94: Our Adoption Story (Part 1)

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Hey, I am your host, Mari Wagner,

and you're listening to The Ever Be

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Podcast where Faith Meets Lifestyle.

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I'm so excited you're here.

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Whether you're a new listener

or a longtime follower, I know

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there's something here for you.

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Pull up a chair and listen in for

insightful, real life conversations and

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actionable steps on how to claim the.

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Full life God created you for.

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If you're a woman desiring to live

a Christ-centered life in today's

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modern world, then this is for you.

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Welcome to ever be.

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m---t-adoption-story_6_12-27-2025_115930:

We have some exciting news to share.

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To share, share.

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Woo.

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We're adopting.

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Nice.

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We're adopting.

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We're gonna become

parents soon, hopefully.

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Yes.

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We have super exciting news that

we wanna just dive into today

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and just share basically our

story of how we even got here.

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Because if you would've told us a

year ago, a year and a half ago, two

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years ago, whatever, five years ago.

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Five years ago when we first got married,

that we were gonna be here today, I

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don't think I would've believed you.

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Um, and so we're excited to share just.

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What our journey has looked like

over the past year of discernment.

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Yeah.

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We have been struggling with

infertility for four years.

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We got married five years ago, been trying

to have kids for four years and like

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Mari said, we never expected to be here.

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But the Lord has done some incredible

things in our hearts and in our lives

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and giving us this call to adopt.

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And we're really excited to bring you

along and share the story with you.

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Yeah, and part of why we want to share

our story publicly is because during our

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discernment process, at least for me, it

was so encouraging to find other people

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who were sharing their story online.

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Um, I, in our four years of struggling,

have obviously seen so many videos

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and stories of people sharing their

motherhood journey and their pregnancy

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and their children, and it is so

beautiful to watch and obviously

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just makes you want to be a mom and

want to raise kids and desire that.

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And once we started really.

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Like discerning seriously

this option of adoption.

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I was like, what does this

look like in a family?

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What does this look like for a young

married faithful couple to go to the

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hospital and pick up a baby, or maybe

fly to another country and pick up a

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baby, or maybe pick up a toddler or

like, what does this even look like?

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What are all the scenarios?

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Are they happy?

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Do they love their child?

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Right?

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Like all these like basic like

fears and questions that go

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through your mind when you're.

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Discerning is such a big thing

and stepping into this journey.

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And there's a couple creators that

I found, a couple like viral videos

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I found on TikTok and Instagram

that just like left me in tears.

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Mm-hmm.

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Several mornings just waking up, opening

up my phone and like going through these

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different creators like adoption stories,

seeing the process for the parents as they

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go through all the paperwork and legal

work and then the process of like being

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chosen by the mom or being matched with

the child and picking up their child.

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It was just like so beautiful and

that was such an encouraging factor

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I think for me in this process.

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So.

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The Lord has given us this

platform and, and we wanna use it.

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And so we're so excited to share

with you guys and hopefully encourage

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anybody else on the journey.

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So I think we should start probably like,

what, like three years ago we, at that

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point, we're a year or year and a half

into, uh, struggling with infertility.

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And Mari and I were having this

conversation and we were just

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like, okay, like we know adoption

is a way to grow your family.

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Mm-hmm.

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Um, would you ever consider that?

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And we both were kinda

like, well, no, not really.

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Like we didn't, we, we weren't

really excited about that proposition

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and, and that way to grow your

family at that time and mm-hmm.

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So we kind of just dismissed it and

we're like, okay, well, you know, like

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if we are still struggling three years

later, or like after three years of

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struggling with this infertility mm-hmm.

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Like.

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Then maybe we'll consider it.

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Maybe we'll start discerning.

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Yeah.

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We'll start praying about it.

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But like right now it's like,

that seems so far in the future.

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Yeah like we still really wanna

have our own kids and we feel like

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that's where the Lord's calling us.

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And so we're just gonna

go down that route.

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Mm-hmm.

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And we'll just open up that box mm-hmm.

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In another year and a half.

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Yeah.

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And I mean, at that point especially, and

I'm sure for anybody going through it,

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even if you did expect it or you didn't.

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Right.

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But I think for us it was very unexpected.

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This whole struggle with our

fertility, a year and a half in

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felt like an eternity already.

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Oh yeah.

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So like, I was like, there's no way we're

gonna go through double the time Yeah.

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That we have already gone through.

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And so we were like, yeah, we're

not ready to talk about adoption.

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Like we'll just open that,

you know, way down the road.

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Yep.

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And um.

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Last winter was three years.

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Three years of us trying.

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And in the fall it kind of

started crossing my mind.

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'cause I'm always thinking

a couple steps ahead.

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And so like September and October I was

like, wow, like we're about to enter

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the last few months of the year and I

know that this is gonna be year three.

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Mm-hmm.

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This is when we said we would

start talking about adoption.

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Yeah.

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And what's crazy is that like in this

whole fertility journey that we've gone

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through, like every day seems really

slow sometimes, but then it's like the

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months kind of all pile up fly by somehow.

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Mm-hmm.

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Like I couldn't believe that

we had already hit three years.

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Yeah, totally.

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Because totally in, in one

sense it felt like, how did we

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already get here so quickly?

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But in another sense it's like,

it's been but like 30 on the day

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to day six cycles of no pregnancy.

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Yeah.

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Like on the day to day it's like,

wow, like this is really heavy.

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So.

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Kind of a weird experience

there of mm-hmm.

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You know, grief.

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Yeah.

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And, and suffering and everything

that just like flies by and

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is slow at the same time.

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Yeah.

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But it came around, so we hit three

years and then I, I remember Mari

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kind of like starting to just kind of

bring it up, even the monthly, up to

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December, uh, she's just like, Hey, like

three years is coming up, like should

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probably start talking about adoption.

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And I was like, I don't really want to.

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Mm-hmm.

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Um, and I honestly didn't

really want to either.

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Yeah.

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Like, I think like in our hearts, and

at least in mine, it wasn't ever that

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I was against adoption or like could

never see myself opening that door.

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Right.

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Right.

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It was mostly just like, I think

all the really heavy emotions that

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come with grieving, like the loss.

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Of like the family you

thought you would have mm-hmm.

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When you first get married.

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Yeah.

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When you're young and you're healthy

and all your friends are having kids

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around you, like you desire that

same thing and like you would just

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expect that like you would go down

that same path, the same path our

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parents did and our siblings Yeah.

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Are doing like, it's just the

normal thing and that's just what we

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always and like imagined, envisioned

and envisioned for our lives.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It's what we've always envisioned.

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And so I think that is part of where that

hesitation comes from, of just like having

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to really surrender all of your plans to

the Lord and be like, you build my family.

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You know?

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Yeah.

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Like I give you complete control,

Lord, like however it is that you

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wanna build my family, I'm gonna

let you do that because I don't,

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I like, I'm not the giver of life.

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I don't have control over that.

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And so.

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I think like even though I kind of was

like dropping those little breadcrumbs

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in the fall, I still very like, had to

surrender, like my vision of like mm-hmm.

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The perfect family we

thought we would have.

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Right?

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Yeah, totally.

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When truly like God's plan

is what is, is perfect.

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Um, yeah.

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But it takes time for us to get there.

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Yeah.

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And so, I mean, up to this point, in

December is kind of where this whole, I

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think this adoption story really starts.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, so I think I was carrying kind of

this, you know, that this weight of like,

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wow, this three years is coming around.

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We said we would talk about this,

but winters have always been kind

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of hard for me in this journey.

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We started trying in the winter,

and so it's just a reminder that

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a whole nother year has gone by.

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You're nearing the end of the year.

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Mm-hmm.

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And so it's always pretty heavy.

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And last year was tough and we're

going into Christmas mass, and I.

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Yeah, I kind of was just carrying

that all with me and going into this

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mass like, wow, like another Christmas

without a baby to hold, um, without

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a pregnancy or a baby in our arms.

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Mm-hmm.

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And I think every Christmas I'm like

just so hopeful for the next year

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that like, when that next Christmas

comes around, it's like really heavy

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to carry because you're like, wow.

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Like how did a whole nother year go by?

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So in this mass, I am trying to hold

both like the joy of Christmas and like.

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The hardship and sorrow of, of my heart

and the grief that we've gone through.

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And there was a moment in the mass, we

were at Christmas, mass on Christmas

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Eve with Trey's family last year.

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And my sister-in-law, my sweet

sister-in-law has, um, two children now.

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At the time she just had one, our

little nephew, and he was like

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squirming around and she had to

go to the bathroom or something or

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other, and she asked me to hold him.

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So I was helping out with James and was

holding him through part of the mass.

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And it happened to be the moment

of, um, the Eucharistic consecration

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in the middle of the mass.

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And in that moment I'm

like, I'm holding James.

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And I'm like just praying to the Lord.

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Like, don't you see my heart, Lord?

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Like.

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Haven't you seen like my desire and

my struggle and like my, don't you

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hear my prayer of like wanting to be

a mother and like, here I am, like

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not holding my own child, right?

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Like, I love my nephew

as if he were my own.

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As much as, you know, you can when you're,

uh, an aunt, but it's not your own.

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And in that moment I just like

felt so just exhausted from the

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struggle, honestly, like exhausted

from trying to convince God that

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my plan was better than his.

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And like every day and every month and

every year praying for my will to be done,

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praying for us to see a positive pregnancy

test, praying for us to have a baby.

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That month, that year, I felt something

in my heart, like completely release.

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That Christmas Eve mass, and I

just prayed to the Lord in that

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moment like, you know what?

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Like I am, I'm tired.

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I'm tired of trying to get my way.

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And from now on, Lord, like I surrender.

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I surrender this whole journey to you.

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I surrender this desire and

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I'm going to start praying

for my will to be your will.

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And so in that moment I like, I

let go of this grasp I feel like

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that I had of how I wanted my

family to look like in my timing.

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And while I'm like surrendering to the

Lord in this prayer, I'm, I'm basically

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saying like, whatever it is, Lord, however

it is, you wanna build our family, whether

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that's biological or even adoption.

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Like, soften my heart, open my heart.

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Like I give you full permission.

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Right?

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And the Lord, like he's so

gentle with us that like I, I've

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experienced in my life many times,

like he waits for us to do that.

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He waits for us to like, give him

permission to come and work in our lives

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after we like give him a full surrender.

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And so in that moment when I gave him

that full surrender, like I've just

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felt him speak in my heart and put

on my heart that like his love of the

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father, like this great love that he

has, he has given us and he has adopted

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us as his children and our job as.

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Parents is to show our children

the love of the father.

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And he in that moment was just

like, adoption is a way to show

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a child the love of the father.

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Just as I have loved you and adopted

you, you can love and adopt a child

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and bring them into your family and

show them that same love of the father.

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And that it, that just like softened

my heart so much in that moment.

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Like I just like genuinely felt

like so many walls kind of like

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come down and open to this new path.

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And then it was Christmas, right?

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And, and then I, like my gaze

turns towards the nativity scene

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that they have at the church.

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And I saw it with like new eyes for

the first time ever because I saw Mary

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and Joseph and Jesus and realized like

Joseph is Jesus's adoptive father.

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And we hear that all the time.

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Like Joseph is Jesus adoptive father.

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But at least for me, I feel like it

kind of goes in one ear out the other.

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'cause we just like hear it so often

it doesn't mean anything anymore.

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And in that moment it all just like

became really clear again that like

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in the holy family, even in the most

holy, most perfect family, the Lord even

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there thought to place an example of

biological family and an adoptive family.

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And that was like another, just like

grace and encouragement that I received

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and like just love from the father

that I received in that moment to

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be like, look like we even see this

type of family in the holy family.

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Um, and so from that day I, I think

like I took the biggest step that I

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could in this whole journey to really

allow the Lord to start leading and.

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To allow him to show us how he wanted

to build our family in his timing.

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Mm-hmm.

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Yeah.

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And I love that your prayer,

like in that moment shifted from

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praying, Lord, help us get pregnant.

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To.

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Lord may your will be done.

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Mm-hmm.

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Um, so that shift in that prayer and

that that surrender was really powerful.

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And that changed everything.

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Mm-hmm.

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Totally.

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For me, I think like my day to day, my

demeanor, like my approach to mm-hmm.

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Our journey of growing our family,

like there was such a joy and lightness

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that came in the months leading after.

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Yeah.

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Because truly every single

day I changed my prayer.

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Every single day I started

praying like, Lord, change my

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heart to will what you will.

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Yep.

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Um, and that changed everything.

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Yeah.

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And so that was like, honestly

just a little Christmas miracle

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that Mari got to experience there.

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Truly.

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uh, And then in the months following

that, she started, doing a lot of

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research and talking to friends.

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And then in the months following

Christmas, like Mari started doing

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all the research and was like starting

to get really excited about this.

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I was trying to find people

who had already adopted.

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Yeah.

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Because we actually didn't

share, like with our friends

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or family that we were discern.

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That we were discerning.

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Yeah.

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So I had one person in my life Yeah.

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One friend that had adopted and I

was like, I need to call 'em first.

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Yeah.

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And like hear about their experience.

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Mm-hmm.

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And tamari's sharing this, like she

shared this little Christmas miracle

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that happened in her heart and then

she started talking to her friend, and

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then her friend recommended a book.

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Meanwhile, Mari's like getting

really excited about it.

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She's like, oh my gosh.

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Like there's a light at

the end of the tunnel.

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Like there's, this is a

beautiful way that the Lord is

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inviting us to grow our family.

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And I think that like the more I

dove into the different resources,

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the more my heart open to it.

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Mm-hmm.

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And I think that's a really

good sign in discernment, right?

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Like the more doors you open , as you

continue to do that, when you feel

327

: 00:15:54

like peace and consolation, like,

that's where the Lord is leading you.

328

: 00:15:59

And so this friend recommended

a book and I read this book.

329

: 00:16:02

This friend recommended some different

adoption agents to talk to, and we

330

: 00:16:05

like got on phone calls with them.

331

: 00:16:07

Mm-hmm.

332

: 00:16:07

And all of these different steps

opened my heart more and more.

333

: 00:16:12

And I think there was really a moment

where in this book I was reading it said

334

: 00:16:19

something that kind of made me realize

like, wow, this is really beginning to

335

: 00:16:22

be like my own desire for motherhood.

336

: 00:16:26

The author was saying how he wasn't

really open to the idea of adoption.

337

: 00:16:30

Him and his wife struggled

with infertility.

338

: 00:16:32

It's a Protestant pastor who talks

about the biblical foundations,

339

: 00:16:37

foundations of adoptions.

340

: 00:16:38

It's called Adopted For Life.

341

: 00:16:40

It's a great book.

342

: 00:16:41

We can link it in the show notes.

343

: 00:16:42

And I was listening it to, on

listening to it on Audible.

344

: 00:16:45

And he says that like he knew that

his heart actually desired to adopt

345

: 00:16:52

a child when like in the morning

he would wake up and the first

346

: 00:16:55

thing he thought about wasn't like

his wife getting pregnant anymore.

347

: 00:16:59

Like you know when you're just so

excited about something and it's always

348

: 00:17:02

on your mind, you wake up and it's

like the first thing you think about.

349

: 00:17:04

Like, I've experienced that

so much in this journey.

350

: 00:17:07

We're like, I wake up and I'm like, gosh,

I just like wonder if this will be the

351

: 00:17:11

month that we get pregnant or like, I

wonder if you know, this Christmas will

352

: 00:17:15

be the Christmas that we get to share with

our family, the news and stuff like that.

353

: 00:17:20

And in this book he was like, I knew that

I had that shift when in the morning all

354

: 00:17:24

of a sudden I started daydreaming about

like picking up a baby at the hospital.

355

: 00:17:29

And it was crazy because just the

, like the few days before I read that

356

: 00:17:35

and like the whole like week leading

up before that, like I had started

357

: 00:17:38

to notice that like that's what I

was thinking about in the morning.

358

: 00:17:42

And especially 'cause I had found

right these different creators online.

359

: 00:17:47

That were sharing about,

um, their journey.

360

: 00:17:50

I think like that was just on my mind.

361

: 00:17:52

And I would just like wake up in

the morning and I was like, wow.

362

: 00:17:54

Like what if that could be us one day?

363

: 00:17:55

Yeah.

364

: 00:17:56

Like what would it be like to like go

to the hospital and like pick up a baby?

365

: 00:17:59

And like there was like excitement that

like came along with that and when,

366

: 00:18:02

and when he said that, he was like,

and then I realized like that was like

367

: 00:18:05

the desire that I had on my heart and

that was a huge part for me because the

368

: 00:18:10

lord was starting to change my heart.

369

: 00:18:12

Yeah.

370

: 00:18:12

The Lord was starting to open

my heart and I realized that

371

: 00:18:14

like it was coming from within.

372

: 00:18:16

Mm-hmm.

373

: 00:18:17

Yeah.

374

: 00:18:17

So you're daydreaming, you were,

you used to daydream about getting

375

: 00:18:20

a positive pregnancy test and

then your daydream shifted to.

376

: 00:18:25

Picking up a baby at the hospital.

377

: 00:18:26

Mm-hmm.

378

: 00:18:26

Or like mm-hmm.

379

: 00:18:27

Doing something with adoption.

380

: 00:18:28

And so that's where Mari was at.

381

: 00:18:31

Meanwhile, I was still

pretty closed off to it.

382

: 00:18:34

Uh, we were having these

conversations with each other.

383

: 00:18:37

We were having conversations with

adoption agencies and consultants, and

384

: 00:18:40

we were like, trying to do this research.

385

: 00:18:41

And all the while, like these

conversations just always

386

: 00:18:46

tended to end up very tense.

387

: 00:18:48

Mm-hmm.

388

: 00:18:48

Because Mari was really excited.

389

: 00:18:51

She wanted me to be

excited, but I wasn't there.

390

: 00:18:53

I didn't really wanna talk about it.

391

: 00:18:55

And obviously, like we know that the

adoption process is very long, and so

392

: 00:18:58

Mari was feeling like, we're called

to this, I'm excited about this.

393

: 00:19:01

We gotta get started now because

it's gonna take a long time.

394

: 00:19:04

We don't wanna delay any further.

395

: 00:19:05

But I was holding us

back and so there's just.

396

: 00:19:09

And, and, and that's just like so,

so classic of like my personality.

397

: 00:19:12

Like if you know me, like once I like.

398

: 00:19:15

See a new thing or a new

project or like a new dream.

399

: 00:19:20

I'm like, okay, great, what

is the path to get there?

400

: 00:19:23

Like, like let's start now.

401

: 00:19:24

Let's now let's start and

let's go after it, right?

402

: 00:19:26

Mm-hmm.

403

: 00:19:27

And so once I started feeling this

desire, I don't even, and I always

404

: 00:19:33

told Trey this in our conversations,

like I don't feel like God is calling

405

: 00:19:38

us to adopt until we are both ready.

406

: 00:19:43

Of course.

407

: 00:19:43

Yeah.

408

: 00:19:43

So like he would be like, okay, well

you feel like God's calling us to this?

409

: 00:19:46

Like I'm not there yet.

410

: 00:19:47

Mm-hmm.

411

: 00:19:47

I'm like, well, yeah, I feel so much

openness and it's a radical shift from

412

: 00:19:52

what I used to feel, so I know it's

God working in my heart, but I can't

413

: 00:19:55

say with a hundred percent certainty

that God is calling us to adoption.

414

: 00:19:59

Unless we're both on the same page.

415

: 00:20:01

Yeah.

416

: 00:20:01

'cause he's, one thing my spiritual

director said to me that really brought

417

: 00:20:04

me a lot of peace is that like, he's not

gonna prepare my heart and not yours.

418

: 00:20:08

Yeah.

419

: 00:20:08

He's not gonna have this plan for our

family and forget to clue you in on it.

420

: 00:20:11

Yeah.

421

: 00:20:11

You know?

422

: 00:20:12

Of course.

423

: 00:20:12

Especially like as a husband and future

father of our family, like my spiritual

424

: 00:20:16

director was like, this is a great

time for you to practice patience and

425

: 00:20:20

for you to practice docility mari,

and like following in your husband's

426

: 00:20:24

like leadership and footsteps.

427

: 00:20:25

Mm-hmm.

428

: 00:20:26

And if he's not ready and if his

discernment hasn't gotten to where yours

429

: 00:20:29

is, like it's not God calling you yet.

430

: 00:20:31

Yeah.

431

: 00:20:31

And it's not the time yet.

432

: 00:20:33

And the biggest thing for me,

the biggest obstacle was this.

433

: 00:20:37

Feeling like I did not

want adoption to be plan B.

434

: 00:20:41

I did not want adoption to be the

next best option or the solution

435

: 00:20:45

to this problem of infertility

that we were experiencing.

436

: 00:20:49

And it just felt like, well, we're

just gonna have to settle for adoption

437

: 00:20:54

because we can't get pregnant.

438

: 00:20:55

And I was, I wasn't truly like desirous

of adoption for adoption's sake.

439

: 00:21:00

And so that's where I was really hung up.

440

: 00:21:02

And then, um.

441

: 00:21:04

Fast forward through the summer, uh,

like we were still doing some research,

442

: 00:21:09

having these conversations off and on,

um, praying about it a lot, and, uh,

443

: 00:21:13

just doing that discernment process.

444

: 00:21:16

And was there anything in the

summer that you wanted to bring up?

445

: 00:21:19

Well, I think like a lot of the

tense conversations we had were

446

: 00:21:21

like over the spring where like

I was really pushing for it.

447

: 00:21:24

Mm-hmm.

448

: 00:21:24

And you were like, I'm

not, I'm not there yet.

449

: 00:21:26

Yeah.

450

: 00:21:26

And I kind of rec, and this was all at the

same time as like we were still pursuing

451

: 00:21:31

our fertility appointments, treatments,

procedures, all the things Yeah.

452

: 00:21:36

That we've been going through

over the last few years.

453

: 00:21:38

Like, we were still doing all of that.

454

: 00:21:39

So it was just like a lot of mm-hmm.

455

: 00:21:42

Pressure, emotional turmoil,

like totally all this stuff.

456

: 00:21:45

Right.

457

: 00:21:46

So I think it was just a lot.

458

: 00:21:47

And I think like by the end of the

spring, early summer, I kind of

459

: 00:21:50

was just like, okay, I am going to

pull back on like bringing this up.

460

: 00:21:55

I'm gonna trust in this like

thing that my spiritual director

461

: 00:22:00

told me that like, God's gonna

prepare both of us in our time.

462

: 00:22:03

Like, and I just need to trust

that the Lord's gonna like work in

463

: 00:22:05

Trey's heart when it's the time.

464

: 00:22:07

And if it's not then

it's not the time, right?

465

: 00:22:09

So I just decided to kind of stop

bringing it up as much or stop starting

466

: 00:22:13

these conversations and instead I

just kind of quietly started to pray

467

: 00:22:16

for Trey in his heart and really just

prayed for him to feel conviction over.

468

: 00:22:22

Some part of this process that

he could get excited about

469

: 00:22:25

some part of this process.

470

: 00:22:26

Mm-hmm.

471

: 00:22:26

And kind of take leadership in that.

472

: 00:22:28

And so I was just kind of doing that on

my own and we didn't really talk about it

473

: 00:22:32

until maybe the end of the summer again.

474

: 00:22:34

Yeah.

475

: 00:22:35

Yeah.

476

: 00:22:35

And so, yeah, during the summer

I was, you know, I read the book,

477

: 00:22:38

uh, that I adopted for Life book.

478

: 00:22:40

Uh, I was just praying through

it and still just felt very

479

: 00:22:43

stuck, not, not desirous of it.

480

: 00:22:44

Um, and then I remember we went to

Mexico with Mari's family in August.

481

: 00:22:50

And I remember shortly after

coming home from that trip just

482

: 00:22:55

being in prayer one morning.

483

: 00:22:57

And for the first time I felt

this like sliver of excitement

484

: 00:23:02

in my heart about adoption.

485

: 00:23:04

And that was the first time

I've ever experienced it.

486

: 00:23:06

And it was while I was

praying about and like.

487

: 00:23:10

The excitement came at the thought

of adopting a Hispanic baby.

488

: 00:23:15

And I was like, okay, that's weird.

489

: 00:23:16

Um, but lemme, let's just look into it.

490

: 00:23:18

And so then after a couple searches

on chat, GBT, we, uh, it seemed

491

: 00:23:23

like there was a lot more obstacles

through, uh, international adoption.

492

: 00:23:26

And so it was a little bit of a

bummer because I, that was the first

493

: 00:23:29

time I'd been excited about mm-hmm.

494

: 00:23:30

Adoption and, um, seemed like

there was more obstacles.

495

: 00:23:33

And so I was like, okay, well, hmm.

496

: 00:23:35

Uh, and then a month later I was,

uh, at Grotto, uh, praying in front

497

: 00:23:41

of Mary and there was like, that

was my surrender moment where I just

498

: 00:23:46

finally, I felt like let go and just

like truly, truly surrendered, just

499

: 00:23:52

like the entire infertility, the, uh,

our family, anything with adoption,

500

: 00:23:58

just whatever God was calling us to.

501

: 00:24:00

Like, I, I just surrendered

everything to Mary and just asked

502

: 00:24:04

her to just intercede for us and I

just gave it to her and that was it.

503

: 00:24:10

It was just a, a moment of surrender

and just giving it all to Mary.

504

: 00:24:13

And then a few days later there

was a noticeable shift in my

505

: 00:24:19

heart, like very distinct.

506

: 00:24:21

There was the conversations that Maria and

I started having were, they were filled

507

: 00:24:25

with excitement and joy, and I was the

one starting the conversation as opposed

508

: 00:24:30

to being like, waiting for Mario to start

the conversation and then just being, oh,

509

: 00:24:34

I forget we're talking about this again.

510

: 00:24:36

And so, uh, I would, I would bring

it up and I was really excited.

511

: 00:24:39

And I think that was a huge thing

where, like for me, I had stopped

512

: 00:24:43

bringing it up over the summer.

513

: 00:24:44

Mm-hmm.

514

: 00:24:44

And you came back from your

travels in September where

515

: 00:24:48

you like had this experience.

516

: 00:24:50

You like brought it up and you brought it

up on your own and you were like, I could

517

: 00:24:54

tell, like kind of excited, intrigued,

and, and interested and excited.

518

: 00:24:58

Mm-hmm.

519

: 00:24:59

And I was just kind of

like, what is going on?

520

: 00:25:00

Yeah.

521

: 00:25:01

But I was rolling with it.

522

: 00:25:02

Yeah.

523

: 00:25:03

And then, uh, there was a few things

in those conversations that were, that

524

: 00:25:10

I think really made a big difference,

a big impact in my prayer life.

525

: 00:25:13

And there's the two things that Mari

said was one, um, she kind of made

526

: 00:25:19

this comment where we realized that

we had been trying for kids for.

527

: 00:25:25

Over three years at this

point, and to have a family.

528

: 00:25:28

And we had never once read a book on

parenting or a book on raising children.

529

: 00:25:34

Mm-hmm.

530

: 00:25:34

And the, we didn't need all the

education and the prep to know that

531

: 00:25:39

we were called to raise children and

to know that we were desirous of kids.

532

: 00:25:44

Mm-hmm.

533

: 00:25:44

And up to that point, I felt like

this whole adoption process was

534

: 00:25:48

really intimidating and really scary.

535

: 00:25:51

And it was like just this big serious

decision, which it is, but, but we were

536

: 00:25:56

like, we, like, we put a lot of pressure

on ourselves in that time to like learn

537

: 00:26:01

as much as possible and like read.

538

: 00:26:03

So I was like reading books on like

how to parent adopted children and

539

: 00:26:09

trying to like, get feedback and

hear about other people's experience

540

: 00:26:13

about like, what it was like to

raise their, like older children

541

: 00:26:17

now that were adopted at some point.

542

: 00:26:19

You know?

543

: 00:26:20

And the reality that just

kind of struck me was like.

544

: 00:26:24

Am I really choosing the decision

to adopt a child based off of like

545

: 00:26:30

what it might be like to parent

them when they're teenagers?

546

: 00:26:33

Mm-hmm.

547

: 00:26:34

Like that's not a reason to

choose or not choose parenthood.

548

: 00:26:38

Mm-hmm.

549

: 00:26:38

And one thing that someone said

to me is like, you, like your

550

: 00:26:42

own kid's not gonna be perfect.

551

: 00:26:44

Like you think your own kid's

gonna be perfect and perfectly

552

: 00:26:47

healthy and perfectly behaved.

553

: 00:26:48

And that's not true.

554

: 00:26:50

Like every human being is different,

every child is different and you

555

: 00:26:53

don't know what your own biological

children's stories are gonna be either.

556

: 00:26:57

And so they're like, you don't, like your

own kid could have X, Y, z behavioral

557

: 00:27:03

problems when they're teenagers too.

558

: 00:27:05

Mm-hmm.

559

: 00:27:05

Like, it's not like there's

like a stigma, I think.

560

: 00:27:07

Right.

561

: 00:27:07

Like a rounded option.

562

: 00:27:09

And so I was really trying to do a lot of

research and putting a lot of pressure.

563

: 00:27:12

And then one morning it just kind

of came like, I haven't read a

564

: 00:27:15

single pregnancy book, a single

parenting book, a single like.

565

: 00:27:20

How to raise your own kid book.

566

: 00:27:21

And we have been trying

for kids for years.

567

: 00:27:24

Yeah.

568

: 00:27:25

Like the realization is we didn't need

all of this research education to know,

569

: 00:27:31

to know if we were called to adopt or not.

570

: 00:27:33

Uhhuh, like we can make the decision

to like desire adoption and to be

571

: 00:27:38

called to adoption without all of the

like education and research and stuff.

572

: 00:27:42

And so then that was really freeing

for us to be like, okay, wow.

573

: 00:27:46

Like this is a decision that

we can make now even if we

574

: 00:27:49

don't feel completely prepared.

575

: 00:27:50

Mm-hmm.

576

: 00:27:50

Because it's like one

you're never gonna be.

577

: 00:27:52

Mm-hmm.

578

: 00:27:52

And two, it's like, it's not like

we were completely prepared for

579

: 00:27:54

parenthood with biological kids either.

580

: 00:27:56

Right.

581

: 00:27:56

It's like, but we knew we were called

to that we knew we were desires of that.

582

: 00:27:58

Yeah.

583

: 00:27:59

And like we have definitely done our

due diligence in researching like what

584

: 00:28:03

is it, like how to do the adoption.

585

: 00:28:05

Right.

586

: 00:28:05

Right.

587

: 00:28:06

And like knowing that like this is a call

that we are, that the Lord is calling

588

: 00:28:10

us to, but it's less about like choosing

it because of what's gonna come later.

589

: 00:28:16

Right.

590

: 00:28:16

You know what I mean?

591

: 00:28:17

Mm-hmm.

592

: 00:28:17

I hope that makes sense.

593

: 00:28:18

Yeah.

594

: 00:28:19

And then, so that was one thing

that was like, oh wow, okay.

595

: 00:28:21

That was really freeing, that realization.

596

: 00:28:24

And then the other thing that happened

in September, there was a moment where

597

: 00:28:29

I thought that I might be pregnant.

598

: 00:28:30

And it was so weird because for the

first time, thinking that I almost

599

: 00:28:37

felt like a sadness in my heart at

the same time because I was like,

600

: 00:28:40

well, shoot, if we are pregnant.

601

: 00:28:43

Then like Trey's not gonna let us

adopt because like we already got

602

: 00:28:46

our kid and it was like so weird

because like I'd been waiting to be

603

: 00:28:51

pregnant for like almost four years.

604

: 00:28:53

Yeah.

605

: 00:28:53

And a moment where I thought that

I might be feeling that like kind

606

: 00:28:57

of like sadness and almost that

like hesitancy of like, wait, no.

607

: 00:29:01

Like I can't get pregnant yet

because like we're gonna adopt.

608

: 00:29:04

Yeah.

609

: 00:29:04

Like we wanna like go down this path and

like this might ruin that like whole plan.

610

: 00:29:09

Mm-hmm.

611

: 00:29:09

That really revealed to me

like what my true desire was.

612

: 00:29:15

Mm-hmm.

613

: 00:29:15

And so we were on a walk one day

around our neighborhood, just like

614

: 00:29:18

walking our dog and I was like, Trey

just like have to tell you something.

615

: 00:29:21

And I just like told them like

what I was kind of thinking

616

: 00:29:24

and feeling the last like week.

617

: 00:29:25

Yeah.

618

: 00:29:26

And just hearing her say that.

619

: 00:29:29

Like, like that was really powerful

because that alleviated mm-hmm.

620

: 00:29:34

My primary obstacle and concern

that the adoption would be the

621

: 00:29:39

second best option or plan B.

622

: 00:29:42

And so hearing her say that was like,

wow, this is regardless of when or if we

623

: 00:29:47

get pregnant, like adoption is plan A.

624

: 00:29:50

Mm-hmm.

625

: 00:29:50

Like that is what Mari desires.

626

: 00:29:52

Mm-hmm.

627

: 00:29:53

And that like, hearing her say

that like, excited me and released

628

: 00:29:56

that fear that I had in my heart

and allowed me to be like, yeah.

629

: 00:30:01

Like, wow.

630

: 00:30:02

Like I, I can feel my heart.

631

: 00:30:03

Like I'm agreeing with that.

632

: 00:30:04

And, and I mean, this is all on the heels

of surrendering this entire thing to Mary.

633

: 00:30:09

And there being this like, very

distinct shift in my heart where it

634

: 00:30:13

was like I was closed off and then

I surrendered it to Mary and then I

635

: 00:30:16

was open, and then all these things

started piling up and I'm like, wow.

636

: 00:30:19

Like I, I'm excited now.

637

: 00:30:21

And then I started realizing.

638

: 00:30:23

With kinda what Mari said earlier

was like my daydream started

639

: 00:30:26

to become adopting kids and.

640

: 00:30:30

I was just like, wow, like you're right.

641

: 00:30:32

And so, and it was crazy how

like that just all followed

642

: 00:30:35

like your surrender moment too.

643

: 00:30:37

And it just goes to

show like when we truly.

644

: 00:30:40

Let go of this grasp that we have.

645

: 00:30:43

If there's something in our lives

that we have been grasping and

646

: 00:30:46

grasping and grasping and waiting

periods can be really hard.

647

: 00:30:48

Right?

648

: 00:30:49

And like the moment we're able

to not, like, not think about it

649

: 00:30:54

or not stress about it, right?

650

: 00:30:55

But just the moment we're actually able

to surrender it to the Lord and be like,

651

: 00:30:59

I obviously still deeply care about this

and want to heal our fertility, but like,

652

: 00:31:04

Lord, we're gonna release this to you.

653

: 00:31:06

We're gonna surrender to you.

654

: 00:31:07

We're gonna let you like

take control of our lives.

655

: 00:31:11

We're gonna let you lead.

656

: 00:31:12

We're gonna let you show us

how you wanna build our family.

657

: 00:31:15

And when we were both able to have those

moments separately in our own time,

658

: 00:31:20

it's like it exactly what you said,

just like this, like deep seated desire

659

: 00:31:24

that like the Lord has placed on our

hearts, like really started to flourish.

660

: 00:31:28

Mm-hmm.

661

: 00:31:28

And we both started to get

excited about it at the same time,

662

: 00:31:32

talking about it at the same time.

663

: 00:31:33

And we realized like, wow, like we desire

this just as much as biological children.

664

: 00:31:38

Yep.

665

: 00:31:39

And I told Trey like.

666

: 00:31:40

Trey, even if we get pregnant

tomorrow, I still wanna adopt and

667

: 00:31:44

like I still wanna move forward.

668

: 00:31:45

And I was like a hundred percent

like now adoption became plan A.

669

: 00:31:50

And so at that point we're now like

95, maybe even 98% sure that we are

670

: 00:31:57

called to adoption and that we want it.

671

: 00:31:59

But there's still this like

hesitation and this fear because

672

: 00:32:03

we're like, this is still a big deal.

673

: 00:32:05

This is a huge decision.

674

: 00:32:07

Huge decision.

675

: 00:32:07

Huge decision.

676

: 00:32:08

Yeah.

677

: 00:32:08

And one thing that I kept thinking

about was like, this is like on the

678

: 00:32:12

same level as choosing who you're

going to marry, which is huge.

679

: 00:32:16

Like you are choosing to add

another human being into your life

680

: 00:32:20

for the rest of your life and.

681

: 00:32:24

And so I was like, wow, like

I need God to like really give

682

: 00:32:29

me that extra confirmation.

683

: 00:32:31

And I don't know if you guys have

ever done this and God's probably

684

: 00:32:34

like, oh, you have little faith.

685

: 00:32:36

Why do you need more?

686

: 00:32:37

Like, I've already given

you, you so much, so much.

687

: 00:32:39

I've already changed your heart so much.

688

: 00:32:41

You guys are both on the same page.

689

: 00:32:42

This is a beautiful thing.

690

: 00:32:43

Go for it.

691

: 00:32:44

Right?

692

: 00:32:44

But I was just like, Lord,

like I need you to really like

693

: 00:32:48

smack me in the face with it.

694

: 00:32:50

I need you to show me that

this is truly the path.

695

: 00:32:52

Like, and I was like, I know

you've probably already like, you

696

: 00:32:55

know, done your work here, but

you've given me the breadcrumbs.

697

: 00:32:58

But yeah, like you've already given me

the breadcrumb trail and I'm, I'm probably

698

: 00:33:02

just like dumb enough to like miss it,

you know, and blind enough to all the

699

: 00:33:05

ways that you're working in my life.

700

: 00:33:06

So like, please, I need a billboard.

701

: 00:33:08

Like I need something huge like a

billboard to literally say, dear

702

: 00:33:13

Mari, you're called to adopt Love God.

703

: 00:33:16

Mm-hmm.

704

: 00:33:17

Um, and so I literally started praying.

705

: 00:33:20

For a billboard, and I started praying

for a, like a tangible sign that

706

: 00:33:24

told me we were called to adopt.

707

: 00:33:26

And there was one morning in prayer, I was

back at this church, um, that I love so

708

: 00:33:31

much and it was just like such dry prayer.

709

: 00:33:35

Like that whole week I had been

to adoration every single day.

710

: 00:33:39

I'm really trying to show up to lean

into my relationship with God and

711

: 00:33:43

to allow God the space to like speak

to me and like give me this like

712

: 00:33:48

confirmation that I'm asking for.

713

: 00:33:50

And I just felt like prayer was like

literally so dry and, and quiet.

714

: 00:33:54

And I was just getting frustrated on

and on this last day of this week that

715

: 00:33:57

I had been going to adoration every day.

716

: 00:34:01

I just was like, okay, I'm gonna

pull out scripture and see what

717

: 00:34:04

scripture has to say, and just

like let scripture lead my prayer.

718

: 00:34:08

And I open up to this random gospel

and it's Jesus healing a blind man.

719

: 00:34:13

And as he approaches a blind man, he asks

him, what do you want me to do for you?

720

: 00:34:18

And the blind man says that he

wants healing and wants to see.

721

: 00:34:21

And so Jesus heals him and

he goes off on his merry way.

722

: 00:34:26

And in that moment I felt like this

like kind of like jealousy and like

723

: 00:34:33

anger towards this blind man and

Jesus healing him in this moment.

724

: 00:34:38

'cause I was like, Lord, like.

725

: 00:34:39

Why don't you ask me like, what

do you want me to do for you?

726

: 00:34:43

Like, I've been telling you what I wanted

you to do for me for the past four years.

727

: 00:34:46

Like yeah, why don't you just

ask me like, daughter, what

728

: 00:34:48

do you want me to do for you?

729

: 00:34:49

I'll do it for you and then just do

it just like you did for this man.

730

: 00:34:52

Like what?

731

: 00:34:53

And he didn't even know you, you know?

732

: 00:34:55

And like, and I know you and

I follow you and I love you.

733

: 00:34:58

And like, and you haven't asked me, it

was very much like an older son, prodigal.

734

: 00:35:03

Yeah.

735

: 00:35:03

Yeah.

736

: 00:35:03

You know, son moment where the Lord's

like you already have everything.

737

: 00:35:07

And I was just like, you

know, throwing a tantrum.

738

: 00:35:10

And again, one of those times

where I just felt the Lord

739

: 00:35:15

like speak to me in my heart.

740

: 00:35:16

And he looked at me and he was like,

okay, alright daughter, like I'll ask you

741

: 00:35:23

like, what do you want me to do for you?

742

: 00:35:26

Now's your chance.

743

: 00:35:28

And in my heart I was like.

744

: 00:35:31

Okay.

745

: 00:35:32

I have one shot at this.

746

: 00:35:33

This is like my one wish, you know,

you know, like, like the genie in

747

: 00:35:37

the bottle, you get three wishes.

748

: 00:35:38

Like it doesn't work like that.

749

: 00:35:39

But yes, that's what it felt like.

750

: 00:35:41

That's what it felt like.

751

: 00:35:42

I know that that's not how God,

how God works, but I was like,

752

: 00:35:44

this is like my one shot right now.

753

: 00:35:47

And so anyways, I'm like praying in my,

I'm like writing down my prayer journal,

754

: 00:35:51

everything that's going through my head.

755

: 00:35:52

And I was like, okay, Lord.

756

: 00:35:53

Like what do I truly want in my heart?

757

: 00:35:55

First and foremost, I want my heart

to always be aligned with your will.

758

: 00:35:59

Like that's truly the bottom

line of my prayer from now on.

759

: 00:36:02

Because it doesn't work any other way.

760

: 00:36:04

Like I'm miserable if I keep

trying to grasp for what I want and

761

: 00:36:08

it's not in line with your will.

762

: 00:36:10

Like I just wanna do your will.

763

: 00:36:12

But Lord, like if I got to pick

what that will was like if I got

764

: 00:36:16

to pick what your will was, I'm

just gonna leave it at your feet.

765

: 00:36:19

Here.

766

: 00:36:19

You do what you want with it.

767

: 00:36:21

Right?

768

: 00:36:22

And I was like, if I'm being

really honest with myself.

769

: 00:36:25

I want both.

770

: 00:36:27

Like I desire both an adoptive

child and a biological child.

771

: 00:36:32

And so I was like, Lord,

like hear my prayer.

772

: 00:36:35

This is what's truly on my heart.

773

: 00:36:38

And this church that I was at, there's

like, it's a gorgeous stain glass

774

: 00:36:41

window and all these like different

saints are on the stain glass window.

775

: 00:36:45

And I was just looking up at all them

and I was like, wow, I have asked for

776

: 00:36:48

the intercession of all of these saints,

like JP II and Saint Theres and St.

777

: 00:36:54

Faustina and Our Lady of Guadalupe.

778

: 00:36:56

And, and you're like, I've done

that, novena, I've done that novena.

779

: 00:36:58

I've asked you, I've asked you like,

how many novenas have we prayed?

780

: 00:37:01

How many fasts have we done?

781

: 00:37:02

How many like miraculous like

relics have we, you know, prayed

782

: 00:37:07

with from all these saints?

783

: 00:37:08

Mm-hmm.

784

: 00:37:09

And I mean still love these saints, right?

785

: 00:37:12

But like the Lord has a plan.

786

: 00:37:14

And I was basically just like, who do I.

787

: 00:37:17

Who do I pray to?

788

: 00:37:18

Who do I ask for?

789

: 00:37:19

There intercession for this, this

big prayer that I'm asking of the

790

: 00:37:23

Lord right now of one biological

child and one adoptive child.

791

: 00:37:27

And randomly in that moment, St.

792

: 00:37:28

Carlo Acutis popped into my head.

793

: 00:37:31

He was recently canonized, very recent.

794

: 00:37:34

Just this summer.

795

: 00:37:35

Yep.

796

: 00:37:35

Right?

797

: 00:37:35

Mm-hmm.

798

: 00:37:35

August, September, I dunno.

799

: 00:37:36

Yeah.

800

: 00:37:37

Super recent May, I don't even know.

801

: 00:37:38

It was super recent, just in the last few

months that he got canonized and it just

802

: 00:37:43

popped into my head and I was like, yes.

803

: 00:37:45

Like Carlo, you are like

a new saint around here.

804

: 00:37:50

Like you're the new kid and

everybody loves you and I'm

805

: 00:37:53

sure you're not as busy as St.

806

: 00:37:55

Therese like sending out all

these flowers to everybody.

807

: 00:37:57

Like I'm gonna choose you.

808

: 00:37:59

I'm gonna ask for your intercession,

your prayers for this intention.

809

: 00:38:03

And so I set a prayer to Carlo Acutis

in that moment to intercede for us.

810

: 00:38:08

Then that was on a Thursday.

811

: 00:38:10

That following weekend, Trey was

out of town on a silent retreat

812

: 00:38:14

and I was home alone, and I just.

813

: 00:38:17

Don't sleep when he's gone.

814

: 00:38:19

Like I just like have a

horrible night's sleep.

815

: 00:38:21

I just like can't rest.

816

: 00:38:23

So I was up like super late

every night and Saturday night.

817

: 00:38:27

I literally didn't get to bed

till like two in the morning.

818

: 00:38:29

And so the next morning I was originally

planning to go to an 8:00 AM mass

819

: 00:38:34

about on that Sunday, 'cause Trey was

gonna go to mass at his retreat and I

820

: 00:38:38

just could not get up in the morning.

821

: 00:38:40

I had had such bad nights of

sleep the nights before and I

822

: 00:38:42

was like, no, I need to sleep in.

823

: 00:38:43

So then I missed the 8:00 AM

I missed the 9:00 AM 9 45.

824

: 00:38:47

I missed the 10 and I

was gonna make it to the.

825

: 00:38:51

11, or is it 1130?

826

: 00:38:53

One of the two.

827

: 00:38:54

And I was like scrambling to eat my

breakfast before, like, you know,

828

: 00:38:59

the mass fast and get out the door.

829

: 00:39:00

And then I was like, why

am I rushing so much?

830

: 00:39:03

Like, I'm like, I can't make it.

831

: 00:39:05

Like I'm, I'm still gonna be late.

832

: 00:39:06

Right.

833

: 00:39:07

It was a rough morning you guys, and that

evening I was taking photos for a family.

834

: 00:39:13

It's like a random thing I

do on the side sometimes.

835

: 00:39:15

And so I was just like taking like family

photos for somebody that evening at the

836

: 00:39:19

time that the evening mass was going on.

837

: 00:39:20

So I already knew I wasn't gonna be

able to make it to the evening mass.

838

: 00:39:23

And so then I opened the Mass Times app,

which I honestly had never used before.

839

: 00:39:28

I think I had to like

download it or something.

840

: 00:39:30

And I was like, there has to be a mass

in Northern Colorado somewhere, or even

841

: 00:39:35

if I have to drive down to Denver, like

in the middle of the day, like noon, like

842

: 00:39:39

a one, like it's gotta exist somewhere.

843

: 00:39:41

So I look it up and there's

a church near us that has, on

844

: 00:39:45

the app it said a 1230 mass.

845

: 00:39:48

And I was like, perfect,

I'm gonna go to that mass.

846

: 00:39:51

And it happens to be in Spanish,

which is like so classic.

847

: 00:39:54

I feel like all the Spanish

masses are like in the middle of

848

: 00:39:56

the day, like in the afternoon.

849

: 00:39:57

And I'm Colombian, I speak,

I'm fluent in Spanish.

850

: 00:40:00

I was like, great.

851

: 00:40:01

Not a problem for me.

852

: 00:40:02

Like I'll go to that mass.

853

: 00:40:03

I mean, even if it was

Chinese, I would've had to go.

854

: 00:40:07

But anyways, and so I'm like

getting ready, like get out the

855

: 00:40:10

door and make it to the 1230 mass.

856

: 00:40:12

And.

857

: 00:40:14

I'm still rushing you guys.

858

: 00:40:15

I'm like on the phone with Trey 'cause

he got off his silent retreat and he

859

: 00:40:18

was starting to drive back home and

I'm driving into the parking lot of the

860

: 00:40:21

church and I'm like, Trey, I gotta go.

861

: 00:40:23

It's 1236 mass.

862

: 00:40:24

Started six minutes ago and like,

I need to make it to this mass.

863

: 00:40:28

And I run in the church and there's

like 10 people there, no mass, no

864

: 00:40:34

priest, 10 people praying the rosary.

865

: 00:40:36

And I was like, what?

866

: 00:40:38

Like I totally missed it.

867

: 00:40:40

Like what the heck?

868

: 00:40:41

And so I text Trey like, there's

nobody here, what do I do?

869

: 00:40:43

And he's like, call me back.

870

: 00:40:45

So I walk back outta the church

and I call him and he's like,

871

: 00:40:47

did you check the website?

872

: 00:40:48

You always have to

cross check the website.

873

: 00:40:50

Mari, like mass times

app is never accurate.

874

: 00:40:54

So.

875

: 00:40:55

Everybody just remember that if you're

traveling, trying to find a mass, always

876

: 00:40:58

cross check with the website when you can.

877

: 00:41:00

So in that moment, I'm on the phone

with Trey and I'm looking it up the

878

: 00:41:02

time, and then I realize it's actually

at 1:00 PM So I think they, they had

879

: 00:41:06

moved the time and it's actually at

1:00 PM so thank God I made it to

880

: 00:41:10

church actually 30 minutes early.

881

: 00:41:13

And in the meantime, Trey was like, Hey,

like, just like talk to me on the phone.

882

: 00:41:16

Let's talk about a couple

things while he's driving back.

883

: 00:41:18

And so I'm out there outside the

church talking on the phone and

884

: 00:41:23

they have this little balcony.

885

: 00:41:24

And so I just go over and like

lean over the balcony and I'm

886

: 00:41:26

just like chatting with Trey.

887

: 00:41:28

And while I'm talking I, my gaze turned.

888

: 00:41:31

And I look at this like sign that they

have in the very entrance of the church.

889

: 00:41:37

It's this big sign that says

adoption is the loving option.

890

: 00:41:41

It was like this big sign in the middle of

the entryway, just like sitting there at

891

: 00:41:46

this church that we never go to at a time.

892

: 00:41:48

That you've never been to Mass.

893

: 00:41:50

Yeah.

894

: 00:41:50

And like, and there's no context

for why this sign is there.

895

: 00:41:54

Mm-hmm.

896

: 00:41:54

And so I'm like, Trey, like I'm on

the phone with him and I'm like,

897

: 00:41:57

Trey, Trey, there's a sign there.

898

: 00:42:00

There's a sign in this church.

899

: 00:42:02

This is what it says.

900

: 00:42:03

And I'm like, already starting to tear up.

901

: 00:42:05

And he's like, oh my gosh, Mari.

902

: 00:42:06

And I'm like, this is my billboard.

903

: 00:42:08

Like I just felt it in my heart.

904

: 00:42:10

I had chills over my body.

905

: 00:42:11

I was like, you've been

praying for the billboard.

906

: 00:42:13

This is my billboard.

907

: 00:42:14

I was like, do you

think that there's like.

908

: 00:42:17

Like that.

909

: 00:42:18

This sign is up at every

Catholic church this weekend.

910

: 00:42:21

And he's like, no, no, Mari,

like, this is so random.

911

: 00:42:25

Like this whole like, just

like adoption sign is.

912

: 00:42:28

Standing there in the middle

of this entryway of the

913

: 00:42:30

church, like this is for you.

914

: 00:42:31

And I think what's crazy is that

one, that it's this random church

915

: 00:42:36

that we never go to mass there.

916

: 00:42:38

We never go to church to,

and it's this random time.

917

: 00:42:40

And like the fact that you

had to get there early Yes.

918

: 00:42:43

Accidentally.

919

: 00:42:44

Because if you, if Mass actually

started at: 1230

920

: 00:42:47

rushed into mass six minutes late.

921

: 00:42:49

Yep.

922

: 00:42:50

Ne missed the sign completely.

923

: 00:42:51

Then on the way out it

would've been crowded and Yep.

924

: 00:42:54

You would've just walked out,

which is, and you would've walked

925

: 00:42:56

right by it and never seen it.

926

: 00:42:57

'cause of the crowds and just like

getting on, moving on with your day.

927

: 00:43:00

And that's exactly what would've happened.

928

: 00:43:02

'cause when I walked into the church,

I rushed through and I didn't see

929

: 00:43:04

it and I walked right past it.

930

: 00:43:06

Yeah.

931

: 00:43:06

Like I rushed in 'cause

I thought I was late.

932

: 00:43:08

Mm-hmm.

933

: 00:43:08

And the only reason I saw it

was 'cause I walked back out and

934

: 00:43:10

there was nobody in the entryway.

935

: 00:43:12

Yeah.

936

: 00:43:12

But then when I actually went

to Mass and then we all got out.

937

: 00:43:15

I couldn't see the sign anymore

because people were covering it.

938

: 00:43:18

Yep.

939

: 00:43:18

'cause it was so crowded.

940

: 00:43:19

Mm-hmm.

941

: 00:43:20

And so literally like the

Lord, like got me there early.

942

: 00:43:24

Yeah.

943

: 00:43:24

To see this sign while you

were on the phone with me.

944

: 00:43:27

Yeah.

945

: 00:43:27

Yeah.

946

: 00:43:28

That was awesome.

947

: 00:43:28

You could experience it together.

948

: 00:43:29

And so, you know, we're on the phone

like just excited, kind of like crying,

949

: 00:43:33

but like we're not able to be in person.

950

: 00:43:34

So we're like, okay,

wait till you get home.

951

: 00:43:37

And then I'm like, okay,

I gotta go to mass.

952

: 00:43:40

I wanted to spend some time praying.

953

: 00:43:41

So I'm like, okay, I gotta go.

954

: 00:43:42

And I, and I walk back into the church

and the moment I walk back into the

955

: 00:43:45

church, I see this huge, our Lady

of Guadalupe statue in the church,

956

: 00:43:48

which is beautiful and and stunning.

957

: 00:43:52

And the colors of this statue are very

vibrant and they're just like particular

958

: 00:43:58

shades of our Lady of Guadalupe.

959

: 00:44:00

Um, and it reminded me, it took me back

to this like power powerful like prayer

960

: 00:44:05

experience that I had a year and a half.

961

: 00:44:08

Before like, or two years before, like

a year and a half into our infertility

962

: 00:44:14

journey was when I publicly shared

on Instagram that we were struggling.

963

: 00:44:19

And after sharing that publicly,

like that was, that was really hard

964

: 00:44:24

for me to basically accept and like

embrace this as part of my story.

965

: 00:44:30

And sharing that really

like allowed me to do that.

966

: 00:44:33

And the moment I posted, I was home

alone and I just like broke down crying.

967

: 00:44:37

And there's this image we have in

our home of our Lady of Guadalupe.

968

: 00:44:40

And so I went and I nail, I knelt

down in front of her and I just

969

: 00:44:43

like asked her for comfort and for

mothering in this moment of suffering.

970

: 00:44:50

And I was like, mom, I need you to

show me some sort of sign that I'm

971

: 00:44:56

going to be a mom one day because

like, I can't keep going with this.

972

: 00:45:00

Like uncertainty of like, are

we ever going to be parents?

973

: 00:45:02

Is this ever going to work?

974

: 00:45:05

And the very next day in the morning, I

open my phone scrolling on Instagram as

975

: 00:45:09

I do, and the first thing that pops up

is this reel of an artist that I, I had

976

: 00:45:15

never followed or anything never heard of.

977

: 00:45:18

And it was this painting, this watercolor

painting of our Lady of Guadalupe,

978

: 00:45:23

these beautiful, vibrant colors.

979

: 00:45:25

But the thing that caught my attention

immediately was our Lady of Guadalupe,

980

: 00:45:30

the way she was depicted in this

painting, her face looks exactly like me.

981

: 00:45:36

Like exactly like crazy.

982

: 00:45:38

It's hard to explain you

guys, but like, it looks like

983

: 00:45:40

someone took a picture of me.

984

: 00:45:42

Painted me in a watercolor and like put

our Lady of Guadalupe's outfit on me.

985

: 00:45:47

Like, it's like my face, it's my hair

color, it's the length of my hair.

986

: 00:45:50

It's like the wispy ends

that I have on my hair.

987

: 00:45:53

It's my skin color, like the

features, the shape of my face.

988

: 00:45:57

Everything.

989

: 00:45:57

Yeah.

990

: 00:45:57

Like I stopped immediately 'cause

I was like, that looks like me.

991

: 00:46:01

And it's our lady Guadalupe.

992

: 00:46:03

And in this painting she has her

arms wrapped around three children.

993

: 00:46:08

And in that moment, like I knew in my

heart that this was my answered prayer

994

: 00:46:13

where our lady was like, it's okay.

995

: 00:46:16

You will be a mom.

996

: 00:46:17

Like you're gonna be a mom one day.

997

: 00:46:20

You can rest in that fact.

998

: 00:46:22

And what's crazy is like the

three children in this painting

999

: 00:46:27

are all different races.

: 1000

00:46:30,150 --> 00:46:33,450

And so there was a little sliver

in my heart in that moment, right?

: 1001

00:46:33,450 --> 00:46:37,140

A year and a half into the

journey where I thought like.

: 1002

00:46:37,770 --> 00:46:41,580

That I was gonna be called

to be an adoptive mother, and

: 1003

00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:42,580

at that moment I was like.

: 1004

00:46:43,305 --> 00:46:45,465

Okay, we're gonna set that aside.

: 1005

00:46:45,465 --> 00:46:48,975

Like we're gonna focus on the fact

that I'm gonna be a mom and then

: 1006

00:46:48,975 --> 00:46:50,295

we'll get to the other part later.

: 1007

00:46:50,295 --> 00:46:50,355

Yeah.

: 1008

00:46:50,355 --> 00:46:50,745

Right.

: 1009

00:46:51,375 --> 00:46:54,975

But as I walk back into this church,

okay, now fast forward to this fall

: 1010

00:46:54,975 --> 00:46:58,995

and I walk back into this church and I

see that Our Lady Guadalupe statue, and

: 1011

00:46:58,995 --> 00:47:02,985

for some reason like the, those colors

of that statue like brought me back to

: 1012

00:47:02,985 --> 00:47:06,795

this prayer experience and reminded me

and I had kind of, I had not thought

: 1013

00:47:06,795 --> 00:47:08,205

about that moment in a really long time.

: 1014

00:47:08,210 --> 00:47:08,260

Mm-hmm.

: 1015

00:47:08,340 --> 00:47:09,975

And it totally connected them in my head.

: 1016

00:47:10,365 --> 00:47:13,155

And it was like this extra

confirmation where our lady was like,

: 1017

00:47:13,155 --> 00:47:16,520

see, like I planted the seed like

three years ago or two years ago.

: 1018

00:47:17,175 --> 00:47:19,845

Like I told you, like I

told you you'd be a mom.

: 1019

00:47:20,175 --> 00:47:23,655

And like, here I am again, like

confirming this call that the Lord

: 1020

00:47:23,655 --> 00:47:26,445

has for your family of adoption.

: 1021

00:47:26,445 --> 00:47:29,295

Like, I'm right here and I've been

right here with you the whole time.

: 1022

00:47:29,595 --> 00:47:33,195

And in that moment, in my head and my

heart, like I literally, I just felt

: 1023

00:47:33,195 --> 00:47:38,145

like I like saw like the last like four

years of our journey, like speeds through

: 1024

00:47:38,175 --> 00:47:40,185

like all these images like in my head.

: 1025

00:47:40,185 --> 00:47:41,865

And it just felt like the Lord was like.

: 1026

00:47:42,720 --> 00:47:44,100

This is your story.

: 1027

00:47:44,190 --> 00:47:45,720

Yeah, this was always the plan.

: 1028

00:47:45,780 --> 00:47:48,480

Like this was always your story, Mari.

: 1029

00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:53,550

Like I think anybody that is going

through something like this or going

: 1030

00:47:53,550 --> 00:47:58,110

through unexpected health journeys

or grief, like you never think this

: 1031

00:47:58,110 --> 00:47:59,520

is gonna be a part of your life.

: 1032

00:47:59,520 --> 00:47:59,910

Right.

: 1033

00:48:00,210 --> 00:48:03,240

And so I think especially the

first few years of our journey.

: 1034

00:48:04,005 --> 00:48:08,055

I like, could not accept that

this was part of our story.

: 1035

00:48:08,055 --> 00:48:10,215

And I kept telling the

Lord that he messed up.

: 1036

00:48:10,215 --> 00:48:14,535

Like I felt like he had swapped my story

with someone else's and like he, he'd

: 1037

00:48:15,105 --> 00:48:17,265

forgotten to keep writing my story.

: 1038

00:48:17,295 --> 00:48:17,385

Yeah.

: 1039

00:48:17,625 --> 00:48:18,015

Right.

: 1040

00:48:18,015 --> 00:48:22,275

And like there was so much prayer

that like got me to a place to where

: 1041

00:48:22,275 --> 00:48:25,095

I like recognized like, okay, like

the Lord is working in our life.

: 1042

00:48:25,095 --> 00:48:28,155

But even still there was that

like, how could this be my story?

: 1043

00:48:28,155 --> 00:48:29,310

It's all this like unknown too.

: 1044

00:48:29,730 --> 00:48:30,390

All this unknown.

: 1045

00:48:30,585 --> 00:48:30,735

Yeah.

: 1046

00:48:30,975 --> 00:48:33,735

So in that moment the Lord

is like, this is your story.

: 1047

00:48:33,735 --> 00:48:35,055

This has always been your story.

: 1048

00:48:35,055 --> 00:48:36,585

I have always planned this for you.

: 1049

00:48:36,585 --> 00:48:42,345

Like I have never left and have never

forgotten you in any part of your journey.

: 1050

00:48:43,005 --> 00:48:44,775

And like you have.

: 1051

00:48:45,135 --> 00:48:46,665

Adoptive children.

: 1052

00:48:47,025 --> 00:48:47,325

Yeah.

: 1053

00:48:47,655 --> 00:48:51,795

Like, and you would've never found them if

I hadn't brought you through this journey.

: 1054

00:48:51,855 --> 00:48:51,945

Mm-hmm.

: 1055

00:48:52,185 --> 00:48:53,505

And it all came together.

: 1056

00:48:53,505 --> 00:48:57,105

So, I mean, you can imagine that

mass was like so emotional for me.

: 1057

00:48:57,105 --> 00:49:00,915

I'm like here by myself, just

like crying in my pew at this like

: 1058

00:49:01,155 --> 00:49:04,575

Spanish mass at this church that

we've like never gone to mass to.

: 1059

00:49:04,755 --> 00:49:04,815

Yeah.

: 1060

00:49:05,715 --> 00:49:07,035

And then the craziest part.

: 1061

00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:12,630

The craziest part you guys

was, this all happened on St.

: 1062

00:49:12,630 --> 00:49:17,880

Carlo Acutis Feast Day, like four

days after you had prayed for St.

: 1063

00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:18,840

Carlo, didn't intercede for you?

: 1064

00:49:19,140 --> 00:49:23,370

I walk outta mass and I get in the

car and I look up the date because

: 1065

00:49:23,370 --> 00:49:27,270

something in me was like, maybe

the priest mentioned it at Mass.

: 1066

00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:28,410

Either way.

: 1067

00:49:29,130 --> 00:49:29,700

I don't know.

: 1068

00:49:30,060 --> 00:49:33,690

Either way, something was mentioned

and then I looked at the date

: 1069

00:49:33,690 --> 00:49:37,425

and I was like, oh my gosh, it's

Saint Carlos's, feasted, feasted.

: 1070

00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:40,530

And it all came together and

was like, he answered my prayer.

: 1071

00:49:40,890 --> 00:49:41,220

Wow.

: 1072

00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:44,550

Like the saints are real, you

guys, the saints are real.

: 1073

00:49:44,580 --> 00:49:44,880

Yeah.

: 1074

00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:49,890

They hear our prayers and they pray for

us, and so I was just like so pumped.

: 1075

00:49:49,950 --> 00:49:52,410

And Trey got home that

day from a silent retreat.

: 1076

00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:57,390

And the whole next day we went on

this like day, day up to the mountains

: 1077

00:49:57,390 --> 00:49:59,280

and just like debriefed, like yeah.

: 1078

00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:02,610

Everything that happened

the past year and yeah.

: 1079

00:50:02,670 --> 00:50:06,030

And then like that day we made

the decision, okay, like we are

: 1080

00:50:06,030 --> 00:50:09,750

adopting, like we want this so bad.

: 1081

00:50:09,750 --> 00:50:12,060

God's clearly calling us to adoption.

: 1082

00:50:12,065 --> 00:50:12,095

Mm-hmm.

: 1083

00:50:12,355 --> 00:50:16,530

And at that point let's, we felt in our

hearts, like we have kids out there.

: 1084

00:50:16,530 --> 00:50:16,890

Yeah.

: 1085

00:50:17,370 --> 00:50:22,350

And it's this weird like parental

like mama bear feeling now where I'm

: 1086

00:50:22,350 --> 00:50:25,015

like, I know my kids are out there

and like I have to go find them.

: 1087

00:50:25,015 --> 00:50:25,295

Mm-hmm.

: 1088

00:50:25,710 --> 00:50:28,380

Like we gotta get this process started

'cause I gotta go pick up my babies.

: 1089

00:50:28,410 --> 00:50:28,740

Yep.

: 1090

00:50:29,370 --> 00:50:32,880

And then the final decision was,

okay, we know we're called to

: 1091

00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:35,700

adoption, we know we desire is

of this and this is what we want.

: 1092

00:50:36,060 --> 00:50:36,960

This is plan A.

: 1093

00:50:37,620 --> 00:50:41,460

The next option is like, okay,

there's either international adoption.

: 1094

00:50:41,460 --> 00:50:43,550

And at that point we had

narrowed it down to Colombia.

: 1095

00:50:43,860 --> 00:50:43,980

Yeah.

: 1096

00:50:43,980 --> 00:50:46,295

'cause that's where Mars family's

from and that's where I was born.

: 1097

00:50:47,190 --> 00:50:47,490

Yep.

: 1098

00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:50,310

And it's just like a

beautiful family culture.

: 1099

00:50:50,310 --> 00:50:50,610

Right?

: 1100

00:50:50,670 --> 00:50:50,880

Yeah.

: 1101

00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:52,200

And it happens to also be.

: 1102

00:50:52,635 --> 00:50:56,535

The, one of the easier countries for

international adoption, especially in

: 1103

00:50:56,535 --> 00:51:01,755

Latin America or just domestic newborn

adoption here in the United States.

: 1104

00:51:01,845 --> 00:51:06,375

Yeah, so we were discerning and

praying through and trying to make

: 1105

00:51:06,375 --> 00:51:08,655

this decision of which to take.

: 1106

00:51:09,495 --> 00:51:14,085

And it was crazy, like a week after

we decided that we were adopting, I

: 1107

00:51:14,085 --> 00:51:17,385

got a call from my grandma and she's

telling me that she's gonna sell like

: 1108

00:51:17,415 --> 00:51:20,895

my dad's childhood home, which is

like the house that like we grew up

: 1109

00:51:21,195 --> 00:51:23,265

going to whenever we visited Colombia.

: 1110

00:51:23,715 --> 00:51:27,255

Um, and it's very meaningful to

me and I'd always wanted to take

: 1111

00:51:27,255 --> 00:51:31,695

Trey there and take him to Colombia

and like go to my grandma's house.

: 1112

00:51:31,695 --> 00:51:33,645

And so when she told me she's

selling her house and she has a

: 1113

00:51:33,645 --> 00:51:35,025

buyer and everything, I was like.

: 1114

00:51:35,985 --> 00:51:41,445

What, like we can't let this opportunity

go by like, Trey has to go see this

: 1115

00:51:41,445 --> 00:51:43,755

house and like, it was just like a lot.

: 1116

00:51:43,965 --> 00:51:46,935

It was hard for me to think of that

like Trey would've never gotten to see

: 1117

00:51:46,935 --> 00:51:48,825

this place that meant so much to me.

: 1118

00:51:49,425 --> 00:51:53,655

And so all of a sudden I was like, if

we want, if I want Trey to go see this

: 1119

00:51:53,655 --> 00:51:55,905

house, like we gotta fly to Colombia like.

: 1120

00:51:57,135 --> 00:51:58,305

Like now, you know?

: 1121

00:51:58,305 --> 00:51:59,115

Like, really soon.

: 1122

00:51:59,235 --> 00:51:59,295

Yeah.

: 1123

00:51:59,655 --> 00:52:02,865

And so I was like, okay, well

like maybe next month we can go

: 1124

00:52:02,865 --> 00:52:03,855

and we'll have to start planning.

: 1125

00:52:03,855 --> 00:52:05,415

Like already, that felt super soon to me.

: 1126

00:52:05,415 --> 00:52:09,795

I mean, Colombia is like, you

know, a whole different continent.

: 1127

00:52:09,825 --> 00:52:13,275

Like it just felt like

this like huge, huge trip.

: 1128

00:52:13,275 --> 00:52:13,605

Right.

: 1129

00:52:13,605 --> 00:52:15,435

And I was like, there's no

way we can get out there.

: 1130

00:52:15,795 --> 00:52:19,035

And then my dad happened to have

a business trip coming up and

: 1131

00:52:19,035 --> 00:52:22,815

so he called me and he was like,

I'm flying to Colombia tomorrow.

: 1132

00:52:23,955 --> 00:52:25,035

Do you wanna come with me?

: 1133

00:52:25,725 --> 00:52:27,045

Like, I'm already going.

: 1134

00:52:27,105 --> 00:52:28,365

You and Rey can just come.

: 1135

00:52:28,365 --> 00:52:29,475

It'll be easy.

: 1136

00:52:29,955 --> 00:52:30,975

But I'm leaving tomorrow.

: 1137

00:52:31,185 --> 00:52:31,425

Yeah.

: 1138

00:52:31,515 --> 00:52:33,525

And I'm like, why are you telling

me this with the last mom and dad?

: 1139

00:52:34,245 --> 00:52:38,325

But for some reason it didn't

seem crazy to me in that moment.

: 1140

00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:38,620

No.

: 1141

00:52:38,620 --> 00:52:41,420

Like, there was like you, you brought,

there was some sort of piece about it.

: 1142

00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:44,385

You brought this up to me,

you're like, should we go?

: 1143

00:52:44,385 --> 00:52:44,925

And I was like.

: 1144

00:52:46,605 --> 00:52:47,985

I, I don't see why not.

: 1145

00:52:47,985 --> 00:52:52,035

Like, I, like there was just this like

peace and this like desire and this just

: 1146

00:52:52,755 --> 00:52:54,285

peace is the only way to describe it.

: 1147

00:52:54,585 --> 00:52:59,265

So five days after we made the decision

that we were gonna adopt, we decided,

: 1148

00:52:59,265 --> 00:53:03,315

we booked a flight at like midnight or

: 11:00

: 1149

00:53:03,705 --> 00:53:03,945

Yeah.

: 1150

00:53:03,945 --> 00:53:06,495

Literally Trey bought the flight and

checked into the flight when he bought it.

: 1151

00:53:06,525 --> 00:53:06,885

Yes.

: 1152

00:53:06,930 --> 00:53:08,430

And so, and we literally

flew the next day.

: 1153

00:53:08,450 --> 00:53:09,945

And so we literally flew the next day.

: 1154

00:53:09,945 --> 00:53:12,975

We took a red eye, we flew to

Colombia and we spent a week there

: 1155

00:53:12,975 --> 00:53:18,015

with my family spending such quality

time with my grandma, my aunts,

: 1156

00:53:18,015 --> 00:53:19,845

my uncles, my little cousins.

: 1157

00:53:19,875 --> 00:53:21,135

It was amazing.

: 1158

00:53:21,195 --> 00:53:21,535

It was so fun.

: 1159

00:53:21,535 --> 00:53:25,070

Gotta see the house he grew up

in and yeah, it was beautiful and

: 1160

00:53:25,070 --> 00:53:28,785

something, and all the while, like,

we're just holding this in our hearts

: 1161

00:53:29,205 --> 00:53:30,915

that we know we're gonna adopt.

: 1162

00:53:30,945 --> 00:53:34,185

We don't know if it's gonna be

domestic in, uh, United States

: 1163

00:53:34,185 --> 00:53:35,835

or Colombian International.

: 1164

00:53:35,925 --> 00:53:36,135

Mm-hmm.

: 1165

00:53:36,915 --> 00:53:41,835

And this whole week while we're there,

like, I mean you kept bringing up like.

: 1166

00:53:42,405 --> 00:53:42,705

Alright.

: 1167

00:53:42,705 --> 00:53:44,415

Like, I want Colombian babies.

: 1168

00:53:44,415 --> 00:53:44,475

Yeah.

: 1169

00:53:44,745 --> 00:53:45,675

That's where my heart was.

: 1170

00:53:45,675 --> 00:53:48,855

I was, my heart was like more

towards the Colombian babies.

: 1171

00:53:48,945 --> 00:53:50,175

And you were excited about it?

: 1172

00:53:50,175 --> 00:53:51,135

I was so excited about it.

: 1173

00:53:51,135 --> 00:53:54,925

Like, and again, like I just kept

thinking like, I prayed for Trey

: 1174

00:53:54,925 --> 00:53:57,925

to be like excited and convicted

about some part of this process.

: 1175

00:53:58,315 --> 00:54:02,605

And for like the last few months

he couldn't like, let go of like

: 1176

00:54:02,605 --> 00:54:06,925

this, like for some reason this

interest in like a Hispanic baby.

: 1177

00:54:06,955 --> 00:54:07,135

Yeah.

: 1178

00:54:07,135 --> 00:54:10,495

Like the, my first, the first time

I got excited about adoption was

: 1179

00:54:10,585 --> 00:54:12,805

within the context of a Hispanic Yeah.

: 1180

00:54:12,805 --> 00:54:13,705

International adoption.

: 1181

00:54:13,850 --> 00:54:15,835

And then, and that stuck

with me ever since then.

: 1182

00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:15,870

Mm-hmm.

: 1183

00:54:15,950 --> 00:54:16,270

Mm-hmm.

: 1184

00:54:16,705 --> 00:54:19,585

And then being in Colombia, like it

just kept coming up and you're like,

: 1185

00:54:19,585 --> 00:54:23,095

ma Mari, like, let's not all Colombian

babies, like I want coon babies.

: 1186

00:54:23,100 --> 00:54:23,270

Yeah.

: 1187

00:54:23,485 --> 00:54:25,735

And in my heart I was like, okay.

: 1188

00:54:25,735 --> 00:54:28,675

Like I love that he's

so excited about this.

: 1189

00:54:28,675 --> 00:54:33,085

And this is obviously where my family's

from and I was feeling excitement

: 1190

00:54:33,085 --> 00:54:34,285

towards it too, because like.

: 1191

00:54:34,720 --> 00:54:37,690

Being with my family and my little

cousins, like, it just reminded

: 1192

00:54:37,690 --> 00:54:40,780

me like Colombian culture is

what feels like family to me.

: 1193

00:54:40,780 --> 00:54:42,070

That's what I grew up in.

: 1194

00:54:42,075 --> 00:54:42,165

Mm-hmm.

: 1195

00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:46,900

And I want that for a child, and I

want that like for our family too.

: 1196

00:54:46,930 --> 00:54:46,990

Yeah.

: 1197

00:54:47,410 --> 00:54:51,040

And so I was like growing in this desire,

and yet I still had a little bit in my

: 1198

00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:55,330

heart that was like, but I know that if

we adopt domestically in the us, like

: 1199

00:54:55,570 --> 00:54:58,510

we'll be able to go to the hospital

and pick up the baby as a newborn.

: 1200

00:54:58,930 --> 00:55:00,910

And that was something

I had always desired.

: 1201

00:55:01,450 --> 00:55:04,360

And I just kind of felt like anytime

I thought that the Lord like just

: 1202

00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:07,300

placed on my heart, like, trust me.

: 1203

00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:11,250

Like you'll have that . You'll have

that moment one day, like you'll hold

: 1204

00:55:11,250 --> 00:55:13,680

a newborn one day, but just trust me.

: 1205

00:55:13,680 --> 00:55:14,010

Mm-hmm.

: 1206

00:55:14,430 --> 00:55:17,580

And so, yeah, it was like another

little like kind of just this like extra

: 1207

00:55:17,580 --> 00:55:22,800

last surrender of like, okay, Lord,

I'm truly gonna let go of anything I

: 1208

00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:24,720

would've imagined and would've hoped.

: 1209

00:55:25,275 --> 00:55:26,805

What is it that you have for us?

: 1210

00:55:26,865 --> 00:55:30,405

And when we really got down

to it, like we both had such a

: 1211

00:55:30,405 --> 00:55:32,805

desire for Colombian adoption.

: 1212

00:55:33,015 --> 00:55:33,345

Yeah.

: 1213

00:55:33,350 --> 00:55:36,885

And, and so we got home like a

couple days after that trip and

: 1214

00:55:36,885 --> 00:55:38,785

we're like sitting at the dinner

table and we're like, okay, like.

: 1215

00:55:39,495 --> 00:55:43,515

Let's just walk through this

like mental exercise to kind

: 1216

00:55:43,515 --> 00:55:45,285

of see how each scenario feels.

: 1217

00:55:45,525 --> 00:55:49,035

So I was like walking Trey through

like, okay, like domestic adoption,

: 1218

00:55:49,035 --> 00:55:50,325

like what that would look like.

: 1219

00:55:50,325 --> 00:55:54,735

And you know, we do our paperwork and we

like close your eyes and imagine Yeah.

: 1220

00:55:54,735 --> 00:55:56,265

I was like, close your

eyes and imagine this Trey.

: 1221

00:55:56,355 --> 00:56:00,225

Like, you know, the adoption agent

calls us and they're like the mom,

: 1222

00:56:00,375 --> 00:56:04,965

you know, the mom, birth mom chose

you guys out of everybody and like

: 1223

00:56:04,965 --> 00:56:10,125

baby's born and you gotta come tomorrow

to Arizona to pick up your baby.

: 1224

00:56:10,125 --> 00:56:11,445

And how does that feel?

: 1225

00:56:11,445 --> 00:56:11,625

Right?

: 1226

00:56:11,625 --> 00:56:13,515

And we're like, and like you

fly to Arizona, you walk in the

: 1227

00:56:13,515 --> 00:56:14,985

hospital, you pick up the baby.

: 1228

00:56:14,985 --> 00:56:16,905

Like you kind of walk through the whole,

we walk through the whole process.

: 1229

00:56:16,905 --> 00:56:18,825

We're like, when we take this baby

home, like how does that feel?

: 1230

00:56:18,855 --> 00:56:20,475

And we were both like,

wow, that's awesome.

: 1231

00:56:20,475 --> 00:56:21,165

Like we can't wait.

: 1232

00:56:21,345 --> 00:56:22,635

That's like so exciting, so happy.

: 1233

00:56:22,635 --> 00:56:22,905

Yeah.

: 1234

00:56:23,355 --> 00:56:25,035

And then I'm like, okay,

now close your eyes again.

: 1235

00:56:25,575 --> 00:56:25,970

And we're like.

: 1236

00:56:26,930 --> 00:56:30,620

Getting a call from our Colombian

adoption agent saying that we got

: 1237

00:56:30,620 --> 00:56:33,710

matched with a child or babies.

: 1238

00:56:33,710 --> 00:56:36,890

I think in, in that scenario,

I was like, we got matched with

: 1239

00:56:36,890 --> 00:56:38,630

like babies is what I said.

: 1240

00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:39,830

Okay.

: 1241

00:56:39,830 --> 00:56:43,700

And I was like, and just imagine

like, then we get cleared to travel

: 1242

00:56:43,700 --> 00:56:47,150

and we're flying to Colombia ready

to pick up our babies and we pick

: 1243

00:56:47,150 --> 00:56:51,140

'em up and we're on our way home

with like, no, you don't even finish.

: 1244

00:56:51,140 --> 00:56:52,130

You're not able to finish.

: 1245

00:56:52,130 --> 00:56:52,190

Yeah.

: 1246

00:56:52,220 --> 00:56:54,680

Like explaining the picture.

: 1247

00:56:54,685 --> 00:56:54,735

Yeah.

: 1248

00:56:54,735 --> 00:56:56,870

Because like you're already crying.

: 1249

00:56:56,870 --> 00:56:56,930

Yeah.

: 1250

00:56:56,930 --> 00:57:00,500

I'm crying like in the middle of me,

like trying to paint this picture.

: 1251

00:57:00,500 --> 00:57:02,210

Like I can't even get through my words.

: 1252

00:57:02,240 --> 00:57:02,510

Yeah.

: 1253

00:57:02,660 --> 00:57:04,460

Because I literally

just break down crying.

: 1254

00:57:04,580 --> 00:57:04,850

Yeah.

: 1255

00:57:05,330 --> 00:57:07,100

And then I look over

and like Trey's crying.

: 1256

00:57:07,105 --> 00:57:07,175

Yeah.

: 1257

00:57:08,075 --> 00:57:09,155

I'm just like, okay, what are we doing?

: 1258

00:57:09,155 --> 00:57:13,085

Like this is like, we know the

decision and so we decided right then

: 1259

00:57:13,085 --> 00:57:14,815

and there, like it will be Colombia.

: 1260

00:57:14,915 --> 00:57:15,065

Mm-hmm.

: 1261

00:57:15,305 --> 00:57:21,665

Adoption and, and then shortly after

we're like, heck, why not just choose two?

: 1262

00:57:21,665 --> 00:57:23,615

Like we'll just say we're open to two.

: 1263

00:57:23,615 --> 00:57:28,445

Like we don't know what the Lord has for

us, so we're gonna say we're open to one

: 1264

00:57:28,445 --> 00:57:33,665

or two kids, a twins or a sibling pair

and whatever is available or like whatever

: 1265

00:57:33,665 --> 00:57:35,555

comes first, whatever the Lord has for us.

: 1266

00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:35,740

Mm-hmm.

: 1267

00:57:36,065 --> 00:57:38,795

Like, that'll be our kid or kiddos.

: 1268

00:57:38,870 --> 00:57:39,160

Yeah.

: 1269

00:57:39,485 --> 00:57:39,785

Yeah.

: 1270

00:57:39,785 --> 00:57:40,445

It was weird.

: 1271

00:57:40,445 --> 00:57:40,680

It was like.

: 1272

00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:43,350

God, just put that on our heart.

: 1273

00:57:43,530 --> 00:57:45,990

Like we had never talked

about adopting two kids.

: 1274

00:57:45,990 --> 00:57:47,130

Like we thought we'd adopt one.

: 1275

00:57:47,190 --> 00:57:49,950

But like what happened was we were

on the phone with the Yeah, colo,

: 1276

00:57:49,950 --> 00:57:52,110

the Colombian adoption agency.

: 1277

00:57:52,110 --> 00:57:58,070

And she asked us, well, I mentioned,

I told her like, oh, okay, okay, okay.

: 1278

00:57:58,230 --> 00:58:02,130

So there's like this like low

key dream I had where I was

: 1279

00:58:02,130 --> 00:58:04,140

like, I think I would love twins.

: 1280

00:58:04,170 --> 00:58:06,540

Like I would be so down to adopt twins.

: 1281

00:58:06,570 --> 00:58:09,540

And so I kind of told this to the

Colombia adoption agent, and I was like,

: 1282

00:58:09,930 --> 00:58:11,880

we're super open to twins, by the way.

: 1283

00:58:11,880 --> 00:58:13,650

Like we would totally take twins.

: 1284

00:58:13,655 --> 00:58:13,935

Yeah.

: 1285

00:58:14,220 --> 00:58:16,530

And she was like, oh,

you're open to two babies.

: 1286

00:58:16,770 --> 00:58:17,760

Oh, what about a sibling pair?

: 1287

00:58:17,910 --> 00:58:19,080

And I was like, wait.

: 1288

00:58:19,620 --> 00:58:22,860

Oh, like, then we're like,

we've thought about that.

: 1289

00:58:22,860 --> 00:58:24,390

We talked about it, but like, okay.

: 1290

00:58:24,395 --> 00:58:24,735

Like, yeah.

: 1291

00:58:24,735 --> 00:58:26,055

And so then I don't think I would say no.

: 1292

00:58:26,370 --> 00:58:27,870

And so then she started

explaining the scenario.

: 1293

00:58:27,870 --> 00:58:30,750

She's like, well, yeah, like sometimes

there's young sibling pairs and you

: 1294

00:58:30,750 --> 00:58:35,100

know, like, what if there's a little

like 2-year-old and a six month old?

: 1295

00:58:35,100 --> 00:58:37,080

Like, would you be open to that?

: 1296

00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:37,980

And I was like.

: 1297

00:58:39,075 --> 00:58:42,225

Well, if you actually called me and

said like, there's these babies,

: 1298

00:58:42,225 --> 00:58:43,785

like, I don't think I would say no.

: 1299

00:58:43,845 --> 00:58:44,145

Yeah.

: 1300

00:58:44,235 --> 00:58:45,795

Like I don't think I could say no.

: 1301

00:58:45,795 --> 00:58:46,245

Exactly.

: 1302

00:58:46,245 --> 00:58:48,795

So, so then that really showed

me like that there's like, there

: 1303

00:58:48,795 --> 00:58:50,175

was an openness to like Yeah.

: 1304

00:58:50,535 --> 00:58:51,315

Multiple children.

: 1305

00:58:51,375 --> 00:58:51,465

Mm-hmm.

: 1306

00:58:52,245 --> 00:58:53,080

And like whatever the Lord has.

: 1307

00:58:53,110 --> 00:58:53,400

Yeah.

: 1308

00:58:53,520 --> 00:58:53,590

Whatever the Lord has.

: 1309

00:58:53,590 --> 00:58:53,715

Yeah.

: 1310

00:58:53,925 --> 00:58:54,795

Whatever the Lord has.

: 1311

00:58:54,795 --> 00:58:58,095

So anyways, we told the adoption agent

that we're open to one or two babies

: 1312

00:58:58,095 --> 00:58:59,655

and we don't know what's gonna happen.

: 1313

00:58:59,655 --> 00:58:59,895

Right.

: 1314

00:58:59,895 --> 00:59:01,035

We've given it all to the Lord.

: 1315

00:59:01,035 --> 00:59:03,075

Maybe he has one for us, maybe he has two.

: 1316

00:59:03,315 --> 00:59:03,405

Mm-hmm.

: 1317

00:59:03,645 --> 00:59:07,425

Maybe one day we'll adopt multiple

from Colombia or from the us.

: 1318

00:59:07,425 --> 00:59:11,175

Who knows At this point, like

we're so radically open to however

: 1319

00:59:11,175 --> 00:59:12,705

God wants to build our family.

: 1320

00:59:13,045 --> 00:59:16,675

So we might be adopting

one or two babies Yeah.

: 1321

00:59:16,735 --> 00:59:18,475

In the foreseeable future.

: 1322

00:59:18,835 --> 00:59:20,155

It's quite a process.

: 1323

00:59:20,155 --> 00:59:23,275

And we're kind of at the, at this

point when we're telling you all this

: 1324

00:59:23,275 --> 00:59:24,505

story, we're at the very beginning.

: 1325

00:59:24,505 --> 00:59:24,565

Yeah.

: 1326

00:59:24,565 --> 00:59:26,395

We're not quite sure when we're

sharing all this publicly.

: 1327

00:59:26,755 --> 00:59:31,345

So, um, we're at the very

beginning of this story, and.

: 1328

00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:36,610

It's about a year, year and a half,

um, on average could be longer,

: 1329

00:59:36,610 --> 00:59:40,240

could be shorter, um, from the time

that you begin to, the time that

: 1330

00:59:40,240 --> 00:59:42,280

you get matched, um, with a baby.

: 1331

00:59:42,380 --> 00:59:46,820

So the first step right now is like

getting accepted into the agency

: 1332

00:59:46,820 --> 00:59:48,560

and then starting the home study.

: 1333

00:59:48,740 --> 00:59:48,860

Mm-hmm.

: 1334

00:59:49,100 --> 00:59:50,750

And then do all that paperwork.

: 1335

00:59:50,750 --> 00:59:54,410

And then, uh, for our case, it's

international, so then we will send it

: 1336

00:59:54,410 --> 00:59:56,390

all to the United States government.

: 1337

00:59:56,390 --> 00:59:59,180

They work with the Colombian

government, so we have to do

: 1338

00:59:59,180 --> 01:00:00,710

both work with both governments.

: 1339

01:00:01,070 --> 01:00:03,440

Uh, everything has to get, get translated.

: 1340

01:00:04,040 --> 01:00:06,710

And then once all that's done,

then we're in the waiting pool.

: 1341

01:00:07,055 --> 01:00:08,825

In the waiting period to get matched.

: 1342

01:00:09,065 --> 01:00:11,045

That could take who knows how long.

: 1343

01:00:11,255 --> 01:00:11,495

Mm-hmm.

: 1344

01:00:11,735 --> 01:00:15,665

Um, and then once we match then we'll

fly down to Colombia and we'll be

: 1345

01:00:15,665 --> 01:00:20,075

there for about a month to finalize the

adoption in Colombia, do the court date.

: 1346

01:00:20,075 --> 01:00:20,165

Mm-hmm.

: 1347

01:00:20,470 --> 01:00:24,425

And then we have to, I think, get the

immigration approved and then come back.

: 1348

01:00:24,875 --> 01:00:29,705

Um, so yeah, I mean, we're probably

a year, I mean, from right now,

: 1349

01:00:29,705 --> 01:00:32,345

the time we're recording, we're a

year, year and a half out from Yeah.

: 1350

01:00:32,375 --> 01:00:35,465

Um, matching and picking up

the, the kid or kiddos and Yeah.

: 1351

01:00:35,615 --> 01:00:36,545

We couldn't be more excited.

: 1352

01:00:36,545 --> 01:00:38,135

We couldn't be more excited.

: 1353

01:00:38,135 --> 01:00:42,635

It's, it's crazy to finally be able to

say that like, we're gonna become parents.

: 1354

01:00:42,635 --> 01:00:43,025

Mm-hmm.

: 1355

01:00:43,031 --> 01:00:43,230

And.

: 1356

01:00:44,540 --> 01:00:47,960

Uh, the ages of these babies

or baby that we're picking up,

: 1357

01:00:47,960 --> 01:00:49,880

like we don't know yet, right?

: 1358

01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:51,170

Like, but they're likely not.

: 1359

01:00:51,200 --> 01:00:52,340

They're, they're not newborns.

: 1360

01:00:52,340 --> 01:00:55,370

I think the youngest it could

possibly be is a couple months old.

: 1361

01:00:55,760 --> 01:01:00,650

Um, and so what's crazy to think about is

like these babies could already be alive.

: 1362

01:01:00,650 --> 01:01:04,220

They could already be in their mother's

womb or they could already be born.

: 1363

01:01:04,640 --> 01:01:07,940

Um, so we are praying for them so much.

: 1364

01:01:07,940 --> 01:01:14,000

We're praying for the birth mom so much

and for a healthy pregnancy, um, and for

: 1365

01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:19,940

safety and yeah, just like as, as much

as she can to care for these babies that.

: 1366

01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:21,830

Are gonna be ours one day.

: 1367

01:01:21,830 --> 01:01:25,070

So yeah, we just wanna share our

story with you and then also invite

: 1368

01:01:25,070 --> 01:01:30,350

you guys to join us in prayer if you

want to, um, pray for our family.

: 1369

01:01:30,380 --> 01:01:31,820

Pray for patience.

: 1370

01:01:31,820 --> 01:01:37,820

Pray for us to just have the grace to

persevere 'cause this is also a bit of

: 1371

01:01:37,820 --> 01:01:41,900

an intense journey, as I've heard from,

from people that have gone through it.

: 1372

01:01:41,900 --> 01:01:43,430

So, prayers for us.

: 1373

01:01:43,430 --> 01:01:44,660

Prayers for the mama.

: 1374

01:01:44,660 --> 01:01:45,950

Prayers for the babies.

: 1375

01:01:46,340 --> 01:01:46,670

Um, yeah.

: 1376

01:01:46,670 --> 01:01:48,410

And just for this process to be smooth.

: 1377

01:01:48,415 --> 01:01:48,605

Mm-hmm.

: 1378

01:01:48,690 --> 01:01:49,700

And quick, please.

: 1379

01:01:49,850 --> 01:01:50,030

Yes.

: 1380

01:01:50,030 --> 01:01:51,200

We're so excited.

: 1381

01:01:51,350 --> 01:01:54,650

And one thing that Mar and I are

doing is on Fridays we're gonna

: 1382

01:01:54,650 --> 01:01:58,790

be having like specific prayer

and fasting for this intention.

: 1383

01:01:58,940 --> 01:02:03,080

And so invite you if you want

to join us on Fridays, uh, with

: 1384

01:02:03,080 --> 01:02:04,325

prayer and fasting for mm-hmm.

: 1385

01:02:04,610 --> 01:02:05,660

This adoption process.

: 1386

01:02:05,780 --> 01:02:06,140

Yeah.

: 1387

01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:07,190

It can be anything you want.

: 1388

01:02:07,190 --> 01:02:14,845

It can be a short prayer, um, a mass a

Eucharistic adoration, um, in whatever way

: 1389

01:02:14,845 --> 01:02:18,715

you wanna participate, like your prayer is

the biggest gift that you could give us.

: 1390

01:02:18,775 --> 01:02:22,645

Um, and we're so grateful for all of you

that will be joining us on this journey.

: 1391

01:02:22,705 --> 01:02:25,945

Um, spiritually praying for us and

for our future kids and our family.

: 1392

01:02:25,950 --> 01:02:26,070

Yeah.

: 1393

01:02:26,507 --> 01:02:28,907

Thanks for joining us and just

supporting us on our journey.