Episode 59

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Published on:

7th May 2025

59: Do This To Create a God-Centered Marriage Community

Mari and her husband Trey share their journey of building a Christ-centered marriage community. Whether you're newly married or looking to deepen your existing relationships, this episode offers insightful tips on finding and nurturing meaningful connections with other Catholic couples. Mari and Trey discuss their experiences, challenges, and successes, and offer recommendations on essential books to read together. Tune in for practical advice, honest conversations, and faith-based guidance to enrich your marriage and build a supportive community.

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Transcript
Speaker:

Hey, I am your host, Mari Wagner,

and you're listening to The Ever Be

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Podcast where Faith Meets Lifestyle.

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I'm so excited you're here.

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Whether you're a new listener

or a longtime follower, I know

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there's something here for you.

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Pull up a chair and listen in for

insightful, real life conversations and

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actionable steps on how to claim the.

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Full life God created you for.

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If you're a woman desiring to live

a Christ-centered life in today's

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modern world, then this is for you.

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Welcome to ever be.

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mari-wagner_2_04-02-2025_143715: Hi babe.

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Hey.

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We're back.

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We're back.

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How you doing?

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I'm recovering.

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You're recovering.

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I'm recovering.

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I'm calling this recovery week.

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Recovering from what?

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Well, our travels.

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Um, if you listen to, maybe a couple weeks

ago you heard that we were traveling,

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uh, in to Washington to visit my family

and for my dad's birthday party and

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everything, and we were gone for like.

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Basically like eight days

or something like that.

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I think it was, you think

it was more than that?

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Like 10 days?

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I think it was actually 10 days.

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It was like 10 days.

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I think it was 10 days that we were

traveling and we got back Sunday night.

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Uh, we got back to our house at like one

30 in the morning, which isn't like that.

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Wild I.

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But, uh, every single day that

we were traveling, we went to bed

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between 12:00 AM and 2:00 AM and

like the earliest was:

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most of 'em were like 1:30 AM Yeah.

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Like the earliest we ever

went to bed was midnight.

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And I mean, we felt it.

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Yeah.

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Like we were exhausted.

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And I, I feel like I haven't felt

that way in this really long time.

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What do they call that?

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Like your sleep bank or something?

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Mm.

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Do you know that concept?

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No.

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I remember learning about it once, but

there's like some sort of sleep bank and.

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We just drained the bank.

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We drained it.

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We drained it, and people do talk about

how you can't actually make up sleep.

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Yeah.

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Have you heard that?

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Yeah.

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Like I think, I don't understand

that, but yes, I've heard it.

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I don't understand it and I don't,

I mean, maybe I believe it, but I

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also do feel like taking a nap helps

if you're like behind on sleep.

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Oh, we just like sleeping in

the next day, I feel like.

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Or sleeping in.

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Or sleeping in the next few days.

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Yeah, the next few days.

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Really helps, but people

say you can't make up sleep.

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And so that like if you lose

sleep, like you basically just

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screwed yourself over and there's

nothing else you can do about it.

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And so we basically screwed ourselves

over for like eight to 10 days.

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'cause we went to bed

late every single day.

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Yeah.

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And it was either because, uh, we had

an event or we were chatting with family

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or, um, I mean, most nights we were

working helping your brother or working.

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Yeah, so my brother, oh he'll love this.

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This will be a shout out to

Redeemed Studios redeemed.

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My brother, he's 16 and his two best

friends, they just launched a Christian

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clothing brand, and it's like kind

of like sporty streetwear, like,

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you know what the kids are wearing?

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It's Gen Z fashion, it's, yeah,

it's pretty Gen Z fashion.

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Well, I mean.

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It's one hoodie.

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So right now it's one hoodie, but

the vision, the vision is Gen Z,

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fashion Christian fashion, but

vision is Gen Z, Christian Fashion.

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Right now it's just one hoodie.

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Street.

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The street look.

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Yeah.

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Their first drop was just

one hoodie and that dropped.

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When we're recording this today,

so when this goes live Yeah.

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A week or two ago.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, yeah.

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But, um, so they, yeah.

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Wanted to, to launch this brand

and knowing that Trey and I

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had experience in launching an

online business, sought out help.

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And so we've been mentoring them

throughout the whole process of

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creating their brand and get, you

know, creating the product, designing

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the product, and then teaching

them about marketing and social.

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And content creation and launch strategy.

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And um, so while we were home, while

we were back home at my parents' house,

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we did a whole photo shoot for them

and their friends to model the hoodies.

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We helped them build a website

and, you know, taught them about

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launch strategy and helped them

with their first couple videos.

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And we didn't realize the whole

week would be a working week.

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We went to bed super late helping

them basically get all this

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stuff ready for their launch.

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Um, 'cause they're busy too.

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I mean, they're in high school, so they

go to school for eight hours a day and

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then they go to practice and then they

have extracurriculars and then dinner, and

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then dinner, and then they're exhausted

and then it's like 7:00 PM or 8:00 PM and

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they're like, okay, what do we do now?

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And yeah, so we help them out a lot

there, which was super fun for us.

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We love doing that.

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I mean, we just like.

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Rey and I love business and we love

that kind of like initial stages of

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like brand concepts and brand creation.

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I feel like, at least for me,

that's something that I really love.

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And the hoodie turned out super sick.

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Yeah.

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Honestly, the hoodie is like, like

I'm gonna buy one really high quality.

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Yeah.

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It's super nice.

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I was, I was very impressed.

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You, you should like,

you earned yours, dude.

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No, I want to give him the money.

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Aw.

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Like we gotta pay for it.

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You're so cute.

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I definitely demanded,

my brother gave me one.

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I was like, I earned it.

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I mean, yes, we earned

it, but I wanna buy it.

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Yeah, support.

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Support them.

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Very, very cool.

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Had go check 'em out redeemed studios.co.

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Yeah.

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And on Instagram, they're

redeemed under studios.

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They're also so darn cute.

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You guys, they're 16-year-old boys.

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Like, go watch their, uh, intro videos.

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Yeah.

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And they're, they're, they're like

passionate about their faith and I

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mean, just literally on that level, go

support them because what they're doing

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at 16 is like, honestly so impressive.

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You know?

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And like standing out amongst the

crowd, like talk about their faith.

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So send it to your Christian Guy

friends, to your, you know, brothers,

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sons, your younger brothers, your

younger Christian men in your life.

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Um, and yeah, so we did that.

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Pretty much every night.

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And anyways.

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And then party planning?

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Yeah.

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And then party planning.

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And then the actual party.

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You, we went to bed at like

two in the morning as well.

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Yeah.

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Big party.

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So we are exhausted.

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And I, you asked me how I'm doing.

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I'm recovering.

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I feel like today's the

first day since Sunday.

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Today's a Wednesday and it's the first day

since Sunday that I feel alive in my body.

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All the other days I feel like.

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What's that saying?

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Like, lights on no one's home.

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Yep.

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That's pretty much how I felt.

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Kinda like a walking zombie.

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Just like my body was sleeping,

but my eyes happened to be open.

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Yeah.

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Well that's good.

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How are you?

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I'm good.

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I don't think it hit me

quite as hard as you.

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Like I was tired but I

wasn't walking zombie.

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Oh yeah.

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Uh, but the few mornings

in has helped and Yeah.

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Doing well so, should

we talk about marriage?

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You wanna talk about marriage?

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I wanna Talk about marriage community.

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Um, basically a few weeks ago

we were chatting about like, oh,

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what are the next couple episodes

that we wanna record together?

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Like, what do we wanna talk about?

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And we kinda just like looked at our life

and like, what are we living right now?

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What are we passionate right now?

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And our marriage community is

something that we're so grateful for.

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And I think it's a question I get asked.

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Pretty often on Instagram, people

wonder like, how'd you find

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Catholic married couple friends?

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Or like, what's this marriage group you

have and how did you get it started?

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So I thought it'd be a good episode to

kind of just chat about our experience

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as Catholic married Couple, wanting

to live a God-centered marriage and

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how to find community with other

married couples that have that same.

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Vision for their life and that

same goal in their marriage.

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Um, and just how to

grow those friendships.

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Yeah.

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Because I mean, it's hard.

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It's hard.

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Like you have all your friends from high

school or college and you know, depending

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on when you got into your faith mm-hmm.

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You might not share those same values,

uh, like the faith values or the faith

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aspect of your life with your friends

from high school or college or, you know,

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maybe you do, but they're not married

and so then you're not sharing that, uh.

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Like experience together.

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Mm-hmm.

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As a married couple,

living out your faith.

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And so, or even like in the working world,

like if you work in a secular environment,

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which I would say most people do.

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Yeah.

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Like, you can't even relate on that

level to a lot of your coworkers maybe.

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Right.

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So yeah, I mean, Maria and I definitely

relate, like when we got married it

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was an interesting experience trying

to navigate, like finding community

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and Christian community and mm-hmm.

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Uh, building deeper

friendships and especially.

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Like, we know how important

that's gonna be in our life.

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As you raise your kids, you want

to, you know, walk with other

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couples as they're building their

families and raising their kids.

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And you want, you know, to be

aligned with how you live your life.

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And so, yeah, what we're like, I guess

Mari, we got married four years ago.

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Mm-hmm.

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And what was like, did we have

community when we first got married?

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What were some of the

first steps that we took?

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Um, how long did it take?

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Yeah.

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To find friends that were also married?

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Yeah.

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I think our specific situation right when

we got married was a little bit unique

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because we were both missionaries at

the time, and so we almost had like this

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built in community at the Newman Center,

and even a lot of the students who were

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seniors at the time that got engaged and

then got married kind of became our like.

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Catholic married couple community.

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Mm-hmm.

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But I think we especially felt that like

gap or like that longing for community

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when we left being missionaries and we

were like, okay, like we don't just have.

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The people that are built into our

job, you know, to rely on or to like

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grow in our marriage with, how the heck

do we just meet people at the parish?

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Like how do we meet other

young couples at the parish?

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Um, and I think we felt that a lot too

when we moved from Nebraska to Colorado.

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Yeah.

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And it was a totally new place,

which I think is the experience

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for a lot of married couples.

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Like that stage of life

is so transitional.

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You're moving to new places all the time.

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And so you kind of feel that like

loneliness of just like, mm-hmm.

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Oh my gosh.

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We don't, we don't have any

friends and we wanna make friends.

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And then when you're married

too, it's kind of that challenge

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of like, we wanna make friends.

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We're like, the wives really get

along and then the husbands get along

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so we can all hang out together.

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And it's not just like, we know one

person likes 'em, but then the other

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spouse doesn't like the other one.

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And that's always, you know,

kind of an awkward situation.

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Um.

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So, you know, if I remember back

to like when we moved here a

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couple years ago, it was like

dating, it was like double dating.

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Yeah.

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A lot.

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Yeah, it was.

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And I think a lot of it was, um,

based off of like mutual friends.

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Yeah.

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Right.

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Yeah, for sure.

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Like people recommended like, like

I feel like maybe we, like maybe

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we knew one couple or something

like that and they invited us.

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To like their husband's birthday, you

know the husband's birthday party.

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Yeah.

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And then we like met another couple

there, and then they were like,

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oh, you should talk to this couple.

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And it was a lot of kind of like mutual

friends introducing us to other people

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and going on a ton of double dates.

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Yeah.

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So we would, yeah, these double

dates mostly looked like we would,

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either me or Mario would get the

husband or wife's phone number and

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just text them and say, Hey, we'd

love to hang out and get together.

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And then either we would

host them for dinner or.

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We would go or they

would host us for dinner.

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So usually mm-hmm.

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That's, I mean, we

didn't go out that often.

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I mean, we honestly didn't go out that

often, but you totally could, totally

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could to like get drinks or dinner out.

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But, but yeah, I mean, our

experience was we just went over to

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people's houses and shared a meal.

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Um, or inviting him over.

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Yeah.

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And so we did that with, I don't

know, like four or five couple.

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Oh, I think more.

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More maybe.

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Yeah.

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Um, and I'll say like, it was exciting

when we first moved here, but at the

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same time it can get a little bit tiring

sometimes when you're just like, you don't

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feel like you have your core people yet.

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Like that process of finding your friends

can be kind of tiring sometimes of just

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like, okay, I'm just like talking to a

bunch of people and it, it, I felt like it

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felt kind of like dating a little bit of

just like, do we fit, are we gonna vibe?

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Are we gonna get a second date?

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You know, it's like when you invite

'em over for dinner and you're like,

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are they gonna invite us back, you

know, next month at their house?

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Or like, who's hosting next?

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And I feel like that's when we kind

of like found the groove of like

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the people that we did grow closer

relationships with was that like we

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really vibed during that first hangout.

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And then the other person was like,

Hey, well I'll you over next time.

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And then they would make an invite.

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And once you start, you know,

reciprocating those invites, obviously

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the friendship starts to grow more.

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Um.

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But I think specifically for us, after

being missionaries for a while and being

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in the position of like making the invites

and always being the ones hosting and

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creating the small group environment,

we were a little bit like tired of that.

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Yeah.

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Not that we, not that we didn't desire

that still, but we were like, okay,

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like we're gonna move to a new place.

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Like we, we want like people to

do that for us for a little bit.

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Yeah.

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And I think in a sense like.

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You know, people tried like in a sense,

like people connected us, like I said,

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with their mutual friends, right?

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Totally.

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Yeah.

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Made introductions.

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Made introductions, but I think we were

really yearning for that community aspect,

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not just like a one-on-one friendship and.

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I don't think that's a unique

desire, but I think we had a unique

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experience in Nebraska when we started

off our marriage, totally starting

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off our marriage with such a strong

community of young Catholic couples.

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Mm-hmm.

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And how much that impacted us in our

marriage and how that inspired us

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to live a God-centered marriage, to

continue in our own spiritual lives

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and to like really grow in virtue

as husbands and wives, you know, and

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have that like women's community,

men's community, and then together.

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And so when we moved here, we

not just want, we don't, we

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didn't just want friendships that

we wanted people to grow with.

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We wanted like kind of a

greater community to grow with.

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Mm-hmm.

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And after, I think it was like maybe

like six to nine months of kind

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of double dating and, and making

some friendships here and there.

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Yeah.

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We were kind of like, okay,

but we want something more.

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Yeah.

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We want a little bit more intentional.

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Yeah.

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Like it's, it's nice having going

over to a friend's house for dinner,

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but also if we're only seeing

them once every like three months.

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Yeah.

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'cause life is busy then, then it's like,

okay, you're not really getting deep.

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And I know that part of our experience

at the beginning was we would go

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over to people's houses and I mean,

but we, we would only see them,

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you know, once every couple months.

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Yeah.

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Because life was busy and

so we weren't really like.

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Growing in deep, deep friendship.

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Yeah.

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And it still felt pretty

service level, which is normal.

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Like it's a new friendship.

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Yeah.

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And, but I do remember like

us talking like, oh wow.

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Like it wasn't super life giving or

like natural, like it felt like we were

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like almost like, I don't know, like

forcing it, like forcing a friendship,

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but like it was just a new friendship

and there's nothing wrong with that.

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Yes.

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But it's just like, it just

takes time to develop takes.

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Yes.

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And so, and to feel comfortable

in that friendship and like

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deep in that friendship.

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Correct.

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And so it like.

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Instead of like going over to a

friend's house, he's known forever

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and you can just like lay on

their couch and do nothing and.

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Or just talk about whatever

and you can be silent together.

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It was just like, it wasn't as natural

as that, which is completely normal.

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And because you need time to get there.

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Exactly.

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And you need so many like points

of connection to get to that point.

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Mm-hmm.

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And in the adult life, you know,

between work and travel and family time

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and just other things that go on, you

don't see each other as frequently.

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Yeah, totally.

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And so then like these experiences

that we're having, it's like,

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yeah, it's fun going to, going

to dinner, but it was just like.

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It wasn't as good of a

community as we wanted.

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Mm-hmm.

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And so, and it felt just like, oh

yeah, we're gonna sit here and dinner.

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We're have a good time.

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But like.

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It there.

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There was a sense of depth.

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A sense of depth that was missing.

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Yeah, totally.

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And so we kind of like sat down

one day and chatted about like,

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okay, who are our friends?

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And honestly like I had a list of

notes, like a notes on my phone of

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just like the friends we had made that

we had liked and like well then we're

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trying to remember their names too.

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You know, and we were just meeting so many

people that we wanted to kind of like keep

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track of like, oh, we met this couple and

this couple, and what were their names?

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And we were trying to be really

intentional about our community

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and about building community.

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And this is, I guess also just a tip too,

if you want to build community, like.

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This is a way to be intentional.

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Like I had a notes on my phone

and I listed the couples that we

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had met, and then we would look

at our calendar and be like, okay.

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This weekend, you know, I think

like every week we were like on

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either on a Friday or a Saturday,

like who do you wanna reach out to?

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Like is there someone you wanna reach

out to, to invite over for dinner, to

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ask to go out, or something like that.

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And that would help us build those

friendships, especially early on when

405

:

you first move and you feel really alone

and you feel like you don't have anybody.

406

:

Yeah, and I think to add on to

that is it takes actual effort.

407

:

Mm-hmm.

408

:

Like finding community doesn't

happen by accident for most people.

409

:

Like, it takes a lot of effort

and dedication and intentional

410

:

effort to make it a lot.

411

:

A lot of times you can like see

a group of friends or like, you

412

:

know, see from a distance of

community and be like, oh, like.

413

:

It looks so easy.

414

:

I wish I had that, but yeah,

like it really does take effort.

415

:

Intentional work.

416

:

Yeah.

417

:

And like make having

intentionality to Yeah.

418

:

Write names down on the

notes app on your phone.

419

:

And then I remember you would

always like, get on me, be

420

:

like, oh, who are you texting?

421

:

Like, yeah, because, because I feel like

guys just don't think about, we don't

422

:

think about it as much as girls do.

423

:

Yes.

424

:

We don't think about it.

425

:

And, and like, you can't just

text a couple, Hey, like,

426

:

what are you doing tonight?

427

:

What are you doing tomorrow night?

428

:

Do you wanna get dinner?

429

:

Yeah.

430

:

It's like you text 'em, which I mean like,

maybe you can, but I just feel like it's.

431

:

It's so much less likely that people

will be free on the spot 'cause

432

:

Right, as adults so much is going on.

433

:

So Yeah.

434

:

And so, so like you would be like,

okay, re here in Texas we'd hang out

435

:

and then we would each try to text

somebody, but then it'd be like, oh,

436

:

that dinner that hangout is gonna be

two weeks from now because they're busy.

437

:

Yeah.

438

:

And so, yeah, it just

takes time and effort.

439

:

Yeah.

440

:

And so, yeah, I think like six to nine

months into us moving to Colorado, we

441

:

kinda like looked at that list and we

were like, okay, like we wanna have

442

:

more intentional friendships like.

443

:

Who, out of this list of people

that we've met, do you feel like we

444

:

have maybe connected with the most?

445

:

You know, we like both spouses.

446

:

Mm-hmm.

447

:

We feel like that friendship is

reciprocated where like they've, you

448

:

know, invited us and we've invited them.

449

:

Yep.

450

:

Um, and we picked out like three other

couples on that list that we were

451

:

like, we really love these people.

452

:

We really feel like our friendship

is growing and that we mm-hmm.

453

:

Really align on our faith, on our values,

on our morals, all that kind of stuff.

454

:

How we wanna raise a family.

455

:

All in similar, like

ages and stages of life.

456

:

Oh yeah.

457

:

All in similar, all in

the same stage of life.

458

:

Um, and we basically decided

like, okay, you know what, like.

459

:

We're gonna be those people again.

460

:

We're gonna be the missionaries.

461

:

Like you can't take it out of us.

462

:

And it's true, like some people

are just like given those gifts, I

463

:

feel like, to kind of bring people

together and to cultivate community.

464

:

And so we were like, we're gonna

start a marriage group and we're

465

:

gonna propose this to our new friends.

466

:

And so basically I sent out a text

to the girls, to the wives, and I

467

:

was like, Hey ladies, this was like.

468

:

Last November, or like,

yeah, last November.

469

:

Well, a year, a year and a half ago.

470

:

A few months ago.

471

:

Yeah, a year and a half ago.

472

:

Um, and I was like, Hey, you

guys, like, it's, you know.

473

:

Well, I actually texted him in October.

474

:

Is Murray here in case you

haven't saved my phone number?

475

:

No.

476

:

They knew who I was at this point, but

it was October and you know, girls in

477

:

October are just obsessed with fall.

478

:

You're on a fall.

479

:

On a fall kick.

480

:

Yeah.

481

:

And so it was literally the first

week of October and I was like, you

482

:

guys, like, I wanna host a fall dinner

party and like do all the fall things.

483

:

Like let's get together,

invite your husbands, um, wanna

484

:

host you guys at our house.

485

:

And I did include like a tidbit

'cause I didn't just wanna like

486

:

spring it on them at dinner.

487

:

And I included like a little thing about

like, Trey and I have been talking about

488

:

how we can cultivate more intentional.

489

:

To share kind of our thoughts

on that with you guys.

490

:

Okay.

491

:

So you did add a little tidbit?

492

:

I did.

493

:

Okay, because I, I don't remember that.

494

:

I thought we just invited them over No.

495

:

For dinner and then hijacked

the dinner with like, okay, now

496

:

you're roped into this community.

497

:

No, no.

498

:

I sent them a text saying that,

and I included a sentence being

499

:

like, you know, we wanna create,

you know, we've been talking about

500

:

how to create a more intentional.

501

:

How to cultivate a more

intentional marriage community.

502

:

Would love to share our

thoughts with you guys.

503

:

Yeah.

504

:

And I think they were

all kind of intrigued.

505

:

They're like, Ooh, what does that mean?

506

:

Um, I guess I'll come into

your fall dinner party.

507

:

And this was four couples total, the

three that we invited and us, and I

508

:

sent that text first speak of October,

and the first available date that

509

:

all four couples could get together

was the first week of November.

510

:

And so that just goes to show like

how intentional you have to be, right?

511

:

Because I was like trying to plan

something for like the next few

512

:

weeks and everybody was like, Nope,

it won't work until a month out.

513

:

Um, so we met that next month.

514

:

Trey and I had basically what we pitched

was like meeting once a month for dinner

515

:

and reading a marriage book together,

like honestly like a Catholic marriage

516

:

book together so that we could all.

517

:

Grow in our marriage and learn how to

have a more God-centered marriage and then

518

:

have a community to discuss it with that

we trusted to share our own experience

519

:

and how we're each growing, or where

we're struggling or what we're learning.

520

:

Mm-hmm.

521

:

And just like know that there are

people alongside you that care just

522

:

as much as you do about growing

in their marriage and prioritizing

523

:

their marriage and their faith.

524

:

And their faith specifically.

525

:

Yeah.

526

:

Well, and at dinner we didn't just like.

527

:

Spring it on him right away.

528

:

Oh, no.

529

:

Yeah, we hours, we, we like hung

out for two hours and it was

530

:

like two hours into the dinner

that then we like brought it up.

531

:

Yeah.

532

:

It was kind of funny though because we

were, you know, wrapping up dinner and

533

:

I was like kicking trand to the table.

534

:

Like, okay, say something.

535

:

This is your moment.

536

:

And I wanted him to be the one to

say, you know, like, let the man lead.

537

:

And like, I just feel

like when the man like.

538

:

Says something.

539

:

It's just like the A author, there's

authority that comes with it, and I

540

:

just feel like they'll at least get

the other guys a little bit more.

541

:

Yes.

542

:

More bought in.

543

:

Like there's that level of respect

of like, oh, like Trey's inviting us.

544

:

And so I was like kicking

Trey under the table.

545

:

Like, okay, I like go for it.

546

:

Like, yeah.

547

:

And now it's your turn.

548

:

Yeah.

549

:

So anyways, like Ma said, we proposed this

idea and we just said like, no pressure.

550

:

You don't have to give us an answer now.

551

:

Yeah.

552

:

Like.

553

:

You guys can talk about it, see if this is

something that you guys wanna commit to.

554

:

But we do want, uh, there to be a

commitment that you actually like,

555

:

are gonna make the effort to Yeah.

556

:

Like to show up once this Yeah.

557

:

Be in this community.

558

:

Read the book with us

and show up once a month.

559

:

And so, yeah.

560

:

Um, and then, I don't know, a couple

weeks later, like, we followed

561

:

up with all of 'em and yeah.

562

:

Two of them said yes and one said no.

563

:

Yep.

564

:

And that's fine.

565

:

Like the other person, like

they just realized they, they

566

:

didn't have the time commitment.

567

:

Yeah.

568

:

They probably couldn't

commit to that time.

569

:

They also lived farther away, so it was

gonna be a farther drive and so yeah,

570

:

it didn't work out and that's fine.

571

:

Yeah.

572

:

But we did get two couples and so yeah,

there was three couples, including

573

:

Mario and I, Uhhuh, and for a year

we met pretty much every month.

574

:

Yeah.

575

:

Um.

576

:

And we, and Rena had picked

out a book in advance Yeah.

577

:

That we had heard of.

578

:

That was good.

579

:

Also, like a very basic level book.

580

:

Yeah.

581

:

Um, what was it called?

582

:

The Good, the Messy and the Beautiful.

583

:

Yes.

584

:

Is that what it's called?

585

:

Yep.

586

:

By Ed SRE and Beth Stre.

587

:

Yep.

588

:

I have a podcast episode with

Beth herself talking about the

589

:

book, if you wanna hear about it.

590

:

Yeah.

591

:

And so, I mean, we just took it slow.

592

:

I mean, like the primary

purpose of this was community.

593

:

Yeah.

594

:

And we also like, didn't.

595

:

Still didn't know them super, super

well, and so we just wanted to like

596

:

continue to build that friendship.

597

:

Yeah.

598

:

And so the format is we would each read

like chapter two chapters at a time,

599

:

two chapter, very long commitment.

600

:

Short, like very little,

like 10 pages or 15 pages.

601

:

Well, I think it was more

than 10 pages, but in 30 days.

602

:

Yeah.

603

:

The two chap, they weren't very

long chapters and it was like.

604

:

Low commitment so that we could make sure

everybody read right and we had something

605

:

to discuss and, and then we would all

rotate taking turns, who hosted dinner.

606

:

We would show up for dinner

and just hang out, eat dinner

607

:

for like an hour and a half.

608

:

Mm-hmm.

609

:

And then at the end, usually when

we were like done eating dinner, we

610

:

would start talking about the book.

611

:

Yeah.

612

:

And like what stood out to us, what

resonated with us, what challenged us.

613

:

What encouraged us and that led into

like a whole nother set of conversations.

614

:

Yeah.

615

:

And so, I mean, these dinners are

honestly like at least three hours long,

616

:

like three to four hours I feel like.

617

:

I don't know if there has ever been

four hours, but dude, I think the

618

:

first dinner we had three was three.

619

:

Yeah, probably three and a half hours.

620

:

Definitely been three hours.

621

:

Yeah.

622

:

So, uh, definitely three.

623

:

It's been super fun, like we've

really enjoyed it and yeah,

624

:

I mean, it took us a year.

625

:

Maybe a little bit longer.

626

:

It, no, it was a year.

627

:

It took us exactly a

year to finish the book.

628

:

It literally, yeah, it

took us exactly a year.

629

:

'cause I remember it was, it was this

past November and we were like, wow.

630

:

Last chapters of the book.

631

:

Like it only took us a year to

read a whole book, which is fine.

632

:

Like that's not the point is the

point's not to get through a ton

633

:

of content in a ton of like books.

634

:

Yeah.

635

:

And if we're being honest, like.

636

:

Were we reading marriage

books outside of that?

637

:

No.

638

:

No.

639

:

So we read one more then we, although

we would love to, we just like

640

:

weren't really setting aside the time.

641

:

So I think this is just, yeah,

another way to enrich your marriage.

642

:

I know so many people ask me for

marriage book recommendations and

643

:

relationship book recommendations,

and I think it's so important to pour

644

:

into your relationship in that way.

645

:

But let's be real sometimes like.

646

:

It's hard to set aside the time.

647

:

So this was also, I mean, a way

for us to do that for our marriage.

648

:

Yeah.

649

:

It was one more book than we read

the past three years of our marriage.

650

:

Yeah, exactly.

651

:

Um, and I.

652

:

Yeah, I just feel like it made for

some really awesome conversations

653

:

and also just brought us together

as friends too, because when you're

654

:

talking about marriage, like there's

just a level of vulnerability that

655

:

is brought into the conversation.

656

:

Mm-hmm.

657

:

And then also when you're bringing

faith into it, there's also just like

658

:

another level of friendship that you're

able to get to, knowing that you're all

659

:

like seeking God in your relationship.

660

:

And you know, we start the night

with prayer, we end the night with a.

661

:

Prayer to the Holy family.

662

:

Um, and so we're asking for the holy

family's intercession as we're all trying

663

:

and striving for God-centered marriage.

664

:

And let's be honest, like it can be

difficult or weird or awkward sometimes

665

:

to bring up faith conversations into

a friendship that's just starting.

666

:

Mm.

667

:

And at least for guys it is.

668

:

And so this was like an excuse

where it's like, okay, now we have

669

:

to like pivot the conversation

from just talking about our lives.

670

:

Or sports.

671

:

Sports or the movies or like

whatever we did that week, or to

672

:

be intentional to be like actually

intentionally talking about faith.

673

:

And so it gave us like an excuse to

like force or to incorporate faith

674

:

conversations into our friendship, which

is an awesome yeah, and I think it's just

675

:

so helpful to have married community,

like married, even if it's just one other

676

:

married couple that is rooted in their

faith and is striving for the same things

677

:

that you as you are and has this, those

same values and how they want to like

678

:

live their marriage and raise a family.

679

:

Even if you just have one other

couple, like on the journey with you.

680

:

It is so fruitful, and I know for me,

like my best friends that are married

681

:

and, and Catholic, like, it's been such

a blessing to both of our marriages

682

:

to be able to have that level of

trust and openness with each other.

683

:

When someone is like struggling

in marriage in a sense, or has

684

:

a question of just like, have

you, you know, gone through this?

685

:

Or like, how have you guys

dealt with this issue?

686

:

Or we, you know, we're facing this.

687

:

To have that level of trust to be

able to share and be like, yeah, like,

688

:

you know, I'll share from Mike's.

689

:

Experience and, and be able to

like help each other and encourage

690

:

each other along the way.

691

:

Mm-hmm.

692

:

Yeah, so we read that first book and

then we're just starting our second book.

693

:

Yeah, we took a little break

from November, basically for the

694

:

holidays, basically to now we wanted

to meet in February, but then life

695

:

got busy and then March was kind

of insane, so we were able to.

696

:

This, this month actually

we're gonna restart.

697

:

Yeah.

698

:

With a new book, our

group with a new book.

699

:

What's the name of that book?

700

:

Oh, Trey.

701

:

We are supposed to have two chapters read

by next Friday, but I just checked them.

702

:

They're really short.

703

:

Um, three to Get Married by Fulton Sheen.

704

:

Yes.

705

:

Which is like a top

recommended Catholic marriage.

706

:

Oh, I remember like when we were engaged,

I wanted to read this like six years ago.

707

:

Yeah.

708

:

We were looking for books

to read and we did read.

709

:

Some books, but this was

always one of the top books.

710

:

People recommended it

was three to get married.

711

:

Yeah.

712

:

So I'm excited to read this one

because it is a little bit more

713

:

of like a theological book.

714

:

I think the first one was a

little bit more like practical.

715

:

Yeah.

716

:

And more just like, not surface

level, but like entry level.

717

:

Like this is what marriage

is gonna look like.

718

:

Mm-hmm.

719

:

And like these are the things

you'll encounter and here's

720

:

how to love each other better.

721

:

Whereas this one I feel like is

gonna bring in the theology of like.

722

:

How God created marriage to be.

723

:

Yeah.

724

:

And like how God plays

a role in your marriage.

725

:

And boy do we need that so much because

you're bringing two broken human

726

:

beings under one roof to become one.

727

:

Mm-hmm.

728

:

And neither of us are perfect and like

we have, and neither of us will love

729

:

each other perfectly as much as we

truly love each other and in our hearts

730

:

truly never wanna hurt each other.

731

:

And like wanna like take

each other to heaven.

732

:

We just like, can't do that alone.

733

:

We can't do that alone.

734

:

So I'm super excited to get into

like, kind of the theology of marriage

735

:

and how God plays a role in it.

736

:

Yeah.

737

:

Um, just to, I don't know, you

know, run after Holiness together.

738

:

Yeah.

739

:

Run after Holiness.

740

:

I love it.

741

:

Honestly, it, I, it's exciting to me.

742

:

Yeah.

743

:

And I think education, like the

more we learn about our faith.

744

:

It ignites more passion for it.

745

:

Yeah.

746

:

And so like the more we learn about the

importance of Christ-centered marriage,

747

:

Christ-centered marriages, or how

Christ instituted the sacrament marriage

748

:

or the theology behind it, mm-hmm.

749

:

I think it'll provide a deeper

love for marriage as a whole.

750

:

Yeah.

751

:

And a greater respect for it.

752

:

Um, so yeah, I mean, I'm really

excited too so I think now let's

753

:

talk about, maybe just give some

recommendations of books to read.

754

:

Yeah.

755

:

And either that people can read,

you know, in their, just in their

756

:

marriage with their spouse, that

like these can be the books that

757

:

you use to start a marriage group.

758

:

Yes.

759

:

And

760

:

yeah, literally invite 1, 2, 3 couples.

761

:

Yep.

762

:

And just say, Hey, let's

commit to once a month dinners.

763

:

We'll take turns posting, we'll

start, start out with like a, a,

764

:

a first intro dinner, you know?

765

:

Yeah.

766

:

Where you're just, and I would recommend,

and maybe I'm overthinking this, but

767

:

just like have like a reason, you know,

like I picked fall as my reason be like,

768

:

oh, we wanna have just a spring dinner

party, a summer barbecue, a summer

769

:

barbecue, or like summer patio night.

770

:

Like, make it like a thing.

771

:

'cause people get excited about that.

772

:

Yeah.

773

:

Like people want an excuse to like.

774

:

Celebrate something and like

have a fun dinner party.

775

:

Cinco de Mayo.

776

:

Cinco de Mayo.

777

:

That's so perfect.

778

:

Trey Tequila Night.

779

:

Yes.

780

:

Or margaritas is what I meant.

781

:

Although I hate tequila, so I

won't, I won't be hosting that.

782

:

But anyways, so yeah, here's some book.

783

:

Pick a theme, invite people over.

784

:

Oh, and yeah, have the dinner.

785

:

Yes.

786

:

And then at the end, have

your husband pitch the idea.

787

:

I really feel strongly about

the husband pitching the idea.

788

:

I agree.

789

:

I agree.

790

:

And it's.

791

:

It just takes one person or like one

couple to initiate it, like you're

792

:

gonna, everybody's gonna think

like, oh, somebody else can do that.

793

:

That's not me.

794

:

Like, I can't do that.

795

:

Like literally all it is is just

host one night and propose the idea.

796

:

'cause from there on,

like we don't do anything.

797

:

It's just like we just alternate hosting.

798

:

Yeah.

799

:

It's not extra work.

800

:

It just takes one person, like one couple.

801

:

Mm-hmm.

802

:

To take the initiative to do this.

803

:

Yeah, because it is really not

that much work and it just takes.

804

:

Like, we can all sit around and

think, oh, I'm not the person who

805

:

can lead a group like this, or,

and that's not my personality.

806

:

Or, or have that fear of just

like, I wouldn't know how

807

:

to lead the marriage party.

808

:

I wouldn't know how to lead it.

809

:

Or like, I'll wait for

somebody else to do it.

810

:

Like, I don't know, that's not my place.

811

:

Like just invite them over for one

dinner party, a single to mile party

812

:

or a summer barbecue or whatever it is.

813

:

Invite them over for a reason.

814

:

And then, yeah, like.

815

:

Just propose the idea because after you

propose the idea, then it's not hard.

816

:

Like we all take turns hosting.

817

:

So it's not like it's all on you

to host every month and prepare

818

:

content and lead the group, like

you're not leading the group.

819

:

It's just Yeah, no, and no

one's preparing discussion

820

:

questions or anything like that.

821

:

I mean, and, and that first

book that we mentioned.

822

:

The good, the messy, and the

beautiful actually had discussion

823

:

questions at the end of each chapter.

824

:

So if you wanna just start out with

that because there's discussion

825

:

questions written there in there.

826

:

That's awesome.

827

:

And that makes it easier for you, but

you don't really even have to prep stuff.

828

:

No.

829

:

Like the hardest part is

taking the initiative.

830

:

Yeah.

831

:

To propose the idea.

832

:

Yeah.

833

:

So just take a couple friends, propose

the idea, and then you guys are gonna

834

:

love it and people will be so grateful.

835

:

I remember like.

836

:

We even, we were even after being

missionaries and having this be

837

:

our job, basically, we were kind

of nervous to ask our friends.

838

:

Yeah.

839

:

We were like, what if they're gonna

think we're weird or like too much?

840

:

Or like this is like, or if they

don't want this, what if they

841

:

already have stuff going on?

842

:

Yeah.

843

:

Like they already have friends or

community or they're just like,

844

:

oh, like we don't really want this.

845

:

I don't know.

846

:

We were just nervous about it.

847

:

And then after, even at the dinner, but

then afterwards too, like they texted

848

:

us and expressed their gratitude for us.

849

:

Being like stepping out,

encouraged to propose this.

850

:

And people were just like, wow.

851

:

Like, thank you.

852

:

And they were very honored

for the invitation.

853

:

Mm-hmm.

854

:

They were like, thank you so much

for thinking of us for this group.

855

:

Like, we're so excited to be a part

of it, and thank you for starting it.

856

:

And like, people really

were appreciative of that.

857

:

And nobody thought it was weird

or awkward or was like, yeah,

858

:

weird that we wanted to do that.

859

:

So, all right.

860

:

So, okay.

861

:

Yeah, they're all gonna, they already

know what party they're gonna host.

862

:

Yep.

863

:

So now what is the book that, what

is the book they should recommend?

864

:

Okay.

865

:

I asked Chachi PT here.

866

:

Um, what are some recommendations

of books to read for Catholic

867

:

married couples on marriage?

868

:

First one, three To get

married by Fulton Sheen.

869

:

Of course.

870

:

Yes.

871

:

Glad we're gonna be reading that one.

872

:

It says, this classic work by Archbishop

Sheen explores the spiritual dimensions

873

:

of marriage, emphasizing the importance

of inviting God into the relationship

874

:

to truly fulfill the couple's love.

875

:

Love it.

876

:

Number two, love and

Responsibility by Carol Tiwa.

877

:

Okay.

878

:

AKA jp, two forewarning there.

879

:

Yeah.

880

:

That's gonna be very

heady, very theological.

881

:

So if the group you're inviting, that's

a more advanced book, I'd recommend, like

882

:

if the group you're bringing together

is very theological and you already

883

:

have those conversations and you are

passionate about that stuff, that's great.

884

:

Yeah.

885

:

Um, three.

886

:

The good news about sex and

marriage by Christopher West.

887

:

Christopher West is great, and I feel

like that is a very, um, relatable.

888

:

Yeah.

889

:

It's written in a more like colloquial,

like relatable way, would you say?

890

:

Yeah, and I don't, I haven't read this

one, but this is also, I think this

891

:

is actually more geared toward where

it's like dating, dating and like

892

:

why you should save sex for marriage.

893

:

Huh?

894

:

I, what is it?

895

:

Let, yeah.

896

:

What is the description?

897

:

Say?

898

:

Well let this book offers an accessible

and comprehensive explanation of

899

:

the Catholic church's teachings on

sexuality, drawing on Saint John

900

:

Paul ii, theology of the Body.

901

:

Yeah, and I mean, honestly, maybe.

902

:

It would be a little bit more relatable

to people who are striving for chastity

903

:

and wanting to better understand maybe

the teachings of theology of the body

904

:

and why marriage sex is safer marriage.

905

:

But at the same time, if a married

couple doesn't understand or yet

906

:

know theology of the body Oh yeah.

907

:

And the true meaning of sex.

908

:

In marriage.

909

:

This honestly would be a, an amazing book.

910

:

It's a great intro book

to Theology of the Body.

911

:

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

912

:

Which I think every Catholic

married couple should know about.

913

:

Absolutely.

914

:

And should be learning about.

915

:

'cause it, it just completely opens

your eyes to the meaning of sex and

916

:

what it does for you in marriage.

917

:

Yeah.

918

:

Um, which is super important.

919

:

Absolutely.

920

:

Um, men, women in the mystery of love.

921

:

Okay.

922

:

Yeah.

923

:

This is Edward Re, this is very

similar to Christopher West.

924

:

S good news about sex and marriage.

925

:

Mm-hmm.

926

:

We read this one while we were dating.

927

:

Yeah.

928

:

It's, uh, this is a good book

for dating and engagement.

929

:

Yeah.

930

:

It's broken down.

931

:

It's Edward series,

breaking down John Paul ii.

932

:

Love and Responsibility and Theology

of the Body, like those are the two

933

:

huge contributions that Pope St.

934

:

John Paul II provided the church.

935

:

And these are basically taking that very

heady, dense language that a Pope wrote.

936

:

And breaking it down into how we

can understand it and apply it

937

:

practically in our life today.

938

:

Yes.

939

:

Um, again, very, very good for couples to

understand what theology that the body is.

940

:

Yeah.

941

:

Uh, but it is more geared towards, I

would say, like people who are dating or

942

:

understanding in chastity, not necessarily

somebody who's already married and

943

:

trying to, um, grow in their marriage.

944

:

But if you don't, if you're married

and you don't know what Chastity

945

:

is, then yes, definitely read this.

946

:

Totally.

947

:

Um, we also have Holy Sex, A

Catholic guy to toe curling, mind

948

:

Blowing, infallible, loving by Dr.

949

:

Gregory Pop.

950

:

C Yeah.

951

:

This is like, this is like a top

recommendation everybody gives.

952

:

This is like the holy grail of sex books.

953

:

In the Catholic world, so, so read it.

954

:

It says, this book offers a

candid and faith-based approach to

955

:

understanding and embracing sexual

intimacy within marriage, highlighting

956

:

its sacred and joy-filled nature.

957

:

I don't know if you do

this in a group, though.

958

:

I don't know.

959

:

Maybe you could.

960

:

Oh.

961

:

Yeah, I wouldn't do this in a group.

962

:

No, I wouldn't.

963

:

Because you wanna be able to have

conversations about it and sometimes

964

:

there's just things that like, don't

need to be shared with other people.

965

:

So this one I would do

within your marriage, yes.

966

:

But I would really encourage that

you do it within your marriage.

967

:

Definitely read it.

968

:

Yeah.

969

:

Um, so good.

970

:

Another one.

971

:

This is one that we were gifted.

972

:

We haven't read it yet.

973

:

Dis Spiritual discernment in marriage.

974

:

Hmm.

975

:

While this book provides a broader

look at married saints, it will address

976

:

how couples can discern god's together

in their married life through stories

977

:

of saintly couples that's beautiful.

978

:

Just to be able to married saints and

emulate how they lived their marriage.

979

:

Yeah, that would be a great one.

980

:

Any other wrecks?

981

:

Uh, yeah.

982

:

I think one last one here is also by Dr.

983

:

Gregory Pop, and I haven't heard of

this one for Better Do DOT Forever.

984

:

A Catholic Guide to Lifelong

Marriage provides practical advice

985

:

for couples to strengthen their

marriage, emphasizing communication,

986

:

intimacy, and conflict resolution.

987

:

Wow.

988

:

Those are all things, every

marriage needs communication,

989

:

intimacy and conflict resolution.

990

:

Yeah, those are big ones.

991

:

And then that'd probably be a good one.

992

:

Sarah Swer just wrote a book, right?

993

:

Oh, that one's great too.

994

:

Gift and Grit.

995

:

Gift and grit.

996

:

Let me look up what it

has to say about that.

997

:

Yeah.

998

:

Out of that list, I would say the ones

that we're most familiar with, that we

999

:

would recommend as our top choices is

three, to Get Married by Fulton Sheen.

:

00:38:57,182 --> 00:38:58,952

The Good, the Messy,

the Beautiful by Edward.

:

00:39:00,152 --> 00:39:01,677

Um, and then.

:

00:39:02,867 --> 00:39:05,327

Maybe this gift and

grit by Sarah Swofford.

:

00:39:05,417 --> 00:39:06,857

That last one's sounded

really good too, by Dr.

:

00:39:06,857 --> 00:39:08,357

Pop Kat or whatever his name was.

:

00:39:09,707 --> 00:39:10,037

Yeah.

:

00:39:10,037 --> 00:39:10,517

Let's see.

:

00:39:10,517 --> 00:39:10,967

Okay.

:

00:39:10,967 --> 00:39:15,437

Gift and grit says how it's gift

and grit, how heroic virtue can

:

00:39:15,437 --> 00:39:17,147

change your life and relationships.

:

00:39:17,357 --> 00:39:21,767

She writes it with her

husband, so Sarah and gosh, Dr.

:

00:39:21,767 --> 00:39:22,427

Swap, Dr.

:

00:39:22,427 --> 00:39:22,757

Schwa.

:

00:39:22,757 --> 00:39:24,797

I just know his name is sw,

but I forget his first name.

:

00:39:24,797 --> 00:39:25,382

I think Andrew.

:

00:39:26,192 --> 00:39:26,672

Is it Andrew?

:

00:39:26,677 --> 00:39:27,632

I don't know his first name, I dunno.

:

00:39:27,932 --> 00:39:32,942

Sarah and SW explore how cultivating

virtue can profoundly impact personal

:

00:39:32,942 --> 00:39:34,562

relationships, including marriage.

:

00:39:35,012 --> 00:39:37,982

She discusses how virtue, such as

courage, patience, and perseverance,

:

00:39:37,982 --> 00:39:41,582

qualities that resemble grit are

essentially for, for nurturing and

:

00:39:41,582 --> 00:39:43,202

sustaining healthy relationships.

:

00:39:43,325 --> 00:39:47,105

And how, and how living out your

faith and daily interactions offers

:

00:39:47,105 --> 00:39:49,775

encouragement for couples to view

their relationship knowledge just as a

:

00:39:49,775 --> 00:39:54,095

personal commitment, but as a pathway

to both personal and spiritual growth.

:

00:39:54,485 --> 00:39:55,115

Um.

:

00:39:55,865 --> 00:40:00,755

So basically like virtue and spiritual

life and how that foundation is

:

00:40:00,755 --> 00:40:01,895

going to build a healthy marriage.

:

00:40:01,985 --> 00:40:02,135

Yeah.

:

00:40:02,165 --> 00:40:04,775

So that would be a great one

to like discuss in community.

:

00:40:04,955 --> 00:40:05,225

Yeah.

:

00:40:05,435 --> 00:40:05,735

Yeah.

:

00:40:06,185 --> 00:40:11,045

Another book that Mari and I read shortly

after we got married was His Needs.

:

00:40:11,045 --> 00:40:11,915

Her Needs.

:

00:40:12,065 --> 00:40:12,725

That was a good one.

:

00:40:12,935 --> 00:40:15,125

And I can't remember who it's by.

:

00:40:15,725 --> 00:40:16,115

Do you have it?

:

00:40:16,115 --> 00:40:16,655

That look?

:

00:40:16,835 --> 00:40:17,195

Did you look it up?

:

00:40:17,225 --> 00:40:17,705

I just popped.

:

00:40:17,705 --> 00:40:18,065

Yeah.

:

00:40:18,155 --> 00:40:22,865

Um, his needs, her Needs Building

an Affair Proof Marriage by Dr.

:

00:40:22,865 --> 00:40:24,605

Willard f Harley, Jr.

:

00:40:25,355 --> 00:40:27,005

Okay, Harley Junior.

:

00:40:27,695 --> 00:40:32,885

But anyways, it, the whole premise of the

book is there's five fundamental needs

:

00:40:32,885 --> 00:40:35,795

that a man needs requires in his life.

:

00:40:35,795 --> 00:40:39,755

And there's five like fundamental base

needs that women require in their life,

:

00:40:39,755 --> 00:40:41,496

specifically like husbands and wives too.

:

00:40:41,501 --> 00:40:42,215

Husbands and wives.

:

00:40:42,215 --> 00:40:48,455

And so, and that like you need to, as a

husband, I need to understand what the

:

00:40:48,455 --> 00:40:53,735

five needs are that my wife requires

and how I can best fulfill those.

:

00:40:53,735 --> 00:40:54,185

And then.

:

00:40:54,260 --> 00:40:55,760

Yeah, likewise.

:

00:40:56,150 --> 00:41:00,800

The wife needs to understand the five

needs of the husband so that, uh,

:

00:41:00,890 --> 00:41:04,550

essentially we can build a strong marriage

and that then the man or the woman's not

:

00:41:04,550 --> 00:41:06,500

going elsewhere to looking for that need.

:

00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:06,620

Yeah.

:

00:41:06,650 --> 00:41:07,640

Which can lead to affairs.

:

00:41:07,700 --> 00:41:08,030

Yeah.

:

00:41:08,450 --> 00:41:09,260

I'll read the.

:

00:41:10,100 --> 00:41:11,240

The little summary here too.

:

00:41:11,240 --> 00:41:11,300

Yeah.

:

00:41:11,300 --> 00:41:12,680

And then I'll say my

thoughts about that book.

:

00:41:13,430 --> 00:41:17,810

Um, it says his needs, her needs focuses

on strengthening marital bonds by

:

00:41:17,810 --> 00:41:21,560

identifying and meeting the distinct

emotional needs of husbands and wives

:

00:41:21,860 --> 00:41:25,760

through open communication, mutual

understanding, and intentional effort.

:

00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:30,030

Couples can foster a fulfilling and

secure relationship, reducing the risk of

:

00:41:30,030 --> 00:41:32,820

infidelity while not explicitly religious.

:

00:41:32,820 --> 00:41:35,880

These practical insights complement

a Catholic understanding of marriage

:

00:41:36,090 --> 00:41:40,050

by encouraging partners to nurture

their own union with love and respect.

:

00:41:40,140 --> 00:41:45,270

Um, I found this book to be really

eye-opening and really practically

:

00:41:45,270 --> 00:41:49,440

useful, especially, I think we started

reading it while we were engaged actually.

:

00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:49,500

Yeah.

:

00:41:49,500 --> 00:41:51,960

And I think we finished

it on our honeymoon.

:

00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:53,045

I remember bringing it to, mm-hmm.

:

00:41:53,045 --> 00:41:53,940

We were reading it on the honeymoon.

:

00:41:53,970 --> 00:41:54,270

Yeah.

:

00:41:54,270 --> 00:41:55,170

To our honeymoon.

:

00:41:55,260 --> 00:41:55,770

Um.

:

00:41:56,480 --> 00:42:01,070

And I think as like a new bride,

it was very good for me to read.

:

00:42:01,070 --> 00:42:03,410

So I highly recommend it

for newly married couples.

:

00:42:03,410 --> 00:42:06,050

And if you've never read it,

I mean read it regardless of

:

00:42:06,050 --> 00:42:07,340

where you are in your marriage.

:

00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:13,010

Um, because men and women are

fundamentally different and.

:

00:42:13,670 --> 00:42:14,750

It is beautiful.

:

00:42:14,750 --> 00:42:19,670

I love learning about the differences

between men and women because the more

:

00:42:19,670 --> 00:42:24,710

we learn about those differences, the

better we can love each other and the

:

00:42:24,710 --> 00:42:28,640

stronger than our marriage is and the

more complimentary we're able to be.

:

00:42:28,790 --> 00:42:33,230

And I mean, that's just the fundamental

message of theology, the body basically.

:

00:42:33,500 --> 00:42:37,100

Um, and so you learn a lot

about how to specifically.

:

00:42:37,670 --> 00:42:41,120

Like love your husband in

those needs that he has.

:

00:42:41,390 --> 00:42:41,480

Mm-hmm.

:

00:42:41,810 --> 00:42:46,820

And then as a wife, you have kind of like

practical ways that you can grow in and

:

00:42:46,820 --> 00:42:50,900

that you can kind of target to build a

better relationship with your spouse.

:

00:42:51,620 --> 00:42:54,770

The hard part about that book that

I found really difficult is that it

:

00:42:54,770 --> 00:42:59,480

is all centered around protecting

your marriage from an affair.

:

00:42:59,990 --> 00:43:05,150

Now what I do appreciate about the offer

is that he's very frank and honest.

:

00:43:05,420 --> 00:43:07,310

And I feel like sometimes

you just need that.

:

00:43:07,310 --> 00:43:09,770

You just need someone to

straight up tell you how it is.

:

00:43:09,890 --> 00:43:10,100

Yeah.

:

00:43:10,220 --> 00:43:13,700

Um, but I think it's also hard,

especially as a new wife for me, I

:

00:43:13,700 --> 00:43:16,160

mean, I think at any point it was

hard, but like, especially as like

:

00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:20,060

a new bride, I was like, I would

cry all the time reading the book.

:

00:43:20,060 --> 00:43:20,120

Yeah.

:

00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:23,090

Because it was always like, and

if you don't fulfill these needs,

:

00:43:23,090 --> 00:43:24,500

then you could have an affair.

:

00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:24,800

Yeah.

:

00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:27,560

I mean, he was just very frank

and blunt because, 'cause he's a

:

00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:30,110

marriage therapist and so he shared.

:

00:43:30,285 --> 00:43:33,945

All, he shared these like stories and

he changed the names of the people,

:

00:43:33,945 --> 00:43:38,055

but he shared these real stories of

his clients that were on the brink

:

00:43:38,055 --> 00:43:40,905

of divorce that had gone through

affairs and how they got there.

:

00:43:40,995 --> 00:43:44,445

And he basically shared the statistics

of how common affairs actually are.

:

00:43:44,505 --> 00:43:44,595

Mm-hmm.

:

00:43:44,865 --> 00:43:46,995

And that's just the reality.

:

00:43:47,025 --> 00:43:47,235

Yeah.

:

00:43:47,625 --> 00:43:50,865

And we may think that that doesn't

happen in, you know, in the Catholic

:

00:43:50,865 --> 00:43:54,165

and Christian world because, oh, we're

Catholic and Christian, but at the end

:

00:43:54,165 --> 00:43:56,355

of the day, we're human beings and.

:

00:43:56,735 --> 00:44:00,695

There's sin and there's brokenness

and you know, we're, we're

:

00:44:00,695 --> 00:44:02,375

still just as susceptible.

:

00:44:02,735 --> 00:44:03,875

To Yeah.

:

00:44:03,905 --> 00:44:06,665

Affairs and to, and to s

sitting and falling in our

:

00:44:06,665 --> 00:44:09,215

marriages, um, as anybody else.

:

00:44:09,215 --> 00:44:09,305

Yeah.

:

00:44:09,305 --> 00:44:11,495

Like your fate's not gonna protect

your marriage from an affair.

:

00:44:11,645 --> 00:44:12,575

Exactly.

:

00:44:12,995 --> 00:44:16,565

Um, and so that was kind of, I'll just

give that caveat as I was like, it

:

00:44:16,565 --> 00:44:19,325

was a little bit hard to read at times

because they would like, share these

:

00:44:19,325 --> 00:44:22,445

stories of like, people who had an

affair and were on the brink of divorce

:

00:44:22,445 --> 00:44:25,655

and I was about to get married and I

was like, Trey, please never leave me.

:

00:44:25,895 --> 00:44:26,255

Yeah.

:

00:44:26,255 --> 00:44:29,555

I mean, it's, it's hard to

be confronted with the stark

:

00:44:29,555 --> 00:44:31,955

reality of affairs and divorce.

:

00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:38,180

But like you said, sometimes it's

that like bluntness that we need to

:

00:44:38,180 --> 00:44:42,830

like recognize the delicate nature of

marriage and how it does require work

:

00:44:42,830 --> 00:44:45,200

and effort and intentionality and yeah.

:

00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,240

So I mean, either way, great book.

:

00:44:47,245 --> 00:44:48,980

Great book would definitely

highly recommend it.

:

00:44:49,070 --> 00:44:49,340

Yeah.

:

00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:50,810

Yeah, would definitely recommend it.

:

00:44:50,810 --> 00:44:50,900

Dip.

:

00:44:51,058 --> 00:44:54,508

Yeah, I think that's, honestly, I

feel like that's all we have today

:

00:44:54,508 --> 00:44:56,038

and I, I hope that was helpful.

:

00:44:56,038 --> 00:44:59,758

I definitely feel like this is

something I get asked a lot and.

:

00:45:01,498 --> 00:45:05,698

Pray that a lot of you are able to

implement this in your communities

:

00:45:05,698 --> 00:45:09,568

and that it's fruitful, and if

you do it, please message me.

:

00:45:09,568 --> 00:45:14,368

I would love to know just how it's

going and, um, if you have any questions

:

00:45:14,368 --> 00:45:18,478

on yeah, what kind of party or what

to do for the party, Dari, she'd

:

00:45:18,478 --> 00:45:19,648

love to answer those host questions.

:

00:45:19,738 --> 00:45:22,198

I would love to help you

figure out what party to host.

:

00:45:22,198 --> 00:45:23,248

I'm a hoster so.

:

00:45:23,728 --> 00:45:24,238

That's fun.

:

00:45:24,238 --> 00:45:29,248

I will live vicariously through all your

summer barbecues and spring fling dinners.

:

00:45:29,818 --> 00:45:30,058

Yes.

:

00:45:30,778 --> 00:45:35,548

But, and then men just propose

the idea and just enjoy the,

:

00:45:35,548 --> 00:45:36,868

uh, the ride afterwards.

:

00:45:36,928 --> 00:45:37,288

Yeah.

:

00:45:37,378 --> 00:45:37,738

Yeah.

:

00:45:38,068 --> 00:45:39,058

Community is really important.

:

00:45:39,118 --> 00:45:39,508

Yeah.

:

00:45:40,288 --> 00:45:43,768

Trey, do you, could you like

close us in a prayer and just

:

00:45:43,768 --> 00:45:46,258

like pray for these couples that.

:

00:45:46,843 --> 00:45:50,353

Are wanting to start community and

striving to have a God-centered marriage.

:

00:45:50,593 --> 00:45:50,863

Yes.

:

00:45:50,953 --> 00:45:51,403

Thank you.

:

00:45:52,843 --> 00:45:53,923

Name, the Father and the son.

:

00:45:53,923 --> 00:45:55,993

Holy heaven.

:

00:45:55,993 --> 00:46:01,123

My father, I just surrender to

this podcast episode and this

:

00:46:01,123 --> 00:46:03,943

topic of marriage and community.

:

00:46:04,123 --> 00:46:06,013

Uh, we pray for all those

who are listening to this.

:

00:46:06,138 --> 00:46:06,558

My Father.

:

00:46:06,558 --> 00:46:11,088

I just surrender this podcast,

episode two and always these people

:

00:46:11,088 --> 00:46:16,878

who are listening, I pray that you

will bless their lives with community

:

00:46:16,878 --> 00:46:18,378

and friendship that they can.

:

00:46:19,233 --> 00:46:23,403

Uh, grow in and that they can run to

heaven and run to you with and alongside

:

00:46:24,063 --> 00:46:28,653

Lord, I pray that you give them the

graces and the courage to, uh, invite

:

00:46:28,833 --> 00:46:34,503

some couples over to dinner one night,

uh, and to be able to just propose

:

00:46:34,503 --> 00:46:38,298

this idea of monthly marriage nights.

:

00:46:38,613 --> 00:46:45,483

And I pray that this will bear lots

of fruit in their own individual

:

00:46:45,483 --> 00:46:46,803

lives, in their marriages, and.

:

00:46:47,328 --> 00:46:51,283

Uh, and there can be at home Mother,

Mary of interest, all of us to you.

:

00:46:52,513 --> 00:46:52,803

Amen.

:

00:46:53,993 --> 00:46:54,283

Amen.

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About the Podcast

Ever Be
A faith and lifestyle podcast.
The Ever Be Podcast is a faith and lifestyle podcast filled with meaningful conversations and practical tips that will inspire and empower you to live a Christ centered life in today’s modern world. Through her own experience of surrendering completely to God and finding true fullness of life, your host Mari Wagner, has committed to having God’s praise “ever be” on her lips and sharing that message with the world. Listen in for insightful, real life conversations and actionable steps on how to claim the full life God created you for.

With over 100K followers and counting, Instagram content creator and founder of the popular Catholic lifestyle brand, West Coast Catholic, Mari Wagner is showing the world how to live a bold, attractive, and fulfilling Catholic life by being in the world but not of it. On the podcast you’ll get a combination of heartfelt solo episodes with Mari, interviews with exciting guests, and up-close and personal time with both the Wagner’s—Mari and Trey. What more could you ask for?!

Finally! Answers to questions you’ve been asking like:
How do I infuse prayer into my daily life? How do I live out my Catholic faith? What is the best dating and marriage advice? What does a good Catholic marriage look like? How do I grow in homemaking skills and build a domestic church? How do I create a beautiful and welcoming home? What does a healthy and balanced lifestyle look like? Is it possible to find a solid community of like minded women?

Host Mari Wagner covers topics that you actually care about from faith life, to relationships and marriage, to homemaking, to healthy living. Each episode is crafted to resonate with your challenges and aspirations as a modern Christian woman seeking purpose, balance, and joy.

Tune into the Ever Be Podcast for valuable advice, relatable stories, expert insights and just some fun girl chats with someone who really gets you. Hit play to get out of the rut you constantly feel yourself in, and subscribe to join the community and experience the fullness of life Jesus has in store for you.

About your host

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Mari Wagner