08

that you're just committed to it

and flexible that you're willing to

530

: 00:29:11

roll with it and do it differently

based on the ever changing seasons.

531

: 00:29:17

also within is that you've heard, often

talked about prayers being first fruits.

532

: 00:29:24

You know, and the ideal time to pray

again, ideal, not like only, um, is first

533

: 00:29:32

in the first thing in the morning, you

know, you've got your coffee and you are

534

: 00:29:35

in the scriptures or the mass ratings or

your devotional, whatever it is, but you

535

: 00:29:40

are connecting straight out of the gates.

536

: 00:29:44

Physiologically, it's a great time

to pray and then mentally waking up.

537

: 00:29:48

It orders your day.

538

: 00:29:49

You're seeing with the vision of

Christ and you're ready to go.

539

: 00:29:55

as I grew in my motherhood, there

is no way because if I were to

540

: 00:29:59

go downstairs, um, it could be

game over before I even start.

541

: 00:30:04

And sometimes, you know, when kids

were little, they're waking me up

542

: 00:30:07

or I'm up all night with a baby.

543

: 00:30:09

_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah.

544

: 00:30:09

Hmm.

545

: 00:30:11

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208:

fruits in a different way.

546

: 00:30:13

And it was the first.

547

: 00:30:15

Um, and moment where I had choice.

548

: 00:30:17

Maybe the kids were, the baby was

taking a nap, or maybe the toddlers

549

: 00:30:21

were watching a show or maybe they

were consumed by a game or something.

550

: 00:30:26

And all of a sudden I'm like,

Ooh, I might have 20 minutes here.

551

: 00:30:29

What am I going to do?

552

: 00:30:30

Am I going to fold the laundry?

553

: 00:30:32

Am I going to, you know, get online

and scroll through Instagram?

554

: 00:30:35

Am I going to text that person back?

555

: 00:30:37

Like what am I going to do

with this pocket of time

556

: 00:30:39

that all of a sudden I have.

557

: 00:30:40

And that became my first fruit.

558

: 00:30:43

Now I'm going to claim this time.

559

: 00:30:45

I don't know how long I have, but

I'm going to, you know, take out

560

: 00:30:49

my, my devotional or the Bible

or whatever it is, and really

561

: 00:30:54

attempt to encounter God in prayer.

562

: 00:30:57

Um, it's definitely something that.

563

: 00:31:00

That is evolved.

564

: 00:31:01

There have been times where I

made my coffee the night before

565

: 00:31:04

and literally rolled out of

bed and chugged it and prayed.

566

: 00:31:08

Um, that works really well

until I was so sleep deprived.

567

: 00:31:11

I had the flu, the worst I've ever had in

my life, a little bit overdoing it there.

568

: 00:31:16

Um, there were times where I had

to keep my devotional book, in the

569

: 00:31:23

bathroom because I knew I would

visit there several times a day.

570

: 00:31:28

Generally by myself

571

: 00:31:29

_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah.

572

: 00:31:30

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: have five

minutes here, five minutes there, um,

573

: 00:31:34

to meet our Lord in a semi quiet place.

574

: 00:31:39

so yeah, it's nowadays I take my kids

to school every morning and I'm able

575

: 00:31:42

to stay and go to mass with them.

576

: 00:31:45

Um, and then stay and pray for a little

bit afterwards or drive home and pray

577

: 00:31:49

at the chapel or sometimes pray at home.

578

: 00:31:51

Yesterday was a little bit topsy

turvy and I ended up at my kitchen

579

: 00:31:56

table, which is, It's not difficult

because usually it's so full of people.

580

: 00:32:01

but it was a very sweet little time

to be in my chair, my place, you

581

: 00:32:07

know, and just kind of meeting Jesus.

582

: 00:32:09

In a place where I'm normally

not connecting with them in an

583

: 00:32:13

intimate way because the bodies of

people I love being all around me.

584

: 00:32:19

So

585

: 00:32:20

_1_11-20-2024_133208:

The beauty of motherhood.

586

: 00:32:23

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208:

just so much to it.

587

: 00:32:26

_1_11-20-2024_133208: Oh,

that's, that's very helpful.

588

: 00:32:27

Thank you.

589

: 00:32:28

Um, if you could go back to your

first five years of marriage,

590

: 00:32:33

what would you do differently?

591

: 00:32:35

And what would you keep the same?

592

: 00:32:37

I think this is a great

question to end on.

593

: 00:32:39

Yeah.

594

: 00:32:40

Hmm.

595

: 00:32:41

Hmm.

596

: 00:32:42

Hmm.

597

: 00:32:44

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208:

being open to life.

598

: 00:32:46

Um, our, our fourth child is a senior

in high school right now, and did

599

: 00:32:56

his first college visit by himself.

600

: 00:32:58

Yeah.

601

: 00:32:59

And I don't know, there's just something

about having them close together and

602

: 00:33:04

having them come when they would,

you know, when God ordained them to,

603

: 00:33:12

it was hard, it was a lot and I

wouldn't change anything about it.

604

: 00:33:18

Yeah.

605

: 00:33:19

So that's what I wouldn't change.

606

: 00:33:20

What?

607

: 00:33:21

I mean, I don't, you sent this to

me before and I'm glad you did.

608

: 00:33:24

I don't, a hard question to answer.

609

: 00:33:27

I feel like I'm a different

person now, honestly.

610

: 00:33:30

So I don't know what I could have gone

back to tell myself that I would have

611

: 00:33:34

believed, you know, and maybe that's

just a, a witness to the transformational

612

: 00:33:43

power of Jesus Christ and the sacrament.

613

: 00:33:47

And when we really give him space to

work and allow ourselves to be vulnerable

614

: 00:33:53

with him and bring to him all of our,

our deep feelings, our grief, our

615

: 00:34:00

anger, our shame, our fear when we can

really just be brutally honest with him

616

: 00:34:06

and allow him to show up and he does.

617

: 00:34:10

in our pain, like that is where all

of a sudden he stops being just this

618

: 00:34:15

caricature or this person on a crucifix

or someone that I, I believe in my mind

619

: 00:34:22

is the God of the universe and I endeavor

to love and serve, but he becomes so

620

: 00:34:27

much more real and powerful and just.

621

: 00:34:34

Yeah, everything.

622

: 00:34:37

So I think I would have gone back

to like, when I look at pictures of

623

: 00:34:40

my younger mom self, self, I just

would say like, you're so good and I

624

: 00:34:46

don't think she would have heard it.

625

: 00:34:47

She'd be like, okay,

yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

626

: 00:34:48

You're saying that.

627

: 00:34:49

What do you want?

628

: 00:34:49

You know?

629

: 00:34:51

But I think I would just say, you know,

what you're doing matters and it's hard.

630

: 00:35:00

won't always be this physically taxing

631

: 00:35:06

and you are building something that's

lasting and that's not nothing.

632

: 00:35:11

It feels like nothing.

633

: 00:35:13

Um, especially being in the home,

being isolated, being insulated.

634

: 00:35:18

It feels really heavy and really hard

and I get it and I see you and that

635

: 00:35:22

makes sense and there's more for you.

636

: 00:35:26

keep staying faithful and flexible

and rolling with it and showing up,

637

: 00:35:31

whether it's prayer or in loving

your spouse or loving your children.

638

: 00:35:36

Yeah.

639

: 00:35:36

_1_11-20-2024_133208: Beautiful.

640

: 00:35:37

That's beautiful.

641

: 00:35:38

Um, one, one last thing.

642

: 00:35:40

How do you feel like, like you've

mentioned, you know, like I'm such a

643

: 00:35:43

different person now than I was before.

644

: 00:35:46

And I love that you're saying this

because I think, you know, throughout.

645

: 00:35:51

The years of marriage, sometimes you

hear people be like, well, he changed

646

: 00:35:54

or, you know, I'm, I grew, I'm different.

647

: 00:35:56

And sometimes that's

looked at as a bad thing.

648

: 00:35:58

Like, you know, why are you so different

than when we first started dating?

649

: 00:36:01

But the reality is like we

grow and we evolve over time.

650

: 00:36:04

And as we enter into new

seasons and that's inevitable.

651

: 00:36:07

So how, if you could just let us in

a little bit, like how has marriage

652

: 00:36:12

changed you and what, in what ways do

you feel like you see yourself now?

653

: 00:36:15

And you're like, wow, like,

yeah, I'm a different person.

654

: 00:36:17

Like in what ways?

655

: 00:36:18

Yeah.

656

: 00:36:21

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: That

would be a whole other podcast.

657

: 00:36:24

Um, for me, and we talk about

this in the book, in the chapter

658

: 00:36:28

on, um, Your family of orphan.

659

: 00:36:31

Um, for me, the wheels really

came off when we had been

660

: 00:36:34

married for like 18 years.

661

: 00:36:37

And all of a sudden I had three things

happen in a row and I couldn't keep doing

662

: 00:36:42

and being a wife and the way I just Saw

the world and everything in the same way.

663

: 00:36:49

And it really was a stripping of, of who

I was, of how I interacted, of all that

664

: 00:36:58

I held dear, um, in a variety of ways.

665

: 00:37:01

And so I really entered into a.

666

: 00:37:04

A time of deep healing of

introspection of prayer, um, started

667

: 00:37:11

going to therapy regularly, not

just like, Oh, a little bit here.

668

: 00:37:16

And, Oh, I think I'm okay

here, but really just dove in.

669

: 00:37:20

And, um, it was when I finally

said, okay, I need help.

670

: 00:37:26

I don't want to feel this

deep heaviness in me.

671

: 00:37:30

Ache in this raw anymore

that I want to enter in.

672

: 00:37:35

Um, but that's when, that I feel

like Jesus was like, okay, awesome.

673

: 00:37:41

We can do this now.

674

: 00:37:42

You know, now that you're here, that

you see it, that you want it too.

675

: 00:37:48

Yeah, that he was able to really

show up and, um, show me new things.

676

: 00:37:55

Take, I feel like I had

to Marie Kondo, my soul.

677

: 00:37:59

Remember that Netflix?

678

: 00:38:01

_1_11-20-2024_133208: is.

679

: 00:38:02

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208:

changing magic is lighting up.

680

: 00:38:04

I feel like we had to go through so

many things inside and kind of hold

681

: 00:38:08

it up and say, does this spark joy?

682

: 00:38:11

And Jesus, where do you

see this in my life?

683

: 00:38:14

know, and, and are we going to keep

it or where are we going to put it?

684

: 00:38:18

How are we going to encounter it?

685

: 00:38:19

Or is it something we need to let go of?

686

: 00:38:23

Yeah.

687

: 00:38:24

And continually doing that and then

just growing in, in confidence of

688

: 00:38:29

what has been put inside of me.

689

: 00:38:32

my own giftings, my charisms, you know,

the, the things that I'm starting to

690

: 00:38:35

realize even more, um, have always

been there though they weren't

691

: 00:38:40

safe to be seen for a long time.

692

: 00:38:45

So yeah, it's more just growing in

confidence in him and confidence in how

693

: 00:38:50

he's made me and confidence that he's

still with me and fashioning me and more

694

: 00:38:56

_1_11-20-2024_133208: Beautiful.

695

: 00:38:57

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: more in.

696

: 00:38:58

_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah.

697

: 00:38:58

Thank you for sharing that.

698

: 00:39:00

Just thank you for your vulnerability

and your openness today as a more

699

: 00:39:03

seasoned wife to share with us,

um, newer wives, just how to,

700

: 00:39:08

yeah, how to lean into the Lord.

701

: 00:39:10

In this vocation.

702

: 00:39:11

Um, it's been a beautiful conversation.

703

: 00:39:13

Where can people find your book?

704

: 00:39:17

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: Yeah.

705

: 00:39:17

So our book is on, um, Ascension Press.

706

: 00:39:21

I think it is, and it's also on Amazon.

707

: 00:39:24

So yeah.

708

: 00:39:24

Great.

709

: 00:39:27

_1_11-20-2024_133208: it sure we'll

make sure to link it in the show notes.

710

: 00:39:30

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208: Thank you.

711

: 00:39:31

_1_11-20-2024_133208:

Thanks so much, Beth.

712

: 00:39:33

beth-sri_1_11-20-2024_133208:

You're welcome.

713

: 00:39:34

God bless you.