Episode 13

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Published on:

12th Jun 2024

13: The Key To a God-Centered Marriage & Top Lessons From Our First 3 Years

Key Lessons and Practical Tips for Building a Strong Faith-Centered Marriage

Mari and Trey discuss their experiences and lessons learned from their first three years of marriage. They cover the importance of nurturing a Christ-centered marriage, and the importance of key virtues like faith, love, and sacrifice. The episode provides practical tips for maintaining and enriching a marriage, including strategies for dealing with love languages, keeping the relationship fun and special, navigating conflicts, and emphasizing honesty, teamwork, and daily prayer.The episode offers practical insights for couples seeking to deepen their connection and live out their vocation of marriage with a strong foundation of faith.

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Transcript
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Hey, I'm your host, Mari Wagner, and you're listening to the ever

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be podcast where faith meets lifestyle.

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I'm so excited you're here, whether you're

a new listener or a longtime follower,

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I know there's something here for you.

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Pull up a chair and listen in for

insightful real life conversations

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and actionable steps on how to claim

the full life God created you for.

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If you're a woman desiring to live

a Christ centered life in today's

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modern world, then this is for you.

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Welcome to Ever Be.

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trey---mari_3_06-11-2024_121713: Hi Trey.

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We're back.

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You and me on another episode of

ever being excited to be here.

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And today we're going to be talking about

marriage, specifically some of the biggest

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lessons that we've learned in our three

years of marriage, three years already.

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I can't believe it.

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I know it's actually

gone by so, so, so fast.

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So disclaimer, okay.

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We're only three years and we

are still, still newlyweds.

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We still consider this newlyweds.

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I actually think.

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Like, I don't know if it's like

factually or statistically, it's

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like, you're technically a newlywed.

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I think until like five years of

marriage, like maybe, I guess.

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Yeah.

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In the grand scheme of things, when

you're married for, I don't know,

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60 years, like 10 years is a lot.

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Is really soon into that timeline.

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So second disclaimer, we do not have

children, so anything we share on

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this will be from our perspective of

children, but it is our experience.

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And even though we've been married

for only three years, we've learned

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a lot of things along the way.

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Yeah.

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And I think that we also just, we're

really blessed to receive a really

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unique and beautiful formation,

especially in our engagement,

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in our early years of marriage.

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When we were serving as missionaries with

focus, because as a missionary, you have.

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A lot of formation that goes into

your training to be a missionary.

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A lot of top notch formation.

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Yes, exactly.

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Like we're learning from like top

theologians in the Catholic world

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and speakers and amazing examples of

holy men and women who are striving

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to be saints through their vocation

of being a wife and a husband.

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Yeah.

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Both in like the context of our

vocation of marriage, but also just in.

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Being a human formation with virtue

training and training on the Catholic

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churches, theology on what man and woman

is, and just overall human formation

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as well as you, the body and all the

virtue training that we received.

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It's, it's been a, been a

very fun informative journey.

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Yeah, it was such a blessing.

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And I know that in many conversations

that I've had with college students who

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are discerning to be a focus missionary,

if they're kind of on the fence, 1 thing

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train, I always say is that, like, at the

very least, it is such good training for.

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The vocation of marriage and for being

a Christian and for sure for being

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a Christian, but in a, in a sense

where you wouldn't think like as a

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very baseline reason to apply to be a

missionary, obviously there's so many

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reasons to apply, but very baseline

reason is it helps you be such a

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good Catholic, which therefore trains

you so well to strive to be a good

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wife and husband in your marriage.

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Um, so we'll just say that like.

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What we share, you know, maybe the

grace of God has given us this wisdom,

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but a lot of it has just been things

that we have learned from many other

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amazing, holy men and women who have far

more experience than us and are older

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than us and have beautiful families.

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And so, uh, with that, let's

just kind of dive into.

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Our top lessons learned.

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Let's get into it.

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So we got married in 2021.

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Like I said, three years ago, we

got married straight out of college.

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So we were babies when

we, when we got married.

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And one thing that I love about

that is that we basically like are

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growing into adulthood together.

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Yeah.

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Um, which doesn't make

one marriage better.

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Than the other like you could get

married at 27 and like it'll be a

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beautiful marriage as well or 35

or 35 um, but we got married at 23.

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Yeah, I think we were 23 and 22.

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Yeah 23 and 22 Um pretty soon out of

college and we learned how to Like

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start living adult life together.

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And one of the advantages that I

have experienced in our kind of like

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a young marriage scenario is that

you're building your life together.

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And so it allowed us to kind of like.

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Share, have this like shared vision of

what we wanted our future to be, kind

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of have the shared vision of, um, how to

build our family, like, uh, practices that

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we're going to have in our adult life.

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And I feel like that that set a

beautiful foundation for us to kind

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of always view our relationship as

a team, which we'll get into, um, as

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one of the things that we've learned.

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But, um, we always kind of have

this like beautiful, like team

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aspect to everything we approach.

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Yeah, absolutely.

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And that's a huge encouragement

for all you young people out there.

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Get married young.

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It's amazing.

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Yes.

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A hundred percent.

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If the Lord is calling you to get

married young, do not hesitate.

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Um, it's been so fun.

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You can build your life together.

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And as Catholics, the way we look at

marriage is a truly, truly a vocation.

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And so what that means is it's the way

that God has called us to get to heaven.

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That's ultimately our path to heaven.

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And so the way that we look at marriage

and the way that we're going to be

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discussing it here on this podcast is

through this Catholic lens of how we

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can ultimately Get to heaven because

that is our ultimate destination and

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how marriage, the joys and the trials

and the struggles and the sufferings

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ultimately are what lead us to heaven.

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Yeah, so from the beginning of our

relationship and our marriage, our goal

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has always been to have a foundation

of like a God centered relationship.

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And I think we set a lot of those,

you know, foundational stones, like

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in your dating relationship, and

that's super important in dating and

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engagement to have that be your focus.

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So you can translate that into marriage,

but even continuing into marriage,

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I feel like that's, that's the lens

that like, we're going to be talking.

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About all our like tips and everything

we've learned through, um, how it's

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all how we view our marriage and how we

view loving each other well through this

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lens of putting God at the center first.

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And what is a God centered

marriage look like?

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And if God is in the center of

our marriage, it all really has to

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start with God being the center of

our individual lives and like our

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relationship with God has to be solid

in order for us to be able to pour.

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In a, you know, trying to, you know, pour

holy love into each other has to come from

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a place of a strong relationship with God.

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So what we feel like is the key to

a God centered marriage are really

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focusing on three different like virtues.

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That's faith, love, and sacrifice.

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So faith, like I just said, really the

idea that to have a strong God centered

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marriage, you have to have a strong

relationship with God yourself and make

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sure that your relationship with each

other is being constantly rooted in faith.

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And in God.

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Yeah.

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It's about putting first things first.

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We first need to have

our own house in order.

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We need to have a personal

living faith with Jesus Christ.

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And then from that relationship, we can

better and more effectively pour into

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our own marriage and I think beyond

that too, it's also about rooting your

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marriage in the church and like in, in

your faith, like in the Catholic faith.

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Um, the Catholic faith has so

many beautiful and rich teachings.

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On marriage, on family life.

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And so really taking the time to learn

about that, to study that, to kind of

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draw from this wellspring of knowledge

to be able to form ourselves in some way.

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To know, like how to be a good Catholic

wife, how to be a good Catholic husband.

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Cause the reality is not everybody.

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And most people aren't going to have an

opportunity like maybe we did, or people

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that are actively in ministry or in,

or like as a missionary in their life

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and their career, like they might not

have those opportunities of formation.

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Like most people are in the

working world and the corporate

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world, you know, out like trying

to be in the world, but not of it.

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And so trying to draw knowledge and, um,

inspiration from teachings of the church

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on, like Trey was saying, like just

personal human formation of like how to

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be a good Christian, how to grow in virtue

yourself and teachings of marriage and

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family life that the church offers us as

well to teach us specifically how to be

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a good wife and how to be a good husband.

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Yes.

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100 percent agree

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okay.

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Next is love.

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And essentially like the true, the

truest meaning of love that we have

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learned is willing the good of the other.

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I feel like you're really

good at talking about this.

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So this means ultimately like.

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Like Mari just said, willing

the good of the other, putting

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the other above yourself.

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So, if you're the man putting your

spouse's, your wife's needs above your

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own, and finding ways to lay down your

own life and sacrifice your own wants,

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desires, feelings, for the good of your

wife, so that she can be taken care

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of, she can be nourished, she can be

protected, she can be provided for.

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Uh, but also, uh, Having that be

a mutual respect from the wife and

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having the wife also simultaneously

laying down her desires, sacrificing

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her wants and her needs for the good

of her husband or for her family.

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and that is I mean obviously

everybody knows like love is the

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foundation of marriage but love

is not Reduced to a feeling or an

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emotional bond you may have with your

significant other, but is the choice.

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And it's an action of the will to

actually will to go to the other,

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even if you don't feel like it.

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And so that's something that like

is only going to get harder as we

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progress in our married years, but

we've already seen the challenges

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of, and they're just day to day life.

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And that is one of the ways, and

one of the reasons why vocation.

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Or why marriage is a vocation

because it challenges us daily to

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lay down our lives to will the good,

will the good of the other, even

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when we don't feel like it, right?

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Like you said, marriage is a vocation

and vocation, like a vocation is supposed

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to sanctify us and sanctification.

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I mean jesus never said

sanctification was easy, right?

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We talked about this this morning like

getting to heaven isn't easy Yeah, pick

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up your cross and follow me exactly

and so I think that's one thing that we

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need to keep in mind and one thing that

I Like think are like popular culture

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like worldly culture forgets um, I guess

it's not really in their like innate

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culture to lean into sacrifice, but

Luckily, our Catholic church shows us the

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beauty in that, but I think that that's

something that people forget in marriage.

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And maybe one of the reasons why

divorce rates are so high or marriage,

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you know, is such a difficult, uh,

vocation is because we forget that

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vocation with vocation comes sacrifice.

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And like you said, your vocation

and sanctification is pick up your

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cross and follow me until you're

going to encounter suffering,

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you're going to encounter sacrifice.

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You're going to have to.

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Lose yourself, die to yourself

and actively choose someone else.

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And so, you know, you hear the phrases

like, Oh, like we just fell out of love.

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And that kind of mindset shows that

you're reducing love to a feeling.

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Like Trey was saying, like, that's

not true love, reducing it to

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the butterflies and rainbows.

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And.

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While that that feeling of love is so

good and I mean it doesn't go away in

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marriage It's not like you just stop

loving each other But you don't have this

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like consistent like high every single

day for years and years and years So

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true love choosing the good of the other

like willing the good of the other Really

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comes down to how do I put my needs aside?

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How do I choose?

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What is good?

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For my husband, what is good for

our marriage, for our family over

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what maybe I selfishly want in this

moment, you know, and if it's hard,

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you know, how can I choose what

is hard over what is just easy.

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Yeah.

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And this leads right into that third

virtue that we talked about, we're going

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to talk about it with, which is sacrifice.

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Yeah.

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And they go hand in hand because you

can't have love without sacrifice.

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Jesus shows us that most

beautifully with his testimony, his

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witness, especially on the cross.

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And.

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Um, and that was one of the

hardest lessons that I learned

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in my first year of marriage.

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And I don't think it's uncommon, but just

how much you have to die to yourself.

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I think that was by far and away

the hardest lesson that I'm still

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learning and still struggling through.

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But thankfully, by the grace

of God, I've grown in a little

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bit in the past three years.

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But that first year especially was

learning to die to yourself and,

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uh, just put you in My beloved above

myself and that that's, that's hard.

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And, but that's good as what I need.

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And I think that's what most people

need through their vocation is to

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learn how to sacrifice and put the

needs of another above yourself.

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Yeah, I think also sacrifice

can be lived out in so many

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different ways within marriage.

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Um, and The full spectrum is important.

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I think maybe those first five years of

marriage, at least for my conversations

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with girlfriends who are newly married

and, you know, books that we've read kind

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of are some of the hardest for like those

bigger ones, like you were saying, kind of

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like really like losing your old self and

like dying to your old single self, like

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what you were used to and just, you know,

being in charge and in control and having

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a say of your own life and not, you know,

having anybody impact those decisions,

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um, is one thing, or, you know, maybe

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Even like changing your schedule and

giving of your time more with another

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person and spending less time with friends

or going out or, or whatever that is.

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Um, Or even just choosing what to

eat that day or where to go out

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to eat or what to cook for dinner.

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Like those are just daily, minute

decisions that now You are no longer

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1000 percent in control of right?

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Yeah, and then it leads us to those

to those little sacrifices to of just

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like oh I'm super tired today, but

I'm gonna choose to do the dishes So

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my husband doesn't have to do them

or you know Mari has to spend more

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time getting ready this morning.

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So I'm going to make her breakfast because

if I don't, she's going to be a hangry

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person and I'm going to choose to do that

instead of start work or whatever it is.

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So it even goes down to those little

things which start coming more

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naturally when you start thinking

of the other person more or thinking

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of them even more than yourself and

what you might want in that moment.

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Even those little sacrifices I think go a

long way and get easier to um, over time.

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Yeah, I think.

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I've talked to friends about this,

about the beautiful ordering in which

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we're called to live, whereas it's first

marriage and you learn how to sacrifice

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and you learn how to put the needs of

another ahead of your own and to learn to

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like make these daily sacrifices or deaths

to self so that then once kids come,

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It'll be an even further stretching, but

you have at least have some preparation

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and some practice as opposed to having

it in the reverse, where all of a sudden

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you have a child and they're dependent

on you for every single need and you

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haven't had any practice in that.

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So it's a very beautiful ordering

that the church gives us by saying

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marriage first, then children.

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And we just hope that like,

while we're in these years before

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children, that we are forming

ourselves and we're practicing these.

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Sacrifices in this this way of life

that we're learning how to live

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now together so that we can better

Love our family as we do have kids.

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Yeah okay.

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So this sets really like a

solid foundation for how to

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have a God centered marriage.

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And if you only listen up to this

point, I think you got some really

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valuable information out of that.

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Faith, love and sacrifice.

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Yeah.

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But now we're going to go into a few

other like practical things and just

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specific experiences that we had in

our first three years of marriage.

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And I think right off the bat in

our first year, We kept running into

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this idea of like, marriage is hard.

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Like throughout our engagement, we've

heard a lot of people talk about

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how, Oh, wow, marriage is so hard.

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It's so beautiful, but it's so hard.

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And I think at first it kind

of bothered us to hear that.

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And I think it's good to share that

in like a healthy amount, but not like

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overdo it when you're talking to an

engaged person, because in the end,

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like they're so excited to get married.

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So that's a no on that.

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But we, you know, we heard like

marriage is hard, marriage is hard.

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And.

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Our first few months of marriage

were really, really beautiful.

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And we were like, what

are you talking about?

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Like marriage is so easy.

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Like marriage is so fun.

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Like, I don't know why

people say marriage is hard.

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But I think pretty soon into that

first year of marriage, we couldn't

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really put our finger on it yet.

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But at some point we kind of realized like

a point of tension that we were having

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was, uh, it came down to love languages

and how we each received and gave love.

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And that was kind of, um, a

difficulty that we had in that first

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year that we, that made us realize

like, Oh, maybe this is one of

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the reasons why marriage is hard.

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Yeah.

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It just felt like we just

kept missing each other.

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Like we kept trying to love the other

person well, but it was never being

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received or we each individually felt

like the other person wasn't doing

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a good job loving us and it, we were

just, we just kept missing each other.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I remember us having like a few

different conversations where.

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Either you or I were sitting down with the

other person like I like need more of this

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Like I not that I didn't think you loved

me But it was like I don't feel loved like

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I need these things to feel loved and you

were like Well, I don't feel very loved

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like I need these things to feel loved

and it was always like it was Kind of hard

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conversations because the other person, I

mean, all you want is to love your spouse.

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All you want is for them to feel loved.

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And so when you hear this, like, yeah,

I don't really feel loved by you lately.

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It's like, Oh my gosh, like, I'm

just, I remember feeling like I'm

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just trying my best out here to love,

like, how could you not feel loved?

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And I think the same way, if I

was like, I don't feel loved.

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And you were like, literally

I'm doing so much for you.

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Like, how could you not feel loved?

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And.

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I think after a few of these

conversations, we really sat down

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to be like, okay, why exactly

do we keep missing each other?

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Why do we keep feeling like we're

loving each other as best we can?

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And it's like not being received.

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And we really boiled it down

to love languages, which we had

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talked about throughout our dating.

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But I think when it really came

down to Every day moments in

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marriage, you naturally revert

back to what is easiest to you.

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And in our experience, what's easiest

to you is the way you receive love

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best, because obviously that's

what makes you feel the most loved.

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And so usually that's what

you're most inclined to give.

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Yeah.

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You're like, Oh, well,

this makes me feel loved.

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Then I'll do this to my spouse because it.

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We'll make them feel loved.

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I mean, it's obvious why we would do that.

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And so for me, my top love language,

also, if you haven't heard of love

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languages, just do a quick Google search.

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It's super valuable and super important.

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I think, especially in like a romantic

relationship, a serious relationship

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to learn what your love language is.

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It's basically how you best feel loved,

how you best receive and give love.

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Um, And so mine is physical touch.

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That's like my top one.

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And Trey's top one is acts of service, and

so for me, for someone who has physical

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touch as their top love language, the way

I'm going to feel the most loved is like

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a hug or Trey holding my hand or a kiss or

even like putting down what I'm doing and

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going, Sitting on the couch with you and.

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Yes, exactly.

358

:

And so I think my second one

might be quality time too.

359

:

And so sometimes those

kind of go hand in hand.

360

:

Cause you have to like stop what you're

doing, but also it can be something as

361

:

simple as like, we're just walking by

and he'll just like brush my shoulder,

362

:

you know, or like, Or the, the back rubs.

363

:

And I love back rubs,

back rubs are the best.

364

:

Um, I've talked about this with other

girlfriends who are married and are also

365

:

physical touch as like their top love

language and literally it's hilarious.

366

:

Even as simple as like, I have

to be touching him at all times.

367

:

Like if we're just on the couch and we're

like, not fully cuddling, like my feet

368

:

will like be under his leg or something

because I just like want to touch it.

369

:

We'll just be sitting at a desk

or like at a coffee shop and

370

:

I'll just feel you're there.

371

:

I'm just like, I'm not

trying to play footsie.

372

:

I just like want to touch you.

373

:

And so that's how I feel the most love.

374

:

Trey, how do you feel the most loved?

375

:

I feel the most loved

with acts of service.

376

:

The things that would make me feel

the most loved is if I had a long

377

:

day and I'm tired, Mari doing the

dishes at the end of the meal or.

378

:

If she would do the laundry and then

like actually fold it and put it away

379

:

in my closet so I don't have to fold

it because I hate folding or, you know,

380

:

going out of her way to run an errand

to pick something up from the store

381

:

so that I wouldn't have to do that.

382

:

So those are just simple ways that that

would make me feel loved much more than.

383

:

Like, not that that doesn't make me feel

loved, but it wouldn't make, wouldn't

384

:

fill my heart as much as Mari actually

doing some sort of service oriented action

385

:

so that then I wouldn't have to do it.

386

:

Yeah, I think even as something

as simple as like, Will you,

387

:

you know, you're on the couch.

388

:

You're like, Oh, my phone's dead.

389

:

Like, could you grab a charger?

390

:

And like, just the act of

like getting off the couch.

391

:

Cause that sucks for everybody.

392

:

When you're a company on the couch, you

know, like you don't want to get off.

393

:

Like even that kind of, that's something

that I learned that like makes you

394

:

feel loves, like when you go out of

your way to like, just kind of break

395

:

the comfortability you're in, that's

like a little sacrifice, you know, in a

396

:

small way that you can just show, like,

yeah, I'll get up and do this for you.

397

:

Totally.

398

:

And so what we experienced was

we were trying to love each

399

:

other in these ways, right?

400

:

Like.

401

:

I would like smother Trey with

hugs and kisses all day to be like,

402

:

Oh my gosh, I love you so much.

403

:

Like just to show him all this love

that I had and Trey was like serving

404

:

in every way that he could, you know?

405

:

Like getting up early in the morning

and like making breakfast or like making

406

:

sure that like dishes were clean at the

end of the night, even if we're tired or

407

:

like the countless times that I forget my

water when I'm in bed and he gets up and

408

:

fills up water or when I'm on the couch

and you know, I need, I need something

409

:

like he would always do these things.

410

:

And yet we would have these

conversations where we were like, I

411

:

don't really feel fully loved by you.

412

:

And so we started talking about

it and we started realizing like.

413

:

From my perspective, like, Oh my

gosh, how could you not feel loved?

414

:

I'm kissing you all day long.

415

:

Yes, exactly.

416

:

And then on the flip side, I'm telling

Marley, how do you not feel loved?

417

:

Like I do all of these things for

you, but what it comes down to, or

418

:

what it came down to for us was.

419

:

Mario would have much rather me

not do the dishes and just sat

420

:

on the couch and cuddled her.

421

:

That would have been so much more of

an act of love for you that you would

422

:

have received it in that way than

being like, Oh, well, the dishes had

423

:

to get done and you just did them.

424

:

So thanks, I guess.

425

:

But like, I really wanted

you on the couch with me.

426

:

Right?

427

:

Exactly.

428

:

Exactly.

429

:

Or even something as small as like, In

the middle of the day, you just come and

430

:

like, give me a hug, you know what I mean?

431

:

Just like, or we're out in public

and you're just like, hold my

432

:

hand, like something like that.

433

:

And so I remember in these conversations,

I would be like, well, I really

434

:

appreciate, like, I always appreciated

when you did these things, you know,

435

:

I appreciated when you did the dishes

or some chore, like when are your

436

:

way to make breakfast in the morning

when I needed time to get ready.

437

:

And in my head, it was just

like, these are just things

438

:

that need to happen, you know?

439

:

And because my heart isn't oriented

to receive love in service act, in

440

:

acts of service as like the top, top

form of love, I was just like, well,

441

:

things are just getting done the

way they need to get done, you know?

442

:

But for someone who's acts of service,

this is like, like those little

443

:

sacrifices and the way you're serving

the other person is how you were

444

:

showing like, I love you and I want to

show you that and I want to serve you.

445

:

You don't have to do that.

446

:

It had to get done, but now

you don't have to do it.

447

:

And you could just sit on

the couch while I did it.

448

:

Exactly.

449

:

And so I think the challenge for us, and

also like, it's a beautiful challenge.

450

:

And I think that we've, we've

gotten better at it as time goes by.

451

:

And we'll only grow in it.

452

:

I hope is in moments when we

feel like love for each other.

453

:

At least I've noticed in

my heart, like, Oh, okay.

454

:

Like, Oh, I feel this

like love for my husband.

455

:

It kind of makes me stop a little bit.

456

:

I'm like, okay.

457

:

Can I do something for him?

458

:

You know, or when he asked something

and I'm sitting on the couch, I'll

459

:

think like, ah, like I don't want to

do it, but this could be a moment where

460

:

I could choose to love him, you know?

461

:

And so you start kind of being more

cognizant of those times and choosing

462

:

to flip the switch in your brain and

be like, okay, let me just pause for

463

:

a moment and be intentional about what

would my spouse want in this moment?

464

:

How would they feel the most loved?

465

:

Not what is, how do I want

to make them feel loved?

466

:

Okay.

467

:

Which is good, but going that step

further being, okay, not just what do

468

:

I want to do that's easy for me and

comfortable for me and like what I want

469

:

to do to make you feel loved, but what

will my spouse want most right now?

470

:

Because if I have these desires

to love my significant other,

471

:

let's try to love them and the way

that they will best receive it.

472

:

And I think too, we've also come to an

understanding of like, We now know the

473

:

most natural way that we each desire to

give love or the way that comes easiest

474

:

and we can still Appreciate those gestures

like we can still appreciate even more now

475

:

when I see Trey doing an active service

I know He's really trying to love me and

476

:

I can appreciate that more or Trey knows

now that when I come give him a hug he Can

477

:

appreciate that more Yeah, because that

is you just desiring to share your love.

478

:

Exactly.

479

:

Okay, the next big lesson I feel

like we've learned is the fact that

480

:

in order to have a beautiful, fun,

loving, special relationship, you

481

:

need to be intentional about that.

482

:

You need to put the effort in

to make it fun, loving, special,

483

:

intentional relationship.

484

:

Yeah, a lot of times people might

say, and I know Mario said this to

485

:

me, like, Oh, it doesn't feel like we

were like it was when we were dating.

486

:

Like the honeymoon phase is over

and people just kind of expect.

487

:

That to just be the case and

it just to be like, Oh, wow.

488

:

Well, you know, you only get that

in the beginning and now it's over.

489

:

Yeah.

490

:

And because of that, it was

like, when you're dating, you're

491

:

trying to make things special.

492

:

You're going out of your way.

493

:

You're doing things that

aren't the ordinary.

494

:

You're not doing just the mundane things,

but once you get married, like it's

495

:

no longer fun date nights every time

you see each other and it's not fun

496

:

vacations that you see if you're doing

long distance, it's just the day in and

497

:

day out grind of life and what we're

about to talk about is how to make those.

498

:

That mundaneness of life and how

to like keep a little bit of a

499

:

spark and keep things special.

500

:

Yeah, I love what you said about

how like when you're married.

501

:

The only times you see each other

isn't just the fun date nights, right?

502

:

It's like now the time that you spend

together is obviously like exponentially

503

:

more than when you were dating.

504

:

And now the moments you share, there's

more like mundane moments than like.

505

:

Fun, special moments.

506

:

And so I think that honestly, maybe even

just like a practical explanation of

507

:

why people say like, Oh, the honeymoon

honeymoon phase is over is because the

508

:

time you spend with each other, isn't

just like all these amazing date nights.

509

:

Plus when you're dating, I know one

thing we've talked about before, like

510

:

when you're dating, like you are making

the intentional effort to like Court the

511

:

other person to like woo the other person.

512

:

And so you're trying to do special things.

513

:

You're trying to make them fall in

love with you in the best way possible.

514

:

You know, like you're

trying to fall in love.

515

:

And so it makes sense.

516

:

And then when you're married, I

think that because the more moments

517

:

you share together are more of like

your mundane, every life, everyday

518

:

life moments, you might forget,

it's easier to forget of like.

519

:

I like still want to make this

person like fall in love with me.

520

:

Like I like want to

continue falling in love.

521

:

And so let's just talk about some like

practical ways that we have found that

522

:

have helped us just like keep a special

kind of like spark in our relationship.

523

:

And so one of the ways that

we do this is through small

524

:

intentional gifts and or letters.

525

:

I know there's been times where I'm

at the grocery store just picking up

526

:

something we either forgot from our

previous grocery run or I'm doing

527

:

the grocery shopping myself that

week and I'll grab flowers for you.

528

:

Or I'll see like a bar of chocolate

at the candy stand, check out

529

:

and I'll get that for you.

530

:

Cause you love chocolate, love chocolate.

531

:

So in flowers, I mean, truth is

men, if you're listening to this or

532

:

women play this episode again with

your man, so they can hear this.

533

:

I feel like women are so easy,

like chocolate and flowers, like,

534

:

that is 101 basics of women.

535

:

But you can never make

the claim women are easy.

536

:

Okay, fine, women aren't easy, but flowers

or chocolate will go such a long way.

537

:

Or I love what you said

about writing letters.

538

:

I think that that's something that we've

kind of tried to maintain throughout our

539

:

relationship, like through dating, and

a lot of search invading because we were

540

:

long distance and we just liked that

like old practice of writing letters.

541

:

Like, of course we texted and I mean,

we did not email, but the actual like

542

:

act of like a handwritten letter just

like showed this extra, like love that

543

:

we had for each other or just like a

more like of a romantic take on wanting

544

:

to share something with each other.

545

:

Or it could just be like

posted notes around the house.

546

:

Not that I'd do that.

547

:

Yeah, I've seen other people

do that start doing that.

548

:

That's really cute I've seen other people

do that where you're a little post it

549

:

notes and stick them around the house a

little love reminders Yeah and so with

550

:

the letters thing one thing that I did to

I feel like Make it more of a practice in

551

:

our relationship and feel free to steal

this because I think it's super fun and

552

:

cute is We had like special stationery.

553

:

I had like a specific special stationary.

554

:

She said He did not have stationary.

555

:

I had like a special stationary set

that was dedicated to like my love

556

:

letters to Trey or like any of the

letters that I like wrote to Trey.

557

:

And so they were all with

the same stationary set.

558

:

And if you've heard our love

story, I think it's episode two

559

:

or three or something like that.

560

:

You'll know what I mean by this, but

it had a shooting star on the front.

561

:

So pretty cute if you ask me.

562

:

And.

563

:

When I ran out of that stationery, I

just like bought a new set of stationery.

564

:

And so that's kind of in the practice that

we've had or that I've had to make that

565

:

even more special of like, this is like a

special stationery that I want to use for

566

:

our love letters and I've kept them all.

567

:

So I have a cute little box

where I have all our letters.

568

:

Cute little box that I bought you.

569

:

Yes, exactly.

570

:

What was that for?

571

:

Valentine's day?

572

:

or anniversary or something.

573

:

I think it was either

Valentine's Day or anniversary.

574

:

I think it was anniversary.

575

:

Yeah.

576

:

And so this is just an

example of like a cute gift.

577

:

It doesn't have to be elaborate, right?

578

:

No.

579

:

Like he went to a store and like bought

a cute little box that I can actually

580

:

keep all of our letters in instead of

having them scattered in my nightstand

581

:

or whatever it was that I had him.

582

:

And now that we're not long distance

and we're not writing letters as often

583

:

as we did when we were dating, right.

584

:

One thing, one practice that we've kept

up is we've got a little Polaroid camera

585

:

and on, whether it's just a day trip,

like a real road trip or a fun vacation,

586

:

we'll take that with us and capture

little Polaroids of those special moments.

587

:

Or we'll also just try to write letters

for like, important days, like birthdays

588

:

and anniversaries, stuff like that.

589

:

Yeah.

590

:

Okay, next.

591

:

I feel like when you talk

about date nights, I think

592

:

this is like an obvious thing.

593

:

You know, people always talk about

date nights, but it's so much

594

:

harder to prioritize than you

think, especially if you have kids,

595

:

which, like we said, we don't yet.

596

:

But I can only imagine how much harder

it is to prioritize once you do have

597

:

small Children than when you don't.

598

:

And even us who don't have kids

yet have found date nights.

599

:

Thanks.

600

:

It's challenging at times because you

just end up letting life take over,

601

:

whether it's work or travels or errands

that you have, or just like the every

602

:

day of being with the same person, you

forget sometimes how important and how.

603

:

Much of an impact intentional

date nights can go.

604

:

And so that's piece of advice.

605

:

Number two, practical tech number

two is prioritize date nights.

606

:

And this can look differently

for different couples.

607

:

Cause I know it also depends on

availability and time and stuff like that.

608

:

So some couples prioritize one date

night a week, and that's like, they're

609

:

set like sacred time, like no matter

what happens one date night a week,

610

:

or some couples do like once a month.

611

:

And I would do no less

than once a month for sure.

612

:

And with that, like, date nights don't

have to be elaborate or expensive.

613

:

Um, even if you have kids and you can't

really leave them with anybody, you can

614

:

do a date night at home after they go to

bed, or if you don't want to, you know,

615

:

go out to a fancy dinner and a movie,

or go do something, you know, that costs

616

:

money, you can do a date night in your

neighborhood, or, you know, drive to

617

:

a beautiful park and watch the sunset.

618

:

Um, Even something as simple as going on

a walk and just being away from your work,

619

:

away from your home, away from all the to

do's, away from all the mess and cleaning

620

:

that you might feel like you have to do.

621

:

But just getting out, having some

intentional time with your spouse

622

:

and try to make it romantic.

623

:

Like try to go an extra step

to not just resort to, Oh,

624

:

let's go to dinner for date.

625

:

But like, let's try to make it romantic.

626

:

And I know that that's something that.

627

:

We both have felt really loved

by when the other has actually

628

:

took the effort and time to plan

something, even if it's small.

629

:

But if there was a plan in place,

it goes so much further and it

630

:

makes the date so much more special.

631

:

Yeah.

632

:

And even making the date itself be a

surprise for the other person I think

633

:

is a really beautiful gift in itself.

634

:

I remember, um, I, and I know

this cause I was scrolling through

635

:

our marriage posts before this to

kind of like refresh our memory.

636

:

And there was a post where I reflected

on, we had just come back from a

637

:

trip and I think it was, yeah, we

came back on like a Sunday morning.

638

:

And so that day I was like, okay.

639

:

We came back from the trip and I just

wanted to focus on like resetting,

640

:

you know, like doing our laundry and

like getting ready for the next day

641

:

and making sure we had groceries.

642

:

And you came to me and said

that you actually wanted

643

:

to, you know, go on a date.

644

:

And I was like a little bit

like shocked, like, well, we

645

:

have all these things to do.

646

:

And you reminded me one, not only

that Sunday and like work can wait

647

:

and we can spend our Sunday, you

know, leisurely, but also you were

648

:

like, I think you said something like

time with each other is never wasted.

649

:

And so we changed the plans and we went

on a date at a brewery that we'd never

650

:

been to and just like talked on the patio.

651

:

And I mean, we didn't come out of that

date feeling stressed or sad or mad

652

:

that we didn't set up for the day.

653

:

And, and like you said, like time

with each other is never wasted

654

:

and time invested in your marriage

is always a good use of your time.

655

:

And so.

656

:

Even like surprise date nights or

surprise like date activities like

657

:

that where you don't expect it or where

it's like maybe out of the ordinary

658

:

or it wasn't planned in advance can be

really fun and spontaneous and romantic.

659

:

And even if it's not an actual date,

like taking time, especially in the

660

:

evenings to just decompress the day

together, get off your screens, maybe

661

:

don't watch the next episode of that

TV show that night and choose to just

662

:

sit on the couch together and look at

each other or just talk to each other.

663

:

Uh, I know this is something that Mari

really loves and I need to get better at.

664

:

But, uh, even just if you want to

get into bed and just before you

665

:

just go straight to sleep, but

look at each other and talk to each

666

:

other and go over the day together.

667

:

Talk about your plans for the next day.

668

:

Talk about your hearts, but

it's taking moments away from

669

:

your screens, especially.

670

:

Especially in the evenings to

just connect and find times.

671

:

It doesn't have to be elaborate.

672

:

It can be five minutes, but

just to connect with each other.

673

:

I'm sure women everywhere

are like, yes, Trey, this is

674

:

exactly what I'm talking about.

675

:

I'm getting better.

676

:

It's all right.

677

:

And obviously I think that

that's just like one of.

678

:

Like the biggest desires on a wife's

heart is just to spend intentional

679

:

time connecting with her husband and

literally just talking because we know

680

:

as women, we could talk for hours.

681

:

That's like all we really do

when we hang out and my dream.

682

:

I mean, you see all these things

that's like, Oh, marriage is

683

:

just like a sleepover with your

best friend every single day.

684

:

And you think back to like, what did I

do on sleepovers with my friends when

685

:

I was in middle school and high school?

686

:

Like we just stayed up till 2 a.

687

:

m, 2 a.

688

:

m.

689

:

Talking, I promise you guys,

sleepovers, were not like that.

690

:

and clearly guys, sleepovers,

were not like that.

691

:

So that whole thing of like marriage

is like a sleepover with your friend,

692

:

with your best friend every day I

think is like slightly misleading.

693

:

because I don't know

about your husband, but.

694

:

The second Trey gets into

bed, his eyes are closed.

695

:

Um, he doesn't really last very long.

696

:

I'm just hanging out and chatting in bed.

697

:

So if that works for you where you can

hang out in bed, that is so awesome.

698

:

If not know that and just

like do it on the couch.

699

:

Like he was saying, like.

700

:

Choose to end your day on the couch and

intentionally disconnect from screens.

701

:

I think that's so important.

702

:

And again, an obvious thing, but we

need to hear that reminder all the

703

:

time, because it's such an easy go

to to just like, pick up your screen

704

:

while you're talking your answer,

quick text while you're hanging out.

705

:

And even just the fact that like.

706

:

Maybe you could do something on your

phone really quickly while you're hanging

707

:

out, but like the intention of putting

it away completely, maybe like putting

708

:

it in another, in another room where

it's not even part of the night is a

709

:

really beautiful way to love each other.

710

:

Yeah.

711

:

It's something that we are

definitely trying to get better at.

712

:

Absolutely.

713

:

Always.

714

:

Not that good at it yet.

715

:

Yes.

716

:

Always, always trying to

disconnect from screens.

717

:

Um, the last thing I was going to say is,

Choose to feel those like special moments.

718

:

I think this is also something that

we've noticed in our relationship.

719

:

Like Trey said at the beginning, I think

in, in those first years of marriage,

720

:

you kind of start to realize like, this

is great, but like, it doesn't feel

721

:

exactly like it was when we were dating.

722

:

And like, you have that newly married

glow, but then at some point, I think

723

:

you, you realize that like when you were

dating, it was just this like constant

724

:

butterflies, like high moment of just

like, I cannot believe I am in love.

725

:

And then.

726

:

You're married.

727

:

And again, like you have all these more

mundane moments and that love is still

728

:

there, but it's not like fireworks all

the time, which is totally fine and normal

729

:

and common and good and good because

love shouldn't be reduced to a feeling.

730

:

But I think one thing that I reflected

on too, is who says it can't be special?

731

:

Like who says it can't be exciting?

732

:

Like maybe taking that extra step

to be like, I'm going to choose.

733

:

To be excited about this date, or I'm

going to choose to like feel giddy when

734

:

he hugs and kisses me unexpectedly,

even though like, yeah, I get a

735

:

kiss from my husband all the time.

736

:

Like that's normal, but like choosing to

be like, Oh, that's so cute and sweet.

737

:

Like, I love my husband.

738

:

I love when he kisses me, like choosing

to feel those butterflies and that

739

:

excitement, um, I think can be a way

to keep things special and exciting.

740

:

And just to even cherish that love

that you do have more and more.

741

:

Yeah.

742

:

And one little side note I'd add to

that is don't fall into the trap or

743

:

the temptation to compare the emotional

state of how you feel towards each other.

744

:

And those, the number of those giddy

moments toward don't compare them

745

:

to the times when you were dating

because they are, you're in different

746

:

states of life and just because it

didn't feel like it did when you were

747

:

dating does not mean you're any less

in love or any Like the relationship

748

:

is not as good as it was before.

749

:

Uh, those comparisons can be a

trap and can lead to unhappiness.

750

:

Ultimately.

751

:

Yeah.

752

:

Like enjoy the moments with your

spouse, make, make moments special.

753

:

Uh, but have peace in

the, where you're at and.

754

:

Don't need to compare always to

back to when you were dating.

755

:

Yeah.

756

:

Okay.

757

:

Next practical tip is showing

interest in each other's hobbies.

758

:

Intentionally cultivating hobbies

together or intentionally cultivating

759

:

an interest in your spouse's hobby.

760

:

The reason why I think this is so

important and can be so helpful

761

:

to strengthen your marriage is

because in the end, your spouse

762

:

should be your best friend.

763

:

Like they truly should be.

764

:

And if you think of like, how did you

become best friends with your best

765

:

friend growing up as a kid, right?

766

:

Like you shared a lot of moments together.

767

:

You had fun together.

768

:

And I think fun and recreational time

is super important in a marriage to

769

:

continue To cultivate that friendship.

770

:

And so taking an interest in each other's

interest in each other's hobbies allows

771

:

for you to spend more time together in

fun, intentional ways, which literally

772

:

leads us back to our last thing about

spending intentional time together.

773

:

Yeah.

774

:

I think the recreation, finding

things to do together is so important.

775

:

And then also if you want to find

interest in each other's hobbies,

776

:

Interests because then it's more

fun to talk about with each other.

777

:

I have two really awesome examples of how

Mari has done this really, really well.

778

:

And one is golf.

779

:

Golf is far and away.

780

:

My favorite recreational activity.

781

:

It's my biggest hobby.

782

:

And Mari like.

783

:

Would take interest in that one first

by just learning the language and like

784

:

the lingo that I would use so that

then she could talk to me about it.

785

:

And then she'd ask me about how

my rounds went and how I shot.

786

:

And she would know like certain

milestones or goals that I had.

787

:

And she would ask about those.

788

:

So then it was so much

more fun to talk about it.

789

:

And I like went and had a fun day

golfing and now I can actually

790

:

share about that day with her.

791

:

And she's genuinely interested

in that because she cultivated

792

:

an interest in that hobby.

793

:

But then additionally she went a

step further and is like trying

794

:

to learn how to golf as well.

795

:

And so now we can go out to

the driving range and I can try

796

:

to give some tips where I can.

797

:

I'm not the best instructor,

but, uh, she's, that's, yeah.

798

:

It's a hobby now that we have that

we can go out and do something

799

:

together that's fun out of the house.

800

:

It can be a date night.

801

:

It can be something that I, I mean,

I'm so happy when I'm golfing, it's

802

:

one of my favorite things to do.

803

:

And now I can just share that

with my wife and my best friend.

804

:

It's so fun.

805

:

You're going to make me cry.

806

:

And then a second way that I love being

your best friend, you're my best friend.

807

:

And then a second way that she's done

this, which is really comical, but,

808

:

uh, is my love for fantasy football.

809

:

Fantasy football, ladies.

810

:

It is your favorite thing now.

811

:

Yep.

812

:

August hits and Mari's

asking me about the draft.

813

:

She's asking me about the players.

814

:

Yes, it's coming.

815

:

It's coming up, ladies.

816

:

So start prepping yourself

for fantasy football season.

817

:

And so Mari has done a

great job just learning.

818

:

Some of the concepts of fantasy

football and some of the player's names.

819

:

And she'll always ask like how our

team is doing, how our team is doing.

820

:

Did we win this week?

821

:

Uh, yeah, it's our team.

822

:

It's our team for sure.

823

:

And she'll, you know, like

learn one person's name.

824

:

And so then she'll just keep asking every

Sunday, like, how is Jefferson doing?

825

:

How's JJ doing?

826

:

I can't even remember their

names anymore, but yeah.

827

:

Uh, but whoever is like my stud.

828

:

That my team is leaning on.

829

:

She'll, I'll remember that.

830

:

And then I'll ask about him and then

too, I'll like try and sit on the couch

831

:

and watch football with you sometimes.

832

:

But honestly.

833

:

I think that's my struggle is I

just like literally don't care

834

:

about watching football, but I try

showing interest in other ways.

835

:

Yeah, exactly.

836

:

And, or you'll do things that

supplement the football watching

837

:

experience and enhance it, such as

making snacks or offering the host.

838

:

Yes.

839

:

Yes.

840

:

I do love doing that.

841

:

Like letting you have your friends

over and I'll like make fun snacks.

842

:

I'm like, great.

843

:

Now, like I can provide a space where I'm

supporting his love for fantasy football.

844

:

But like.

845

:

He doesn't have to just talk

to me about it or like just

846

:

rely on me to be there for him.

847

:

Yeah, I think another thing too is just

finding like shared interests or like

848

:

shared recreational things to do together.

849

:

So for us, we have a few like

card games that we like to play,

850

:

or we love to play Settlers of

Catan with other couple friends.

851

:

Um, if we find people that love

to play that game, but we like to

852

:

find like two person games too.

853

:

So that if we just are trying to spend

intentional time together without

854

:

screens, like it's honestly crazy, like

how hard it is sometimes to be like.

855

:

You know, when you're not like on your

phone or watching TV or, you know, if

856

:

you don't, if you already went to, if

you already had dinner or like went

857

:

on a walk, it's like, what do we do?

858

:

Um, so we picked up a few games.

859

:

We play speed.

860

:

We play nerds, uh, monopoly deal, just

like stuff like that to just have a

861

:

fun, like recreational moment together

where we're just like enjoying a game

862

:

and enjoying each other's company.

863

:

Next one is a big one.

864

:

Very big one very common.

865

:

You cannot avoid it, but it's conflicts.

866

:

There's gonna be arguments There's gonna

be conflicts in every single marriage

867

:

and It's about learning how to navigate

Yeah, those conflicts in a healthy healthy

868

:

way And I think it's truly a skill to

be developed in one that many couples us

869

:

included every but every couple Um Faces

often and so the better you can cultivate

870

:

this skill of healthy conflict Honestly,

just like the happier your marriage

871

:

is gonna be because the less Lasting

Arguments will be the less tense moments.

872

:

You'll have the more quickly you'll

be able to recognize like, okay

873

:

Yeah, we had a conflict or we're

having an argument right now.

874

:

That's gonna happen.

875

:

That's normal to have a disagreement

How can we approach this in In a

876

:

healthy way where we're supporting

each other instead of like shooting

877

:

each other down and quickly move on

so we can go back to being a team.

878

:

So let's just share some of like

the practical tips that either

879

:

we've learned along the way.

880

:

I know that there's one that we

learned at a marriage retreat.

881

:

A very like easy tip for navigating

hard conversations or arguments.

882

:

That was really helpful for us.

883

:

And then just maybe like other things

that we've learned that have helped us

884

:

kind of manage conflict in a good way.

885

:

Yeah.

886

:

I think the first one that I lean on

and that we've seen really help us with

887

:

these conflicts is be quick to apologize.

888

:

And even if you don't see any fault

in yourself, you can still apologize

889

:

for how the other person received it.

890

:

Because even though I might think

I didn't actually hurt Mari.

891

:

If she's hurt, she's hurt.

892

:

And I can apologize for that.

893

:

Even if I don't think

anything that I did was wrong.

894

:

So you can apologize for the

things that you did do wrong

895

:

and be quick to apologize.

896

:

But then also like be open and willing

to apologize for things that you might

897

:

not even think you did wrong, but

recognizing that it did hurt your spouse.

898

:

And so being quick to apologize

and then on the flip side, being

899

:

the recipient of that apology,

like, Being quick to forgive.

900

:

And that's oftentimes both are hard,

but they're very hard, but like actually

901

:

saying the words, I forgive you.

902

:

And when you say that mean it and

not have lingering resentment and not

903

:

to be keeping score, but, uh, to be

quick to apologize and to be quick to

904

:

forgive are by far and away, I think.

905

:

The ones that I've seen us have the

most, that have benefited us the most.

906

:

Yeah.

907

:

And like you said, like being really like

earnest in that and saying the words.

908

:

I'm sorry.

909

:

Like, please forgive me.

910

:

And saying the words, I forgive

you, you know, not just it's okay or

911

:

it's fine, but like, I forgive you.

912

:

I think that's gone a long way for us

and shows just like the genuineness,

913

:

if that's a word, the gen, genuineness.

914

:

Genuineness of the apology or the

forgiveness, um, and I think for

915

:

some people, one is easier than

the other, like Trey, for example,

916

:

has set a beautiful example for me.

917

:

To him, apologizing comes really easily.

918

:

And you, you do like tend to,

uh, acknowledge your fault, or

919

:

even if you don't acknowledge

it right away, just, you know.

920

:

Cause like you said, you

notice that whatever happened,

921

:

somehow I ended up hurt.

922

:

And so you're really quick to apologize.

923

:

Um, which I've yeah.

924

:

Continue to just admire and try

and learn from and grow from.

925

:

And I think that that's helped us to,

first of all, bring down the level

926

:

of like drama to, to the argument

or to the conflict, because I think

927

:

when you face the argument with

defensiveness and defensiveness, it's

928

:

only going to escalate and feelings

are only going to continue to be hurt.

929

:

And so starting with an apology

brings down kind of this

930

:

defensiveness level on the other end.

931

:

I feel like it just kind of shows

from the beginning, like, I love you.

932

:

I don't want to hurt you.

933

:

Yeah.

934

:

And I think as hard as it is in those

moments of disagreement or those

935

:

moments of conflict, recognizing that

you are on the same team and that you

936

:

each love each other and that you're

not trying to hurt the other person,

937

:

but it can be hard and it takes a lot

of humility, but just like having that

938

:

in the forefront of your mind that.

939

:

We are on the same team.

940

:

Yes, this is huge.

941

:

I think this is like one of our top

pieces of advice for couples, especially

942

:

navigating conflict is sometimes it's

helpful to verbalize and like remind

943

:

each other, like, I'm on your team.

944

:

Like we're on the same team.

945

:

I think it's easy to think

like, Oh, I'm just going to

946

:

assume the best of this person.

947

:

And hopefully you do, but actually

verbalizing that and reminding

948

:

them, like, Hey, no matter

like what we're arguing about.

949

:

Like, I want you to know,

like, I'm on your team.

950

:

Like, I hate fighting with you.

951

:

I don't want to hurt you.

952

:

Like say these words.

953

:

Like, I, I'm sorry.

954

:

I don't want to hurt you.

955

:

Like, remember that I love you.

956

:

And like, I'm on your team.

957

:

Like, I want to work with you to

move forward and not against you.

958

:

Yeah, it's easy, especially if

you both are on the defensive to

959

:

just have that attitude and that

mindset of me versus you, me versus

960

:

you, who's right, who's right.

961

:

But like you said, just verbalizing,

I don't want to be fighting

962

:

like nine times out of 10.

963

:

Neither of the person

wants to be fighting.

964

:

Yeah.

965

:

Like you don't want to be fighting.

966

:

You're on the same team.

967

:

Then that's very disarming and,

uh, allows for the rest of the

968

:

conversation and conflict to resolve

in a much more mature, peaceful way.

969

:

And effective way, I think like you were

saying, I think that especially helps

970

:

when you are Like in a in disagreement

about something not just like oh, I

971

:

hurt you you hurt me But like when you

actually disagree with something and have

972

:

different viewpoints It can be so easy

to be like we are literally against each

973

:

other but the truth is you are a team and

so when you verbalize that and Take this

974

:

argument head on from that perspective.

975

:

Now you're working together to solve

a problem, not necessarily working

976

:

together to like squash the other

person and let your, you know,

977

:

your thought reign over the others.

978

:

And so while you may still be on separate

sides, In like what your opinion is or

979

:

what your thought is and whatever it

is that you're arguing, you're able to

980

:

verbalize, like, Oh, this is frustrating

that like, we're on separate sides, but

981

:

like, we want to work together as a team

to get to a compromise or a conclusion.

982

:

The next thing I would say

that's really helpful is.

983

:

listening and actually feeling,

making the other person feel heard.

984

:

So on the one end, it's just

like, take your turn to speak.

985

:

This is something I've

had to learn as well.

986

:

Like I have so many thoughts, so I

just like want to interject, but.

987

:

Learning to wait your turn.

988

:

This is like basic stuff, you guys,

like, I hope, I hope this is like, not

989

:

the first time you've ever heard it.

990

:

Right.

991

:

It's like basic stuff that we need to

remind ourselves, myself included of like,

992

:

take time to listen to the other person.

993

:

Why are they feeling the

way that they're feeling?

994

:

What is it that actually hurt them?

995

:

Or why do they have this perspective

that might be different than yours?

996

:

And then patiently wait

and then share yours.

997

:

And actually a.

998

:

Practical tip that we learned at a

marriage retreat was to repeat back

999

:

to the person what you feel like they

heard or how they said that they felt.

:

00:52:47,756 --> 00:52:52,336

And so first you hear them out and you

don't interrupt and then you say, okay,

:

00:52:52,996 --> 00:52:58,111

if I'm understanding correctly, What I

heard is you feel this and this and this

:

00:52:58,111 --> 00:53:01,851

because this and this like you just kind

of repeat back to them what they said.

:

00:53:02,151 --> 00:53:07,871

And what that does is one, it makes the

other person feel heard and cared for.

:

00:53:07,891 --> 00:53:10,021

Which is huge in an argument.

:

00:53:10,341 --> 00:53:14,336

Because the flip side of that is

that is just going back and forth,

:

00:53:14,376 --> 00:53:15,306

back and forth, back and forth.

:

00:53:15,556 --> 00:53:18,826

Each person constantly and you're

not getting anywhere and neither

:

00:53:18,826 --> 00:53:22,216

person feels hurt or understood

and the holes was getting deeper.

:

00:53:22,386 --> 00:53:23,186

Exactly.

:

00:53:23,646 --> 00:53:29,136

But when you do this tip, right, you

on, on one side, you feel like loved

:

00:53:29,146 --> 00:53:32,846

and cared for because like, okay, you

actually understood what I was saying.

:

00:53:32,846 --> 00:53:36,936

And now I know like you understand

why I feel this way or why I feel

:

00:53:36,936 --> 00:53:38,246

hurt or where I'm coming from.

:

00:53:38,516 --> 00:53:40,346

And if you feel understood.

:

00:53:40,836 --> 00:53:45,086

Then you'll be much more open

to receiving whatever it is.

:

00:53:45,086 --> 00:53:48,656

The other person has to say about

that because you at least know,

:

00:53:48,666 --> 00:53:52,866

well, they understood what I was

feeling and what I was coming from.

:

00:53:53,526 --> 00:53:57,106

And then I think to the second

benefit to that is that it actually

:

00:53:57,366 --> 00:54:01,226

helps you understand more deeply

where your spouse is coming from.

:

00:54:01,236 --> 00:54:03,636

Like, Literally just repeating back.

:

00:54:03,636 --> 00:54:07,636

Your understanding can allow for

clarification from your spouse in case

:

00:54:07,636 --> 00:54:11,706

you didn't fully understand and it'll

just reiterate what the true feelings

:

00:54:11,716 --> 00:54:15,876

of your spouse are because in arguments,

you know, it's very easy to just be like,

:

00:54:15,926 --> 00:54:19,506

well, you feel like this or well, you

said this and the other person's like,

:

00:54:19,536 --> 00:54:21,226

that's literally not what I meant at all.

:

00:54:21,226 --> 00:54:25,186

And it can just get super frustrating to

keep missing each other and what you're

:

00:54:25,186 --> 00:54:26,676

feeling and what your experience is.

:

00:54:26,716 --> 00:54:29,426

So repeating back to them

what you feel like they heard.

:

00:54:29,896 --> 00:54:32,066

Kind of puts you on the same

playing field of like, okay,

:

00:54:32,276 --> 00:54:33,746

we're saying the same thing.

:

00:54:33,756 --> 00:54:35,006

We're communicating the same thing.

:

00:54:35,006 --> 00:54:38,876

We can both work from this

playing field instead of like, you

:

00:54:38,886 --> 00:54:40,466

said, I said, you said, I said.

:

00:54:40,466 --> 00:54:41,506

Then the other person will go.

:

00:54:41,516 --> 00:54:47,166

So if I just shared what hurt me and

all my feelings and thoughts, and Mari

:

00:54:47,266 --> 00:54:50,496

patiently sat there without interrupting

and then repeated back to me what she.

:

00:54:51,051 --> 00:54:56,731

Understood me to say, then you'll flip

and I'll share where I'm coming from.

:

00:54:56,781 --> 00:54:58,261

And then Trey will repeat back to me.

:

00:54:58,261 --> 00:55:00,531

Like, here's what I

feel like you're saying.

:

00:55:00,531 --> 00:55:05,411

And we've just experienced in our own

conflicts and arguments that that has,

:

00:55:05,581 --> 00:55:10,706

like Trey said, the kind of like disarmed

us and brought just a more Peaceful way

:

00:55:10,756 --> 00:55:15,006

of working through things and honestly,

like helped us to move through arguments

:

00:55:15,006 --> 00:55:19,816

quicker because that embodies this

whole idea of we're a team that embodies

:

00:55:19,816 --> 00:55:22,746

the whole idea of like, we're working

together to try and love each other,

:

00:55:22,776 --> 00:55:25,406

to try and go back to being happy BFFs.

:

00:55:25,806 --> 00:55:28,576

Now that we're saying this, I'm

like, we need to do this more often.

:

00:55:28,966 --> 00:55:29,336

I know.

:

00:55:29,476 --> 00:55:29,636

Right.

:

00:55:29,636 --> 00:55:31,926

I think we did it a lot after

that marriage retreat, which by

:

00:55:31,926 --> 00:55:35,816

the way, the marriage retreat is

the JP two healing centers, uh,

:

00:55:35,896 --> 00:55:39,981

unveiled marriage It was phenomenal.

:

00:55:40,271 --> 00:55:40,751

Incredible.

:

00:55:40,811 --> 00:55:42,881

They had it here in Colorado in the fall.

:

00:55:42,881 --> 00:55:45,441

And I remember I heard about it and

I've heard about JP2 Healing Center.

:

00:55:45,541 --> 00:55:47,441

So I was like, these retreats are amazing.

:

00:55:48,011 --> 00:55:52,611

And I remember us being like, well, like

we've been only married for two years.

:

00:55:52,611 --> 00:55:53,711

Like, should we really go?

:

00:55:53,721 --> 00:55:55,161

Like, what are we going to learn?

:

00:55:55,161 --> 00:55:57,861

Like we're in love, you

know, which was very nice.

:

00:55:57,861 --> 00:55:59,801

We don't have any problems.

:

00:56:00,856 --> 00:56:02,586

Which is very naive of us.

:

00:56:02,596 --> 00:56:08,366

And we walked in and it was beautiful

to see just the vast age range.

:

00:56:08,366 --> 00:56:11,516

There were people who were literally

just married, you know, the month

:

00:56:11,526 --> 00:56:16,436

before two people who've been married

for 60 plus years, and we all got

:

00:56:16,446 --> 00:56:17,606

something out of that retreat.

:

00:56:17,616 --> 00:56:23,276

And so taking that intentional time

away to work through our marriage,

:

00:56:23,276 --> 00:56:27,686

to work through things that are

difficult for us to show how.

:

00:56:28,036 --> 00:56:30,086

Like to show our love to the other person.

:

00:56:30,496 --> 00:56:36,486

Um, we came out so strong, obviously

like more in love and just like walking

:

00:56:36,486 --> 00:56:40,016

away too, with like really intentional

things to talk about in the future,

:

00:56:40,016 --> 00:56:41,896

to work on, to love each other better.

:

00:56:42,066 --> 00:56:44,216

It's not like we walked away with

all of our problems solved, but it

:

00:56:44,216 --> 00:56:48,636

was like, now I actually have tools

to work through these things that

:

00:56:48,636 --> 00:56:50,366

we haven't fully worked through yet.

:

00:56:50,721 --> 00:56:53,951

So highly, highly recommend looking

them up and going on a retreat.

:

00:56:54,571 --> 00:56:54,861

Okay.

:

00:56:54,861 --> 00:56:59,741

So to wrap up this episode, we just

want to share five agreements that we

:

00:56:59,741 --> 00:57:03,901

feel like we have held to throughout

our three years of marriage that have

:

00:57:03,901 --> 00:57:05,631

really strengthened our marriage.

:

00:57:05,971 --> 00:57:11,881

And they're just simple things that we

do on a day to day basis, um, that show

:

00:57:11,881 --> 00:57:14,941

each other that we love each other and

that really help us to work as a team.

:

00:57:16,141 --> 00:57:18,411

And the first one is to

pray together every day.

:

00:57:18,821 --> 00:57:21,631

This goes back to what we were saying

at the beginning of this podcast, to

:

00:57:21,631 --> 00:57:26,151

put first things first, to have our,

to have a marriage that's grounded

:

00:57:26,161 --> 00:57:28,391

in faith and to be centered on God.

:

00:57:28,571 --> 00:57:30,401

We need to be praying together every day.

:

00:57:30,791 --> 00:57:33,991

So what that looks like

for us is really simple.

:

00:57:33,991 --> 00:57:35,541

It's not complicated whatsoever.

:

00:57:35,591 --> 00:57:39,301

We, before we go to sleep every night,

one of us, usually we take turns.

:

00:57:39,566 --> 00:57:43,826

We'll just pray and we'll just pray

for the things we're grateful for,

:

00:57:44,226 --> 00:57:47,136

the things we're interceding for, for

other people, for friends, family,

:

00:57:47,666 --> 00:57:51,256

for things people have asked us to

pray about, for hopes and desires and

:

00:57:51,256 --> 00:57:54,086

dreams that we have or any things that

we're suffering or struggling with.

:

00:57:55,156 --> 00:57:57,276

And we just give it all to the

Lord before we close our eyes.

:

00:57:57,666 --> 00:57:58,056

Yeah.

:

00:57:58,056 --> 00:58:00,926

I think back to what you were saying

of like that first thing we talked

:

00:58:00,936 --> 00:58:06,541

about of God centered marriage is the

Really like approaching your whole

:

00:58:06,541 --> 00:58:10,931

vocation from the standpoint of like

God first, then your spouse, you need

:

00:58:10,931 --> 00:58:14,911

to invite God into your marriage for

there to be a God centered marriage.

:

00:58:14,921 --> 00:58:17,921

It's not just about like you having

your personal relationship with God.

:

00:58:17,931 --> 00:58:19,791

It's through that personal

relationship with God.

:

00:58:20,181 --> 00:58:25,041

You have a yearning to bring God into

then your personal relationship with

:

00:58:25,041 --> 00:58:27,091

your spouse, because you are now one.

:

00:58:27,321 --> 00:58:29,041

And so inviting the Lord into.

:

00:58:29,556 --> 00:58:34,246

Into your relationship is one of the

first and primary ways that you'll

:

00:58:34,356 --> 00:58:35,626

have a God centered relationship.

:

00:58:35,626 --> 00:58:37,686

And so, like Trey said, we

do this by praying together.

:

00:58:37,956 --> 00:58:39,376

There's many different ways to do that.

:

00:58:39,436 --> 00:58:42,276

The way that we do that, Trey just

shared, and it can be very quick.

:

00:58:42,566 --> 00:58:46,086

Some nights we're exhausted and it's

like a two, three minute prayer.

:

00:58:46,096 --> 00:58:49,616

Some night we're able to elaborate more

and we, you know, pray for the intentions

:

00:58:49,616 --> 00:58:54,056

of the people that we love and are able

to kind of spend more time in prayer.

:

00:58:54,056 --> 00:58:58,326

And sometimes if we have more time

and we want to, We'll even like sit

:

00:58:58,326 --> 00:59:02,356

down and have a more intentional time

of prayer with scripture or something

:

00:59:02,356 --> 00:59:05,076

like that, where we're praying with

each other for a specific intention,

:

00:59:05,086 --> 00:59:09,206

or we're studying scripture or doing

kind of like Alexio Divina together.

:

00:59:09,456 --> 00:59:13,416

And that can be a really beautiful

way to, to spend time in prayer and

:

00:59:13,416 --> 00:59:15,826

growing in your faith with your spouse.

:

00:59:16,076 --> 00:59:19,866

But it can really be truly as simple as

taking a little bit of time every night

:

00:59:19,866 --> 00:59:24,596

before bed to thank the Lord for the day,

to thank the Lord for your marriage and

:

00:59:24,596 --> 00:59:26,636

to ask for any intentions that you have.

:

00:59:27,676 --> 00:59:31,336

Our second agreement is we

never speak ill of each other.

:

00:59:31,346 --> 00:59:34,626

So this is something you might

see it on Instagram a lot.

:

00:59:34,656 --> 00:59:37,696

Um, there's like this whole culture

of like bashing on your spouse

:

00:59:37,696 --> 00:59:40,876

or like complaining about your

spouse with, you know, your wife,

:

00:59:40,886 --> 00:59:42,246

friends, your husband, friends.

:

00:59:42,466 --> 00:59:46,666

It can be really easy to just get together

with a bunch of wives and just be like,

:

00:59:46,686 --> 00:59:49,546

Oh my gosh, my husband does this and

this and this, and just complain about

:

00:59:49,556 --> 00:59:52,786

all the things your husband does wrong,

or all the ways that you wish your

:

00:59:52,786 --> 00:59:55,546

husband was better, or, you know, For

husbands to get together and be like,

:

00:59:55,546 --> 00:59:56,636

Oh my gosh, my wife is so annoying.

:

00:59:56,636 --> 01:00:00,816

She does this and this, you know, and

just complain and that needs to stop.

:

01:00:00,846 --> 01:00:06,216

Like, that's just like number one way

to kill your marriage is to speak ill of

:

01:00:06,556 --> 01:00:11,896

the person that is, you know, that God

has given you to love you, to give their

:

01:00:11,896 --> 01:00:13,416

life to you, to, to get you to heaven.

:

01:00:13,416 --> 01:00:15,476

And so that's for sure.

:

01:00:15,476 --> 01:00:19,086

An agreement we've always had

is we never speak about each

:

01:00:19,086 --> 01:00:20,176

other behind each other's backs.

:

01:00:20,176 --> 01:00:23,746

There's, you know, we don't really

vent to other friends about each other.

:

01:00:23,746 --> 01:00:24,516

It's just like.

:

01:00:24,951 --> 01:00:29,931

You uphold the person, your spouse with

the most respect, um, that you would.

:

01:00:30,581 --> 01:00:34,201

And we're going to continue to do this

when we have kids and not speak ill of

:

01:00:34,201 --> 01:00:38,661

each other to our kids or not say, Oh,

like your mom is so blah, blah, blah, or

:

01:00:38,661 --> 01:00:42,641

like complain about something that your

spouse might've done to your kids, uh,

:

01:00:42,661 --> 01:00:49,701

but always hold your spouse with like on

a pedestal and like on, on, like with the

:

01:00:49,701 --> 01:00:55,991

highest praise, And always speak, uh, very

kindly and lovingly about your spouse.

:

01:00:56,021 --> 01:00:56,421

Yeah.

:

01:00:56,771 --> 01:01:01,071

And always working to build your spouse

up, like, in your relationship, but also

:

01:01:01,311 --> 01:01:03,871

in the way that your spouse is perceived.

:

01:01:04,601 --> 01:01:08,511

And the third agreement that we have

is to start and end our days together.

:

01:01:08,941 --> 01:01:10,761

This is something that we've always done.

:

01:01:10,791 --> 01:01:15,041

We've always gone up to bed together at

the same time, and we've always tried

:

01:01:15,041 --> 01:01:16,571

to wake up together at the same time.

:

01:01:16,961 --> 01:01:20,096

It's very simple, but it always

starts and ends our days together.

:

01:01:20,396 --> 01:01:25,316

On a good note together provides time

for prayer for either in the morning

:

01:01:25,316 --> 01:01:29,106

or in the evening I think it also

just like provides a greater sense of

:

01:01:29,106 --> 01:01:34,306

unity Um, and I know that this can be

difficult for some couples and we're

:

01:01:34,306 --> 01:01:37,726

not feasible or not feasible Yeah, it's

not i'm we're not saying that this is

:

01:01:37,726 --> 01:01:40,596

something that every couple should do

This is just an agreement that we've had

:

01:01:40,596 --> 01:01:45,611

in our marriage Because we are able to,

and we've seen the value and we desire

:

01:01:45,621 --> 01:01:47,321

to start and end our day together.

:

01:01:47,571 --> 01:01:50,741

Um, like I said, I feel like it just

promotes a greater unity within the

:

01:01:50,741 --> 01:01:53,381

couple to like, take the day on together.

:

01:01:53,391 --> 01:01:57,681

And at least for me, like marriage

is, is such a gift, right.

:

01:01:57,701 --> 01:01:58,331

To all of us.

:

01:01:58,331 --> 01:02:01,771

But for me, like it's one of

my favorite times of the day.

:

01:02:02,091 --> 01:02:05,491

Ending our day together and knowing

like, wow, like the gifts of my spouse.

:

01:02:05,491 --> 01:02:09,351

Like I get to go to bed with him every

single night and I get to wake up next

:

01:02:09,351 --> 01:02:11,091

to the love of my life every single day.

:

01:02:11,091 --> 01:02:14,931

And it's just a moment where I get to give

thanks to the Lord, like for my husband

:

01:02:14,941 --> 01:02:19,181

or wake up in gratitude and love for

my husband and we get to tackle the day

:

01:02:19,181 --> 01:02:23,571

together as well as Trey said, it provides

a time for you to actually set time

:

01:02:23,591 --> 01:02:26,451

aside together to be in prayer together.

:

01:02:26,671 --> 01:02:29,451

Um, if you choose to at the end

of every day, we feel like that's

:

01:02:29,481 --> 01:02:31,141

the most practical way to do it.

:

01:02:31,651 --> 01:02:34,351

And like we said, this is

possible for us, but you know,

:

01:02:34,351 --> 01:02:35,471

it's not feasible for everybody.

:

01:02:35,471 --> 01:02:39,401

So it's not like a hard, hard

and fast rule, but if you can

:

01:02:39,401 --> 01:02:40,681

do it, it's worked for us.

:

01:02:40,711 --> 01:02:40,971

Yeah.

:

01:02:40,971 --> 01:02:42,471

And, and I would challenge you to do it.

:

01:02:42,471 --> 01:02:46,241

I think a lot of the times we think it's

not feasible, you know, and maybe your

:

01:02:46,241 --> 01:02:49,881

work literally doesn't allow you to,

and you have to be out of house by 5am.

:

01:02:49,891 --> 01:02:54,291

But I would challenge you, if you feel

like you want greater unity or greater

:

01:02:54,301 --> 01:02:58,556

connection in your marriage, This is

a really beautiful way to get that.

:

01:02:59,296 --> 01:03:03,386

I think a lot of times what I hear is, Oh,

like, you know, this person's just a night

:

01:03:03,406 --> 01:03:05,056

owl, like my spouse is just a night owl.

:

01:03:05,056 --> 01:03:08,956

And so it's hard for them to wake up

early because they're up really late.

:

01:03:08,986 --> 01:03:11,546

Um, or, you know, this person

like likes to get up super

:

01:03:11,546 --> 01:03:13,926

early to do things and whatever.

:

01:03:13,926 --> 01:03:16,806

So it's, it's maybe like finding

a compromise or happy medium.

:

01:03:16,806 --> 01:03:19,696

Or maybe you have like, Certain

days where you try to do something

:

01:03:19,696 --> 01:03:21,596

together in the morning, like have

breakfast together or something

:

01:03:21,596 --> 01:03:25,476

like that, but just challenge you to

find those moments of greater unity.

:

01:03:25,716 --> 01:03:29,106

I would say one thing with

that too is like sex is really

:

01:03:29,106 --> 01:03:30,156

important in a marriage.

:

01:03:30,176 --> 01:03:34,126

And if you're not going to bed at

the same time, it's probably harder.

:

01:03:35,571 --> 01:03:39,581

And so going to bed at the same time

again promotes greater unity and time

:

01:03:39,581 --> 01:03:42,431

for you to connect with your spouse and

enter into the sacrament of marriage.

:

01:03:43,281 --> 01:03:43,821

Absolutely.

:

01:03:44,031 --> 01:03:47,291

Fourth agreement is

honesty is the best policy.

:

01:03:47,301 --> 01:03:51,961

And this just means that like, at all

times, the policy we have is literally

:

01:03:51,981 --> 01:03:53,911

just to say what you really feel.

:

01:03:53,921 --> 01:03:56,161

Like, we don't play games with each other.

:

01:03:56,171 --> 01:03:56,981

We don't try.

:

01:03:56,991 --> 01:03:57,541

And.

:

01:03:57,896 --> 01:04:01,966

Like not actually say how we feel and

see if they can figure out how we feel

:

01:04:01,986 --> 01:04:05,816

like we try and just literally be like

If something bothered you in that moment

:

01:04:05,836 --> 01:04:10,026

and it makes sense to share it like

just share that or If you are like, you

:

01:04:10,026 --> 01:04:13,476

know feeling a certain way Just being

honest and sharing why you feel that

:

01:04:13,476 --> 01:04:17,346

way with, obviously with respect, but

without reservation or holding back.

:

01:04:18,076 --> 01:04:23,096

This is great because a lot of times

during moments of conflict, all of these

:

01:04:23,106 --> 01:04:27,096

things bubble up and it could be like

weeks and weeks and weeks or months of

:

01:04:28,296 --> 01:04:33,016

things that bothered you and resentments

or problems that you just have kept

:

01:04:33,016 --> 01:04:38,036

in that then make these arguments

or moments of conflict way worse.

:

01:04:38,366 --> 01:04:40,716

And so something that we've tried to do.

:

01:04:41,331 --> 01:04:45,901

Is like Mara just said, is share how

you're feeling in those times because

:

01:04:46,151 --> 01:04:50,971

then it'll also be much more, it'll

be received much better because the

:

01:04:50,971 --> 01:04:56,011

person isn't already emotionally like

charged with the heat of the argument.

:

01:04:56,161 --> 01:04:58,151

So they'll be able to receive.

:

01:04:58,406 --> 01:05:01,306

That comment that you might've had

about how something that what they

:

01:05:01,306 --> 01:05:04,366

did made you feel or something that

you wish that they would do better.

:

01:05:04,366 --> 01:05:06,576

And so, yeah, honesty is the best policy.

:

01:05:06,676 --> 01:05:07,166

Yeah.

:

01:05:07,316 --> 01:05:12,196

I think even too, beyond conflicts, it

just allows you to know the heart of

:

01:05:12,196 --> 01:05:17,461

your spouse more of just being honest

with like, If you're not doing okay,

:

01:05:17,531 --> 01:05:21,481

you know, share why, or I don't know.

:

01:05:21,481 --> 01:05:23,631

I'm trying to think of other

things besides just like what

:

01:05:23,631 --> 01:05:24,701

bothered you or conflicts.

:

01:05:24,701 --> 01:05:27,011

But just in general, like not.

:

01:05:29,051 --> 01:05:31,211

It could be like even just

sharing, Hey, when you did that,

:

01:05:31,331 --> 01:05:32,621

that made me feel really loved.

:

01:05:32,661 --> 01:05:32,931

Yeah.

:

01:05:32,931 --> 01:05:34,251

Like that made me feel really good.

:

01:05:34,251 --> 01:05:35,391

I really like when you do this.

:

01:05:35,421 --> 01:05:35,801

Yeah.

:

01:05:35,821 --> 01:05:38,401

It's almost like unguarding your heart.

:

01:05:38,411 --> 01:05:42,721

I think like we're so used to guarding

our hearts with people or like protecting

:

01:05:42,721 --> 01:05:44,541

like how we say things in order.

:

01:05:44,831 --> 01:05:47,281

Do not upset people or like

not be vulnerable or like

:

01:05:47,281 --> 01:05:48,441

not open that can of worms.

:

01:05:48,441 --> 01:05:51,871

But like your spouse is like the

most intimate relationship that

:

01:05:51,871 --> 01:05:53,891

you will have and should have.

:

01:05:53,891 --> 01:05:58,551

And so being open and vulnerable and

honest about whatever it is you're

:

01:05:58,551 --> 01:06:02,861

experiencing in your life or how you're

feeling will strengthen your connection

:

01:06:02,861 --> 01:06:06,451

with your, with your spouse and allow

them to learn how to love you better when

:

01:06:06,451 --> 01:06:08,281

they know truly like what's in your heart.

:

01:06:09,631 --> 01:06:12,741

And the fifth and last

agreement is love languages.

:

01:06:13,106 --> 01:06:17,626

We've already talked a lot about this,

but full circle moment, simply go

:

01:06:17,626 --> 01:06:19,146

figure out what your love language is.

:

01:06:19,156 --> 01:06:20,206

There's a book about it.

:

01:06:20,556 --> 01:06:21,536

You can read that if you want.

:

01:06:21,576 --> 01:06:23,396

There's a test you can take online.

:

01:06:23,466 --> 01:06:28,086

So find your love languages, find your

spouse's love language, and then try to

:

01:06:28,096 --> 01:06:30,406

love your spouse in their love language.

:

01:06:30,436 --> 01:06:32,206

Truly make the effort to do that.

:

01:06:33,256 --> 01:06:33,796

And that's it.

:

01:06:34,026 --> 01:06:34,406

And that's it.

:

01:06:34,426 --> 01:06:36,666

You guys are last five agreements.

:

01:06:36,736 --> 01:06:37,156

Yes.

:

01:06:37,616 --> 01:06:42,446

We hope that this episode was beneficial,

that you got something out of it.

:

01:06:42,466 --> 01:06:46,196

Again, we're newlyweds, and this

is just from our experience.

:

01:06:46,346 --> 01:06:46,666

Yeah.

:

01:06:46,696 --> 01:06:49,236

And I want to hear from you guys as well.

:

01:06:49,276 --> 01:06:51,686

Um, we're going to be sharing,

you know, clips of this on the

:

01:06:51,716 --> 01:06:54,896

Everbe podcast, if you don't

already follow the Everbe podcast.

:

01:06:55,906 --> 01:06:56,136

account.

:

01:06:56,146 --> 01:06:58,696

It's at ever be podcast, please.

:

01:06:58,706 --> 01:07:02,736

If you are a wife or maybe even like

a seasoned wife or a new wife, drop

:

01:07:02,746 --> 01:07:04,276

your ideas in the comments as well.

:

01:07:04,276 --> 01:07:05,206

I want to know your thoughts.

:

01:07:05,216 --> 01:07:08,546

How are you working on your marriage

and improving your marriage?

:

01:07:08,736 --> 01:07:10,996

We love to learn from

other couples as well.

:

01:07:10,996 --> 01:07:14,656

We think it's so beneficial to

hear from other couples experiences

:

01:07:14,656 --> 01:07:16,986

of how they're growing in their

marriage, how they're putting God

:

01:07:16,986 --> 01:07:17,966

at the center of their marriage.

:

01:07:17,966 --> 01:07:19,856

So we want to hear from you guys as well.

:

01:07:19,856 --> 01:07:21,566

We are always trying to get that.

:

01:07:21,636 --> 01:07:22,396

Always learning.

:

01:07:22,596 --> 01:07:24,836

Nowhere, nowhere near perfect

and we struggle a lot.

:

01:07:24,856 --> 01:07:28,126

So yeah, and know that we're praying

for you guys in your vocation of marriage

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About the Podcast

Ever Be
A faith and lifestyle podcast.
The Ever Be Podcast is a faith and lifestyle podcast filled with meaningful conversations and practical tips that will inspire and empower you to live a Christ centered life in today’s modern world. Through her own experience of surrendering completely to God and finding true fullness of life, your host Mari Wagner, has committed to having God’s praise “ever be” on her lips and sharing that message with the world. Listen in for insightful, real life conversations and actionable steps on how to claim the full life God created you for.

With over 100K followers and counting, Instagram content creator and founder of the popular Catholic lifestyle brand, West Coast Catholic, Mari Wagner is showing the world how to live a bold, attractive, and fulfilling Catholic life by being in the world but not of it. On the podcast you’ll get a combination of heartfelt solo episodes with Mari, interviews with exciting guests, and up-close and personal time with both the Wagner’s—Mari and Trey. What more could you ask for?!

Finally! Answers to questions you’ve been asking like:
How do I infuse prayer into my daily life? How do I live out my Catholic faith? What is the best dating and marriage advice? What does a good Catholic marriage look like? How do I grow in homemaking skills and build a domestic church? How do I create a beautiful and welcoming home? What does a healthy and balanced lifestyle look like? Is it possible to find a solid community of like minded women?

Host Mari Wagner covers topics that you actually care about from faith life, to relationships and marriage, to homemaking, to healthy living. Each episode is crafted to resonate with your challenges and aspirations as a modern Christian woman seeking purpose, balance, and joy.

Tune into the Ever Be Podcast for valuable advice, relatable stories, expert insights and just some fun girl chats with someone who really gets you. Hit play to get out of the rut you constantly feel yourself in, and subscribe to join the community and experience the fullness of life Jesus has in store for you.

About your host

Profile picture for Mari Wagner

Mari Wagner