15: What Every Woman Should Know In Her 20's | Sarah Swafford

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Hey, I'm your host, Mari Wagner, and you're listening to the ever

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be podcast where faith meets lifestyle.

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I'm so excited you're here, whether you're

a new listener or a longtime follower,

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I know there's something here for you.

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Pull up a chair and listen in for

insightful real life conversations

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and actionable steps on how to claim

the full life God created you for.

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If you're a woman desiring to live

a Christ centered life in today's

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modern world, then this is for you.

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Welcome to Ever Be.

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Speaker: Welcome.

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Welcome to the podcast, Sarah.

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I'm so honored to have you here, both

as a dear friend, but also as a mentor

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to me and I know to so many others,

I'm sure who have encountered you

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through your speaking or your books

and all of the wonderful things you do.

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So welcome to ever be.

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Speaker 2: Aw, well, I'm honored that

you asked me to come and hang out with

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you, uh, and anyone else who's listening.

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I feel like we've had a lot of

conversations where we both are like, Oh,

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I wish we would have recorded that because

that probably would have been helpful.

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So, hey, here we are,

here we are recording

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Speaker: our conversation.

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I love it.

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I know.

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Finally.

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And well, before we dive in, I'm sure

so many of my listeners know who you

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are, but if anybody here is meeting

you for the first time, can you give

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us maybe a little background about

who you are and what you're all about?

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Speaker 2: I love it.

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Um, I'm coming to you

from Atchison, Kansas.

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So if anyone has ever heard of

Benedictine College, go Ravens.

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Um, I live across the street.

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Uh, my husband's a theology

professor here, and we have six kids.

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Uh, Thomas is 18, Fulton is 16,

Kate is 12, Colby is 8, John Paul,

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Benedict, no pressure, is 4, and

our baby, Avila Faustina, straight

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to the convent, is 10 months.

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Thanks.

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So I feel like I gave her a

religious name, like from the jump.

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So, and that's great.

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I think she's going to live up to it.

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It's going to be amazing.

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So, uh, but yeah, so

we, I live in Atchison.

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I do a lot of ministry.

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I've been doing ministry

for probably almost.

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15, 20 years.

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I mean, however you want to count it.

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Um, I absolutely love young adults.

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They are my, they are my jam, man.

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They're, they are just the best.

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And, um, I've been speaking and

writing for them and for adults

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as well, over the last few years.

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And it gives me life, man.

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I love it.

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It's, it's just a, it's a really cool

thing to get to travel around and hang

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out and just help people put their

lives together and, and listen and just

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be there in any way I can for them.

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Yes.

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Speaker: Yeah.

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And this is exactly why I knew

you would be the perfect guest

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for this specific episode because

you speak so well from the heart.

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Um, and as a friend, like right there

with you figuring it out, but you also

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speak as an older sister that like wants

to help you get out there and reach, you

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know, like what the Lord has for you.

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And then you also speak from like a place

of wisdom as a mom, who's like sometimes.

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You just need to be told the tough

love, you know, because I love you.

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This is what you need to know.

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And this is what we're going to get into.

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And so I just feel like we do it

all with so much love and joy.

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And yeah, I'm really, really pumped

for us to dive into to all that we

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have for women in their twenties.

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today.

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So I'm 26.

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So I feel like I'm

right in the middle now.

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I love it.

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I can speak from a place of

wisdom of like, you know, to

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the early twenties ladies.

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And then you just have the wisdom, you

know, to share from your whole life.

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So let's, let's just start

with the most important thing.

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Okay.

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How about our Catholic faith?

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We know that that's super

important to both of us.

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And I know from experience myself in my

early twenties and walking with women in

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their twenties, when I was a missionary on

the college campus, that These years are

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a pivotal time, especially for our faith.

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When we're trying to figure out

like, how do I take it as my own?

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How do I really live it out?

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And not just like checkbox Catholic,

you know, like just like do the things

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because I was told to do them growing

up and like, how do I make it the same?

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center, center of my life and not

just like an extracurricular thing

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that I like put on my resume.

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Um, that I went to church

camp, thing like that.

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Speaker 2: Right, right.

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Like you get it on a resume.

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That's right.

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Yeah,

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Speaker: exactly.

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So where should someone start?

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What is most important when it comes

to living out your faith, especially

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like in these years in your twenties?

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Speaker 2: Oh.

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Well, first of all, I think

it's one of the hardest things.

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I mean, I tell young adults all the

time, I'm like, look, if you feel like

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you don't know what you're doing, or

you feel a little bit, like, insecure,

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overwhelmed, like, out of control, you

feel like you're just kind of taking

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life as it comes, you're not really

able to, like, I guess the best way to

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say it is you're just surviving, not

thriving in any way, which, Hi, welcome.

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Um, I think all of us feel

that way a lot of times.

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And so, I mean, I'm trying to think of

times in my life where I was just straight

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up straight or straight up thriving.

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It's like, no, I think, I don't

know if I have that right.

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I think it's always

going to be a mix, right?

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Like you're not, yeah.

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I mean, I don't think any of us have

ever in every like area of our life

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been like, Oh, I'm just absolutely

crushing it in every area of my life.

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Because typically.

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It's hard to find balance and

it's hard to find, you know,

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all time for all the different

things that are important to you.

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Uh, one of my favorite things was

this, uh, little meme on Pinterest.

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Pinterest was like, uh, a hundred years

ago, you know, 150 years ago, people came

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across the country on a covered wagon.

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And my list of things to do has, you

know, list things like drink water.

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And I'm like, okay, yeah,

that's, that's true.

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Literally where we're at right now,

you know, it's like, it's, it's hard,

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you know, like, and I think young adult

women in a very special way, you know,

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I remind everybody you're playing with a

deck of cards that no one in the history

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of the world has ever played with.

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No one, no one has ever, no other

female has ever entered her twenties or

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experienced her twenties with the same

deck of cards that you are playing with.

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And so.

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Number one, you need to have a

ton of grace for yourself and you

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need to be patient with yourself.

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And I think number two, you add in

just how hard it is to be a faithful

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Catholic in your, in your twenties.

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And you have so many things coming

at you, um, and in so many opinions

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and people's opinions about you.

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And, you know, in our day and age,

the, the number one thing that,

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that you're not allowed to do in

your twenties is show weakness.

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Or show that you don't, you don't know

exactly all the answers or you don't

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know exactly what you're doing with

your life or telling your grandma for

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the 15th time that you're not seeing

anyone and no, please don't set me

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up with anyone from bingo, you know?

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So, so I just think that, you

know, there's just, there's so

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much coming at you and our faith

is the most important thing to us.

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But I think it, I think the young

adult women, especially, you know,

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it's, it's easy to say, Oh, just like

pour into your faith life and like,

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you know, pray and all this stuff.

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And I, you know, and it's

all, that is the answer.

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But I, I really have a heart for women

who have come to me and said, what

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are they, like, what do you mean pray?

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Like, I don't pray.

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I don't have a prayer life.

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I mean, I go to mass, but you, you seem

to be talking about something much deeper.

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Can you like, tell me what

exactly that looks like?

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And so for me, I mean, I just,

First, I just want every, every

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female out there to hear me say

like, it's okay to not be okay.

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It's okay to not have it all figured out.

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I mean that just to really hear me say

that the Lord is proud of your efforts.

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Even if you feel like they're so

small or they're so incomplete, um,

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or they're just not, you know, I'm.

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I mean, we'll get into this.

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I'm sure I'm a recovering perfectionist.

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Hi.

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Firstborn only girl in my family.

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Um, type a type a trauma.

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I have it all right.

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Like I have it all.

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Um, and so I'm sure we'll get into it.

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But I think that for, for me and my

faith life in my twenties, I felt like

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if it wasn't like absolutely hitting on

every cylinder and like, and looked like

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all the other women that I, you know,

was around or looked like, then it was

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like, It didn't mean anything to the

Lord or it didn't, it was just small and

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therefore it was, wasn't good enough.

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And I mean, I even beat

myself up over my faith life.

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I think in my twenties, you know,

it just, it was never enough.

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And I think the Lord, uh, in my,

in my forties, I just turned 40.

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So in my old age here, I just

think that the Lord, I love it.

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40 has been really fun.

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You have a lot to look forward to.

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Yeah.

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Um, I, I just think the Lord just wants

to grab your face and just grab, like

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grab you and just be like, I see you.

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I see your efforts.

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I see, I see what you say to friends.

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I see how hard it is for you.

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I, and I know that this, the isolation

and the competition and the insecurity

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and the anxiety is so real for every

human being, but I think that young

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adult women carry a special cross.

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And I just think I want the women to

hear the Lord say like he sees you in

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that and he's not measuring you against

each other and he's not measuring

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you against, you know, just don't,

it's not a performance based love.

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I think that's, that's the number 1

thing that I have learned in my life

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is our Lord does not love like a human.

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He's just, that's, I mean,

we have to almost like.

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Father Jacques Philippe,

re educate the soul.

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Like we have to have a re education

cause the Lord doesn't love like a human.

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The way that we feel like

sometimes our relationships are

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conditional or performance based.

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Like the Lord just loves you in

your messiness and he expects

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you to come to him messy.

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And so I think from my heart, that's

been a process for me cause I'm like,

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why would I go to the Lord other than

put together and I'm here to serve

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you and what can I do for you today?

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You know, but to really go to him, I think

I really learned that in my late twenties.

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Yeah.

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This is messy lord take it or leave it.

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This is it's real ugly right

now, you know, and and then

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put me put me back together

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Speaker: Yeah, and I think part of what

I think makes those 20 so tough too

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is just that like You're all over the

board like people are in such different

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stages of life While still being in

the same age group and that puts a

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lot of pressure, um, especially as

women, like you mentioned comparison,

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I think it's just like a natural

thing that we have to like compare.

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And it's out of a desire of like wanting

to be good and beautiful and like, you

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know, fulfill the plan God has for you.

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But it's hard in your twenties when,

you know, you're graduating and some

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girl got a job before you, or she got

engaged and you still haven't dated

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anybody, or, you know, they were a mom

and you thought you'd be a mom by now.

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We're like, All these different

things of like all, like

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people just hitting milestones.

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I think comparison can seep in a lot.

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And I mean, that can mess with

not just like your own personal

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confidence, but even your faith

too, and just be like, Lord, like I

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thought you had a plan for my life.

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You know, I thought like, I'm,

I'm trying to have faith here,

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but like, what's your plan?

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Oh, absolutely.

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And, and I think that is a really

great point that people in their

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20s are all over the board.

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You know, some are still in college, some

are married with a couple of little kids.

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Some, you know, some are waiting for,

you know, kids to come into their

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life at, you know, waiting for the

husband to come into their life.

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Um, and it's, it's really hard and,

but we all need each other in that.

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I mean, women of all ages need each other

and we need to grow with each other.

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But the number one, I mean, my husband

always says junior high will repeat

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itself over and over again, if you don't.

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Nip it in the bud, right?

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Like, if you, if you don't call out, you

know, that, that feeling of, like, I had

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a good friend one time when we were in

college and she just came out to me and

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she's like, I compete with you in my head.

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And I know that it makes me angry at you

or it makes me like feel like less than

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and she just voiced all these things to

me and I, that was like the first time in

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my life I'd ever really trusted a woman

to like, wow, I, I feel the same way, but

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I never would have articulated it to you

and I never would have said that out loud.

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I mean, and we're still really

good friends to this day.

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She was in my wedding, you know?

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I mean, so you, you look at those hard

conversations, even sometimes with

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ourselves, you know, you have to sit

before the Lord and say, wow, why does.

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Why do I do that?

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You know, um, I think, I think sometimes

in, in your twenties, you do have the gift

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of time in, in some ways for that self

reflection and that, I mean, from the mom

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who has six children, who's 40, please

go to adoration while you, while you

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can, whenever you want to, or you don't

need a babysitter or help or anything,

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just, just go, you know, or, you know,

have the Bible study at your house and

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have the wine night, do all the things

cause you'll still be able to do them.

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It's just a little bit easier,

uh, when you're in your twenties.

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So take advantage of that

time where the Lord has said.

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Hey, I want you to reflect and

I want you to heal and I want

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you to grow and I want you to be

ready for whatever I have for you.

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Um, notice I didn't say you have

to be perfect and totally ready for

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everything I have for you because you'll

never be, um, hashtag striving, right?

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But like being in a

spot where you can say.

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Wow.

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You know what, like that relationship

that I had in high school, that, that

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boyfriend really left me with a lot of

insecurities and wounds, and I probably

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need to walk into that place and kind of

figure out why I react or act to certain

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things before I start launching into

another relationship, like what beautiful

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questions to ask, you know, maybe asking

what did my parents do really well?

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And what do I want to do differently?

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Based on how I was raised.

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Okay.

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You're getting ready to have kids.

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Maybe you're waiting, you

know, maybe you're praying

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for God to give you some kids.

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Like those are some phenomenal date night

with your husband questions, you know,

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just like that time to heal and reflect.

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Um, and then I just say, please have

grace and patience with yourself because

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I did not, I did not have patience

or grace with myself in my twenties.

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I was actually really hard on

myself and I still am to some

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extent, but if I could go back.

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I just wish that I, I could be

the hype girl cheerleader that I

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am for so many women in my life.

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I wish I would have had that

person and I wish I would have

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been that person for myself.

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Speaker: Oh yeah.

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I mean, I need to hear that.

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I'm sure so many of us need

to hear that and you're right.

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I don't know if it's maybe just the

twenties or like you were saying, like

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today's day and age, like there's just so

much pressure to like to make it and to

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do like more than the people around you.

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And um, yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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We all need to hear that.

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Like, it's okay.

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Like, just breathe.

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Like it's all right.

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Um, I want to touch on,

on pray a little bit more.

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Cause I think that's been one of the

biggest lessons I've learned in my life.

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You've mentioned it a couple of times.

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Um, you know, when you're

figuring these things out, prayer.

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What is this deeper prayer experience

you're talking about, you know, go

302

: 00:14:08

to adoration for someone who, you

know, who's maybe hearing that from,

303

: 00:14:12

from mentors in their life or from

other people, but still is kind of

304

: 00:14:14

trying to figure out, like, what kind

of prayer are they talking about?

305

: 00:14:17

Or where do I start in like a routine?

306

: 00:14:19

Like, maybe you like say a quick prayer

before bed, but like, what kind of

307

: 00:14:22

prayer would you encourage women to have?

308

: 00:14:26

Speaker 2: Oh yeah.

309

: 00:14:28

Uh, lots of thoughts.

310

: 00:14:29

We, you and I joked this

could be four hours long.

311

: 00:14:32

I mean, we could talk about every

single thing that, that we talk about.

312

: 00:14:35

So I would say like quickly, cause

again, when you start talking

313

: 00:14:38

about like faith and prayer and all

these things, you know, it's just

314

: 00:14:41

like, man, we could go on for days.

315

: 00:14:43

Um, but I, I would really, I would love

for the women listening to this to Take

316

: 00:14:48

to heart just that idea of mental prayer.

317

: 00:14:51

And a lot of people are like,

okay, yeah, I go to mass.

318

: 00:14:54

I go to adoration.

319

: 00:14:55

I even might pray the divine, you

know, divine mercy chaplet, the rosary.

320

: 00:14:59

I might pray the hours.

321

: 00:15:00

Like I am just rocking the devotional

life, yo, you know what I mean?

322

: 00:15:04

Like I, and that is like so awesome.

323

: 00:15:07

And all I have to say to that is.

324

: 00:15:08

Keep doing that.

325

: 00:15:10

Right.

326

: 00:15:10

Um, but I also think that sometimes,

and I've, again, this isn't me,

327

: 00:15:14

just this is myself and this is

mentoring and talking to and loving

328

: 00:15:17

on young adults for almost 20 years.

329

: 00:15:21

I, I hear so many of them kind of,

I, I can hear it in their voice.

330

: 00:15:25

It's like, well, I

checked all those boxes.

331

: 00:15:28

I did all those things, and I

still don't feel close to God, or

332

: 00:15:30

I still am struggling with this

or that, or that, or that or that.

333

: 00:15:34

And, and I just look at them

and I say, uh, you, you know.

334

: 00:15:37

Yes.

335

: 00:15:37

And you have to keep doing all the things

that you know, like the sacraments, you

336

: 00:15:42

can't get any better than the sacraments.

337

: 00:15:43

You can't get any better than the mass,

like highest form of prayer, go team, go.

338

: 00:15:48

The Catholic church is where it's at.

339

: 00:15:50

You know, we could do a whole podcast

series on that, but I think what,

340

: 00:15:54

what needs someone to hear, I think

what I needed to hear from someone.

341

: 00:15:57

And also I think what people need to

hear is, okay, but what does that,

342

: 00:16:01

when you go to mass, when you go to

confession, when you go to adoration,

343

: 00:16:05

What does your relationship with the

living God, the king of the universe?

344

: 00:16:09

What is your personal

relationship with him?

345

: 00:16:11

Like in that moment?

346

: 00:16:13

And I, I mean, I always genuflect

when I go into churches and I always

347

: 00:16:17

say, Lord, thank you for making me a

masterpiece and a work in progress.

348

: 00:16:20

I am here again.

349

: 00:16:21

Right?

350

: 00:16:21

Cause like you, you bow before the

king of the universe and you're like,

351

: 00:16:24

Oh my gosh, like heaven on earth.

352

: 00:16:26

Like, here we go.

353

: 00:16:27

You know, mass, all these things,

but you still come human and you come

354

: 00:16:31

broken and you come with the same

problems you had in the parking lot.

355

: 00:16:33

Like you're still this person that comes

in and just says like, okay, I'm here.

356

: 00:16:39

And I just, I really think the part

that people miss is just that, like

357

: 00:16:44

Mental prayer where there's no phone.

358

: 00:16:47

There's no journal.

359

: 00:16:48

There's no book.

360

: 00:16:49

There's no I mean again You can have

like all those things to like prep you

361

: 00:16:53

prompt you but it's where you just kind

of like Turn it all off and turn it

362

: 00:16:56

all down and you sit before the lord

I it can be an adoration it can be in

363

: 00:17:00

mass, but I have found even in my life

Sometimes it's sitting on my front porch

364

: 00:17:04

um You know when I had little little

little kids I would just light a candle

365

: 00:17:08

in front of a crucifix and like like

literally sit in my bedroom I mean because

366

: 00:17:12

it was like I just need to be with the

Lord and I need him to see me and I

367

: 00:17:16

need to see him and that gaze of love.

368

: 00:17:18

Right.

369

: 00:17:19

And my, you know, there's

a really cool phrase.

370

: 00:17:22

They were like, you know, a saying

that says you can't persist in mental

371

: 00:17:25

prayer and that like relationship with

God and that personal relationship

372

: 00:17:28

and conversation with God and in you

know, whether it's like a really tough

373

: 00:17:33

situation, a hard relationship, you

know, like some type of temptation

374

: 00:17:36

or some behavior that's like wrecking

you, you can't sit in those two places.

375

: 00:17:41

Um, because the silence is too loud.

376

: 00:17:43

You're either going to stop

praying or you're going to stop

377

: 00:17:45

being in that hard situation.

378

: 00:17:47

Like you can't, it just,

the silence is too loud.

379

: 00:17:51

And one of my favorite deadly sins

is the deadly sin of sloth, which is

380

: 00:17:55

everyone thinks it's laziness, but

it's really just kind of like that.

381

: 00:17:58

Yeah.

382

: 00:17:58

Like, it's too hard, it's too much

work, I'm just gonna roll over and die.

383

: 00:18:02

Like, it's just, it's almost like

sorrow at how hard spiritual things are.

384

: 00:18:06

And I think for young adults,

including me, and you, and everyone

385

: 00:18:10

else, I think the hardest thing to

do in life is to quiet the busyness.

386

: 00:18:15

Quiet the noise, quiet the

expectations, quiet at all.

387

: 00:18:19

And to sit in silence with our Lord,

to sit where I'm not being distracted.

388

: 00:18:24

I'm not, you know, it's so easy when

you feel uncomfortable or the Lord wants

389

: 00:18:27

to bring something up and you're like,

no, I don't want to think about that.

390

: 00:18:29

You're just like, grab your prayer

book, grab your, I mean, it's,

391

: 00:18:32

it's like, I'm speaking to myself.

392

: 00:18:34

Like I will want to just like,

no, I don't want to go there.

393

: 00:18:36

No, I don't want to go there.

394

: 00:18:37

So when I say mental prayer,

I'm, I'm talking five minutes,

395

: 00:18:40

10 minutes, 20 minutes.

396

: 00:18:42

You know, I mean, if you have it.

397

: 00:18:43

to do 30 minutes of mental prayer day.

398

: 00:18:45

Like maybe you start with like your

devotionals and things like that.

399

: 00:18:48

But then just to, to really sit with the

Lord for 10, 20, 30 minutes, life changing

400

: 00:18:53

because what happens is, is, you know, you

think about going to a mass, you know, and

401

: 00:18:57

they call it like the wedding feast, the,

you know, the consummation, you hear all

402

: 00:19:00

these like cool theological words, right?

403

: 00:19:03

If you want to sound really cool

in a theological conversation, just

404

: 00:19:05

throw out the word ontological.

405

: 00:19:07

Just say ontological and you

just sound really smart, right?

406

: 00:19:10

Like you have all of these

beautiful realities happening.

407

: 00:19:13

And my husband, who's the theologian

always says, you know, like, you

408

: 00:19:17

know, you're going to consume, you're

going to consummate this marriage.

409

: 00:19:19

You're going to like interact in the most

deep, you know, affectionate, like intense

410

: 00:19:24

way you're going to receive the Lord.

411

: 00:19:26

And he's like, it would be a

really strange marriage if couples

412

: 00:19:29

never talked to each other.

413

: 00:19:30

And if couples didn't share

intimacy before the act.

414

: 00:19:33

Everyone knows what I'm talking about.

415

: 00:19:34

Like this, I could go into this

a lot deeper, but it's like that

416

: 00:19:37

mental prayer is like that really,

honestly, it's that connection base.

417

: 00:19:41

It's that saying, I'm

going to be real with you.

418

: 00:19:43

It's saying, here are my weaknesses.

419

: 00:19:44

It's saying like, thank you.

420

: 00:19:46

It's saying, I have gratitude.

421

: 00:19:47

I'm so in love with you.

422

: 00:19:48

Like it's those.

423

: 00:19:50

Words that can be spoken any

time of the day at any point.

424

: 00:19:53

But, but do you do that even with

your significant other undistracted?

425

: 00:19:57

How many of us are like, you know,

on our phone, like, yeah, babe, what?

426

: 00:20:00

Yeah, sure.

427

: 00:20:01

Right.

428

: 00:20:01

I mean, I have to believe that way, but

the greatest gift you can give someone

429

: 00:20:05

is the gift of your eyeballs and your

heart and your like availability.

430

: 00:20:08

And I think our Lord is saying

like, I just want to be with you.

431

: 00:20:11

I just want to hear about your heart.

432

: 00:20:12

Even if you're mad at me, even if you're

upset, even if you're another word that

433

: 00:20:17

I love for young adults, even if you're

bitter, even if you're Cause I was bitter

434

: 00:20:20

with the Lord for most of my twenties.

435

: 00:20:21

So whatever it is that you're

feeling, bring it to me.

436

: 00:20:25

Like we're going to grow closer

in these beautiful sacraments.

437

: 00:20:28

If I know your heart and you

know, my heart, and we've

438

: 00:20:31

had that intimacy together.

439

: 00:20:32

Um, so again, I'm sorry, that was really

long winded, but I think that that's

440

: 00:20:35

the piece that I would really want the

girls to have, like, yeah, women to have.

441

: 00:20:39

Go mental prayer go.

442

: 00:20:40

Speaker: Yeah, I agree.

443

: 00:20:42

I mean I second that third that

fourth that like biggest piece

444

: 00:20:45

of advice And you're right.

445

: 00:20:47

I think it is really really hard It

gets harder more and more for the

446

: 00:20:52

generations to come because we're so much

used to less and less silence because

447

: 00:20:56

even the time we spend by ourselves

now isn't actually silent anymore.

448

: 00:21:00

You turn on a podcast or a show

while you're cleaning or, you know,

449

: 00:21:04

you're scrolling and watching stuff.

450

: 00:21:06

Like you might think that you're by

yourself in the quiet, but I, even I

451

: 00:21:10

rarely am like in a really quiet space,

you know, like if I'm home alone, I'm

452

: 00:21:15

like, okay, I should play something.

453

: 00:21:16

It's like, yeah.

454

: 00:21:17

Awkwardly quiet.

455

: 00:21:17

And so I think that's why it's

both like equally as hard,

456

: 00:21:20

but also equally as powerful.

457

: 00:21:22

Like why mental prayer is so powerful

because first of all, it's going to be

458

: 00:21:25

hard to enter in and like clear your mind

and like be comfortable with the silence

459

: 00:21:29

and kind of get past the whole like, okay,

Lord, I hope you're listening, you know,

460

: 00:21:34

I'm, you know, I can't hear anything,

but like, I'm here, um, but then really

461

: 00:21:39

when you, when you lean into it and when

you enter it and you allow the Lord to

462

: 00:21:42

fill that space and to fill that silence.

463

: 00:21:44

And sometimes it's not words.

464

: 00:21:45

Most of the times it's not,

it's never really audible.

465

: 00:21:47

It's just like that place.

466

: 00:21:48

It's just like filling of like

peace or like being known,

467

: 00:21:51

like in your heart by the Lord.

468

: 00:21:53

But you, if you go to that, and I always

tell people like, like I challenged him

469

: 00:21:57

to 30 days of prayer and, and that's a

big challenge, but that's what a mentor

470

: 00:22:01

challenged me in college, he was like

30 days of scripture and it was like

471

: 00:22:06

scripture, you read it the first five

minutes and then it was like mental

472

: 00:22:10

prayer, like you let that sit and

then like whatever comes to the Lord.

473

: 00:22:13

For the last like 25 and he promised

me he was like, if you do this

474

: 00:22:18

for 30 days, if you pray for 30

days, your life will be changed.

475

: 00:22:22

And he did not like budge at all.

476

: 00:22:25

And I was like, how can you promise

me that my life will change?

477

: 00:22:29

You know?

478

: 00:22:30

And it did.

479

: 00:22:31

I mean, it obviously did.

480

: 00:22:33

Like it completely,

completely changed my life.

481

: 00:22:35

And I experienced this whole, like, like

you said, like this relationship with

482

: 00:22:38

the Lord, this like deeper level where

like, it's just heart to heart now.

483

: 00:22:42

It's not, it's not like the written

devotion, which is just as beautiful,

484

: 00:22:45

but it's like, it's like my own

real raw words that like aren't

485

: 00:22:48

as beautiful or as pretty, but

like so intimate with the Lord.

486

: 00:22:53

Um, and so then, and then

when I became missionary.

487

: 00:22:56

I, I used the same tactic.

488

: 00:22:57

I was like, okay, 30 days,

your life will be changed.

489

: 00:23:01

And I promise you.

490

: 00:23:02

And then I would go to prayer and I'd

be like, Lord, I promised this girl that

491

: 00:23:05

her life would be changed after 30 days.

492

: 00:23:07

So you have to pull through.

493

: 00:23:10

Speaker 2: Yes.

494

: 00:23:11

I love it.

495

: 00:23:12

I love it.

496

: 00:23:12

Well, I think also just knows

I couldn't agree with you more.

497

: 00:23:16

And I think also, you know, Like

I'm a huge fan of the hallow app.

498

: 00:23:19

I'm a huge fan of devotionals.

499

: 00:23:21

I'm a huge fan of the rosary.

500

: 00:23:22

But one of the things that I've been

learning is sometimes when I'm like

501

: 00:23:26

listening to a podcast or listening to

a prayer, I love different novenas on

502

: 00:23:30

the hallow app and things like that.

503

: 00:23:32

Sometimes I'll be like folding

laundry or doing things.

504

: 00:23:35

And all of a sudden I'll just get like.

505

: 00:23:37

Kind of just like a moment where I'm

like, I think I just need to pause

506

: 00:23:40

this and just have a minute because I

think what some people think is they're

507

: 00:23:44

going to like go to their prayer corner

and get their coffee and just have

508

: 00:23:47

this like intimate minute with Lord.

509

: 00:23:49

And then when nothing comes or it's

just quiet or whatever, you're like,

510

: 00:23:52

you know, the, the type A's are

like, well, this is a waste of time.

511

: 00:23:54

You know what I mean?

512

: 00:23:55

And so I think that what I,

what I have found in my life is.

513

: 00:23:58

You know, doing that, like I always,

my husband and I always say, we

514

: 00:24:01

don't really believe in quality time.

515

: 00:24:02

We believe in quantity of time,

because if you spend enough time

516

: 00:24:05

together, quality will happen.

517

: 00:24:07

But you can't just like Jerry,

you know, gerrymander or like

518

: 00:24:10

manufacture, just like, Oh, we're

going to quality time right now.

519

: 00:24:13

Go, you know, with a person or

with a child or with a friend, it's

520

: 00:24:16

like you just spend time together.

521

: 00:24:17

And all of a sudden these like phenomenal

conversations come up or things like that.

522

: 00:24:21

So don't feel like you're wasting time.

523

: 00:24:22

If nothing magical or like, Earth

shattering happens during these mental

524

: 00:24:26

prayer times, but I have found that

sometimes that time is almost like

525

: 00:24:29

priming the pump, the pump for like,

all of a sudden the father, Mike says

526

: 00:24:32

something that just, you know, hits me.

527

: 00:24:34

And I, so I'll just pause the podcast

or pause, whatever I'm listening to.

528

: 00:24:38

And sometimes I take notes on my

phone or I'll take notes in my

529

: 00:24:40

journal and then I take those and

go back to mental prayer with them.

530

: 00:24:44

Cause I think sometimes people think

that this is my like 30 minutes and

531

: 00:24:47

it all, this has to happen right now.

532

: 00:24:48

And the Lord's going to just

work right now and dah, dah, dah.

533

: 00:24:50

And I think sometimes people

are disappointed when it's not.

534

: 00:24:53

It's like, Super fruitful thing, but then

all of a sudden you start seeing things

535

: 00:24:57

come out during your day And I would just

really encourage people to see it all as

536

: 00:25:00

a 24 hour prayer cycle If that makes sense

like it's a 24 hour prayer cycle friends

537

: 00:25:05

like it might he might be bringing up the

same thing over and Over again, but then

538

: 00:25:08

when you actually bring it to the silence

It actually, you know, you're ready for

539

: 00:25:12

it, but he may have to bring it up in a

couple different ways Through different

540

: 00:25:15

people or different times in your day.

541

: 00:25:17

So just don't be you know Don't expect

there to always be this like oh my

542

: 00:25:21

gosh earth shattering answers and

you know, peace peace peace It's like

543

: 00:25:25

sometimes I'll get peace randomly at

like, you know, ten o'clock at night

544

: 00:25:28

and you're like was this Is this?

545

: 00:25:30

Oh, yeah, this is from this morning.

546

: 00:25:32

This is what I was asking for, you know.

547

: 00:25:34

So, anyway, I just, that's encouragement

because I think sometimes people go

548

: 00:25:36

and then they're like, this isn't

working, this is not, you know, and

549

: 00:25:39

you, you have to remember, um, our

Lord doesn't work like, uh, you know,

550

: 00:25:43

dopamine hits on a social media feed.

551

: 00:25:45

That's just not his MO.

552

: 00:25:46

So everyone has to kind of lead

with, this is gonna look different.

553

: 00:25:50

Speaker: Totally, totally.

554

: 00:25:52

Okay, let's shift gears a little bit.

555

: 00:25:54

I want to talk about

relationships and dating.

556

: 00:25:56

This is a hot topic in

your twenties, right?

557

: 00:25:59

Everyone's trying to, you know,

figure out their vocation, figure

558

: 00:26:02

out what the dating scene is like.

559

: 00:26:04

Is he the one?

560

: 00:26:05

All that kind of stuff.

561

: 00:26:06

So what advice do you have for

women navigating the dating

562

: 00:26:10

scene in their twenties?

563

: 00:26:11

Let's start there and then we'll, we'll

get into maybe seasons of singleness or

564

: 00:26:14

relationships after, but let's just start

with like women navigating the dating

565

: 00:26:18

scene, like trying to figure out like.

566

: 00:26:20

Who should I date?

567

: 00:26:21

Who's the one?

568

: 00:26:21

What's your advice?

569

: 00:26:24

Speaker 2: I'm so glad we have two and a

half hours to answer this one question.

570

: 00:26:29

Um, I guess this is, this is why I

wrote emotional and part two part.

571

: 00:26:34

Yeah.

572

: 00:26:35

And we'll just keep going.

573

: 00:26:35

That's exactly right.

574

: 00:26:36

Part six, you know, dating was there.

575

: 00:26:39

Um, I, I think that I mean, when I

wrote emotional virtue and when I just

576

: 00:26:43

wrote gift and grit with my husband

here recently, um, that was kind of the

577

: 00:26:47

number one thing everybody wanted to

know was everybody wants relationship

578

: 00:26:51

advice and just everybody's in that.

579

: 00:26:53

And so it makes sense

that that's the question.

580

: 00:26:56

Um, and I, I love it.

581

: 00:26:58

I mean, I could talk for days about dating

and relationships and I love it because

582

: 00:27:03

one, Well, first of all, just to all

the women out there, if you're listening

583

: 00:27:07

to this podcast, if you follow Mari, if

you're, you know, if you're, if you're

584

: 00:27:10

just part of this world, dating is going

to be tough for you because you care.

585

: 00:27:15

Dating is going to be tough

for you because you don't

586

: 00:27:18

play by the world's rules.

587

: 00:27:20

So therefore it's not as

easy as it is for you.

588

: 00:27:24

Easy for everyone else because it's not

easy for them either and we all know that

589

: 00:27:28

But I think the first the first thing I

want everyone to hear me say is just deep

590

: 00:27:32

breath in Let it out like it is literally

an inhaling truth and exhaling lies kind

591

: 00:27:37

of thing because you like you You care

and it's important to you and that you

592

: 00:27:43

don't you don't casually date anymore.

593

: 00:27:45

You don't you don't date for fun You

don't like you don't pass your name,

594

: 00:27:49

you know pass your number out to random

strangers Typically because you're

595

: 00:27:52

like, no, like I want to do this, right?

596

: 00:27:55

Like, you, you know,

you've been burnt by that.

597

: 00:27:57

You're, you're here

for a different reason.

598

: 00:27:59

And so therefore I am not going to

lie to you and tell you it's going to

599

: 00:28:03

be easier, but I am going to tell you

that everything that you've decided

600

: 00:28:07

to say no to is this great big yes to

this, like incredible worth it piece.

601

: 00:28:13

That you will never regret.

602

: 00:28:15

Amen.

603

: 00:28:15

And so just hear me say, just hear

me say that from the beginning.

604

: 00:28:19

Just like, I'm so proud of you.

605

: 00:28:20

I love you.

606

: 00:28:21

Thank you for caring.

607

: 00:28:22

Thank you for, for honestly, a lot of

you, thank you for carrying your friends.

608

: 00:28:26

Um, thank you for being that person

of reason on a Saturday night.

609

: 00:28:30

Like, I'm so sorry you've been

the mom, but like, thank you for

610

: 00:28:33

just being the person that says

there's gotta be a better way.

611

: 00:28:37

There's gotta be a different way.

612

: 00:28:38

Like, tell me there's a better way.

613

: 00:28:40

Uh, that's where all my ministry

started was, um, social media came

614

: 00:28:43

out about the same time I was starting

to do ministry as a dorm director.

615

: 00:28:47

And I literally, I think the

women and men both came to me

616

: 00:28:50

cause they were like, she's saying

something different than the world.

617

: 00:28:53

And I have been so broken and

hurt by this that like I'm open

618

: 00:28:56

to anything else right now.

619

: 00:28:58

Um, and so.

620

: 00:28:59

Thank you.

621

: 00:29:00

That's where I think a lot of

people, you know, I always joke.

622

: 00:29:01

I love giving high school, college,

young adult, you know, conferences,

623

: 00:29:04

talk and talks and stuff.

624

: 00:29:06

And I always say, I don't bait and switch.

625

: 00:29:07

I bait and hook.

626

: 00:29:09

And what I mean by that is like,

nobody wants to talk about like,

627

: 00:29:11

typically like their relationship

with God or faith or things like that.

628

: 00:29:14

But then when you start talking about

relationships, they're like, Oh, I'm in

629

: 00:29:18

like, especially guys are like, wait, let

me get a pen, you know, like, hold on.

630

: 00:29:21

Talk to you.

631

: 00:29:22

Talk too fast, slow down, you know?

632

: 00:29:24

Um, and so I think that they

want to know those answers, but.

633

: 00:29:27

For me, my best dating advice for women

and men, for anybody is just, um, when

634

: 00:29:33

you say like, who am I supposed to date?

635

: 00:29:34

Like, who's the one, you know, like all

those questions that are very like vogue,

636

: 00:29:38

catchy, you know, clickbait type things.

637

: 00:29:41

Um, I think that my, my thing to them,

to you, to people listening is just that

638

: 00:29:47

that is actually not the right question.

639

: 00:29:49

Like that's, you're asking a

question that is really important.

640

: 00:29:52

Um, but the thing that I found through

a lot of brokenness in college was

641

: 00:29:57

I wanted someone to be my savior.

642

: 00:30:00

I wanted someone to be my everything.

643

: 00:30:02

I wanted someone to complete me.

644

: 00:30:04

I wanted.

645

: 00:30:05

I wanted someone to look at me and

be like, you, you are it for me.

646

: 00:30:08

You completely satisfy me.

647

: 00:30:10

You answer all my desires.

648

: 00:30:11

Like I wanted someone like that.

649

: 00:30:13

And I wanted to be that for someone.

650

: 00:30:15

And so as I was looking for that,

and as I was desiring to be that for

651

: 00:30:19

someone, um, it just led me down a

lot of dark paths and it left me.

652

: 00:30:25

Super, super broken and bitter.

653

: 00:30:28

I mentioned it earlier, but I, I

counsel bitterness and I have, I have

654

: 00:30:32

been bitter so many times in my life

because I'm type A and I felt like

655

: 00:30:36

I was playing the game really well.

656

: 00:30:37

And I was checking all the

boxes, even, even the God

657

: 00:30:40

ones, even the spiritual ones.

658

: 00:30:41

I felt like I was doing all the things

and I still kept coming up empty.

659

: 00:30:45

And it still kept coming up, not enough.

660

: 00:30:48

And therefore I wasn't

enough and it was so hard.

661

: 00:30:51

And I, my conversion happened in college.

662

: 00:30:54

I probably similar to a lot of,

a lot of the women, you know,

663

: 00:30:56

I was in a really dark place.

664

: 00:30:58

My boyfriend from high school cheated

on me our freshman year of college.

665

: 00:31:02

And 9 11 happened and I blew my knee out

on my basketball scholarship and it was

666

: 00:31:06

just like rock bottom, especially for

someone who had their whole life planned.

667

: 00:31:10

Hi.

668

: 00:31:11

Hi.

669

: 00:31:11

Welcome.

670

: 00:31:11

12 point PowerPoint slides.

671

: 00:31:13

You know what I mean?

672

: 00:31:14

Like whole life planned.

673

: 00:31:15

Um, and the whole bottom fell out.

674

: 00:31:17

And I remember going to confession,

uh, like, like probably about six

675

: 00:31:20

months after, uh, I had kind of,

I was really all over the place.

676

: 00:31:24

I was really lost.

677

: 00:31:25

I was trying to find my worth

in a lot of different places.

678

: 00:31:27

And I ended up going to confession.

679

: 00:31:29

And this priest gave me the best

life advice I've ever received.

680

: 00:31:32

And he just said, he looked at me and

he's like, you got to drop this off at the

681

: 00:31:35

feet of our Lord because it is too heavy.

682

: 00:31:37

Like you cannot carry this anymore.

683

: 00:31:39

And you can't, you can't keep pretending

like you're going to fix it yourself.

684

: 00:31:42

And cause that was what I wanted to do.

685

: 00:31:44

I was trying to just will it.

686

: 00:31:45

Like I was just trying to like,

Will it, I'm going to fix this.

687

: 00:31:48

I'm going to put my life

back together, you know?

688

: 00:31:49

And it was so exhausting.

689

: 00:31:51

And whenever he told me, he's like, look,

you like, no one can be your everything.

690

: 00:31:57

You're never going to find this guy

that's going to be like everything

691

: 00:32:01

for you or be your savior.

692

: 00:32:02

And he looked at me and he said.

693

: 00:32:04

And you will crush him

under the weight of that.

694

: 00:32:06

And you will always be disappointed.

695

: 00:32:09

And I like, I was in like a janitor's

closet on like a retreat, you

696

: 00:32:12

know, like typical college style.

697

: 00:32:13

Yeah.

698

: 00:32:14

And I just remember like the broom,

I need to like, hold onto this broom

699

: 00:32:17

right now because I was like, Oh my

gosh, like you just articulated exactly

700

: 00:32:22

what I was doing to people and also

what I was having being done to me.

701

: 00:32:27

And then I was looking for this person

that was gonna be my everything.

702

: 00:32:29

And he looked at me so kind, it was

so much kindness and said to me.

703

: 00:32:33

You don't need them to be your

savior because you already have one.

704

: 00:32:36

So let God be God and let men be men.

705

: 00:32:38

Wow.

706

: 00:32:39

Changed my life.

707

: 00:32:40

And I really think back to that time

because it was like I was manipulating.

708

: 00:32:44

I was grasping.

709

: 00:32:45

I was just really thinking that

I could like manufacture my life.

710

: 00:32:50

I could just like put my

order in like a Chick fil A.

711

: 00:32:54

And then like the Lord

would be like, my pleasure.

712

: 00:32:56

You know what I mean?

713

: 00:32:56

Or like the, the guy

would be like my pleasure.

714

: 00:32:58

I just want to serve you.

715

: 00:32:59

Right?

716

: 00:32:59

Like, I mean, it's just so backwards.

717

: 00:33:02

And that was like the day where I

really kind of just took a big step.

718

: 00:33:07

Towards like, I mean, he told me, he

said, I want you to run to our Lord.

719

: 00:33:10

Don't look in any other direction, just

run to our Lord and fall into his arms and

720

: 00:33:13

let him heal you and make you whole again.

721

: 00:33:15

Speaker: Yeah, he said when

722

: 00:33:16

Speaker 2: the time's right, like start

running with the Lord and then glance

723

: 00:33:19

aside and see who's running with you

and maybe that's who you're supposed

724

: 00:33:21

to be with, you know, like, like holy

mic drops in the confessional kind

725

: 00:33:24

of stuff, you know, and I love that.

726

: 00:33:26

This is part of my testimony

because I love sharing this because

727

: 00:33:29

as I'm looking out into a crowd,

I just see really big eyes like.

728

: 00:33:34

Sometimes tears, sometimes like, like

contemplation, but I, I can see women and

729

: 00:33:40

men having like a Rolodex of people in

their head flashing, you know what I mean?

730

: 00:33:44

Like, or like scrolling, like,

like pictures of people that

731

: 00:33:47

they've done that to, or that,

that they know have been done.

732

: 00:33:49

So when I talk about being used and

a lot of people are like, everyone

733

: 00:33:53

thinks that means something like sexual

or physical, but we all know there's

734

: 00:33:56

an emotional component to that, which

is why emotional virtue was kind

735

: 00:33:59

of like, I was like, we've got to

talk about this, like gift and grit.

736

: 00:34:01

We have to talk about this idea

of like, what does it look like?

737

: 00:34:05

And so when people ask me for

a story, Like dating advice and

738

: 00:34:07

relationship advice and all this stuff.

739

: 00:34:09

You know, I'm like, Oh,

I could talk for days.

740

: 00:34:11

I mean, 12 point plans.

741

: 00:34:12

I laid it out in the book, you know

how to go from hate to I do let's go.

742

: 00:34:15

But at the same time, like I, I don't

want to spend a minute talking about

743

: 00:34:18

that until we've talked about your heart.

744

: 00:34:21

And we've talked about the fact

that like once you're convicted.

745

: 00:34:24

That there is no person that's

going to be your everything, be your

746

: 00:34:27

savior, take away all your pain.

747

: 00:34:29

Like, cause if you walk into a marriage,

thinking that your husband's going to do

748

: 00:34:32

that, you are going to destroy him and

you're going to destroy your marriage.

749

: 00:34:36

And I, and I just, I don't want that.

750

: 00:34:39

You know, I don't want

that for your heart.

751

: 00:34:40

I don't want that for him.

752

: 00:34:41

I don't want that, you know, vice versa.

753

: 00:34:43

Like, you know, we just, I see it so

often, you know, where they, They're

754

: 00:34:47

just, they're, they have to, like the

Lord has to come into that relationship

755

: 00:34:51

and like my husband and I, you know,

when he proposed to me, he's like,

756

: 00:34:54

I don't want to run at each other.

757

: 00:34:55

Like I want to run beside

each other towards the Lord.

758

: 00:34:57

I don't want to just go, I want

to be looking at each other.

759

: 00:35:00

Like I want to run together.

760

: 00:35:01

And I thought that was such

a great image for like what I

761

: 00:35:04

think a lot of people desire.

762

: 00:35:06

And so it helps you when you're

looking at relationships, you're like.

763

: 00:35:09

Is this the kind of man that wants

to rub beside me or am I going to

764

: 00:35:12

have to drag his butt to heaven?

765

: 00:35:14

You know what I mean?

766

: 00:35:14

Like, is this the kind of guy

that, um, is going to like, look

767

: 00:35:16

at me and be like, Hey, guess what?

768

: 00:35:18

You're not my everything.

769

: 00:35:19

You, you're not my savior.

770

: 00:35:21

Chica, you're beautiful.

771

: 00:35:22

You have great hair, great legs.

772

: 00:35:24

I can go on for days,

but you're not my savior.

773

: 00:35:25

Right?

774

: 00:35:26

Like I love you and I desire a life with

you to like raise saints with you, but

775

: 00:35:31

I'm not going to, you're not going to be

my emotional fulfillment and my crutch.

776

: 00:35:35

Like.

777

: 00:35:36

Okay.

778

: 00:35:37

So I know this isn't super romantic, but

is it not, is it not super romantic to

779

: 00:35:41

be able to have someone to say that and

be like, yeah, I don't want to use you.

780

: 00:35:45

I don't, I don't want to prop myself

up, you know, and feel like you have

781

: 00:35:48

to be the one that just like makes me,

me, like I found that in the Lord, I

782

: 00:35:53

found that confidence as a daughter

of God or as a son of God, and like,

783

: 00:35:56

I want to go on this journey where we

remind each other of our belovedness.

784

: 00:36:00

Where we, where we grow in virtue

together, we struggle together.

785

: 00:36:05

I mean, I always tell girls all the time.

786

: 00:36:06

I'm like, if you think he's

the one, just ask, like, do you

787

: 00:36:10

sacrifice and suffer well together?

788

: 00:36:12

Oh, so good.

789

: 00:36:13

Yeah.

790

: 00:36:13

Like, is he a good sacrificer?

791

: 00:36:16

Because you're going to want that.

792

: 00:36:18

Like, you're going to want someone

who knows how to die to themselves.

793

: 00:36:20

And that's for the men

and the women, right?

794

: 00:36:22

Like both of us.

795

: 00:36:23

And then, and then in turn,

that becomes a question on us.

796

: 00:36:25

Do I suffer well?

797

: 00:36:27

Do I sacrifice well?

798

: 00:36:30

Do I Do I take on other Do I bear other's

bur other people's burdens patiently?

799

: 00:36:35

Am I Am I loving Cause That's the

stuff you're going to need when you get

800

: 00:36:39

engaged, when you get married, when you

have little kids, when you have kids.

801

: 00:36:43

You're not wasting time

ladies in your 20s.

802

: 00:36:45

Like if you're getting good, if you're

getting really good at relying on the

803

: 00:36:49

Lord, make not making people your gods,

like learning how to grow in patience,

804

: 00:36:53

learning virtue, being sacrificial

and learning how to suffer well.

805

: 00:36:58

Then it's just kind of like, all right,

Lord, who am I going to do this with?

806

: 00:37:01

Like, then all of a sudden it just

becomes like exciting and fun.

807

: 00:37:04

But if you're, if you're constantly

feeling like you have to be the

808

: 00:37:07

one or you're looking for the one

that's going to be your everything,

809

: 00:37:10

that is going to wreck your life.

810

: 00:37:12

Speaker: No, I love that.

811

: 00:37:13

And I, one thing that

you said that's so true.

812

: 00:37:15

it out to me that keeps like

sticking in the back of my head is

813

: 00:37:17

let God be God and let men be men.

814

: 00:37:19

And I think that that's something we all

need to hear, especially in the Catholic

815

: 00:37:23

world because, and it's a good desire.

816

: 00:37:25

We all have a, we all have the

desire, you know, or women have the

817

: 00:37:27

desire to find like the Catholic man.

818

: 00:37:30

Like you said, like the man that's

going to lead them to heaven,

819

: 00:37:32

the man that's going to say all

these things, but even then.

820

: 00:37:35

Like wanting that so much can kind

of blur the line of like, is he going

821

: 00:37:39

to fulfill God's place in my life?

822

: 00:37:42

Almost, you know, like, is what

he's going to bring to the table

823

: 00:37:45

pretty much replaced, like what

I should be asking the Lord for.

824

: 00:37:48

And that's, that's not it.

825

: 00:37:49

That's not the goal.

826

: 00:37:51

And so even when you are looking for

a good and holy man, recognizing like,

827

: 00:37:55

Like you said, like he's not going to

fulfill that God sized hole in my heart,

828

: 00:37:59

like that love, that even that marriage.

829

: 00:38:01

And I know this, you know, just three

years into marriage, that was a very quick

830

: 00:38:04

lesson I learned after being married.

831

: 00:38:06

And just, you know, like being like, why,

why do I still feel all these things?

832

: 00:38:10

I thought marriage was

supposed to fix everything.

833

: 00:38:11

And it's like, actually, because you're

putting all of the pressure on your

834

: 00:38:16

husband when like, the Lord is waiting.

835

: 00:38:18

To fulfill your every need.

836

: 00:38:20

The Lord is waiting for you to

allow Him to be God in your life.

837

: 00:38:23

And so, that was really, I think,

something important that I want people

838

: 00:38:26

to walk away with, is like, it's

still beautiful and holy to like,

839

: 00:38:29

search for the godly man, but there

is a difference between God and God.

840

: 00:38:34

A god like, you know, a godly man

841

: 00:38:37

Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a

good distinction friend.

842

: 00:38:39

I think that's really good to say

like, yeah I'm, not looking for even

843

: 00:38:42

a guy to be my god I think that again

that looks different to secular, you

844

: 00:38:45

know to the secular world and to the

catholic world I think you know you

845

: 00:38:49

have like exactly what you just said.

846

: 00:38:50

You have to be really careful that

you're not Even if he is a good, godly

847

: 00:38:53

man, you know, like not making him God.

848

: 00:38:55

Yeah.

849

: 00:38:55

And not, you know, going to him as much

as you go to God kind of stuff too.

850

: 00:38:59

Right.

851

: 00:38:59

You know, like making sure that

you're going together and you're

852

: 00:39:02

growing together and that's

all, again, running towards him.

853

: 00:39:05

Focus on him.

854

: 00:39:06

Yep.

855

: 00:39:07

Side by side.

856

: 00:39:07

Yep.

857

: 00:39:08

Versus that like be my everything.

858

: 00:39:10

Be my God.

859

: 00:39:11

Yeah.

860

: 00:39:11

You are God to me.

861

: 00:39:12

I rely on you like God.

862

: 00:39:15

It's a focus thing, right?

863

: 00:39:16

It's a, it's a, it's a shift.

864

: 00:39:17

And again, all you ladies out there

who are like, um, being single is such

865

: 00:39:21

a curse, you know what, like God is

giving you a gift and it, I know you

866

: 00:39:26

want to like throw tomatoes at me and

I totally respect it, like, but it's a

867

: 00:39:29

gift of time, like it's the gift of time.

868

: 00:39:31

It's the gift of saying like.

869

: 00:39:33

I'm going to go through and do

this inventory of my life and these

870

: 00:39:36

places where I've made men, my God,

or where is it in my life where I

871

: 00:39:39

feel like I'm, I'm lacking and I'm

like searching for that, or I'm,

872

: 00:39:43

I'm needing affirmation in this way.

873

: 00:39:45

Um, you know what I mean?

874

: 00:39:46

Like, like, um, I'm someone who

gives a lot of affection, but I

875

: 00:39:48

also love, I love affection too.

876

: 00:39:50

You know, like I love

affirmation, you know, like that.

877

: 00:39:53

I think that you have to know

thyself and man, that self awareness.

878

: 00:39:57

I mean, taking that into a marriage

and saying, Hey, I'm very aware.

879

: 00:40:00

These are the things that I struggle

with and letting your husband know that

880

: 00:40:04

letting your fiance know that, like,

it's, it's a self awareness thing.

881

: 00:40:07

And that is going to help your

marriage and your relationship so

882

: 00:40:11

much, like in so many different.

883

: 00:40:13

Speaker: Absolutely.

884

: 00:40:14

And you started to touch on singleness.

885

: 00:40:15

So I want to dive into that

a little bit because there

886

: 00:40:18

could be the woman out there.

887

: 00:40:19

And there are many who are like

doing all the things you're saying,

888

: 00:40:22

they're praying, they're going to

the Lord, they're trying to be open.

889

: 00:40:25

They, you know, they're, they're

dating, they're meeting and, and there's

890

: 00:40:29

nothing happening yet, you know, and.

891

: 00:40:31

they're struggling with this

season of singleness, which

892

: 00:40:33

I know can be very difficult.

893

: 00:40:34

So, um, what words of wisdom you

have to share with them on how to get

894

: 00:40:37

through that season or like you said,

like how to like make light of that

895

: 00:40:41

time or, you know, find the joy in it.

896

: 00:40:46

Yeah.

897

: 00:40:47

Speaker 2: Um, I, I mean, like, I

want to give this like really sweet

898

: 00:40:51

answer, like that, you know, God's

got a plan and all this stuff.

899

: 00:40:54

And I also just want to like hug

every single person that's on the

900

: 00:40:57

other end of this single thing

and just be like, you are amazing.

901

: 00:41:01

And I am so sorry that the guys

haven't quite figured that out yet.

902

: 00:41:04

I'm so excited.

903

: 00:41:05

I'm so sorry that they

are still, you know.

904

: 00:41:08

We wrote Gift and Grit literally

for the men because I was like,

905

: 00:41:11

we need some more marriable men.

906

: 00:41:12

Like, I love the men.

907

: 00:41:13

I have such a heart for the men.

908

: 00:41:14

And they literally, guys will

come up to me like, can you give

909

: 00:41:17

a talk on like how to flirt again?

910

: 00:41:19

Because I think I forgot

how to talk to people.

911

: 00:41:21

And I'm like, yes, let's do that.

912

: 00:41:24

I'm about, maybe I Instagram

live for any man that wants

913

: 00:41:27

to learn how to flirt again.

914

: 00:41:28

Hosted by Sarah Swafford.

915

: 00:41:29

Why?

916

: 00:41:29

I don't know.

917

: 00:41:31

Right, flirting 101 with Sarah Swafford.

918

: 00:41:33

Okay, that could get

awkward, but maybe not.

919

: 00:41:35

So, anyway, I think it would be awesome,

but I just want the women to hear me

920

: 00:41:38

say this, like, I'm so proud of you.

921

: 00:41:41

The Lord sees you.

922

: 00:41:42

Um, I'm sorry for all the times that

you've been overlooked or someone has said

923

: 00:41:46

something that made you feel less than.

924

: 00:41:50

Um, that's, that's, That's

not from the Lord, right?

925

: 00:41:53

Like the, the, the devil will weave

just this beautiful web of lies and

926

: 00:41:56

then have you like, like, you know, jump

into it and you just feel it around you.

927

: 00:42:01

And it's so hard to shake that stuff.

928

: 00:42:03

It's so hard to be like, yeah, not true.

929

: 00:42:05

I know it's not true.

930

: 00:42:06

Right.

931

: 00:42:06

It's, it's just so hard.

932

: 00:42:07

And so I just really want you to

hear like a big sister come to you

933

: 00:42:11

and say, please, please, please.

934

: 00:42:14

Do not believe the lies that the devil

has told you about your worth and about

935

: 00:42:19

your worthiness of Being you know, not

only just like a beautiful daughter of

936

: 00:42:23

God and worth your vocation whatever

that means in your life right now I

937

: 00:42:27

just I think it's so easy for women

who are single to To really feel like

938

: 00:42:32

it's the plague, you know, it's like

I've been, you know, I, I'm a leper and

939

: 00:42:35

everyone knows I'm a leper and I'm going

to be single for the rest of my life.

940

: 00:42:38

And I have leper written

across my forehead.

941

: 00:42:40

You know what I mean?

942

: 00:42:41

Like, I think so many women are, are

like, I think you think that, but that

943

: 00:42:45

those are a lot of lies from the devil.

944

: 00:42:47

And so just in this period of singleness,

I mean, I know you hear all the cliche

945

: 00:42:50

things and so I'm not going to say them.

946

: 00:42:52

Speaker 3: Right.

947

: 00:42:52

Speaker 2: Um, I know, you know, all the

answers of like, it's going to be fine.

948

: 00:42:56

God has a plan, all that stuff.

949

: 00:42:57

And I just want you to hear me say like,

that doesn't make it easier on you.

950

: 00:43:01

And it's okay to be frustrated and it's

okay to be just like, gosh, Lord, like,

951

: 00:43:06

why do I feel like you've forgotten me?

952

: 00:43:07

Like he has not forgotten you.

953

: 00:43:09

And there's just such a bigger

plan going on behind the scenes.

954

: 00:43:13

Like, you know, macro level.

955

: 00:43:15

I always say like the bird's

eye airplane view of your life.

956

: 00:43:18

And, and you look at your life as like

a pie piece, you know, and you see

957

: 00:43:22

these times of your twenties as look

at that little piece of pie, right.

958

: 00:43:26

Or look at that piece of pie.

959

: 00:43:27

You're like, Sarah, I've been single,

like, all of high school, all of college.

960

: 00:43:30

I will say, I meet the most fantastic

women, and like, literally, I'm

961

: 00:43:35

just like, you are phenomenal.

962

: 00:43:38

I hope my daughter

grows up to be like you.

963

: 00:43:40

And then they'll like, whisper to

me, yeah, I've never been asked out.

964

: 00:43:42

I know.

965

: 00:43:43

It's crazy.

966

: 00:43:43

And I just want everyone to

hear, I want everyone to hear

967

: 00:43:46

me say this, that is not on you.

968

: 00:43:47

Mm hmm.

969

: 00:43:48

That is not your problem.

970

: 00:43:50

That is not your problem.

971

: 00:43:51

I just want you to know you

are worthy of being asked out.

972

: 00:43:54

You are worthy of being dated.

973

: 00:43:55

You are worthy of all those things.

974

: 00:43:57

So you just, again, being

boss of your thoughts, right?

975

: 00:43:59

I talk about this a lot.

976

: 00:44:00

You take the thought that you

hear right in your head, whatever

977

: 00:44:04

someone said, whatever you say

about yourself and you put it in

978

: 00:44:05

your hand and you say it out loud.

979

: 00:44:08

And if it doesn't sound like our loving

heavenly father or Sarah Swafford or

980

: 00:44:12

anybody in your circle, just take it

and throw it against the wall, right?

981

: 00:44:16

Like throw it against the wall

and be like, that is not of God.

982

: 00:44:19

That is not of God.

983

: 00:44:20

And if it's not from the father of love,

it's probably from the father of lies.

984

: 00:44:23

And so, but here's the tricky part.

985

: 00:44:25

I don't want you to just throw the thought

out of your head and against the wall.

986

: 00:44:28

I want you to take a thought and

speak it out loud and put it back

987

: 00:44:32

in your hand and look at it a truth.

988

: 00:44:35

Say the truth out loud and

then put it back in your head

989

: 00:44:38

Speaker 4: because

990

: 00:44:38

Speaker 2: it's not just an untwisting of

the lie It's a rebuilding of the truth.

991

: 00:44:43

It's not just a subtraction.

992

: 00:44:45

It's an addition Amen Like I want you

to surround yourself with people who

993

: 00:44:49

are gonna put speak words of truth and

wisdom and love into your life about you

994

: 00:44:54

and I want you to surround yourself with

those people and in nine times out of

995

: 00:44:57

ten it might be other single girls other

single women that are like Yeah, I mean

996

: 00:45:02

Chesterton has this great quote where true

friendship begins with the words me too.

997

: 00:45:06

And I think that is just the, this,

the realest thing is just to have

998

: 00:45:09

someone in your circle and in your

corner be like This is stupid hard.

999

: 00:45:13

Yeah, and I'm like super frustrated

and I'm bitter and that's

: 1000

00:45:17,154 --> 00:45:19,154

okay, but you can't stay there.

: 1001

00:45:19,684 --> 00:45:23,244

So like I want you to hear me say

that like I'm, I'm frustrated for you.

: 1002

00:45:23,724 --> 00:45:25,214

This is not all on you.

: 1003

00:45:26,069 --> 00:45:28,539

I'm sorry for the pain

that you have endured.

: 1004

00:45:29,619 --> 00:45:31,899

So we all just sit in that for

a minute and we drink a glass

: 1005

00:45:31,899 --> 00:45:33,409

of wine, depending on your age.

: 1006

00:45:33,419 --> 00:45:36,539

And you just sit there and you just

say like cookie dough, wine, whatever.

: 1007

00:45:36,539 --> 00:45:38,789

And you just say, okay, this is a lot.

: 1008

00:45:38,829 --> 00:45:39,629

What the what Lord?

: 1009

00:45:39,629 --> 00:45:40,219

This is a lot.

: 1010

00:45:40,249 --> 00:45:41,199

Like I'm doing all the things.

: 1011

00:45:41,469 --> 00:45:44,579

And then I want you to have a

session called, okay, this is real.

: 1012

00:45:44,609 --> 00:45:45,189

This is it.

: 1013

00:45:45,529 --> 00:45:48,599

And then I want you to have a session

called, but I'm not going to let

: 1014

00:45:48,649 --> 00:45:53,769

the devil like wrap me into lies and

make me bitter and make me hopeless.

: 1015

00:45:54,109 --> 00:45:55,089

And make me settle.

: 1016

00:45:56,039 --> 00:45:57,019

So let's drink to that.

: 1017

00:45:57,069 --> 00:46:00,249

After we drink to the frustration,

we're going to drink to the fact that

: 1018

00:46:00,249 --> 00:46:01,659

like, that's not the end of the story.

: 1019

00:46:01,919 --> 00:46:03,819

Like God has a plan for my life.

: 1020

00:46:03,879 --> 00:46:05,499

I don't know what exactly

what it looks like.

: 1021

00:46:05,809 --> 00:46:09,119

And I'm kind of along for this adventure

and this ride, and I can either be

: 1022

00:46:09,119 --> 00:46:11,829

bitter and frustrated and kind of

crabby about it, or I can be like.

: 1023

00:46:12,094 --> 00:46:13,454

Okay, this is real.

: 1024

00:46:13,664 --> 00:46:16,054

This is the deck that we're

playing with in the 21st century.

: 1025

00:46:16,834 --> 00:46:19,524

Sarah's trying to give talks

and write books to help the men

: 1026

00:46:19,524 --> 00:46:20,874

figure it out and come ask us out.

: 1027

00:46:20,874 --> 00:46:22,234

We are working on it, right?

: 1028

00:46:22,254 --> 00:46:24,094

Like, we are, we are all working on it.

: 1029

00:46:24,644 --> 00:46:27,404

Um, and we are, we're going

to figure this out, right?

: 1030

00:46:27,604 --> 00:46:30,984

Um, but, but there's no reason to put

your life on hold because you're single.

: 1031

00:46:31,064 --> 00:46:31,724

Yes.

: 1032

00:46:31,734 --> 00:46:32,174

No.

: 1033

00:46:32,384 --> 00:46:33,424

Absolutely not.

: 1034

00:46:33,464 --> 00:46:36,404

And, and again, I hope you go back and

listen to this because I have a lot

: 1035

00:46:36,404 --> 00:46:39,874

of people who tell me like I've taken

your talks and like bookmark them and

: 1036

00:46:39,874 --> 00:46:43,544

sometimes I just listen to them because

I'm like I need someone to just tell

: 1037

00:46:43,544 --> 00:46:46,724

me that they love me and then to tell

me what I'm actually supposed to be

: 1038

00:46:46,724 --> 00:46:50,909

looking to do right now because I want

to just Eat bonbons, take a nap and

: 1039

00:46:50,909 --> 00:46:52,279

make out with some random guy at work.

: 1040

00:46:52,469 --> 00:46:54,039

And that is not what we were going to do.

: 1041

00:46:54,039 --> 00:46:56,219

Ladies, that is not what

we were going to do.

: 1042

00:46:56,239 --> 00:46:56,579

Amen.

: 1043

00:46:56,589 --> 00:46:58,889

Like I, I just, I think

it's good to be real.

: 1044

00:46:58,889 --> 00:47:01,179

And that's where I think a lot of the

girls that are single in their twenties.

: 1045

00:47:01,429 --> 00:47:04,769

And if you're not single and you're,

you're in listening to this at

: 1046

00:47:04,769 --> 00:47:08,819

any age, I feel like it is our

personal responsibility to help

: 1047

00:47:08,819 --> 00:47:10,659

our friends find their vocation.

: 1048

00:47:11,609 --> 00:47:14,199

I have an, I have a thing called

find your spouse at my house.

: 1049

00:47:14,209 --> 00:47:18,989

Like I am happily married and I want to

have people find their spouse in my house.

: 1050

00:47:18,999 --> 00:47:20,039

Like that is important to me.

: 1051

00:47:20,379 --> 00:47:24,359

I literally will, I will try to

match make, I will try to love, I

: 1052

00:47:24,359 --> 00:47:28,064

mean, like, You've got to introduce

maybe you're maybe you're an engaged

: 1053

00:47:28,074 --> 00:47:29,104

couple and you found a person.

: 1054

00:47:29,314 --> 00:47:29,924

We're happy for you.

: 1055

00:47:29,924 --> 00:47:32,524

That's awesome Could you please

start inviting your friends to like

: 1056

00:47:32,524 --> 00:47:35,174

a get together and have a bunch of

your single friends come together?

: 1057

00:47:35,404 --> 00:47:40,114

So that they can meet each other because

we need people to help facilitate this

: 1058

00:47:40,404 --> 00:47:43,174

You're not going to probably go to the

grocery store And I mean it happens

: 1059

00:47:43,174 --> 00:47:46,664

right but it's it's hard it's getting

harder and harder to find our people

: 1060

00:47:47,129 --> 00:47:49,249

Friendship and dating relationship.

: 1061

00:47:49,499 --> 00:47:52,829

So I'm going to just beg and

plead everybody out there, whether

: 1062

00:47:52,829 --> 00:47:56,239

you're single, you know, married,

religious, religious, throw great

: 1063

00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:57,739

parties, whoever it is, right?

: 1064

00:47:57,739 --> 00:48:03,429

Like throw parties, have people over and

introduce people, especially people that

: 1065

00:48:03,429 --> 00:48:04,589

are, you know, looking for each other.

: 1066

00:48:04,599 --> 00:48:05,959

They're not going to just find each other.

: 1067

00:48:06,189 --> 00:48:07,500

Can we please help them?

: 1068

00:48:07,500 --> 00:48:08,379

That's really important.

: 1069

00:48:08,379 --> 00:48:08,965

Yeah, for

: 1070

00:48:08,965 --> 00:48:09,257

Speaker: sure.

: 1071

00:48:09,257 --> 00:48:12,479

I think too, a lot of what

you were saying resonated.

: 1072

00:48:13,039 --> 00:48:17,759

With me I think could be applied to like

anybody in a season of waiting, you know

: 1073

00:48:17,769 --> 00:48:20,689

We're talking about singleness right

here But like we talked about there's

: 1074

00:48:20,689 --> 00:48:24,019

so many transitionings happening in our

20s Whether it's you know waiting to

: 1075

00:48:24,019 --> 00:48:27,169

get married or wanting to get the job

or waiting to get pregnant or whatever

: 1076

00:48:27,169 --> 00:48:31,749

it is Like you can apply that to all

those seasons of waiting and I I was

: 1077

00:48:31,749 --> 00:48:35,039

reflecting on the way I asked you this

question I ended it with like and how

: 1078

00:48:35,039 --> 00:48:40,124

can they just do this with joy and

then I was like Hold on Hold, hold on.

: 1079

00:48:40,554 --> 00:48:44,364

And then I stopped myself while you

were talking, because I started to

: 1080

00:48:44,364 --> 00:48:48,684

apply this to my own life, you know,

in our own season of waiting, we, you

: 1081

00:48:48,684 --> 00:48:50,154

know, are wanting to grow our family.

: 1082

00:48:50,234 --> 00:48:51,574

And it has been a journey for us.

: 1083

00:48:51,604 --> 00:48:57,099

And I have learned through this process,

like, It's okay not to be totally joyful.

: 1084

00:48:57,129 --> 00:49:02,639

It's okay to not be like overly ecstatic

about like your plan, not being the

: 1085

00:49:02,639 --> 00:49:04,919

Lord's plan right now, you know?

: 1086

00:49:04,919 --> 00:49:08,679

And so I kind of want to re just

rephrase that and say like, if you,

: 1087

00:49:08,679 --> 00:49:12,094

if you are doing it with joy and if

there's a season of joy, Beautiful.

: 1088

00:49:12,114 --> 00:49:13,034

The Lord will bless that.

: 1089

00:49:13,064 --> 00:49:19,634

And if there's a season that is really

hard and there's suffering and darkness or

: 1090

00:49:19,694 --> 00:49:23,174

anger with the Lord, you know, like give

it to him, give him all the, the yucky

: 1091

00:49:23,174 --> 00:49:27,474

stuff, all the trash that you feel like

he can't handle, like he can handle it,

: 1092

00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:33,109

And it's okay for those seasons to also

be messy and like, not be perfectly tied

: 1093

00:49:33,109 --> 00:49:36,949

with a bow and be like, I'm gonna wait

so well, I'm gonna do this waiting season

: 1094

00:49:36,949 --> 00:49:39,859

so well, because it never works that way.

: 1095

00:49:39,859 --> 00:49:42,229

And I, and I'm like, you,

Sarah, I'm just like, I, I have

: 1096

00:49:42,229 --> 00:49:43,669

it figured out and I, I know.

: 1097

00:49:44,089 --> 00:49:44,889

I know the path.

: 1098

00:49:44,889 --> 00:49:48,139

It's it's prayer and surrender

and let the Lord do it.

: 1099

00:49:48,149 --> 00:49:51,529

So if I do that, well, like this

season of waiting is going to be over.

: 1100

00:49:51,529 --> 00:49:55,429

But the truth is that that's still

not, the Lord is not formulaic.

: 1101

00:49:55,429 --> 00:49:58,999

You know, we can't like

make him work on our timing.

: 1102

00:49:59,009 --> 00:50:01,069

And so it's okay for this season to be

: 1103

00:50:01,069 --> 00:50:03,689

Speaker 2: well, and I love what you're

saying about like, and you know, we

: 1104

00:50:03,689 --> 00:50:06,019

hope we can do it with joy, but we're

not always going to do it with joy.

: 1105

00:50:06,019 --> 00:50:08,629

And I think that what I have

found in my life is suffering.

: 1106

00:50:08,974 --> 00:50:12,234

Can either suffering in any way,

especially in waiting or not getting

: 1107

00:50:12,234 --> 00:50:15,734

what you want, right when you want it,

I think it can either push you away from

: 1108

00:50:15,734 --> 00:50:17,444

the Lord or push you towards the Lord.

: 1109

00:50:17,974 --> 00:50:21,184

So I really think, but the

problem is, is it's up to us.

: 1110

00:50:21,384 --> 00:50:24,294

It's about how we respond

to that suffering and that

: 1111

00:50:24,294 --> 00:50:25,964

sacrifice and that enduring.

: 1112

00:50:26,374 --> 00:50:29,084

So I think, I think that's one thing

for, for all those ladies, like again,

: 1113

00:50:29,094 --> 00:50:32,684

raise a glass to the difficulty and

then raise a glass to the Lord and

: 1114

00:50:32,684 --> 00:50:35,774

good friends and getting through

it together and saying, let's make

: 1115

00:50:35,814 --> 00:50:37,354

like, let's be stronger through this.

: 1116

00:50:37,664 --> 00:50:41,874

And stronger in our faith instead of

letting it completely destroy us because

: 1117

00:50:42,164 --> 00:50:46,584

we've seen that it can, um, over time

really erode your faith and it can

: 1118

00:50:46,584 --> 00:50:48,384

erode your confidence in who you are.

: 1119

00:50:48,654 --> 00:50:50,684

And then you do things that

you swore you would never do.

: 1120

00:50:51,054 --> 00:50:54,064

And I think that's, that's when you have

people come into your life and say, no,

: 1121

00:50:54,074 --> 00:50:58,134

like, like, you know, we can do this, like

we, you know, to really rally each other

: 1122

00:50:58,314 --> 00:51:02,234

and to rally around the Lord and in the

heart of, in the sacred heart of Jesus.

: 1123

00:51:02,684 --> 00:51:05,174

When you're rallying in the Sacred

Heart of Jesus, you can also be

: 1124

00:51:05,174 --> 00:51:06,444

real in the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

: 1125

00:51:06,454 --> 00:51:09,694

Like, He is not, He is

the God of both, right?

: 1126

00:51:09,704 --> 00:51:10,434

The both and.

: 1127

00:51:10,684 --> 00:51:14,374

And so I think just being real is good,

but, but don't leave it at just the

: 1128

00:51:14,374 --> 00:51:17,534

like, what the heck, you know, what

the what Lord, is what I like to say.

: 1129

00:51:17,604 --> 00:51:18,314

What the what Lord?

: 1130

00:51:18,554 --> 00:51:19,504

Like, don't leave it there.

: 1131

00:51:19,534 --> 00:51:20,584

Bring it back over to Him.

: 1132

00:51:21,404 --> 00:51:22,934

Yes, absolutely.

: 1133

00:51:24,044 --> 00:51:26,304

Speaker: Well, relationships

leads us right into marriage.

: 1134

00:51:26,344 --> 00:51:26,654

Okay.

: 1135

00:51:26,654 --> 00:51:31,414

That is also a big part of our twenties,

young married couples and young families.

: 1136

00:51:31,414 --> 00:51:33,564

We see them growing so

much more in the church.

: 1137

00:51:33,564 --> 00:51:35,154

It makes me so, so happy.

: 1138

00:51:35,434 --> 00:51:38,604

Um, what advice do you have for new wives?

: 1139

00:51:38,604 --> 00:51:41,889

Let's say in their first five years

of marriage and maybe new moms.

: 1140

00:51:42,359 --> 00:51:42,859

Oh, I

: 1141

00:51:42,869 --> 00:51:43,649

Speaker 2: love it.

: 1142

00:51:44,229 --> 00:51:48,139

I actually just had, I just had some

people ask, uh, us if we would ever

: 1143

00:51:48,139 --> 00:51:50,599

write a book on how to get through

your first five years of marriage.

: 1144

00:51:50,599 --> 00:51:53,639

And I was like, Oh my gosh,

that would be such a fun.

: 1145

00:51:53,639 --> 00:51:57,689

I think that would be a really fun book

because I think that the first five years

: 1146

00:51:57,689 --> 00:51:59,019

of marriage, you know, it's really cute.

: 1147

00:51:59,029 --> 00:52:02,539

Sometimes, um, we work with a lot of,

we, we live across the street from

: 1148

00:52:02,539 --> 00:52:05,799

: 2000

they'll come out to us and, uh, Swath

: 1149

00:52:05,799 --> 00:52:09,199

and I will be married 19 years in

June and they'll come up to us and

: 1150

00:52:09,209 --> 00:52:12,049

be like, Oh, we want your marriage.

: 1151

00:52:12,069 --> 00:52:13,609

Like your family's so beautiful.

: 1152

00:52:13,609 --> 00:52:16,599

And you know, they'll just like say

things and, and we always laugh and

: 1153

00:52:16,599 --> 00:52:19,049

we're like, Oh, you should have been

around for the first five years.

: 1154

00:52:19,049 --> 00:52:21,019

You would have been like, keep your

marriage, you know what I mean?

: 1155

00:52:21,019 --> 00:52:21,669

Like keep it.

: 1156

00:52:21,949 --> 00:52:26,559

Um, because we just, we went through a

lot and, um, I always tell those young

: 1157

00:52:26,559 --> 00:52:30,469

adults, I'm like, you're looking at

the fruit of a married couple that.

: 1158

00:52:30,754 --> 00:52:35,874

Grew together, sacrificed together and

pushed through and like are here and

: 1159

00:52:35,874 --> 00:52:40,024

living and telling about it because it

just, my favorite toast at someone's

: 1160

00:52:40,034 --> 00:52:43,124

wedding is here's to the day that

you'll love each other the least.

: 1161

00:52:43,674 --> 00:52:45,344

Um, and I really believe it.

: 1162

00:52:45,394 --> 00:52:48,204

I really believe it in the

sense of like, I thought I

: 1163

00:52:48,204 --> 00:52:49,744

loved Swaaf on our wedding day.

: 1164

00:52:49,744 --> 00:52:51,884

I thought I knew Swaaf on her wedding day.

: 1165

00:52:52,134 --> 00:52:54,134

I thought, you know, he was

the greatest thing that ever

: 1166

00:52:54,134 --> 00:52:55,344

happened on our wedding day.

: 1167

00:52:55,344 --> 00:52:59,934

And he was, um, but I just, I

noticed that like through our whole

: 1168

00:52:59,934 --> 00:53:02,529

marriage, It just kept getting better.

: 1169

00:53:02,529 --> 00:53:03,809

It just kept getting stronger.

: 1170

00:53:03,809 --> 00:53:09,409

It just kept getting um, more You know

deep and rich and all those great words

: 1171

00:53:10,129 --> 00:53:14,039

but I would be lying to you if I didn't

say that almost all that growth came

: 1172

00:53:14,039 --> 00:53:19,039

through some form of sacrifice and

growing in virtue and and suffering

: 1173

00:53:19,039 --> 00:53:23,289

together and loving each other well

And and really again dying to yourself

: 1174

00:53:23,289 --> 00:53:27,449

dying to your Needs every, you know,

not being number one every time.

: 1175

00:53:27,449 --> 00:53:28,789

And, and that's really hard.

: 1176

00:53:28,789 --> 00:53:32,369

I think for us as women, um,

because we do, we look across at

: 1177

00:53:32,369 --> 00:53:36,899

our significant other or at her

husband and be like, fix it, fix me.

: 1178

00:53:37,269 --> 00:53:39,409

And certainly don't be the

problem of my problems.

: 1179

00:53:39,409 --> 00:53:40,099

Like, you know what I mean?

: 1180

00:53:40,099 --> 00:53:41,199

Like, you know what I mean?

: 1181

00:53:41,319 --> 00:53:42,979

So, um, don't be the catalyst.

: 1182

00:53:42,979 --> 00:53:45,159

Yo, like I have enough

to deal with over here.

: 1183

00:53:45,159 --> 00:53:46,189

Don't let it be you.

: 1184

00:53:46,499 --> 00:53:47,424

Um, but.

: 1185

00:53:47,494 --> 00:53:51,224

But it's hard when you have two humans

together and you have to, you know, I

: 1186

00:53:51,224 --> 00:53:55,384

read this really beautiful book years

ago and it said only, only God would

: 1187

00:53:55,384 --> 00:53:59,564

know that the ironing that sharpens

iron in a marriage, you know, the

: 1188

00:53:59,564 --> 00:54:05,204

person who has like the flashlight on

your soul, like 24 seven, um, he goes,

: 1189

00:54:05,234 --> 00:54:09,484

only God would know that, that, that

sharpening would come flesh on flesh.

: 1190

00:54:10,284 --> 00:54:14,654

And I was like, Oh, that is

like mystical and beautiful.

: 1191

00:54:14,654 --> 00:54:16,114

And it's because it's so true.

: 1192

00:54:16,114 --> 00:54:19,524

You know, it's like it, you know, you

get into these seasons of busyness

: 1193

00:54:19,524 --> 00:54:23,134

or little kids or, you know, just

suffering or waiting or, you know,

: 1194

00:54:23,134 --> 00:54:24,154

all the things we're talking about.

: 1195

00:54:24,174 --> 00:54:26,164

And, and you really do

look at your spouse, like.

: 1196

00:54:26,574 --> 00:54:27,674

Fix it, take care of it.

: 1197

00:54:27,714 --> 00:54:30,334

Like, why are you not moving

heaven and earth right now?

: 1198

00:54:30,334 --> 00:54:32,584

Or why are you, why can't you fix this?

: 1199

00:54:32,594 --> 00:54:35,504

You know, and it just makes you both

kind of look at each other and be

: 1200

00:54:35,504 --> 00:54:40,194

like, I love you more than anything,

but I, I, I can't, you know, I can't

: 1201

00:54:40,574 --> 00:54:42,364

do anything to make this go away.

: 1202

00:54:42,404 --> 00:54:44,204

I can't heal all your wounds.

: 1203

00:54:44,204 --> 00:54:45,264

I can't be that person.

: 1204

00:54:45,264 --> 00:54:48,794

And so just so similar to what we've been

going back, I still struggled with it.

: 1205

00:54:48,854 --> 00:54:51,444

You know, kind of like you were

saying, even in marriage, even,

: 1206

00:54:51,454 --> 00:54:54,694

you know, two, three, four years

married, there was still that, like.

: 1207

00:54:55,244 --> 00:54:58,524

You know, I want, like, I need to go to

God, but I want, it's faster to go to you.

: 1208

00:54:58,524 --> 00:54:59,694

It's easier to go to you.

: 1209

00:54:59,694 --> 00:55:01,624

I want you to do this, you know?

: 1210

00:55:01,874 --> 00:55:05,874

And then again, you, the whole like

single, you'll always be disappointed.

: 1211

00:55:06,334 --> 00:55:09,114

There, there's going to be times where

you're going to disappoint your spouse.

: 1212

00:55:09,124 --> 00:55:10,824

You're going to, you're

not going to be virtuous.

: 1213

00:55:10,824 --> 00:55:12,044

You're not going to have all the answers.

: 1214

00:55:12,044 --> 00:55:13,834

You're not going to be

thinking of them first.

: 1215

00:55:14,009 --> 00:55:15,819

Like you're going to have those bad days.

: 1216

00:55:15,819 --> 00:55:20,579

And so, so when I see, you know, young

married couples or I see young people,

: 1217

00:55:20,589 --> 00:55:23,859

you know, young couples with young kids

or whatever, like my husband and I, we

: 1218

00:55:23,859 --> 00:55:26,739

literally will like stop people in the

grocery store and be like, you're at the

: 1219

00:55:26,739 --> 00:55:28,749

hardest stage, man, you're killing it.

: 1220

00:55:28,749 --> 00:55:29,529

You're doing great.

: 1221

00:55:29,529 --> 00:55:31,299

Like, this is so hard at first time moms.

: 1222

00:55:31,299 --> 00:55:33,609

Like I will come and scrub

your toilet with a toothbrush.

: 1223

00:55:33,609 --> 00:55:36,039

That's how I feel about first

time being a first time mom.

: 1224

00:55:36,509 --> 00:55:40,809

It's so awesome and beautiful, but

really, really hard and really,

: 1225

00:55:40,809 --> 00:55:42,269

really talk about a transition.

: 1226

00:55:42,279 --> 00:55:44,999

Like, Whoa, I'm going to, I'm

going to remember that, Sarah.

: 1227

00:55:44,999 --> 00:55:49,479

So do you like what do you like?

: 1228

00:55:49,479 --> 00:55:49,759

Right.

: 1229

00:55:49,759 --> 00:55:50,299

I'm coming.

: 1230

00:55:50,499 --> 00:55:52,969

I'm coming with margaritas

and toothbrushes.

: 1231

00:55:52,969 --> 00:55:53,219

Right.

: 1232

00:55:53,229 --> 00:55:57,289

Like, um, but I, but I mean that

like, it is such a hard time in life.

: 1233

00:55:57,399 --> 00:55:59,939

You know, you, you think like,

I've always wanted to be a mother.

: 1234

00:55:59,959 --> 00:56:01,149

I'm going to be the best mother ever.

: 1235

00:56:01,149 --> 00:56:01,979

I'm going to rock this.

: 1236

00:56:01,979 --> 00:56:03,029

I am so capable.

: 1237

00:56:03,029 --> 00:56:04,039

I am so prepared.

: 1238

00:56:04,259 --> 00:56:06,089

And then you get completely

rocked and you're like.

: 1239

00:56:06,619 --> 00:56:07,509

This is really hard.

: 1240

00:56:07,849 --> 00:56:11,049

Um, and same with marriage, you know,

like people used to say marriage is

: 1241

00:56:11,049 --> 00:56:13,949

hard and I was like, dude, we're just

going to make love like every day.

: 1242

00:56:13,949 --> 00:56:14,749

It's going to be fine.

: 1243

00:56:14,759 --> 00:56:17,939

And, and like, I would like literally

say that out loud because you

: 1244

00:56:17,939 --> 00:56:19,509

know, chastity and like waiting.

: 1245

00:56:19,509 --> 00:56:21,019

And I was just like, no, it's fine.

: 1246

00:56:21,029 --> 00:56:22,079

We have got this figured out.

: 1247

00:56:22,379 --> 00:56:24,039

And now I just look at

myself and I just laugh.

: 1248

00:56:24,039 --> 00:56:29,489

Cause I'm like, oh my gosh, I said,

but, but it was kind of real too though.

: 1249

00:56:29,489 --> 00:56:32,569

You know, cause it's like, there's so much

beauty in being married that first year.

: 1250

00:56:32,829 --> 00:56:34,439

Um, but there's also those little like.

: 1251

00:56:34,719 --> 00:56:37,229

blending your lives and all that stuff.

: 1252

00:56:37,229 --> 00:56:41,159

And so my marriage advice is, um, I

mean, I could go on for days, but don't

: 1253

00:56:41,159 --> 00:56:46,259

keep score is one of my favorite things

to say, don't keep score, don't tally.

: 1254

00:56:46,479 --> 00:56:49,879

Um, and then just to remember

that like, God has chosen

: 1255

00:56:49,879 --> 00:56:52,019

this person to sanctify you.

: 1256

00:56:52,409 --> 00:56:55,529

And, and to love you and

to, to take you to heaven.

: 1257

00:56:55,539 --> 00:56:58,559

And so are they going to get in

your way sometimes because you, you

: 1258

00:56:58,559 --> 00:57:01,629

feel like you have it all figured

out and there's going to be a plan.

: 1259

00:57:01,819 --> 00:57:02,149

Yeah.

: 1260

00:57:02,149 --> 00:57:05,589

Like your, your spouse is the greatest

accountability partner you'll ever have.

: 1261

00:57:05,899 --> 00:57:09,609

Um, so give them the keys and be

able to say like, uh, you have

: 1262

00:57:09,609 --> 00:57:14,349

permission to love me well, and

that might include calling me out.

: 1263

00:57:14,794 --> 00:57:17,194

That might add, that might be

in click Andy and I, we don't

: 1264

00:57:17,194 --> 00:57:18,654

say like, how are you doing?

: 1265

00:57:18,864 --> 00:57:21,344

We'll like say to each other,

like, like, how can I pray for you?

: 1266

00:57:21,914 --> 00:57:25,544

Like, you know, did you get your, like,

we're really, we're bulldogs about making

: 1267

00:57:25,544 --> 00:57:27,074

sure that we both get our prayer time.

: 1268

00:57:27,134 --> 00:57:29,534

That's really important to me

that he gets his prayer time.

: 1269

00:57:29,824 --> 00:57:31,324

It's really important to him

that I get my prayer time.

: 1270

00:57:31,699 --> 00:57:33,949

Somewhat selfishly because

we're a lot nicer if we do.

: 1271

00:57:34,009 --> 00:57:34,359

Amen.

: 1272

00:57:34,669 --> 00:57:36,649

Um, so it's somewhat as

like, have you prayed yet?

: 1273

00:57:36,769 --> 00:57:37,989

It's like, why am I being snappy?

: 1274

00:57:38,149 --> 00:57:38,289

Right.

: 1275

00:57:38,779 --> 00:57:40,129

Um, so you know what I mean?

: 1276

00:57:40,129 --> 00:57:43,320

Like that realness of like,

no, she needs her time.

: 1277

00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:45,029

He needs her time.

: 1278

00:57:45,029 --> 00:57:45,449

Yeah.

: 1279

00:57:45,449 --> 00:57:46,149

Here's your rosary.

: 1280

00:57:46,159 --> 00:57:46,719

Go on a walk.

: 1281

00:57:46,769 --> 00:57:49,369

I, Oh, he's been told me to just

take my, take my rosary and walk.

: 1282

00:57:49,369 --> 00:57:51,949

I've definitely in 19 years of

marriage, I've, we've had that

: 1283

00:57:51,949 --> 00:57:53,049

where I'm like, I'm going on a walk.

: 1284

00:57:53,429 --> 00:57:56,369

Um, so just being very real

about marriage and knowing that.

: 1285

00:57:56,649 --> 00:57:57,909

Yeah, they're not going to be your savior.

: 1286

00:57:57,919 --> 00:58:00,859

They're not going to be your everything,

but they're going to be like your

: 1287

00:58:00,859 --> 00:58:05,069

workout partner, your running partner,

your companion, your lover, and like

: 1288

00:58:05,139 --> 00:58:08,609

in all those things, getting each

other to heaven, like on this journey.

: 1289

00:58:08,989 --> 00:58:11,669

And, um, yeah, I just,

I'm, I'm so touched.

: 1290

00:58:11,709 --> 00:58:15,359

I was really blessed by, um, the,

the beautiful woman, Jessica, who

: 1291

00:58:15,359 --> 00:58:18,809

passed away, uh, this week, she

was like a count blessed by cancer.

: 1292

00:58:18,809 --> 00:58:21,439

And I didn't know about it

until like six months ago.

: 1293

00:58:21,439 --> 00:58:22,289

And I feel like.

: 1294

00:58:22,669 --> 00:58:25,669

Her watching her account on, on Instagram.

: 1295

00:58:25,679 --> 00:58:27,369

I was like, I have a love,

hate with the internet.

: 1296

00:58:27,369 --> 00:58:30,859

I have a love, hate with every,

like all forms of social media.

: 1297

00:58:31,049 --> 00:58:32,599

Like I just, I have a

love, hate with it all.

: 1298

00:58:32,599 --> 00:58:35,359

And I really like told the Lord,

like, I, this is one of the times

: 1299

00:58:35,359 --> 00:58:40,489

where I've loved, I loved Instagram

for being able to watch her die.

: 1300

00:58:40,909 --> 00:58:43,769

And one of the things that she

said was, we're all terminal.

: 1301

00:58:44,419 --> 00:58:45,199

I just know it.

: 1302

00:58:45,199 --> 00:58:46,849

And you, you don't, and you forget.

: 1303

00:58:47,119 --> 00:58:49,809

And I was so shook by that

because I was just like.

: 1304

00:58:50,299 --> 00:58:52,239

Man, it makes you just

love your spouse more.

: 1305

00:58:52,249 --> 00:58:53,499

It makes you love your kids more.

: 1306

00:58:53,509 --> 00:58:56,069

I mean, when there's a, there's

a real where you can watch her

: 1307

00:58:56,069 --> 00:58:57,239

when she's shaving her head.

: 1308

00:58:57,259 --> 00:59:00,249

Um, when she goes to the salon to

have her hair, her beautiful hair

: 1309

00:59:00,249 --> 00:59:04,259

shaved, and she's just singing songs

and singing songs and like praying

: 1310

00:59:04,259 --> 00:59:05,379

and her kids are talking to her.

: 1311

00:59:06,019 --> 00:59:10,159

And I just, I think about that in regards

to marriage, you know, like, like Andy,

: 1312

00:59:10,159 --> 00:59:13,149

my husband always says, he says, sometimes

it's not looking at your spouse and

: 1313

00:59:13,159 --> 00:59:15,059

being like, Dude, you're difficult today.

: 1314

00:59:15,089 --> 00:59:16,289

Like, you know, I like, I love you.

: 1315

00:59:16,289 --> 00:59:17,849

I don't know if I really

like you this hour.

: 1316

00:59:17,899 --> 00:59:18,199

Right.

: 1317

00:59:18,469 --> 00:59:20,629

Um, but like being able to look at

your spouse and say like, I'm going

: 1318

00:59:20,629 --> 00:59:22,479

to love Christ in you right now.

: 1319

00:59:22,949 --> 00:59:26,019

Like I'm going to love, like, I'm going

to love Christ through you right now.

: 1320

00:59:26,069 --> 00:59:28,929

Especially when you're in a tough

season, maybe someone listening to this.

: 1321

00:59:28,939 --> 00:59:30,029

It's like, yeah, we're not speaking.

: 1322

00:59:30,029 --> 00:59:31,619

We're we're, we're in a rough spot.

: 1323

00:59:31,629 --> 00:59:34,449

Like I'm not in a good spot

with my husband right now.

: 1324

00:59:34,779 --> 00:59:37,399

Like you're going to have those

seasons or days, you know what I mean?

: 1325

00:59:37,399 --> 00:59:39,539

You're going to have those weeks

maybe that are just like, we are off.

: 1326

00:59:39,554 --> 00:59:43,744

And so it's always good to

bring it back to, okay, what's

: 1327

00:59:43,754 --> 00:59:45,214

the overall goal here, friends?

: 1328

00:59:45,224 --> 00:59:49,144

Like, okay, husband, like, are we

letting a lot of these like petty little

: 1329

00:59:49,154 --> 00:59:53,644

things get in the way of like, Hey, like

we're on a journey towards eternity.

: 1330

00:59:54,104 --> 00:59:57,994

And so like that has to change the way

we interact with each other and in that

: 1331

00:59:57,994 --> 01:00:01,274

constant reminder of like There's just

a there's a bigger journey here that

: 1332

01:00:01,274 --> 01:00:05,184

we're a part of and and that's why it's

so important to pick someone Um to have

: 1333

01:00:05,184 --> 01:00:09,494

someone to have the lord reveal to you

this person that's going to help you get

: 1334

01:00:09,504 --> 01:00:12,114

to heaven because it is Really difficult.

: 1335

01:00:12,394 --> 01:00:14,964

I always say everything I talk

about not easy totally worth it.

: 1336

01:00:15,264 --> 01:00:20,244

And I think that having a strong

marriage Not easy, totally worth it.

: 1337

01:00:20,254 --> 01:00:23,504

But it takes a lot of work and a lot

of, you have to care for your marriage.

: 1338

01:00:23,504 --> 01:00:24,864

You have to pour into your marriage.

: 1339

01:00:24,874 --> 01:00:27,424

Those are all things that it's so

easy to be like, well, I know you're

: 1340

01:00:27,424 --> 01:00:28,914

not going to leave me, so whatever.

: 1341

01:00:29,194 --> 01:00:32,484

It's like, no, like your kids

are going to watch the greatest

: 1342

01:00:32,484 --> 01:00:35,924

form of them learning how to love

is watching you love each other.

: 1343

01:00:36,534 --> 01:00:39,574

So you can't put your kids first

every time you can't, you can't say

: 1344

01:00:39,574 --> 01:00:40,764

like, well, my kids are number one.

: 1345

01:00:40,764 --> 01:00:43,164

And then my husband's like

over here, like that is not,

: 1346

01:00:43,194 --> 01:00:45,004

I've seen that go terribly bad.

: 1347

01:00:45,324 --> 01:00:49,254

You have to really love each other well,

and your children will watch that and

: 1348

01:00:49,274 --> 01:00:50,684

they will, and they will model that.

: 1349

01:00:50,704 --> 01:00:51,894

And it's really, really beautiful.

: 1350

01:00:52,724 --> 01:00:53,314

Speaker: Totally.

: 1351

01:00:53,544 --> 01:00:54,434

I think this is so good.

: 1352

01:00:54,434 --> 01:00:57,004

I know we started with the question of

like first five years of marriage and

: 1353

01:00:57,004 --> 01:01:00,559

I just want to reiterate like I think

something I learned quickly in our

: 1354

01:01:00,559 --> 01:01:04,329

first few years of marriage was like

when we were having like problems or

: 1355

01:01:04,329 --> 01:01:07,119

trying to work through something and

I was going to spiritual direction.

: 1356

01:01:07,119 --> 01:01:10,969

I'm like, father, like, we're like

newly married, like a year and a half

: 1357

01:01:10,989 --> 01:01:13,069

in, like, this shouldn't be happening.

: 1358

01:01:13,069 --> 01:01:16,519

We shouldn't be, everything should

be like, like blissful still.

: 1359

01:01:16,519 --> 01:01:18,599

And like, it's just

like, what is going on?

: 1360

01:01:18,599 --> 01:01:23,254

And he's like, He's like, honey,

like this should be happening in

: 1361

01:01:23,254 --> 01:01:24,474

your first five years of marriage.

: 1362

01:01:24,474 --> 01:01:26,684

Like you don't know

how to love each other.

: 1363

01:01:26,684 --> 01:01:28,324

Well, like you don't know how

: 1364

01:01:28,324 --> 01:01:28,994

Speaker 5: to love each

: 1365

01:01:29,194 --> 01:01:31,394

Speaker: other as a, how

long have you been a wife?

: 1366

01:01:32,264 --> 01:01:33,484

I'm like only a year and a half.

: 1367

01:01:34,034 --> 01:01:34,914

Okay, great.

: 1368

01:01:34,914 --> 01:01:37,424

So you only have a year and

a half's worth of experience.

: 1369

01:01:37,744 --> 01:01:39,524

You're still pretty inexperienced.

: 1370

01:01:39,524 --> 01:01:43,374

Like totally like expected and like, okay.

: 1371

01:01:43,374 --> 01:01:45,554

To encounter all this, especially

those first five years.

: 1372

01:01:45,554 --> 01:01:46,764

And I think that's a misconception.

: 1373

01:01:46,764 --> 01:01:49,644

Like, like you're saying like

Instagram, great things and hard things.

: 1374

01:01:49,959 --> 01:01:53,309

And especially like myself included all

these influencers, everyone's talking

: 1375

01:01:53,309 --> 01:01:56,629

about marriage and holy marriages and

like, so good to encourage, but like,

: 1376

01:01:56,989 --> 01:01:59,079

you only really see a part of it.

: 1377

01:01:59,079 --> 01:02:03,499

You only really see like the beautiful

highlight reel of it because it's, it's

: 1378

01:02:03,499 --> 01:02:07,489

also not necessary to like air out all

the dirty laundry, you know, publicly

: 1379

01:02:07,489 --> 01:02:09,639

to everybody, but it's good to realize.

: 1380

01:02:09,639 --> 01:02:12,799

And for, you know, for us to just

like, come out and say, honestly, like.

: 1381

01:02:13,413 --> 01:02:16,254

There's a, there's a lot of hard stuff

in there that you're going to encounter

: 1382

01:02:16,264 --> 01:02:19,913

and it's not perfect and marriage doesn't

solve everything and especially those

: 1383

01:02:19,913 --> 01:02:23,524

first five years if you don't know how

to love each other well and those are

: 1384

01:02:23,614 --> 01:02:25,754

learning curve years and that's okay.

: 1385

01:02:26,134 --> 01:02:27,464

Speaker 2: Yeah, it's normal.

: 1386

01:02:27,534 --> 01:02:30,124

Yeah, don't feel, don't feel like

you're the only one, that's for sure.

: 1387

01:02:30,574 --> 01:02:31,224

Exactly.

: 1388

01:02:31,714 --> 01:02:34,084

Speaker: Okay, last thing that we

should touch on is friendships.

: 1389

01:02:34,114 --> 01:02:38,464

And I think that this is something that

should be talked about more and more

: 1390

01:02:38,694 --> 01:02:42,334

because I don't feel like I have heard

a lot of people touch on friendships.

: 1391

01:02:42,354 --> 01:02:46,264

And as I've gotten older, I've

begun to see just how my circle of

: 1392

01:02:46,264 --> 01:02:47,584

close friends sort of gets smaller.

: 1393

01:02:48,959 --> 01:02:51,309

And I don't think it's

necessarily like a bad thing.

: 1394

01:02:51,309 --> 01:02:54,879

It's not like I'm like anti people,

you know, but you just start, you start

: 1395

01:02:54,899 --> 01:02:58,239

seeing like you're in school and you

have all these people in your life.

: 1396

01:02:58,249 --> 01:03:01,669

All these friends are different classes

and clubs and stuff you're a part of.

: 1397

01:03:01,669 --> 01:03:03,499

And then you graduate and you move away.

: 1398

01:03:03,499 --> 01:03:06,129

People get married, start having

kids and jobs and life gets busy.

: 1399

01:03:06,129 --> 01:03:10,109

And then those people that like are really

important in your life start kind of

: 1400

01:03:10,109 --> 01:03:12,159

just like getting like, Less and less.

: 1401

01:03:12,469 --> 01:03:15,549

Um, and it's harder to keep those

friendships close and you also have

: 1402

01:03:15,549 --> 01:03:17,199

less time to invest in those people.

: 1403

01:03:17,199 --> 01:03:20,089

But yet community is still so important.

: 1404

01:03:20,089 --> 01:03:25,069

And like, as you're stepping into marriage

or as you're stepping into, you know,

: 1405

01:03:25,209 --> 01:03:29,919

a life and a career or a motherhood or

whatever, like you want to have those

: 1406

01:03:29,919 --> 01:03:33,479

people around you, like your village

and, and your team to like, encourage

: 1407

01:03:33,479 --> 01:03:35,029

you and pray for you and walk with you.

: 1408

01:03:35,769 --> 01:03:41,019

How can we build community in this

stage of life, um, or invest in

: 1409

01:03:41,019 --> 01:03:42,599

those friendships that we do have?

: 1410

01:03:43,734 --> 01:03:44,184

Speaker 2: Yeah.

: 1411

01:03:44,964 --> 01:03:46,794

Oh man, that's such a great question.

: 1412

01:03:46,804 --> 01:03:49,334

Um, it's just, I think it's

more important than ever.

: 1413

01:03:49,374 --> 01:03:51,834

I think that what you're, what you're

talking about is I think as we go

: 1414

01:03:51,834 --> 01:03:55,304

through junior high, high school,

college, you have a lot of acquaintances

: 1415

01:03:55,574 --> 01:03:56,754

and you have a lot of friends.

: 1416

01:03:57,134 --> 01:04:00,474

And so I think what, what you

start to feel is like, Oh man,

: 1417

01:04:00,484 --> 01:04:04,174

I don't have the time to have as

many, I think acquaintances one.

: 1418

01:04:04,444 --> 01:04:07,163

And then two, my idea

of what friendship is.

: 1419

01:04:07,379 --> 01:04:11,339

Matures and grows and then also you

just don't have the same amount of, of

: 1420

01:04:11,339 --> 01:04:13,929

time to be able to, to give to everyone.

: 1421

01:04:14,209 --> 01:04:18,399

Um, but I, but I honestly think that

in our day and age, I think the most

: 1422

01:04:18,399 --> 01:04:22,449

important thing that we can invest in

is, well, one, like our, our relationship

: 1423

01:04:22,449 --> 01:04:26,079

with our Lord and our faith and, you

know, obviously our prayer life, but

: 1424

01:04:26,239 --> 01:04:30,229

right behind that I think is friendship

and really prioritizing people who

: 1425

01:04:30,229 --> 01:04:33,919

are leading you to Christ and people

who are bringing you to the Lord

: 1426

01:04:33,929 --> 01:04:35,239

and reminding you of your goodness.

: 1427

01:04:35,619 --> 01:04:39,139

And, and sitting with you in your

waiting, and sitting with you, sitting

: 1428

01:04:39,139 --> 01:04:40,819

with you in your realness, you know?

: 1429

01:04:41,059 --> 01:04:44,309

Um, we, we wrote about this

a lot in Gift and Grit.

: 1430

01:04:44,359 --> 01:04:47,899

We actually wrote, like, lots

of chapters on friendship.

: 1431

01:04:47,909 --> 01:04:50,559

Not only how to make friends,

or how to be a friend, or the

: 1432

01:04:50,559 --> 01:04:53,359

different levels of friendship, and

just how to navigate friendship.

: 1433

01:04:53,709 --> 01:04:59,199

But also, like, how to How to get out of a

toxic relationship or a toxic friendship,

: 1434

01:04:59,229 --> 01:05:03,479

or how, how to know that it's time for you

to say something, or it's time for you.

: 1435

01:05:03,679 --> 01:05:07,379

How do you have friends where you're

maybe having a conversion and you still

: 1436

01:05:07,379 --> 01:05:10,959

have your amazing friends that you grew

up with, that you're still close with?

: 1437

01:05:11,399 --> 01:05:12,459

That can be really hard.

: 1438

01:05:12,459 --> 01:05:14,899

And I think that for a lot

of young adults, they, they

: 1439

01:05:14,899 --> 01:05:16,509

feel like I either have to.

: 1440

01:05:16,929 --> 01:05:20,999

Ditch the fit, the whole, the whole faith

thing, or you have to ditch these friends

: 1441

01:05:21,249 --> 01:05:24,709

and that's just, that's not true, but

it's really hard to navigate that, you

: 1442

01:05:24,709 --> 01:05:27,979

know, and, and it's hard, I think in your

twenties, cause you're like, you know, you

: 1443

01:05:27,979 --> 01:05:31,959

have all these voices in your head, you

know, like image, image, image, success,

: 1444

01:05:32,209 --> 01:05:36,259

you know, success, success, um, what

people are going to think about you and

: 1445

01:05:36,399 --> 01:05:38,249

like, you know, you have all these voices.

: 1446

01:05:38,744 --> 01:05:41,544

And then you also have these like really

strong friendships where you're like, but

: 1447

01:05:41,584 --> 01:05:46,454

these people are so life giving to me and

these people are so life sucking to me.

: 1448

01:05:46,744 --> 01:05:49,834

Like, I feel like myself here and I

feel like I have to be someone else

: 1449

01:05:49,834 --> 01:05:52,934

here and I feel like I'm enough here

and I'm not enough there and sometimes

: 1450

01:05:52,944 --> 01:05:56,944

those friends are blended and I,

you see why people are like done.

: 1451

01:05:57,084 --> 01:06:03,064

I done put me in a hoodie, hoodie, get

me a drink and I am staying in right?

: 1452

01:06:03,064 --> 01:06:06,144

Like, I totally understand why people

are like, I'm done with people.

: 1453

01:06:06,524 --> 01:06:08,154

Um, mother Angelica has a great lines.

: 1454

01:06:08,154 --> 01:06:10,524

Like everyone will be saints if it

wasn't for other people, like that I

: 1455

01:06:10,524 --> 01:06:11,734

have to deal with all these other people.

: 1456

01:06:12,034 --> 01:06:14,254

Um, it was just such a

hilarious, true thing.

: 1457

01:06:14,254 --> 01:06:17,014

Cause it's like, but I think

more than ever friendship

: 1458

01:06:17,034 --> 01:06:18,054

is what's going to help us.

: 1459

01:06:18,114 --> 01:06:20,984

Again, I think our world struggles

sometimes with being human.

: 1460

01:06:21,839 --> 01:06:25,739

And the best way to be human is to

practice being human with other humans.

: 1461

01:06:26,149 --> 01:06:29,229

And it's, I think a lot of people

in our world are like, no, too hard.

: 1462

01:06:29,939 --> 01:06:33,219

You know, people are dating too

much risk, too much commitment.

: 1463

01:06:33,439 --> 01:06:33,899

I'm out.

: 1464

01:06:34,219 --> 01:06:35,449

Uh, we wrote about that a lot.

: 1465

01:06:35,449 --> 01:06:39,038

I think that's a big part of the problem

is people are afraid to take a risk.

: 1466

01:06:39,479 --> 01:06:40,629

They're afraid to be known.

: 1467

01:06:41,064 --> 01:06:44,104

They're afraid of putting themselves

out there and being rejected.

: 1468

01:06:44,584 --> 01:06:47,964

Um, you know, those are fears and

that, and that's the problem is,

: 1469

01:06:47,974 --> 01:06:49,924

you know, when you are going to be

friends with people, you're going

: 1470

01:06:49,924 --> 01:06:51,424

to experience a little bit of that.

: 1471

01:06:51,663 --> 01:06:55,674

But, but from my heart to

yours, I promise it's worth it.

: 1472

01:06:56,374 --> 01:06:57,214

It's worth it.

: 1473

01:06:57,264 --> 01:07:00,084

I mean, it's worth kind of

navigating those and saying like,

: 1474

01:07:00,084 --> 01:07:01,784

man, that, that was tough, man.

: 1475

01:07:01,784 --> 01:07:04,634

That was, man, I walked into that

room and pretended like I knew

: 1476

01:07:04,634 --> 01:07:06,174

someone like that was really hard.

: 1477

01:07:06,474 --> 01:07:10,004

Um, or like, wow, I really liked

that guy and he totally is dating

: 1478

01:07:10,004 --> 01:07:11,544

my best friend and that sucks.

: 1479

01:07:11,854 --> 01:07:14,504

But like, I'm glad that I put myself

out there because if I wouldn't have

: 1480

01:07:14,504 --> 01:07:17,944

said anything, you know, I tell people

a lot, sometimes rejection is the,

: 1481

01:07:18,014 --> 01:07:19,484

is the clearest form of clarity.

: 1482

01:07:19,974 --> 01:07:21,094

Like, does it suck?

: 1483

01:07:21,134 --> 01:07:21,474

Yeah.

: 1484

01:07:21,494 --> 01:07:24,624

But wouldn't you rather have someone

say, I just use a friend than be

: 1485

01:07:24,624 --> 01:07:28,554

mentally or emotionally in love with

them for six months only to have them

: 1486

01:07:28,554 --> 01:07:29,674

tell you, I just want to be friends.

: 1487

01:07:29,674 --> 01:07:33,684

Like, no, rejection is sometimes

the best form of clarity.

: 1488

01:07:33,874 --> 01:07:34,814

It just sucks.

: 1489

01:07:35,204 --> 01:07:37,794

And, and that's, those are things

that I write about and say about

: 1490

01:07:37,794 --> 01:07:40,734

because I talk about a lot is because

I think a lot of times people leave

: 1491

01:07:40,734 --> 01:07:44,274

a situation, leave a relationship

and they just beat themselves up.

: 1492

01:07:44,274 --> 01:07:45,913

And they're like, I'm

never doing that again.

: 1493

01:07:46,624 --> 01:07:48,444

And they have that inner vow of.

: 1494

01:07:48,769 --> 01:07:49,799

People are going to hurt me.

: 1495

01:07:50,029 --> 01:07:52,659

People are going to think I'm less

than people are going to judge me.

: 1496

01:07:52,659 --> 01:07:56,999

People are going to, and they, and

then they project that on everybody

: 1497

01:07:56,999 --> 01:07:58,579

in their, everybody in their life.

: 1498

01:07:58,979 --> 01:08:01,569

And there's little people, their

friends are trying to pop up

: 1499

01:08:01,569 --> 01:08:03,019

and be like, want to hang out?

: 1500

01:08:03,819 --> 01:08:04,679

over the fence, right?

: 1501

01:08:04,679 --> 01:08:08,469

Like barbecue, like, you know,

over the fence, like happy hour.

: 1502

01:08:08,669 --> 01:08:09,909

And they're like, whack a mole.

: 1503

01:08:09,909 --> 01:08:11,429

They're like, go away, go away, go away.

: 1504

01:08:11,459 --> 01:08:12,409

I will not be hurt again.

: 1505

01:08:12,419 --> 01:08:13,159

I will not be hurt again.

: 1506

01:08:13,159 --> 01:08:14,269

I am not trusting people.

: 1507

01:08:14,449 --> 01:08:16,049

I don't want to, I don't

want to date anybody.

: 1508

01:08:16,419 --> 01:08:19,839

And I think that that's where the,

the devil is keeping people isolated

: 1509

01:08:19,849 --> 01:08:23,219

and alone and hurt and mad and bitter.

: 1510

01:08:23,594 --> 01:08:25,783

And it's really hard because

it's, it's going to take

: 1511

01:08:25,783 --> 01:08:27,434

friends to pull you out of that.

: 1512

01:08:27,754 --> 01:08:29,573

It's going to take our Lord

to pull you out of that.

: 1513

01:08:29,573 --> 01:08:30,283

I've been there.

: 1514

01:08:30,474 --> 01:08:33,484

I'm sure you've been there where

you're just like, Nope, I'm done.

: 1515

01:08:33,493 --> 01:08:33,804

I'm done.

: 1516

01:08:33,804 --> 01:08:34,474

Trying.

: 1517

01:08:34,514 --> 01:08:34,904

I'm done.

: 1518

01:08:34,924 --> 01:08:35,684

Caring.

: 1519

01:08:36,014 --> 01:08:36,894

I'm done with people.

: 1520

01:08:36,953 --> 01:08:37,834

I'm done with men.

: 1521

01:08:38,004 --> 01:08:38,934

I'm done with life.

: 1522

01:08:40,318 --> 01:08:42,379

And then, but then you can

only sit in that for so long.

: 1523

01:08:42,379 --> 01:08:45,509

And then it's like, ah, this

just can't be, this can't be it.

: 1524

01:08:45,839 --> 01:08:48,318

And then you get sad and you get

depressed and you get down and you get

: 1525

01:08:48,318 --> 01:08:50,408

anxious and, and you pick yourself apart.

: 1526

01:08:50,828 --> 01:08:54,559

And it's really only other women

and good friends and good men that

: 1527

01:08:54,559 --> 01:08:55,969

are going to pull you out of that.

: 1528

01:08:56,299 --> 01:08:57,639

But we have to give people a chance.

: 1529

01:08:57,658 --> 01:09:00,029

And so this is my plea, the

plea of my heart, uh, the

: 1530

01:09:00,029 --> 01:09:01,368

gift and grit side of Sarah.

: 1531

01:09:01,389 --> 01:09:02,849

This is why we wrote this

book is because I was like.

: 1532

01:09:03,059 --> 01:09:06,549

The devil wants to keep people isolated

and alone and feeling worthless.

: 1533

01:09:06,908 --> 01:09:10,198

And they don't, the devil does not want

you to risk on love, and does not want

: 1534

01:09:10,198 --> 01:09:13,689

you to be committed to anything, and does

not want you to be convicted in anything.

: 1535

01:09:14,149 --> 01:09:17,068

And that's the whole premise

of Gift and Grit was like, No.

: 1536

01:09:17,389 --> 01:09:18,259

Your life's a gift.

: 1537

01:09:18,269 --> 01:09:19,149

You are a gift.

: 1538

01:09:19,479 --> 01:09:22,269

The purpose and meaning of your

life is to give it away as a gift.

: 1539

01:09:22,538 --> 01:09:23,839

But do you have the grit to do it?

: 1540

01:09:24,464 --> 01:09:25,754

Because it's gritty.

: 1541

01:09:26,054 --> 01:09:27,294

It's gritty to heal.

: 1542

01:09:27,323 --> 01:09:28,714

It's gritty to put yourself out there.

: 1543

01:09:28,714 --> 01:09:29,913

It's gritty to make friends.

: 1544

01:09:29,934 --> 01:09:31,413

It's gritty to have a prayer life.

: 1545

01:09:32,254 --> 01:09:35,783

It's gritter, it's gritty to feel

like to really know your worthiness

: 1546

01:09:36,264 --> 01:09:37,404

as a beloved daughter of God.

: 1547

01:09:37,474 --> 01:09:38,024

That's grit.

: 1548

01:09:38,834 --> 01:09:41,443

And I think our, again, our

world has all these other

: 1549

01:09:41,453 --> 01:09:42,854

accomplishments for you waiting.

: 1550

01:09:42,854 --> 01:09:46,589

And I, and I am looking at you

saying, Reel back, peel back

: 1551

01:09:46,599 --> 01:09:47,709

what's actually important.

: 1552

01:09:48,229 --> 01:09:50,019

Like what, like again, deathbed stuff.

: 1553

01:09:50,029 --> 01:09:51,198

Like what do you want?

: 1554

01:09:51,589 --> 01:09:52,948

What's worth it to you?

: 1555

01:09:53,249 --> 01:09:55,529

An image is not going to come

even close on that radar.

: 1556

01:09:55,529 --> 01:09:57,429

It's going to be like

so far off the radar.

: 1557

01:09:57,649 --> 01:09:59,559

Success even is going to be off the radar.

: 1558

01:09:59,909 --> 01:10:02,449

So I, that's my question to,

you know, as we wrap this, like,

: 1559

01:10:02,599 --> 01:10:04,269

what is your definition of love?

: 1560

01:10:04,769 --> 01:10:06,329

What is your definition of success?

: 1561

01:10:07,474 --> 01:10:11,044

What does it look like in

your life to be successful?

: 1562

01:10:11,744 --> 01:10:15,254

And for me, it's like, I want

to die, like, on my deathbed

: 1563

01:10:15,254 --> 01:10:16,504

being like, No regrets.

: 1564

01:10:16,764 --> 01:10:17,594

Took all the risks.

: 1565

01:10:17,884 --> 01:10:18,954

Loved all the people.

: 1566

01:10:19,324 --> 01:10:21,684

Why would I want to go to heaven and

take as many people as I can with me?

: 1567

01:10:21,684 --> 01:10:23,134

Like, no time wasted.

: 1568

01:10:23,324 --> 01:10:24,024

Let's go.

: 1569

01:10:24,164 --> 01:10:26,654

You know, like, I want,

what is success to you?

: 1570

01:10:26,654 --> 01:10:29,864

And I, I think for the, for the 20

something, the devil wants to fill

: 1571

01:10:29,864 --> 01:10:32,304

your head with a bunch of stuff that

just is a complete waste of time.

: 1572

01:10:32,749 --> 01:10:36,209

And, and, you know, in your life, I've

wasted so much emotional energy on

: 1573

01:10:36,209 --> 01:10:38,269

things that just don't really matter.

: 1574

01:10:38,739 --> 01:10:41,749

And, and I think that I wish I would have

known that I wish I would have been able

: 1575

01:10:41,749 --> 01:10:44,079

to define those things in my twenties.

: 1576

01:10:44,289 --> 01:10:49,449

It would have made my twenties way better

and way more peaceful and way more fun.

: 1577

01:10:49,789 --> 01:10:52,419

And so that's my, that's my, from

my heart to all the women that

: 1578

01:10:52,419 --> 01:10:53,818

are listening to this at any age.

: 1579

01:10:54,209 --> 01:10:55,509

Um, yeah.

: 1580

01:10:56,019 --> 01:10:58,949

What is some, make some of those,

what are your definitions here?

: 1581

01:10:58,959 --> 01:11:01,339

Like what, where, what gives you joy?

: 1582

01:11:01,369 --> 01:11:02,369

What gives you life?

: 1583

01:11:02,879 --> 01:11:06,609

What, what, what are those things

and go after them and don't waste

: 1584

01:11:06,619 --> 01:11:07,659

time on things that don't matter.

: 1585

01:11:08,709 --> 01:11:09,259

Speaker: Beautiful.

: 1586

01:11:09,679 --> 01:11:11,429

Sarah, we could talk for hours.

: 1587

01:11:11,519 --> 01:11:12,009

This is,

: 1588

01:11:13,009 --> 01:11:14,179

Speaker 2: we'll do it again, girl.

: 1589

01:11:14,209 --> 01:11:16,579

This is why, this is why everyone's

like, why don't you have a podcast?

: 1590

01:11:16,579 --> 01:11:19,299

I'm like, because it's a lot of work

and my beautiful friends that have them.

: 1591

01:11:19,309 --> 01:11:20,979

I love coming on them and hanging out.

: 1592

01:11:20,989 --> 01:11:22,009

It's like my favorite thing ever.

: 1593

01:11:22,709 --> 01:11:26,669

The busy, the busy mom in me is like,

just please, I love coming on and

: 1594

01:11:26,669 --> 01:11:28,179

talking so, and hanging out with you.

: 1595

01:11:28,179 --> 01:11:29,589

You're one of, one of my faves.

: 1596

01:11:29,669 --> 01:11:32,169

I'm so proud of you and thank

you for all your hard work.

: 1597

01:11:32,329 --> 01:11:35,159

And everything that you guys

do, you and Trey, and just

: 1598

01:11:35,159 --> 01:11:36,529

your whole, your whole crew.

: 1599

01:11:36,529 --> 01:11:39,139

I know it's a ton of work and

spiritual attack and it's all real.

: 1600

01:11:39,369 --> 01:11:41,599

So hey, just know that I'm

praying for you and I'm praying

: 1601

01:11:41,599 --> 01:11:42,779

for everyone that's listening.

: 1602

01:11:42,779 --> 01:11:45,089

I'm, I'm so grateful for their fight.

: 1603

01:11:45,369 --> 01:11:46,429

Keep fighting the good fight.

: 1604

01:11:46,429 --> 01:11:46,969

It's worth it.

: 1605

01:11:47,899 --> 01:11:49,049

Speaker: Yes, absolutely.

: 1606

01:11:49,059 --> 01:11:49,469

Thank you.

: 1607

01:11:49,479 --> 01:11:50,159

You're so sweet.

: 1608

01:11:50,559 --> 01:11:52,629

Where can people keep finding more of you?

: 1609

01:11:53,399 --> 01:11:54,189

Speaker 2: I know, right?

: 1610

01:11:54,219 --> 01:11:54,839

Oh gosh.

: 1611

01:11:54,859 --> 01:11:56,859

I feel like I just, that

was a lot of Sarah Swafford.

: 1612

01:11:57,089 --> 01:11:58,019

That was a lot of words.

: 1613

01:11:58,279 --> 01:11:59,229

Everyone that's still here.

: 1614

01:11:59,229 --> 01:11:59,939

You're so great.

: 1615

01:11:59,949 --> 01:12:00,429

Thank you.

: 1616

01:12:00,679 --> 01:12:04,559

Um, I, I love dwelling

over on I'm on Instagram.

: 1617

01:12:05,109 --> 01:12:06,199

I love it over there.

: 1618

01:12:06,318 --> 01:12:08,589

Um, I'm homeschooling mama six.

: 1619

01:12:08,589 --> 01:12:11,669

So I'm not on as much as I wish I was,

but there'll be a season for that.

: 1620

01:12:11,669 --> 01:12:11,939

Right.

: 1621

01:12:12,169 --> 01:12:14,399

Um, but I, we're at the Swoffords.

: 1622

01:12:14,399 --> 01:12:14,789

com.

: 1623

01:12:15,159 --> 01:12:18,009

Um, my husband and I, we

just wrote gift and grit.

: 1624

01:12:18,099 --> 01:12:19,029

I wrote emotional virtue.

: 1625

01:12:19,029 --> 01:12:21,449

My husband actually has, um, if

you know, the great adventure

: 1626

01:12:21,449 --> 01:12:24,774

Bible, um, He's the one that wrote

everything that's not the Bible.

: 1627

01:12:24,774 --> 01:12:26,624

He was one of the editors and contributed.

: 1628

01:12:27,024 --> 01:12:30,714

He does a lot of scripture stuff So if

anybody likes Bible stuff, oh my gosh,

: 1629

01:12:30,714 --> 01:12:34,644

there's some so much there But yeah We

wrote a book called what we believe it

: 1630

01:12:34,644 --> 01:12:37,754

kind of like people if they're interested

in the church or even if they're

: 1631

01:12:37,754 --> 01:12:38,914

wanting to come Back to the church.

: 1632

01:12:38,924 --> 01:12:39,734

What does that look like?

: 1633

01:12:39,734 --> 01:12:41,354

And what do we believe?

: 1634

01:12:41,994 --> 01:12:44,674

So we love I mean again anything

that helps we just throw it out

: 1635

01:12:44,674 --> 01:12:47,314

there as Man, if you want something

to grow in your life, feed it.

: 1636

01:12:47,314 --> 01:12:49,314

And if you want something to

die in your life, starve it.

: 1637

01:12:49,324 --> 01:12:52,684

And I just love being able to

feed people with things that

: 1638

01:12:52,693 --> 01:12:54,784

again, help in any way or matter.

: 1639

01:12:55,054 --> 01:12:58,214

Um, and just know that you're not

alone and there's a crazy blonde chick

: 1640

01:12:58,214 --> 01:12:59,724

in Kansas that's praying for you.

: 1641

01:12:59,914 --> 01:13:01,474

So, and we were so

: 1642

01:13:01,474 --> 01:13:02,144

Speaker: grateful for that.

: 1643

01:13:02,544 --> 01:13:02,974

Perfect.

: 1644

01:13:03,024 --> 01:13:07,254

I will make sure to link all those

resources so people can know where

: 1645

01:13:07,254 --> 01:13:08,724

to read those and find those.

: 1646

01:13:09,034 --> 01:13:12,284

Thank you so much for coming on and

sharing all your love and wisdom and just.

: 1647

01:13:12,684 --> 01:13:15,274

We just love your heart for young

adults and we hope that everybody

: 1648

01:13:15,274 --> 01:13:19,324

that's listening is walking away

with so much encouragement and life.

: 1649

01:13:19,384 --> 01:13:22,704

Um, and just hope for everything that

they have coming for them the next few

: 1650

01:13:22,704 --> 01:13:24,904

years in these twenties, hang in there.

: 1651

01:13:24,904 --> 01:13:25,794

We got it.

: 1652

01:13:26,294 --> 01:13:27,184

So thank you so much.

: 1653

01:13:28,064 --> 01:13:28,174

The

: 1654

01:13:28,174 --> 01:13:29,014

Speaker 2: Lord got you.

: 1655

01:13:29,044 --> 01:13:29,644

That's right.

: 1656

01:13:30,044 --> 01:13:30,504

Love you girl.

: 1657

01:13:30,504 --> 01:13:30,874

God bless.

: 1658

01:13:30,874 --> 01:13:31,504

Thank you.

: 1659

01:13:32,504 --> 01:13:32,984

Of course.