46: An Honest Conversation about Love and Chastity | Eve Rosemary

Speaker: 00:00:06

Hey, I'm your host, Mari Wagner,

and you're listening to the ever be

2

: 00:00:11

podcast where faith meets lifestyle.

3

: 00:00:14

I'm so excited you're here, whether you're

a new listener or a longtime follower,

4

: 00:00:18

I know there's something here for you.

5

: 00:00:20

Pull up a chair and listen in for

insightful real life conversations and

6

: 00:00:24

actionable steps on how to claim the.

7

: 00:00:26

full life God created you for.

8

: 00:00:28

If you're a woman desiring to live

a Christ centered life in today's

9

: 00:00:32

modern world, then this is for you.

10

: 00:00:36

Welcome to Ever Be.

11

: 00:00:41

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

Hey Eve, welcome to ever be.

12

: 00:00:43

I'm excited today's conversation

I think is so needed and I'm really

13

: 00:00:47

looking forward to getting into it.

14

: 00:00:49

All things chastity with you because I

think this is a topic that is commonly

15

: 00:00:53

misunderstood and there's so much

more to it than just saying no or

16

: 00:01:00

just a list of things that you have

to wait to do until you're married.

17

: 00:01:03

Um, and so I'm excited to talk about it.

18

: 00:01:06

Clear the air.

19

: 00:01:07

And just offer some encouragement

to our listeners who may be

20

: 00:01:10

struggling in this area as well.

21

: 00:01:11

But before we jump in, why don't

you introduce yourself and just

22

: 00:01:14

tell us a little bit more about you?

23

: 00:01:15

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Hi, I'm

so excited to be on the ever be podcast.

24

: 00:01:18

My name is Eve Rosemary.

25

: 00:01:21

I'm a 21 year old chastity speaker.

26

: 00:01:23

I'm from Wisconsin, but actually just

graduated a month ago from Benedictine

27

: 00:01:28

college in Kansas, where I was studying

theology with a minor in entrepreneurship,

28

: 00:01:32

and now I'm on a nationwide.

29

: 00:01:34

speaking to are telling teens

all about chastity and I'm using

30

: 00:01:37

shrines as my road map, actually.

31

: 00:01:38

So I get to go to these shrines,

these places of spiritual renewal,

32

: 00:01:42

and then also share their stories,

share the miracles that have

33

: 00:01:45

happened there, especially during the

Jubilee year in the Catholic Church.

34

: 00:01:49

And then while I'm in those areas,

I've been able to speak to thousands

35

: 00:01:52

of teens about chastity, forming

peer relationships and striving for

36

: 00:01:57

authentic love is really the heart.

37

: 00:01:59

of my mission is so that everyone

knows and feels the love of God and

38

: 00:02:04

knows that they were intentionally and

uniquely made by our loving Father.

39

: 00:02:09

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

That is amazing.

40

: 00:02:10

Congrats.

41

: 00:02:11

Congrats on graduating and just

this accomplishment of taking

42

: 00:02:14

your passions and your, yeah, just

this whole endeavor full time.

43

: 00:02:17

That's amazing.

44

: 00:02:18

So cool to hear.

45

: 00:02:19

And I am a big supporter of people just

chasing after their dreams, especially

46

: 00:02:24

when it relates to the faith and bringing

the faith into our everyday life.

47

: 00:02:28

Um, so we are so in sync there

and I'm so excited for you.

48

: 00:02:31

Well, amazing.

49

: 00:02:32

Um, let's jump in.

50

: 00:02:34

Okay.

51

: 00:02:35

I want to start off with the topic of

love because I think one of the root

52

: 00:02:40

causes why chastity is misunderstood

is because what love is is I think

53

: 00:02:46

is misunderstood in itself, right?

54

: 00:02:48

Like what it actually is.

55

: 00:02:49

Um, and what we're feeling in different

moments, like, is it authentic love?

56

: 00:02:52

Is it not authentic love?

57

: 00:02:54

So how would you define authentic love and

how do you feel like that authentic, that

58

: 00:02:59

true love differs from the way that love

is often portrayed in today's culture?

59

: 00:03:05

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405:

Man, the question, what is love?

60

: 00:03:06

I think is the question that we're all

asking ourselves and asking what love is.

61

: 00:03:13

I think it's what we're all striving for.

62

: 00:03:15

Like, we're all looking to be fulfilled.

63

: 00:03:16

We're all looking to be

chosen, to feel valued.

64

: 00:03:19

Whether that's in our careers,

in our school life, in the

65

: 00:03:22

extracurricular activities that we do.

66

: 00:03:25

But truly, what love is, the greatest

example that we have of this, is is Jesus

67

: 00:03:30

on the cross, Jesus in the crucifixion.

68

: 00:03:32

That is our very definition of love,

is that selflessness, that generosity.

69

: 00:03:38

In fact, I think so often when we think

of love, we think of something that

70

: 00:03:42

is easy, something that is effortless.

71

: 00:03:45

But the truth of the matter is, is

that if we know what real love is,

72

: 00:03:49

that crucifixion, that was not easy.

73

: 00:03:52

That was not effortless.

74

: 00:03:54

What true, authentic love is, is

something that we put in day in and day

75

: 00:04:00

out, we put work into day in and day out

so that we can learn how to love God.

76

: 00:04:05

And what that is, is spending time with

Him, spending time in silence with God.

77

: 00:04:10

In fact, on my own podcast, I had a

guest who was once asked, what, like,

78

: 00:04:16

how do we know that we love God?

79

: 00:04:18

And her answer was really simple.

80

: 00:04:19

It was, How do you know that you love God?

81

: 00:04:22

The desire to is enough.

82

: 00:04:24

And that's something that's

always stuck with me.

83

: 00:04:25

The desire to love God is enough

because the Lord wants to grant

84

: 00:04:29

us the desires of our hearts.

85

: 00:04:31

He does.

86

: 00:04:32

He wants to see us filled with joy,

filled with love, filled with peace.

87

: 00:04:36

But if we want to get to know him more,

we have to spend that time in prayer

88

: 00:04:39

with him, actively loving him, which

doesn't always look like you're not

89

: 00:04:43

going to bring like flowers to Jesus.

90

: 00:04:45

You're not going to be able to

embrace him in a hug like you

91

: 00:04:48

would your normal friends, right?

92

: 00:04:50

But yet, we have this really profound call

to love God, to put the work in, to choose

93

: 00:04:57

God day in and day out, whether that's

through striving through virtue, avoiding

94

: 00:05:01

sin, spending time in prayer, because

the fact is, is the greatest reality

95

: 00:05:07

we'll ever face is when we're in prayer.

96

: 00:05:10

Everything else, everything in, in our

day to day life, we can't even recognize

97

: 00:05:14

how wonderful and how beautiful it is if

we're not spending that time in prayer.

98

: 00:05:19

And so I think that prayer is love,

worship is love, and love is sacrifice.

99

: 00:05:24

That's our definition of love by Jesus

on the cross, so love truly is sacrifice.

100

: 00:05:30

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

So I love what you said.

101

: 00:05:32

And I think one of the ways that

I've heard it described is that love

102

: 00:05:35

is willing the good of the other

in that like true love is right.

103

: 00:05:39

It's selfless.

104

: 00:05:40

It's outside of yourself.

105

: 00:05:41

It's truly willing.

106

: 00:05:42

What is good for the person that you

love over what feels good to you.

107

: 00:05:47

And I'm sure we're going to get

into it, but we're going to realize

108

: 00:05:51

that like what is truly good and

holy for the person that we love.

109

: 00:05:55

Um, it's not what we experience a lot of

the time or what we feel like the culture

110

: 00:05:58

is telling us is love or is good for them.

111

: 00:06:02

Um, so I think it's really essential to

look to God to understand authentic love.

112

: 00:06:07

Can you talk to us a

little bit about this?

113

: 00:06:10

Like why, why should we be drawing

this, um, really like definition

114

: 00:06:15

of love, like from the Lord?

115

: 00:06:16

How can this deepen our understanding

of ourselves and what we're made

116

: 00:06:20

for and what, what love really is?

117

: 00:06:22

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405:

Well, if you wanna know more about

118

: 00:06:23

something you have to look at.

119

: 00:06:26

Where it came from and

what made it, right?

120

: 00:06:28

So if I wanted to know more about like

the watch that I'm wearing I could go to

121

: 00:06:33

look at the manufacturer and learn more

About the product itself, but the same

122

: 00:06:38

concept applies to us If we want to know

more about ourselves, we have to look to

123

: 00:06:42

who made us who created us and that's this

loving father But we also know that this

124

: 00:06:46

love is within us that we're desiring.

125

: 00:06:49

And this is a universal experience.

126

: 00:06:51

Like we are all searching

for love in different ways.

127

: 00:06:53

If you look at the movies that we

watch, the books that we read, the

128

: 00:06:56

television shows, I don't think I've

ever read or watched something that

129

: 00:07:00

didn't have some sort of love plot line.

130

: 00:07:03

Like love is just something

that is innately in us.

131

: 00:07:06

And if we can recognize that that

love is innately in us, that means

132

: 00:07:10

it has to come from something.

133

: 00:07:12

And.

134

: 00:07:13

So if we want to know more

about that love, right, we

135

: 00:07:15

have to look at who made it.

136

: 00:07:16

So if we have love, the person

that created us is therefore then

137

: 00:07:21

the definition of love because

they gave us that love themselves.

138

: 00:07:27

And I was just thinking about this today.

139

: 00:07:29

Like, why does it matter?

140

: 00:07:30

Why does all this, this matter?

141

: 00:07:32

Why does prayer matter?

142

: 00:07:33

And it's It's because, like, we matter,

our faith matters, but we have the

143

: 00:07:38

opportunity to go beyond living an

ordinary life to living an extraordinary

144

: 00:07:43

life, but we can only get that by knowing

who Jesus is, embracing that, and getting

145

: 00:07:49

to know the root of where our love comes

from so that we can in turn love more

146

: 00:07:54

purely and more genuinely in our lives.

147

: 00:07:58

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

Yeah, absolutely.

148

: 00:07:59

I mean, that is beautiful.

149

: 00:08:02

So what do you feel like is

distracting people from, you know,

150

: 00:08:07

like the true love of the Lord?

151

: 00:08:09

Right.

152

: 00:08:09

And like viewing love in the way

that the Lord wanted it for us.

153

: 00:08:12

Like, what do you feel like

is the biggest away from that?

154

: 00:08:17

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Wow.

155

: 00:08:18

I mean, there's, there's so many

factors that goes into it, and For me,

156

: 00:08:23

like, chastity's just really been the,

the way that I, I mean, it's the most

157

: 00:08:29

clear manifestation of how we love, is

a lot of times in our relationships.

158

: 00:08:34

And we can see so much of a promiscuous

society, and that indicates that we're

159

: 00:08:39

not learning how to love in the right way.

160

: 00:08:42

And I don't want to point everything

to social media, because I think that

161

: 00:08:45

can be a really powerful tool, but I

think, And it's really influenced the

162

: 00:08:49

way that we view ourselves and our

own insecurities that we do feel the

163

: 00:08:53

need to turn to other people in order

to find the gratification that we're

164

: 00:08:57

seeking and the love that we're seeking.

165

: 00:09:00

Uh, even for me, I've been through a whole

journey of learning how to love myself.

166

: 00:09:05

I've been through a lot of

health challenges and a lot of

167

: 00:09:07

insecurities even before that.

168

: 00:09:09

Um, heck, I, I competed in Miss

America when I was younger.

169

: 00:09:13

I was Miss Wisconsin's teen, 2021.

170

: 00:09:15

Like I was in an environment where

my, my worth was defined in whether

171

: 00:09:20

I walked away with a crown or not.

172

: 00:09:22

And For me, that was,

you know, Miss America.

173

: 00:09:24

That was the crown.

174

: 00:09:25

But for all of us, we all have that

thing that we feel like we're defined

175

: 00:09:29

if we walk away with this or with this.

176

: 00:09:31

And that's not the truth.

177

: 00:09:33

Because the, the truth is, is that God

loves us before any of that is there.

178

: 00:09:39

He loves us before, uh, we have the

crown on our head, he loves us before

179

: 00:09:43

we have figured out how we want to do

our hair or, um, how to do our makeup,

180

: 00:09:48

you know, like the, the little, I

think it's the little moments of our

181

: 00:09:51

day where we start turning to objects

to tell us where our worth comes from.

182

: 00:09:58

That all adds up to not understanding

the way that God loves us.

183

: 00:10:03

And so if we allow ourselves the

room for silence, and maybe that's

184

: 00:10:07

kind of where the social media.

185

: 00:10:09

And phone usage comes in is that

we don't allow room for silence.

186

: 00:10:12

We don't allow room for

ourselves to reflect.

187

: 00:10:15

And Socrates himself said that the

unexamined life is not worth living.

188

: 00:10:20

And we don't give ourselves the

opportunity to really examine our lives.

189

: 00:10:23

So therefore we're not seeing the

ways that we're loving, the things

190

: 00:10:26

that we're choosing to love over God.

191

: 00:10:29

And so I think it takes time of allowing

yourself silence, going to Eucharistic

192

: 00:10:34

adoration And just putting yourself

before God, whether you have something

193

: 00:10:38

to say to him or not, just putting

yourself before God so that you can

194

: 00:10:41

really examine where God is in the

everyday moments because he's there.

195

: 00:10:47

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

Yeah, that was a beautiful answer.

196

: 00:10:49

Um, I think one of the things that

stuck out to me the most too was just

197

: 00:10:53

this whole theme of like putting our

worth in something else and, you know,

198

: 00:10:57

seeking that love that we are seeking

in our hearts in return from that thing.

199

: 00:11:01

That's not truly the true source of love.

200

: 00:11:03

And I think we can do this

so often in relationships.

201

: 00:11:06

I mean, I relate to a lot of your story

and, um, a lot of, What you experienced

202

: 00:11:10

in high school and maybe colleges.

203

: 00:11:11

I feel like what I experienced

as well in those years and what a

204

: 00:11:15

lot of people experience, right?

205

: 00:11:16

There's so much focus on relationships

on the boys and how am I going

206

: 00:11:21

to be loved and perceived?

207

: 00:11:22

And where's my worth lie and how can

I reassure myself that I am worthy,

208

: 00:11:26

that I am beautiful, that I am loved.

209

: 00:11:28

And I think that when it comes to.

210

: 00:11:32

and dating.

211

: 00:11:33

We just often don't have

the right mindset in

212

: 00:11:35

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Um,

213

: 00:11:36

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746: it.

214

: 00:11:36

You know, we're approaching it almost

to seek, uh, maybe just like a pleasure.

215

: 00:11:40

Like you said at the beginning, a

fun time, maybe it's just to seek

216

: 00:11:44

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Um,

217

: 00:11:53

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

feel passionately about as well.

218

: 00:11:55

So can you just share, like, how can we.

219

: 00:11:58

How can people really approach dating

with a mindset of marriage rather than

220

: 00:12:02

just for fun or seeking for validation

in their worth and their beauty?

221

: 00:12:08

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Yes,

I think it really first comes down to

222

: 00:12:12

laying the foundation for what you're

looking for, but also who you are.

223

: 00:12:16

So.

224

: 00:12:17

A fun story for me is that I remember

my senior year of high school, I had

225

: 00:12:22

kind of considered dating this guy and

he hadn't waited for marriage in the

226

: 00:12:28

past and I obviously was very adamant

about this decision for myself that I

227

: 00:12:33

wasn't going to settle, that I wasn't

going to change my values, and so we

228

: 00:12:37

had a lot of conversations about waiting

for marriage and what that meant to me.

229

: 00:12:43

And in the end, the relationship

obviously didn't work out, uh, because

230

: 00:12:47

he wanted something more physically

intimate and I was not willing

231

: 00:12:50

to lower my standards for that.

232

: 00:12:52

And I remember walking away from

that and just thinking to myself,

233

: 00:12:56

like, man, I was really about to

settle with this relationship.

234

: 00:13:01

And I don't think it's what

God would have wanted for me.

235

: 00:13:03

It's not who I really wanted to be with.

236

: 00:13:05

It was more of just dating for fun

rather than truly dating for marriage.

237

: 00:13:09

So I went home and I made a list of,

I think this list is up to like 60

238

: 00:13:15

or 80 things of qualities that I'd

want to look for in a future husband.

239

: 00:13:19

and I wasn't going to settle

for anyone unless they had

240

: 00:13:23

accomplished or been striving for

all of the virtues on this list.

241

: 00:13:27

Again, I understand that that's a

high standard, like 80 things for

242

: 00:13:30

a guy to meet is a high standard,

but they didn't necessarily have to

243

: 00:13:34

be at that point, but they had to

be working towards those virtues.

244

: 00:13:38

And so I made this list, I prayed over

this list, every single day and after

245

: 00:13:44

praying over this list for a while, I

realized that I wasn't the woman that

246

: 00:13:48

I needed to be to meet this man either.

247

: 00:13:51

So I then made a list for myself of

qualities of the woman that I would want

248

: 00:13:55

to be in a future marriage for my kids

someday and these qualities ranged from

249

: 00:14:01

things of being generous to learning

how to spend my money well or learning

250

: 00:14:05

how to it was Really anything that would

benefit me in a marriage and looking

251

: 00:14:10

towards who God's calling me to be.

252

: 00:14:13

And then, so now I had these two lists

side by side of, uh, the qualities

253

: 00:14:17

that I was looking for in a man and the

qualities that I needed to become myself.

254

: 00:14:21

And, and, Together, these qualities would

be able to lean me to a relationship

255

: 00:14:28

that was oriented towards marriage.

256

: 00:14:30

That doesn't mean that every person that

I'm dat I date, I'm going to marry, right?

257

: 00:14:34

But it does help me discern when

I'm considering dating somebody, you

258

: 00:14:39

know, is this relationship, is this

person matching these qualities?

259

: 00:14:43

And also am I still That is a good one.

260

: 00:14:47

Yes.

261

: 00:14:48

Um, um, and I think we can all agree

that, um, I want to say that, um,

262

: 00:14:56

I think that, um, when you're with

somebody, you're more likely to have

263

: 00:15:00

some sort of relationship with them.

264

: 00:15:01

But I do think that, um, I do

think that, um, when you're with

265

: 00:15:05

someone who is really trying to work

towards their values, especially

266

: 00:15:08

the things that we're talking about.

267

: 00:15:10

Um, and I think that, um, it's really

Going into dating with that mentality,

268

: 00:15:14

you're going to have a better success

rate at finding that person more quickly.

269

: 00:15:19

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746: Yeah,

that was such good, like helpful,

270

: 00:15:22

practical information and practical tips.

271

: 00:15:25

I did something very similar.

272

: 00:15:26

I like wrote down a list and the

virtues that I was looking for and

273

: 00:15:31

recommended that to many women.

274

: 00:15:32

And I think it is really helpful,

especially if you are in a season where

275

: 00:15:36

maybe you're struggling to stick to

your standards or you're struggling to

276

: 00:15:41

like discern, like, is this somebody

that I'm supposed to be with or not?

277

: 00:15:44

That is good for me.

278

: 00:15:45

I think honestly, having a tangible

list is super helpful to keep your

279

: 00:15:49

standards to kind of go back to and

have something like, you know, written

280

: 00:15:52

down for yourself that you're like,

yeah, like I can stack these people

281

: 00:15:55

up against what I'm praying for.

282

: 00:15:56

Or what I'm hoping for and not in

a judgmental way truly, but just in

283

: 00:16:00

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Right.

284

: 00:16:01

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

you and your heart and your future

285

: 00:16:03

marriage, um, and then something

also that you can pray with.

286

: 00:16:07

I think it's so important to

praise specifically to the Lord

287

: 00:16:10

for these big prayers and know

that he desires to answer those.

288

: 00:16:14

Those desires of your heart.

289

: 00:16:16

Um, and so having a list that you can

bring to prayer and bring to the Lord

290

: 00:16:19

and be like, Lord, I'm really praying

for a man like this, you know, XYZ.

291

: 00:16:23

I even went so far as to say

that I wanted him to have nice

292

: 00:16:26

light eyes and good teeth.

293

: 00:16:28

And it was so funny.

294

: 00:16:30

One of the first times I

295

: 00:16:31

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Mm hmm.

296

: 00:16:32

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

trey I like noticed his smile.

297

: 00:16:33

It was like such a big smile He has really

298

: 00:16:35

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Oh, he

299

: 00:16:38

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746: good

teeth and you know, I ended up marrying

300

: 00:16:40

him So the lord cares the lord cares

301

: 00:16:42

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: does.

302

: 00:16:43

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746: details

cares about your desires for a future

303

: 00:16:46

husband So is such a good practical.

304

: 00:16:49

Um, yeah, I think to implement now I

think one thing that I want to make

305

: 00:16:54

sure that we catch and talk about is

like how do we make sure that bringing

306

: 00:16:58

us or that um, How can we make sure

that dating and like pursuing the

307

: 00:17:03

person that we desire to married?

308

: 00:17:06

To marry

309

: 00:17:07

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Okay.

310

: 00:17:15

Okay.

311

: 00:17:15

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

begin to just like idolize this person

312

: 00:17:17

instead of Viewing like this process

of finding your future spouse as a way

313

: 00:17:22

that is bringing you closer to God.

314

: 00:17:24

Do you know what I mean?

315

: 00:17:26

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405:

Yes, absolutely.

316

: 00:17:27

That's a great question too, or a great

place to start because, uh, something

317

: 00:17:31

I always think about is that dating

isn't meant, dating is meant to be.

318

: 00:17:36

To bring you closer to god not

make someone else your god, right?

319

: 00:17:40

Like we should be should be dating for

the intention of marriage, but really what

320

: 00:17:44

that is is a vocation It's a path to god.

321

: 00:17:47

It's a path to heaven.

322

: 00:17:49

That's what our vocations are meant for

It's whatever is god sees fit for us

323

: 00:17:53

as the clearest way to get to heaven.

324

: 00:17:56

And so when you're in that dating

relationship, think about, you know, how

325

: 00:18:00

much time am I spending with, like, is

this person bringing me closer to God?

326

: 00:18:03

Like, is this person from the get go

someone who, whose, their faith is strong?

327

: 00:18:07

I think your faiths do have to be strong

before getting into that relationship to,

328

: 00:18:11

to be able to guide each other to God.

329

: 00:18:13

closer.

330

: 00:18:14

I always say look for someone who's

going to hold your hand to heaven.

331

: 00:18:17

That's the goal.

332

: 00:18:18

And we know when you're dating somebody

is finding someone who is your path

333

: 00:18:22

to heaven, but you don't want to

cross the line where this person

334

: 00:18:26

then becomes your god because The

intent is to actually get to God, not

335

: 00:18:31

to make that other person your God.

336

: 00:18:33

And so I think having clear

emotional boundaries is something

337

: 00:18:36

that's really important for this.

338

: 00:18:37

A good rule of thumb that I always

encourage people with is that you

339

: 00:18:42

shouldn't talk in the future for

longer than you've already been dating.

340

: 00:18:45

So say you're dating someone for two

months, you shouldn't talk in the

341

: 00:18:48

future for longer than two months.

342

: 00:18:50

And I'm not saying don't have the

conversations about, you know, like,

343

: 00:18:53

Oh, this is how many kids maybe I'd

want to have someday, or this is the

344

: 00:18:56

career and these are my aspirations.

345

: 00:18:57

But there's a difference in talking about

what you desire and talking about what

346

: 00:19:02

you desire with that specific person.

347

: 00:19:05

Uh, so just talking in the

future for as long as you've been

348

: 00:19:07

dating, uh, versus going out.

349

: 00:19:09

getting caught up in the moment,

caught up in the honeymoon phase.

350

: 00:19:11

Then all of a sudden you're talking

about marriage and you've only been

351

: 00:19:13

dating a couple months and then maybe

things don't go so well or now you

352

: 00:19:17

do start idolizing the person because

our emotions are really strong, right?

353

: 00:19:21

We do have this really wonderful capacity

to love because again, God is love.

354

: 00:19:28

And that's where that comes from, but I

think we have to check ourselves a lot and

355

: 00:19:33

have maybe relationship check ins where

you have the tough conversations about,

356

: 00:19:37

okay, where are we at as a couple, but

where are we both at with our, our faith?

357

: 00:19:42

Uh, where are we at with our friendships?

358

: 00:19:43

I think that's a really

good indicator too.

359

: 00:19:46

Is this person good for me?

360

: 00:19:47

Are they also helping me get closer to

my friends or have my friendships kind of

361

: 00:19:51

pittered out a little bit more as we've

been dating for a longer amount of time?

362

: 00:19:55

I think that's also an indicator

of maybe some idolization.

363

: 00:19:58

So, So there's a lot of little things that

we can be aware of in that relationship.

364

: 00:20:02

Uh, but um, just knowing that your

faith doesn't suffer because you're

365

: 00:20:07

in a relationship with someone else.

366

: 00:20:08

I think so often we look at the stories

of the saints and it's like, oh, I

367

: 00:20:12

can't be a saint unless I'm a nun, or

I can't be a saint unless I'm a priest.

368

: 00:20:16

And that isn't true.

369

: 00:20:18

Like, we all have the

capacity to be saints.

370

: 00:20:20

In our everyday life, we all

have the capacity to live an

371

: 00:20:24

extraordinary life with God.

372

: 00:20:26

And if that is our focus and our priority,

when these other things come into play,

373

: 00:20:31

like relationships, friendships, career,

those will fall into place in our lives

374

: 00:20:36

naturally because we put our faith first.

375

: 00:20:40

Uh, so just really keeping a tab

on the other parts of your life,

376

: 00:20:43

okay, am I spiritually healthy?

377

: 00:20:44

Am I physically healthy, emotionally

healthy, uh, as you go along in the

378

: 00:20:48

relationship, I think is really helpful.

379

: 00:20:51

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

that is, yeah, really helpful.

380

: 00:20:53

Really true.

381

: 00:20:53

And I think, um, there's just

something so powerful about

382

: 00:20:57

living a rightly ordered life.

383

: 00:20:59

And that means that we are putting the

things in the correct priority that

384

: 00:21:03

the Lord, um, called for them to be in.

385

: 00:21:05

And so, So knowing that, yeah, this

relationship is important, but even

386

: 00:21:09

though like this is a person you love the

most right now, the Lord is still number

387

: 00:21:13

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Okay.

388

: 00:21:15

Listen.

389

: 00:21:16

Listen.

390

: 00:21:18

Listen.

391

: 00:21:20

Listen.

392

: 00:21:21

Listen.

393

: 00:21:23

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746: and

that you don't end up idolizing your,

394

: 00:21:25

yeah, your boyfriend, your girlfriend,

the person you're in a relationship with.

395

: 00:21:28

Um, so yeah, keeping the Lord first

in your life is, is super important.

396

: 00:21:33

think another thing too that

I want to talk about is,

397

: 00:21:36

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405:

Um, Um, Um,

398

: 00:21:47

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

with our own like physical bodies.

399

: 00:21:49

And I think in the conversation of

chastity, it's really common or really,

400

: 00:21:53

um, easy to fall into these thoughts of

like, Oh, well then my body must be bad.

401

: 00:21:57

You know, if my physical body

like desires these things, like

402

: 00:22:02

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Um,

403

: 00:22:08

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

misconceptions.

404

: 00:22:09

Right?

405

: 00:22:09

So why is it important to see our

bodies as good and meaningful?

406

: 00:22:14

And how does this like

understanding impact the way that

407

: 00:22:18

we love and relate to others?

408

: 00:22:22

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Yes,

so I want to point back to an experience

409

: 00:22:25

that I had my freshman year of college

because while this might not be directly

410

: 00:22:29

correlated with chastity, I think it

gets to the heart So my freshman year of

411

: 00:22:35

college, obviously, you know, had just

gotten to college, new start, new life.

412

: 00:22:39

At the same time, uh, as starting

my freshman year of college, I

413

: 00:22:43

also was Miss Wisconsin's teen.

414

: 00:22:46

And during that year, I had gone, uh,

from, uh, Being Miss Wisconsin's teen,

415

: 00:22:53

winning the overall fitness award at Miss

Wisconsin's teen, going to Miss America's

416

: 00:22:57

teen, having the best experience, uh, and

really, really growing a lot, uh, myself.

417

: 00:23:02

And then starting my year at

college, I started facing all

418

: 00:23:06

of these health challenges.

419

: 00:23:07

I was gaining weight really rapidly.

420

: 00:23:09

My face shape changed.

421

: 00:23:11

I was losing hair and I didn't know why.

422

: 00:23:14

And.

423

: 00:23:14

As I was going through these

experiences, it was the first time

424

: 00:23:17

that I had seen my body change so

much in a very short amount of time.

425

: 00:23:21

And knowing that I was, you know, trying

to make new friends, trying to meet

426

: 00:23:25

people, going to a great Catholic college

where there's a lot of cute Catholic boys

427

: 00:23:29

on campus, and all of, all of these things

coming together, I was in such turmoil

428

: 00:23:36

of Trying to understand my body and not

knowing what was going on Not knowing what

429

: 00:23:42

my health challenges were and I remember

the mass was A place of such safety for me

430

: 00:23:50

in that moment where I would go to mass.

431

: 00:23:54

It, I had such bad fatigue that the

mass was really the only place that

432

: 00:23:59

I found I could pray well, because,

you know, you can't have, you can sit

433

: 00:24:02

and you can stand and I don't have to

worry about sitting there in adoration.

434

: 00:24:08

for too long and falling asleep

and I would go to the mass and

435

: 00:24:14

I remember I would sit there

and just be in such turmoil.

436

: 00:24:19

I, I just did not like

myself so much, honestly.

437

: 00:24:22

And I would sit there and I would listen

to the part of the mass where the priest

438

: 00:24:25

holds up the body and blood of Jesus and

says, this is my body given up for you.

439

: 00:24:31

And every time I heard those words, I, it

felt like I was saying it back to Christ.

440

: 00:24:37

Like, okay, like I don't know

what's wrong with my body.

441

: 00:24:39

I don't like my body right now, but

like, if, if the Lord is up there.

442

: 00:24:45

On the altar saying this is my body

given it for you like there must be

443

: 00:24:49

something really profound about the body

and something really good about the body

444

: 00:24:53

that that has to mean something and if

that means something that means that

445

: 00:24:56

my body also means something and As I

began to reflect on it more, I realized

446

: 00:25:03

that whenever I viewed myself as, uh,

so, I don't know, I just really didn't

447

: 00:25:10

like myself and, uh, would view myself

so much less than, than I should have.

448

: 00:25:15

And I would just think about how

much that hurt Christ's heart to

449

: 00:25:19

know how I was viewing myself, to

know how I was talking to myself.

450

: 00:25:25

It all comes down to like, this

is the body that God has given me.

451

: 00:25:28

And this is the body that he has

given me to bring him closer to him.

452

: 00:25:32

Like, this is the means of love.

453

: 00:25:33

He has given me to love other

people, to love him better.

454

: 00:25:37

And in a way, like, how dare I not

appreciate that gift, that gift of

455

: 00:25:43

like, this is my body is my living

testimony of God's love for me,

456

: 00:25:48

that I wake up every single day.

457

: 00:25:50

And whether my body is working as it

should, whether my thyroid is working as

458

: 00:25:55

it should, you know, like all of that,

like, like this is, this is my testimony.

459

: 00:26:01

This body is my testimony.

460

: 00:26:03

And it made me appreciate the body so

much more because Like, Christ truly

461

: 00:26:07

does say, like, this is my body given up

for you, and that has to mean something.

462

: 00:26:13

And we can look at that

in all of our lives.

463

: 00:26:15

Like, I, I encourage people that when they

sit in the mass to think about that line.

464

: 00:26:19

And what does that mean for your life?

465

: 00:26:21

Like, what does it mean if

Christ gave up his body for you?

466

: 00:26:24

How does that change your life?

467

: 00:26:26

Because our lives should look

different because of that.

468

: 00:26:29

One line in the mass.

469

: 00:26:30

I mean the whole mass, but Specifically

that one part in the mass where the

470

: 00:26:34

priest says like this is my body given

up for you And we say the same thing to

471

: 00:26:39

Christ when we sacrifice our sacrifice

the those physical temptations and

472

: 00:26:46

relationships that When I'm dating someone

for a few years and we want to take the

473

: 00:26:50

next step step, but we're not married.

474

: 00:26:52

Like, well, God, like this

is my body given up for you.

475

: 00:26:54

I'm going to push past this temptation,

not fall into this temptation, even when

476

: 00:26:59

we really love someone, because this is

my body given up for you, God, like this

477

: 00:27:03

is my purity and I recognize the gift

that you've given me in my body and I

478

: 00:27:07

want to honor it and serve you with it.

479

: 00:27:11

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746: Wow.

480

: 00:27:12

You've got me like tearing up over here.

481

: 00:27:14

I'm

482

: 00:27:14

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Oh,

483

: 00:27:15

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

like, like unexpectedly like so

484

: 00:27:18

moved by everything you're saying.

485

: 00:27:20

I mean like, it's true and it's just

such a beautiful reminder that like,

486

: 00:27:25

even when know, whether you struggle

with self esteem and recognizing

487

: 00:27:30

your beauty, or if you struggle

with, yeah, health complications that

488

: 00:27:34

make it really hard to understand

and love your body, like, whatever

489

: 00:27:37

it is, it is such a good reminder.

490

: 00:27:42

Gosh, you said it so beautifully,

just like your body is like, is like

491

: 00:27:45

a testimony of God's love for you.

492

: 00:27:47

Like your body is a testimony of,

just, Yeah, just like how much the

493

: 00:27:54

Lord like adores you and loves you

that he brought you into existence and

494

: 00:27:58

truly like, um, not just criticizing,

but really like hating our bodies is,

495

: 00:28:06

yeah, just, uh, hurting the Lord and

like hurting our relationship with him.

496

: 00:28:11

And I love the thing that you

497

: 00:28:13

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Okay.

498

: 00:28:17

Okay.

499

: 00:28:21

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

this vessel on earth for

500

: 00:28:23

us to become closer to him.

501

: 00:28:26

And

502

: 00:28:27

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: bye.

503

: 00:28:27

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746: our

struggle is with our physical body,

504

: 00:28:30

whether that's health issues, whether

that's struggling and falling in chastity

505

: 00:28:34

and purity, um, often, you know, the Lord.

506

: 00:28:38

Has created this vessel for us to be

good to bring us to him and to make

507

: 00:28:43

us saints and to increase in holiness.

508

: 00:28:45

So that was just a really

beautiful reminder.

509

: 00:28:48

Thank you for, sharing that.

510

: 00:28:52

let's shift gears a little bit.

511

: 00:28:54

I think it's really easy to talk about

this conversation in the context of

512

: 00:28:58

faith and our relationship with God

and how God has, um, ordered love and

513

: 00:29:04

what his plan is for love in our lives.

514

: 00:29:06

But I know that there are a lot of

non religious reasons why waiting to

515

: 00:29:12

have sexual marriage is beneficial.

516

: 00:29:14

Um, and I think it's important that we

talk about that because I know that when

517

: 00:29:18

I started to learn about that when I was,

um, in high school and college and kind

518

: 00:29:23

of just like, yeah, making these decisions

for myself of like, what is chastity?

519

: 00:29:27

Like what am I going to do?

520

: 00:29:28

What am I not going to do?

521

: 00:29:29

What is the faith say?

522

: 00:29:30

You know, what is like, yeah.

523

: 00:29:31

The not faith say, like, are there any

524

: 00:29:33

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Yeah.

525

: 00:29:34

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

reasons, you know, besides just my

526

: 00:29:36

Catholic faith that I like should

not be having sex till marriage?

527

: 00:29:38

And I remember listening to

a Jason Everett talk where he

528

: 00:29:42

like broke some of those downs

529

: 00:29:43

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Okay.

530

: 00:29:46

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746: share,

yeah, just like, what are some of these

531

: 00:29:48

non religious reasons that you feel like

waiting for marriage is really beneficial?

532

: 00:29:53

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Yeah,

well, I think, first of all, biologically,

533

: 00:29:55

like we can look at this from a biological

perspective, uh, which is one of the

534

: 00:30:00

most, like, clear cut, uh, Reasons of

why to wait for marriage and a really

535

: 00:30:05

interesting part of the human person

is that for a woman The chemical that's

536

: 00:30:10

released during physical intimacy The

chemical is only released three times

537

: 00:30:15

in her entire life and that's when she's

physically intimate When she's giving

538

: 00:30:20

birth and when she's breastfeeding.

539

: 00:30:23

Okay.

540

: 00:30:23

If this chemical is only released

those three times, it's the same.

541

: 00:30:28

It, it, it's a chemical in the, in the

brain, and it's almost like if you were

542

: 00:30:33

to have a cup of coffee, well, that

cup of coffee, that caffeine is going

543

: 00:30:36

to be the strongest, the very first

time that you have a cup of coffee.

544

: 00:30:39

If this chemical in the brain

functions the same way, which

545

: 00:30:42

it does, then the first time

that you're physically intimate.

546

: 00:30:46

This chemical is going to

be released the strongest.

547

: 00:30:50

So if you want a marriage that has a

better chance of lasting, maybe saving

548

: 00:30:56

yourself for marriage is one of a clear

cut way to help bond yourself physically

549

: 00:31:02

to this person, uh, in a way that,

you know, it's the strongest the first

550

: 00:31:06

time that you are physically intimate.

551

: 00:31:08

So why not make the strongest time

with a person that's promising to

552

: 00:31:11

spend the rest of their lives with you?

553

: 00:31:14

And also then, it makes it easier

to, uh, Go to breakups, right?

554

: 00:31:18

Like not everyone that you date

is going to be your person.

555

: 00:31:21

So the easier that you can one, find

out if this person is your person, but

556

: 00:31:27

two, if they're not your person, if you

haven't been physically intimate with

557

: 00:31:31

them, it's a lot easier to end that

relationship, but then move on as a

558

: 00:31:34

result towards finding your future spouse.

559

: 00:31:37

If you haven't been physically intimate

because of that chemical connection, but

560

: 00:31:40

also, You know, if you're in school still

and you have to walk around and see that

561

: 00:31:45

person on campus, like that's a really

hard thing to go through and you're saving

562

: 00:31:50

yourself a lot of emotional turmoil just

by waiting, even though it's a difficult

563

: 00:31:53

decision to make, but also thinking about

there's no worry about being pregnant.

564

: 00:31:59

For women, the decision to

not wait for marriage is not

565

: 00:32:02

just like a one day decision.

566

: 00:32:04

It is the riskiest decision

you could ever make, right?

567

: 00:32:08

Because if, if this decision

ends in having a child, that's

568

: 00:32:13

an 18 year minimum commitment.

569

: 00:32:14

It's not just a one night ordeal.

570

: 00:32:16

It's an 18 year commitment.

571

: 00:32:17

teen year long minimum commitment.

572

: 00:32:20

That's the riskiest decision a

woman could make for herself.

573

: 00:32:23

So really thinking about that,

you know, is this person even

574

: 00:32:26

who I want to have children with?

575

: 00:32:27

Is this the right time to have children?

576

: 00:32:29

And most likely if you're not

married, it's Maybe not quite the

577

: 00:32:32

right person yet, or it's not the

right timing for you yet either.

578

: 00:32:37

So thinking about that, I think it also

helps you find your spouse a lot more

579

: 00:32:42

quickly, because it leaves the room for

really genuine conversations to happen.

580

: 00:32:46

If you're not distracted by the

physical, you can have really deep

581

: 00:32:50

conversations with that person.

582

: 00:32:52

If it gets awkward, you're not just

turning to like kiss each other to make

583

: 00:32:55

up for the awkward silence or something.

584

: 00:32:58

You're just allowing yourself to

enjoy spending time with them.

585

: 00:33:02

But also, you'll never have to

feel used in a relationship.

586

: 00:33:05

Most likely, it's really difficult

to feel used in a relationship if

587

: 00:33:07

you're not physically intimate.

588

: 00:33:10

So, by saving yourself a marriage,

you're allowing yourself the opportunity

589

: 00:33:14

to get to know the person for who

they are and also take confidence

590

: 00:33:17

that if they're with you, they

simply enjoy spending time with you.

591

: 00:33:21

They're not with you because

they can get anything from you.

592

: 00:33:24

And for me, those are kind of just

some of the basic reasons of non

593

: 00:33:27

religious reasons to wait for marriage.

594

: 00:33:29

But obviously, I hope that Even people

who aren't religious can have the

595

: 00:33:34

view of their body as something that's

meant to be protected and meant to

596

: 00:33:37

be preserved, and that's something

that's valuable, especially as women,

597

: 00:33:42

uh, where our bodies are something

that's going to hold life and be the,

598

: 00:33:47

the bearer of our families someday.

599

: 00:33:50

So with that understanding, like knowing

that virginity is something that's to be

600

: 00:33:55

protected, your heart is something that's

to be protected, and then saving it as

601

: 00:33:59

a result for your future spouse so that

you can have a stronger marriage, you

602

: 00:34:04

can have a stronger family because you've

built the foundation of an emotional and

603

: 00:34:08

intellectual connection first, right?

604

: 00:34:11

Just because you're not being physically

intimate doesn't mean that there's

605

: 00:34:14

no intimacy in your relationship.

606

: 00:34:17

You still have

607

: 00:34:18

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746: totally.

608

: 00:34:19

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405:

and intellectual intimacy

609

: 00:34:20

that you're going to grow in.

610

: 00:34:21

And then the physical aspect can come

about when you're finally married,

611

: 00:34:25

because then that's, you know, when the

chemical gets released, that's where you

612

: 00:34:29

are physically bonded to one another.

613

: 00:34:31

And I think that's just a really beautiful

way to set up a marriage and a family.

614

: 00:34:36

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

Yeah, totally.

615

: 00:34:38

I really recommend too, if people want

to learn more, um, that talk I was

616

: 00:34:42

referring to earlier, I believe it's

called green sex by Jason Everett.

617

: 00:34:49

And I don't know if that's like.

618

: 00:34:53

of the specific talk or a series of

talks I literally just remember my mom

619

: 00:34:57

giving me a like Lighthouse media cd

when I was in high school and she was

620

: 00:35:01

like listen to this and in that talk

He talks more about this more of those

621

: 00:35:07

non religious reasons and he brings up

some real statistics, which I don't have

622

: 00:35:11

memorized So i'm totally not going to try

623

: 00:35:13

Marriages like, uh, like divorce rates

how How sleeping with, with multiple

624

: 00:35:18

partners and, um, living together

before marriage impacts divorce

625

: 00:35:23

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Yes.

626

: 00:35:24

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

how long people stay married.

627

: 00:35:25

And so I thought that was

really interesting and really

628

: 00:35:27

recommend people to, to look

629

: 00:35:30

Now let's just chat a little bit about

what advice we would give to somebody

630

: 00:35:34

who is maybe really struggling in this

area, because if we're being real chastity

631

: 00:35:39

is really hard, especially when you've

been dating someone for a really long

632

: 00:35:43

time, or maybe when you're in a group of

friends that don't have those same values.

633

: 00:35:47

And the norm of the group is

kind of just to, um, you know, Be

634

: 00:35:51

with multiple people or be loose

about your physical boundaries.

635

: 00:35:55

Um, and especially in like

college environments or

636

: 00:36:00

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Um, Um,

637

: 00:36:06

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746: like

we should talk about maybe like, what is

638

: 00:36:09

some practical advice that we can give,

um, for people who are struggling in this

639

: 00:36:13

area to keep their values and standards

high, um, in today's dating culture.

640

: 00:36:19

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Now,

well, first things first, you really

641

: 00:36:21

have to nail down why you've made

this decision to wait for marriage.

642

: 00:36:25

So I would encourage people to Read

about reasons to wait for marriage, and

643

: 00:36:31

there's a lot of really wonderful books

from Jason Everett, Christopher West,

644

: 00:36:35

Sarah Swafford, some really phenomenal

authors that if you're able to read or

645

: 00:36:40

listen to the audio books, I would really

encourage that so that you can learn.

646

: 00:36:44

really intake what that information is and

let it implant in your heart so that you

647

: 00:36:49

can become really strong in that value.

648

: 00:36:51

Listen to podcasts if you're someone who

likes listening to podcasts about it, just

649

: 00:36:56

so that you can nail down and know exactly

why you've made that decision to wait for

650

: 00:37:00

marriage because then it's all worth it.

651

: 00:37:01

going to be so much easier to explain it

to other people, to explain to the person

652

: 00:37:05

that you're dating, maybe that friend

group that doesn't quite understand.

653

: 00:37:09

And even if you are in a friend group that

doesn't understand, know that your example

654

: 00:37:15

does so much for your friend group.

655

: 00:37:17

The fact that you're willing to Go

against the the culture and go against

656

: 00:37:22

the grain to make the decision to wait

for marriage that speaks volumes And it's

657

: 00:37:26

going to make your friends really curious

as well as you have more conversations

658

: 00:37:30

to make sure that You know why you've

made the decision to wait for marriage

659

: 00:37:33

whether that's for you writing that

down Or just really reflecting on why

660

: 00:37:38

you've made that decision to wait for

marriage what your faith means to you

661

: 00:37:41

Also know that You know, the decision

to wait for marriage, it's not a no,

662

: 00:37:46

it's a yes to something so much greater.

663

: 00:37:49

It's a yes to a greater love for yourself,

it's a greater love for God, it's a

664

: 00:37:53

greater love for your future vocation.

665

: 00:37:57

Uh, so if you're currently struggling

with that and in a relationship,

666

: 00:38:02

my encouragement to you would be to

have a really tough conversation with

667

: 00:38:06

whoever you're with to talk about more

physical boundaries that you can have.

668

: 00:38:11

That's not just a not.

669

: 00:38:13

having sex.

670

: 00:38:14

It's like going beyond that.

671

: 00:38:16

So even on your worst day, your

most lustful day, you can still

672

: 00:38:22

hold by your value to wait for

marriage because it's not easy.

673

: 00:38:25

But the closer and closer we get

to crossing a line or crossing

674

: 00:38:30

that value, the harder and harder

it is to wait for marriage.

675

: 00:38:33

I give this example in my own chastity

talk, and it's one of like the favorite

676

: 00:38:37

parts of these kids talks where I have

a kid come up and they hold a bowl.

677

: 00:38:43

And I pour M& M's in the bowl and then

I pour like Reese's Pieces in the bowl

678

: 00:38:47

and top it with whipped cream and,

you know, like they're holding this

679

: 00:38:50

huge bowl of candy in their hands.

680

: 00:38:53

And I asked them like, is it easier

to eat the bowl of candy when it's

681

: 00:38:56

in your hands or if I'd kept it?

682

: 00:38:58

Behind the podium where they

didn't even know it was there.

683

: 00:39:01

Well, of course, it's easier to eat the

candy when it's right in their hands, when

684

: 00:39:04

there's something right in front of them.

685

: 00:39:06

And I think it's the same

thing with physical intimacy.

686

: 00:39:10

The closer and closer we get to

it that it's like sitting right in

687

: 00:39:13

front of us, the harder and harder

it is to to wait for marriage.

688

: 00:39:17

So if it's something that you're

struggling with, pinpoint those things

689

: 00:39:20

that make you struggle with it more.

690

: 00:39:22

It's not even just in your relationship.

691

: 00:39:24

It's the things that you listen to.

692

: 00:39:26

It's the things that you watch on TV.

693

: 00:39:28

It's the conversations that

you have with your friends.

694

: 00:39:31

Really pinpointing the And being aware

of the things that are going on in

695

: 00:39:35

your head, I think is something that's

crucial in making this decision to

696

: 00:39:39

wait for marriage because again, it's

not just being in a relationship.

697

: 00:39:42

It's all the things in your

day to day lives of how am I

698

: 00:39:45

respecting and honoring my body?

699

: 00:39:47

How am I respecting and honoring my

faith from the day to day moments?

700

: 00:39:52

I also would just encourage anyone

that's struggling with chastity,

701

: 00:39:55

like, from the get go, like, God's

mercies are new every single morning.

702

: 00:40:00

Every single day is a decision,

is a day that you can make a

703

: 00:40:04

different decision for yourself.

704

: 00:40:06

And that's a beautiful

thing about the faith.

705

: 00:40:08

In fact, there's a story of a

saint who she, uh, you might have,

706

: 00:40:12

I've heard this story before,

but she wanted to build a church.

707

: 00:40:14

And so she went to the priest and

said, you know, God told me that

708

: 00:40:22

I need to build a church.

709

: 00:40:23

And I think it was actually the bishop

she went to right away, but the bishop

710

: 00:40:27

said, okay, if this is something

that's really from God, pray about

711

: 00:40:31

it and ask God what my last sin was,

the last sin that I confessed was.

712

: 00:40:36

So this nun goes back and she prays

and she asked God, like, okay,

713

: 00:40:39

what was this bishop's last sin?

714

: 00:40:41

Something very bold to ask someone,

by the way, like, I don't think

715

: 00:40:45

I would want anyone to know that

information, but very bold of the bishop.

716

: 00:40:49

to give her that command.

717

: 00:40:50

But this story is really incredible

because the nun then comes back

718

: 00:40:54

to talk to the bishop and the

bishop's like, okay, sister, like,

719

: 00:40:58

what is, what was my last sin?

720

: 00:41:01

And she tells him like, I don't know.

721

: 00:41:03

God doesn't remember.

722

: 00:41:05

And that's a really profound example

of what confession does, of what

723

: 00:41:11

the sacrament of reconciliation

does, that it wipes us clean.

724

: 00:41:14

God does not remember our sins.

725

: 00:41:15

He does not hold that against us,

especially when we go, the intent

726

: 00:41:19

of going to confession is going and

confessing a sin so that you resolve

727

: 00:41:23

to never commit that sin again.

728

: 00:41:25

That's the goal.

729

: 00:41:26

That's why we go every single week.

730

: 00:41:27

Every single time that we go to

confession to seek that union with God

731

: 00:41:31

again so that we can have the strength

to continue to live out that virtue.

732

: 00:41:35

So if that's something that you're

struggling with, I would encourage

733

: 00:41:37

you to go to confession, confess

that sin, and as much as you

734

: 00:41:41

can, go back to the same priest.

735

: 00:41:45

Time and time again, it's a, it's a nice

slice of humble pie every single time

736

: 00:41:49

that you have to go back to the priest

and commit, like, admit to the same sins.

737

: 00:41:53

That's something that's really powerful.

738

: 00:41:55

If it's also committing a sin

with a partner, both of you

739

: 00:41:58

go to the, go to confession.

740

: 00:42:00

And like the same, you know, hour, the

same space with the same priest, you

741

: 00:42:05

don't necessarily have to walk into

the confessional at the same time.

742

: 00:42:07

That's not what I'm saying, but just

going and knowing that you're holding

743

: 00:42:10

each other accountable to this.

744

: 00:42:11

And, um, that's also something

that it's just almost like another

745

: 00:42:15

accountability partner with this priest.

746

: 00:42:35

So that's it for this week.

747

: 00:42:37

I hope you have a wonderful day

and I will see you next week.

748

: 00:42:42

Bye!

749

: 00:42:42

Love you.

750

: 00:42:43

Bye!

751

: 00:42:43

Bye!

752

: 00:42:43

Bye!

753

: 00:42:44

Bye!

754

: 00:42:44

Bye!

755

: 00:42:44

Bye!

756

: 00:42:45

Bye!

757

: 00:42:45

Bye!

758

: 00:42:45

Bye!

759

: 00:42:45

Bye!

760

: 00:42:46

Bye!

761

: 00:42:46

Bye!

762

: 00:42:46

Bye!

763

: 00:42:47

Give you the grace and the power

that you need within yourself to be

764

: 00:42:52

able to hold true to these values.

765

: 00:42:55

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

Yeah, absolutely.

766

: 00:42:57

I think, um, one thing you were saying

that I think is really important to

767

: 00:42:59

point out, um, is the whole idea of

like the closer you are to, um, whatever

768

: 00:43:05

it is, the harder it is to say no.

769

: 00:43:08

Right.

770

: 00:43:09

And to grasp at it.

771

: 00:43:10

And so just a few, like,

Practical boundaries, um, that are

772

: 00:43:15

important or could be helpful to

implement in your relationship.

773

: 00:43:18

Just to add to the conversation here,

um, one of them is like setting a curfew.

774

: 00:43:23

And I know that that sounds really

stupid when you're in college or

775

: 00:43:27

older and you're like, why do I

have to set a curfew for myself?

776

: 00:43:30

You know, the whole point is that

I'm free now from my parents, but.

777

: 00:43:35

It's really helpful and, we did that

in our relationship to Trey and I, we

778

: 00:43:39

were dating in college and it's hard

779

: 00:43:42

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405: Okay.

780

: 00:43:57

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746: Or 9

PM or whatever it is, because after that

781

: 00:44:00

you get tired, you start cuddling on the

couch, you start laying on the couch,

782

: 00:44:04

like, you know, and one thing leads to

another and it gets harder and harder.

783

: 00:44:08

Um, another thing I've heard,

um, people have done is like four

784

: 00:44:11

feet on the ground at all times.

785

: 00:44:13

And so that means like both people's

feet have to be on the ground.

786

: 00:44:18

Both, both, yeah, both feet have to be on

the ground for both people at all times.

787

: 00:44:22

Um, so you're not like.

788

: 00:44:24

You're basically just sitting

normally, like you can't lay down

789

: 00:44:27

and cuddle or anything like that.

790

: 00:44:28

Again, you have to know your limits

and know what is the thing that's

791

: 00:44:32

going to lead you, um, to lust or to

lead you to sin physically with, um,

792

: 00:44:38

eve-rosemary_2_12-18-2024_151405:

I'm sorry.

793

: 00:44:39

I'm sorry.

794

: 00:44:40

ostensibly a far cry from the

way get the they need to get data

795

: 00:44:44

need and that is just to too You

796

: 00:44:47

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746:

it's so important to just like

797

: 00:44:48

continue to go back and not give up.

798

: 00:44:52

Holding that both at the same time

as not just using it as a crutch, you

799

: 00:44:57

know, like truly striving and truly like

just doing everything you can to fight

800

: 00:45:04

the good fight to keep going with your

virtue and your purity and chastity.

801

: 00:45:09

But at the same time, like if you

fall, like please run to confession,

802

: 00:45:13

um, but don't just use it as a crutch.

803

: 00:45:16

Don't just think to yourself,

Oh, well, I'm just going to

804

: 00:45:18

go to confession tomorrow.

805

: 00:45:19

So like I can do this as many times

as possible because I'm just going to

806

: 00:45:22

go to confession tomorrow, you know?

807

: 00:45:24

And if that's what you feel like, Like,

pray through that, you know, and, and

808

: 00:45:28

ask the Lord to allow you to feel the

true weight of, um, yeah, just like this

809

: 00:45:33

sinfulness that you might be living in

because the more that we like are revealed

810

: 00:45:38

the true weight, the more that we see

the truth of what we're experiencing and

811

: 00:45:43

how far from love it really, really is.

812

: 00:45:46

Um, and I know that one thing I've

heard too, and that I've shared

813

: 00:45:49

with my audience is, um, true love

won't send you to the confessional.

814

: 00:45:54

And now that's not to.

815

: 00:45:57

That's not to say the person you're

with, if you're struggling, it's not

816

: 00:46:00

the person you're supposed to marry.

817

: 00:46:02

Right.

818

: 00:46:02

But if there is like no true desire

from both ends to help each other

819

: 00:46:09

fight for purity, that's not true

love because you're constantly sending

820

: 00:46:14

each other to the confessional.

821

: 00:46:15

Um, so just keeping that in mind when

you're discerning like your relationship,

822

: 00:46:20

um, And dating for marriage, like

who has those similar values as you,

823

: 00:46:24

who is willing to fight with you to

stay chaste, um, so that you guys

824

: 00:46:28

can, yeah, take each other to heaven

as we were talking about earlier.

825

: 00:46:32

One thing that came to mind as you

were talking, when you were mentioning

826

: 00:46:34

like the vows on the altar and,

um, it just reminded me when I was.

827

: 00:46:39

In the, I mean, not in the

process of dating, but just like

828

: 00:46:41

discerning, you know, marriage

and dating different people.

829

: 00:46:44

One thing I always reminded myself

of in my commitment to wait till

830

: 00:46:49

marriage was when you go up on the

altar and say your vows and you say,

831

: 00:46:53

you know, I will commit myself to you.

832

: 00:46:55

I will love you and sickness and

in health and all this, whatever.

833

: 00:46:58

For all the days of my life, you make

the vows for all the days of your life

834

: 00:47:03

and all the days of your life includes

every day before you were married, but

835

: 00:47:09

every day before that moment on the altar.

836

: 00:47:11

And so just as an encouragement,

like, take that to prayer

837

: 00:47:14

and take that to heart and.

838

: 00:47:16

And make that commitment for your future

spouse because all of the days of your

839

: 00:47:20

life includes today, even if you haven't

found the one yet, even if you're not

840

: 00:47:24

on the altar yet, even if you're not

ready to vow, you know, your whole

841

: 00:47:28

life, um, to one person, the decision

you make now is still part of part of

842

: 00:47:35

those vows to your future spouse, um,

that you vow to, you know, give yourself

843

: 00:47:39

completely to them every day of your life.

844

: 00:47:42

So that was just something that, um.

845

: 00:47:44

Yeah.

846

: 00:47:44

That really helped me.

847

: 00:47:45

And that kind of was, um, encouraging

for me in my, my season of dating

848

: 00:47:51

and waiting until marriage.

849

: 00:47:52

Eve, thank you so much

for coming on today.

850

: 00:47:54

So where can we follow along on your

podcast, on YouTube or Instagram?

851

: 00:47:58

Where can people find you?

852

: 00:47:59

Eve's Wi Fi had a little bit of

trouble here, so we lost her response

853

: 00:48:03

at the end of this recording,

but don't worry, I got you.

854

: 00:48:07

You can find more about Eve

on Instagram at theeveryday.

855

: 00:48:12

saint, and her podcast is called

The Everyday Saint Podcast if

856

: 00:48:17

you want to hear more from her.

857

: 00:48:19

mari-wagner_2_12-18-2024_140746: Thank

you so much for all the work that you're

858

: 00:48:20

doing in this area and just the way that

you're serving the Lord with your gifts.

859

: 00:48:24

Um, thanks so much for coming on today.