33: My Top Advice for Engagement and Wedding Planning: Marriage prep, Family Dynamics, NFP, and more
Join host Mari Wagner on the Ever Be Podcast as she goes into the all things engagement, offering real-life insights and actionable advice for preparing for a Christ-centered marriage. Mari addresses the joys and challenges of engagement, family dynamics, wedding logistics, practicing chastity, and building a strong support system. This episode offers practical tips for planning a meaningful wedding mass and encourages listeners to deeply grow in faith during this sacred time. Perfect for engaged women and those yearning for a faith-driven approach to their upcoming marriage.
Resources for Engagement
Beloved Marriage prep series on Formed - https://watch.formed.org/beloved-finding-happiness-in-marriage
Better Together Dynamic Catholic Marriage Prep - https://www.dynamiccatholic.com/marriage-preparation.html?srsltid=AfmBOope2wFL3nrmWxeKwzqH6PJMQ62amfM5ZYET47heNGoPwCWJqzH4
Emily Wilson Navigating Engagement Course - https://series.emilywilsonministries.com/courses/navigating-engagement
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Follow Along:
Transcript
Hey, I'm your host, Mari Wagner,
and you're listening to the ever be
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:podcast where faith meets lifestyle.
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:I'm so excited you're here, whether you're
a new listener or a longtime follower,
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:I know there's something here for you.
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:Pull up a chair and listen in for
insightful real life conversations
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:and actionable steps on how to claim
the full life God created you for.
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:If you're a woman desiring to live
a Christ centered life in today's
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:modern world, then this is for you.
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:Welcome to Ever Be.
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:mari-wagner_2_10-29-2024_083441: Hey
friends, welcome back to ever be.
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:I am coming to you from Dallas today.
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:I'm here for the week with my
new West coast Catholic team.
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:We have a few new employees that we're
training and for training week, I have
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:to present a lot into a lot of talking.
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:And so I am going Sort of feel
like my voice is a little bit raspy
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:and, um, I might lose it today.
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:I hope I don't cause it's only day two
and I have to be talking and presenting
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:all the way through Friday and it's
literally only Tuesday right now.
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:So if you want to say a little
prayer for me, that'd be great.
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:Um, but also hopefully my mic will
pick up my voice cause I can't talk too
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:loudly and I hope it's not too raspy.
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:So.
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:Just a little fair warning
there, but we are chatting about
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:engagement to season today.
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:If you are preparing for marriage,
engage, you know, maybe you're
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:going to be engaged soon.
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:This episode is going to be for you.
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:We're going to be unpacking what it really
looks like to be in an engagement season
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:as a Catholic and Christian woman, the
ups and downs, everything in between.
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:I'm going to be sharing some of my
personal experience in my season of
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:engagement, and then just some tips
and thoughts that I have about how
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:you can best prepare and really just
live this season well with the Lord.
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:Because the truth is that the season
can be filled with so much joy and
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:excitement and celebration, but also
there's going to be some hardship.
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:There's going to be some challenges.
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:And the unexpected might happen,
and I'm just going to say that
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:right out from the beginning.
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:There's no one way that
engagement is going to go.
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:It's going to look very
different for different people.
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:For some people, it might be exactly
what you expected, but to be honest,
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:I don't have a single friend who has
experienced that yet, so it also might
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:not be what you expect in some ways.
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:Um, but like I said, there's going to
be both joys and challenges, and we're
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:going to dive into all of that today.
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:And I hope that you can walk away
after this episode, feeling like you
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:can fully embrace this season and
prepare for a Christ centered marriage.
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:And so let's dive in.
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:Engagement is a sacred time.
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:Truly.
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:It's more than just planning a wedding,
even though that's what I feel like
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:the culture really focuses on today.
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:And what it's really easy to fall into is
the Pinterest board, the guest list, um,
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:all the arrangements for the reception.
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:And don't get me wrong.
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:It's a really big part of engagement.
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:And if you're having a big
wedding, it does require a
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:lot of time and preparation.
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:And so do give it the due time that
is needed, but there's so much more
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:that we need to talk about and pay
attention to during this season.
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:Because bottom line is that it's about
preparing for your vocation of marriage,
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:a lifelong commitment rooted in faith
and virtue and love and sacrifice.
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:So in this season, God is not just
calling us to grow in relationship with
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:our fiance, but also grow closer to
him because he's the source of love.
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:He's the source of virtue and
the source of faith that we're
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:going to draw from in marriage.
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:And I just want to encourage you to
embrace the season of engagement.
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:And I say embrace, because
like I said earlier, there's
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:a lot that's going to happen.
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:And I want you to let go of the urge
of rushing through the messy parts
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:and just focusing on the pretty parts.
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:The reality is what I learned, at
least in my engagement season and
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:what it's been like walking with a
few close friends in their engagement
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:seasons as well, is that there is no
one way that engagement should be, and
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:this was a misconception I had because
I am your classic like girly girl.
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:I dreamed about my wedding growing up.
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:I had the Pinterest board, you know,
in middle school and high school,
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:and I watched all the rom-coms.
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:Growing up.
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:And I still basically
only watch rom com movies.
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:So I had this image in my head of what
engagement looks like because in the
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:movies, if you're a fellow rom com girly,
although we are supposed to know that
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:the movies aren't real, but I don't know.
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:I guess I ended up here.
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:Anyways, if you're a rom com girly,
you know that in the movies, it's
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:so exciting when the girl gets
engaged, she's been waiting, you
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:know, for him to pop the question.
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:He finally does.
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:They're static.
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:The families are celebrating
unless it's father, the bride.
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:And in that case, that's
a hilarious movie.
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:And.
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:I can relate to a lot of that.
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:My father is very protective over me.
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:But regardless, most of the
movies, everybody's excited, right?
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:People are celebrating the bride.
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:There's all this like beauty
and planning the wedding.
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:You know, you see all the like
montage videos of them going to
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:try on the dress and everything.
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:Pick out cake and flowers and
work with the wedding planner.
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:And it's just bliss.
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:It just looks like pure bliss and joy.
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:And like everybody is your
biggest like hype team around you.
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:Just so excited that you're
getting married and ready
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:to support you in any way.
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:Now that was not my experience of
engagement and maybe it's not yours too.
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:If you're in it right now.
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:Or maybe you have this same idea in your
head that this is how it's going to be.
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:And I just want to prepare you.
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:I just want to share with you the
reality of what it is so that you have
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:just more knowledge going into it.
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:Um, and maybe yours is
going to be like that.
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:And honestly, I mean, I pray that
it is, I mean, I pray that it's just
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:amazing, but also I will say the
challenges of engagement did prepare us
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:in a way for Marriage and did prepare
us in a way to, um, leave our family
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:and join together to be one, right?
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:When you're getting married, you
are leaving your family and you are
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:creating your own, which means that
there's a new level of authority of
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:responsibility and of maturity that you
need to be able to enter into marriage.
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:And the unique challenges that come
with this season can truly bring you
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:and your fiance together and strengthen
your relationship if you let them.
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:So let's talk about this idea of what
engagement should be like and what I
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:mean by this phrase of like, it shouldn't
be like anything because everybody's
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:engagement is going to be different.
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:Like I said, in the movies and in
the media, you often see like this
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:picture, perfect vision of engagement.
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:And we end up thinking that
this is what it should be like.
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:And then when our engagement isn't
like that, there's disappointment and
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:resentment about why it's not the way
that we thought it was going to be.
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:The reality is that life is messy.
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:Life is always messy.
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:It's never perfect.
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:And I think that we all know that as a
general rule, we all know life is messy.
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:Life is life.
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:Things happen.
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:But then all of a sudden, when
engagement comes around and our wedding
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:comes around, it's like, We're not
prepared for life to be messy anymore.
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:We're prepared for everything
to work out for this season.
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:And we just have to remember that
engagement is just another part
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:of life and life is messy and
there's challenges that come up
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:and, you know, bumps in the road.
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:And so the same thing is going
to happen in your engagement,
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:likely in one way or another.
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:For me, it was family dynamics.
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:We got engaged in college
and we're planning to get
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:married right after college.
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:And for our parents, mostly mine, it
was a big thing to wrap their head
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:around that their daughter is going to
get married straight out of college.
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:Now, this fear for them was
rooted in, they had me at a very
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:young age, um, unexpectedly.
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:My mom was, uh, got
pregnant when she was 19.
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:My dad was 21 in college and at
the time they were obviously not
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:really preparing to have a child.
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:They ended up getting pregnant with me and
actually got married three years later.
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:I was the flower girl at their wedding.
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:So that's something little
girls don't usually get to brag
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:about and something that I would
always brag about to everybody.
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:But anyways, so my parents had
this experience, their own personal
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:experience of a lot of trying moments
Of becoming parents really young
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:before they were ready and entering
into marriage during a time where
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:they weren't necessarily expecting it.
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:With that came a lot of financial
hardships at the beginning of their
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:marriage, a lot of growing up really fast
and maturing really fast because you just
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:had to, because now they had a daughter
to take care of and provide for, and now
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:they had a marriage that they were willing
to commit to and work to make work.
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:However, that wasn't my situation
when I was getting married at 23.
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:I was in a much different place in
my faith, maturity wise, I had a
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:job lined up and had plans for the
future, all things that my parents
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:didn't have at the age they were at,
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:when they were having
children and getting married.
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:And so, That personal experience from
my parents side played a role in our
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:engagement season because there were
a lot of fears we had to talk through
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:with them and a lot of concerns they
had about getting married young and
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:the struggles that came with it.
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:And in their words, we didn't struggle
and come to America because my
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:parents are immigrants from Columbia.
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:Um, Um, you know, we didn't come to
America, we didn't sacrifice all these
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:things for you to just go through
the same struggles in their mind.
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:They wanted me to be financially ready
to have a career, to do things a little
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:bit slowly when I was older, you know?
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:Um, and I had to really have
a lot of hard conversations.
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:With them and with Trey and all of
us together about if we were really
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:ready for marriage to really show
them why we really believed that we
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:were, and the proof in our prayer and
our spiritual lives that the Lord was
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:calling us to enter into our vocation.
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:And that we were trusting that the
Lord was preparing us step by step
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:and that the Lord was currently
preparing us to be engaged.
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:And engagement is that time
of preparation for marriage.
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:And so no, we were not ready
for marriage the day that we got
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:engaged because we were not ready.
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:Getting married.
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:The day that we got engaged, we were
ready for engagement and the season of
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:engagement helped us to prepare for the
day that we said, I do on the altar.
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:You may also be having some
interesting family dynamics in
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:this time of engagement season.
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:Maybe you have siblings that Are in
a relationship or maybe are older
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:than you and imagine that they
would be getting married before you.
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:And that's kind of a hard dynamic, or
maybe your parents like mine aren't really
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:ready to let go of their kids yet and have
fears about you getting married young, or
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:maybe you have a difficult family, right?
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:Maybe you come from a difficult
or broken family relationships.
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:Maybe your parents are divorced, or
there's different broken relationships
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:with different family members.
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:That's going to make this season
of engagement really hard or
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:painful or trying, um, as you're
planning and preparing for marriage,
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:There may be disagreements and hard
conversations about the wedding budget.
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:Maybe your family is willing to help you
in some way providing financially for
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:the wedding, maybe they're not, and maybe
having the conversations about who's
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:paying for what is going to be a little
bit tense or uncomfortable depending
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:on what conversations around money and
budgeting, um, your family normally has.
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:Or maybe your family is going to
be your biggest support system,
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:and maybe this isn't where things
are going to be a little bit bumpy.
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:Maybe your family is so
excited for you to get married.
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:They love your fiance.
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:They're going to help you financially if
they're able to and take some stress off
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:of you of having to pay for the wedding.
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:And maybe they're going to be just
Super helpful during wedding planning
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:and just be your biggest cheerleaders.
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:And again, I hope that that's the case.
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:I hope that there's no stress that
comes from your family relationships
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:because I know how hard that can be,
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:but in case it is, I just wanted to share
an honest and just open reality of what
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:my experience was like so that you know
that if this is you, you're not alone.
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:And it's common for there to be
interesting and hard conversations
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:with your family throughout this time.
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:Next, the whole logistics of
wedding planning in general
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:can get a little chaotic.
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:Sometimes the logistics can
feel really overwhelming.
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:There can be a lot of details
that you're trying to iron out,
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:maybe in a short amount of time.
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:If you have a short engagement or
maybe in a more ample amount of time,
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:if you have a long engagement, either
way, planning a wedding is no joke.
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:There's a lot to take care of.
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:And a lot of the times there's a lot
of opinions to take into consideration.
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:Maybe your mom is helping you and
she has opinions about how your
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:wedding should be like, or what she
thought your wedding would be like.
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:Maybe your grandma has opinions.
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:Maybe your mother in law has opinions.
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:Maybe.
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:Your friends or your fiance
have differing opinions.
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:Either way, there's a lot of people who
are going to want to share what they
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:feel like your wedding should be like.
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:And in the end, I want to remind you
that it's your wedding and you get to
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:invite whoever's opinion you value and
you feel will be most helpful to you in
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:making decisions for wedding planning.
245
:The personal take that I took was
to allow my mom and my mother in
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:law to help guide me throughout
the wedding planning process.
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:And ultimately I wanted to have that
final say on different preferences that
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:I had, but I was really open and welcome
to my mother in law and my mom's, Advice
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:and guidance during wedding planning.
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:One, because we were very fortunate
to have our parents support us
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:financially for the entire wedding.
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:And so our both of our parents just split
the cost of the wedding evenly in train.
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:I felt like we wanted
to respect that gift.
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:They were giving us of paying for
the wedding and allowing them to
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:have a little bit of a say on what
they wanted the food to be like, or
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:what they thought of the reception or
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:who was going to be on the guest list
and how big the guest list was going
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:to be because in the end they were
throwing a party for their children
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:and celebrating their marriage.
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:Now they also wanted to respect our
decision and our desires because they
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:knew this was a celebration of For
our marriage and for our wedding.
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:And so there was a lot of mutual respect
there in planning the wedding together.
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:And ultimately I did feel like they
allowed me to have the final say on
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:different preferences because they
wanted it to be my dream wedding.
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:And I will say this a lot of the times the
bride is the one that has more particular
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:desires and dreams of their wedding.
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:Do include your.
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:fiance though., I made sure to go
through things with Trey and to
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:include him in the wedding process,
um, and choosing different things.
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:And it was funny to see what
were the things that he was more
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:particular about, what were the
things that he didn't care much about.
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:And in the end, he also was very
easygoing and was like, if you really
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:want something, I want you to have it.
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:I'm not going to be as picky.
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:Um, so that's just a note too.
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:Keep your fiance included.
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:I think he should be a part of it.
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:And I think that he should have a say
in that you guys should discuss a lot
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:of things together and it shouldn't
just be you picking everything by you.
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:I'm just assuming you're a woman listening
because most of my listeners are women.
281
:So as the bride to be, you should have
a lot of say, but I think it's also
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:really important to help your fiance
be a part of it and be involved and
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:have a say in a few things Because
in the end, it's also his wedding day.
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:Now, there might be a lot of challenges
that come with planning the wedding,
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:like I said, and a lot of stress.
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:And I want you to just know,
that it's okay to delegate tasks
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:and delegate responsibility.
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:You may feel like you want
to do it all yourself.
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:And honestly, I'm just going
to tell you straight up.
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:You don't want to do it all yourself.
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:You definitely want to split
the work with other people.
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:And the best way to do this is if you
have a vision for something, maybe make
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:a Pinterest board for that certain thing,
or write it down or describe it, and then
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:hand that Point person, the vision, right?
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:If your sister is going to help
you with the flowers, maybe
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:you want to hand that off.
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:And you're like, Hey sis, here
are the pictures of flowers
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:that I have really loved.
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:Here's a vibe that I want.
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:If you have a budget hand over the
budget and then be like, go, you know,
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:find different florists, get price
points, come back to me with them.
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:We'll talk about if it fits in the
budget, if it's worth it or not.
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:And then talk to the florist,
give them my vision and see if
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:it's possible for them to do it.
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:And then we'll go from there.
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:Something like that.
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:Something where you can delegate.
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:a task, but you can still
hand over their vision.
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:They can kind of do more of the admin
work and then come back to you with
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:some options for you to make the final
decision is really, really helpful.
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:Finally, another challenge I want
to address is the topic of chastity.
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:Engagement brings you even closer to your
fiance and strengthens your connection,
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:your love, your relationship so much that
practicing chastity gets really hard.
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:It's so natural and good for your love
to deepen and strengthen and for you
315
:to continue to have this attraction to
your fiance because in the end that's
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:what you're working towards, right?
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:To be one with each other in marriage.
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:And it gets really hard to continue
to practice chastity because
319
:you have found the one, right?
320
:You found the person, you know,
who you're going to marry.
321
:Hopefully you've been saving yourself
for marriage and practicing chastity.
322
:And now, you know, he's
going to be your husband.
323
:And so it's really easy to be like, well,
I know this man's going to be my husband,
324
:so we're just going to give in because
eventually we're going to be married
325
:and I really, really urge you to Not do
that to continue to practice chastity to
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:continue to strengthen each other and be
a support for each other when one maybe
327
:is struggling or having a weaker moment
to be the one that encourages each other
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:and says No, we're not going to do this.
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:We are going to draw a boundary.
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:We are going to cool off.
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:We are preparing for marriage and the
Lord wants to strengthen our virtue and
332
:our will in this way, and it's going
to bring us closer in the long run.
333
:And I promise you an outpouring of graces
is going to come on your wedding day,
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:if you've really practiced chastity
throughout your engagement season.
335
:The Lord absolutely will reward
your sacrifice and your waiting.
336
:So you need to continue building
self discipline and boundaries
337
:in your relationship so that you
both are committed to chastity.
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:Lean on prayer and pray for
the grace to be strong in this
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:area and have God's grace.
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:Open communication with each
other of where you're struggling
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:or where you're being tempted or
what boundaries need to change in
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:order to help you guys stay chased.
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:Different things I recommend
is don't be in each other's
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:bedrooms with the door closed.
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:If you want to be in each other's
bedrooms, make sure that there are
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:people home and the door is open.
347
:Um, I would say don't
hang out on your bed.
348
:Having a curfew is also really helpful
if there's a time at night, maybe 10
349
:or 1030 when you're like, okay This
is when we have to say goodbye because
350
:we know after 1030 we get really tired
And then we just want to cuddle and
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:then that leads to making out and
that leads to everything else, right?
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:Knowing yourself knowing your temptations
Knowing your boundaries and choosing
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:a boundary that is actually going to
help you thrive is going to be really
354
:helpful and lean on confession as well.
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:Like I said, this time of
engagement is not perfect.
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:You're likely not going
to be perfect in chastity.
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:And that's okay because when we send,
we have the beautiful opportunity
358
:to go to confession and receive
the redemption of the Lord and the
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:forgiveness and absolution of the Lord.
360
:And so continue to go back to
confession and encourage each
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:other to seek that sacrament.
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:If you are needing it in this time.
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:But don't use it as a crutch.
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:Don't just use it as something that
you can fall back on so that you can,
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:you know, cross the line and go too
far and then just be like, it's fine.
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:We can go to confession.
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:That's not true love.
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:True love won't send
you to the confessional.
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:You guys.
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:Okay.
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:I know it's really hard to wait, but
I want to encourage you to continue.
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:rooting for each other to get to heaven,
to continue pushing each other and
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:encouraging each other to be holy and to
welcome the Lord into your relationship
374
:and allow him to take first priority.
375
:, And when we are choosing to let
our desires override what the Lord
376
:is calling us to do, we're really
choosing ourselves and our selfishness
377
:and our fleshly desires over the
will of God and how he wants us to
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:live a Christ centered relationship.
379
:And essentially, we're choosing ourselves
over our spouse because we're selfishly
380
:grasping at this thing for our selfish
desires instead of really willing and
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:choosing the holiness of our partner.
382
:So ask the Lord to give you the
grace if you're struggling in this
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:area, because I promise you he will.
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:And if you need an accountability
partner, a friend or something who you
385
:can confide in and share like, Hey,
I'm really struggling in this area.
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:Can you check in on me
every once in a while?
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:Or can you make sure that my door's open?
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:If you're have a roommate or something
like that, that's really helpful too.
389
:Next, I want to talk about building
a really solid support system through
390
:your engagement and for your marriage.
391
:This includes having maybe a family
member or a few family members who
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:you have a great relationship who
are going to give you the best advice
393
:and help you through wedding planning
and maybe just talking through any
394
:questions you have about marriage,
any doubts that you have, or just
395
:anything that you're wrestling through.
396
:I want you to also make sure that you
have a solid priest that's walking you
397
:through marriage prep and maybe even a
mentor couple that you trust and that
398
:again, you can learn from of how to have
a Christ centered marriage and then I
399
:want you to have, uh, solid bridesmaids.
400
:Now there's different ways
to pick your bridesmaids.
401
:And I would say that the way I picked
mine, I don't regret and they love all
402
:the ladies that were in my wedding, but
I might take a different approach now
403
:if I were to be getting married today.
404
:So at the time when I got engaged
and when I was getting married, I
405
:picked women who were, We're really
close friends of mine, right?
406
:My best friends, my sister
and people that had just been
407
:important friends in my life.
408
:So I had my best friend from high
school growing up, another really
409
:close friend from high school.
410
:I had my best friends from
college and my sister.
411
:And then I also had my sister in laws,
my two sister in laws be a part of my
412
:wedding party, um, because I really love
them and I really wanted to grow close to
413
:them and honor them as my future sisters.
414
:It's not required, um, to have your
sister in laws be your bridesmaids, but I
415
:personally loved having them in my party.
416
:Like I said, to grow closer to
them and to really just include
417
:them in this whole celebration.
418
:Um, as I already was building a great
relationship with them and I really
419
:wanted to honor them as my future sisters.
420
:In the end, I want to encourage you to
pick people who are going to show up for
421
:your marriage, not just for your wedding.
422
:There are certain bridesmaids that
I don't talk to anymore at all.
423
:And not necessarily because anything
bad happened, but just because as
424
:you grow older, relationships change.
425
:And sometimes you distance yourself
from different people just because
426
:that's the natural course of adulthood
and relationships as you move away
427
:and turn to different seasons of life.
428
:Now, That's okay.
429
:If there's people in your life that
are really important to you now that
430
:you feel like aren't necessarily
going to show up in the future.
431
:If they're really important to you
now, and if it would be maybe harmful
432
:to the relationship, if you didn't
include them and you want to include
433
:them, go ahead and include them.
434
:Bottom line is include
who you want to include.
435
:But my biggest piece of advice is to
make sure that you have people in your
436
:bridesmaids and your groomsmen, just
in your bridal party in general that
437
:are going to show up for your marriage.
438
:Women that are faithful and rooted in
Christ and going to give you the best
439
:advice for a Christ centered marriage.
440
:When you come to them in the
middle of marriage and you're
441
:like, I don't know how to handle
this, or I'm struggling with this.
442
:Or can you point me to the truth
of the Lord in this situation?
443
:People that you want to make
sure that you, have people
444
:like that in your bridal party.
445
:Because marriage, although beautiful,
we all know comes with its own hardships
446
:and challenges and it is very stretching
and sometimes it's very helpful to have
447
:people that are faithful and rooted
in the Lord in your corner, that will
448
:help you show you what the truth is
and what the Lord says as you work
449
:through different things in marriage.
450
:And let's remember that you're
preparing for the marriage, right?
451
:You're not just preparing for the wedding.
452
:And so this is why I want you
to have a super solid priest for
453
:wedding prep, um, and marriage prep.
454
:And I know that this
can sometimes be hard.
455
:I have heard a lot of varying,
um, Opinions and comments and
456
:reviews on different diocese,
uh, marriage prep programs.
457
:And so unfortunately there is not like
across the board, a consistent way that
458
:Catholic couples at least are getting
prepared for marriage throughout the
459
:country and probably throughout the world.
460
:And so if the prep programs
around you, you feel like aren't
461
:really great or Really solid.
462
:I encourage you to find
supplemental content that you
463
:guys can work through on your own.
464
:So we had a really unique marriage
prep situation when we were engaged
465
:because we got engaged December of
:
466
:was 2020 and the world shut down.
467
:And so we met with our
priest for engagement or not
468
:engagement for marriage prep.
469
:I think.
470
:Twice and then the world shut
down and then he just Gave us a
471
:link to the series we were working
on and he was like Go ahead.
472
:You got it.
473
:And we basically did our own marriage
prep all by ourselves the Series that we
474
:worked through was the formed marriage
prep series, which is called Beloved.
475
:Um, I believe I know that there's
like another few words that go
476
:after it, like finding happiness
in your marriage or something like
477
:that, or building a happy marriage.
478
:Um, but it's called beloved and
it's found in the formed platform.
479
:And those were the videos that
our priest was going to go
480
:through us for marriage prep.
481
:And that included watching the video.
482
:And I think there's worksheets
with specific reflection questions
483
:and discussion questions and
activities to do together.
484
:We went through that one
and there was a lot of good
485
:discussions that came from that.
486
:However, we also were recommended another
program by Dynamic Catholic called Better
487
:Together, which I really, really loved.
488
:We only did about half of it because
we had already done marriage prep and
489
:we got carried away with other things.
490
:But I really encouraged that one.
491
:I think what, from what I remember, The
videos that we watched and the workbook
492
:that comes with it was a lot more
dynamic and a lot more relatable and
493
:easily digestible and also had really
good conversations that it brought up in
494
:Trey and I during our engagement season.
495
:So again, I encourage you if they're,
if the marriage prep program in your
496
:diocese isn't great, if their engagement
retreat that you have to go on isn't
497
:great, please find someone Supplemental
material to have those conversations.
498
:So many important conversations are needed
to be had during the engagement season.
499
:And if you're not having them, it's
going to make the first few years of
500
:marriage harder because things are going
to come up that you weren't prepared
501
:for, or that you feel blindsided by.
502
:And it's really, really good
to have these conversations
503
:during the engagement season.
504
:It strengthens your relationship
so much and it just establishes
505
:a deeper foundation of trust
and openness with each other.
506
:Topics that are Talked about, for example,
are, um, opinions on how you should
507
:run your family finances, um, desires
on the children and building a family.
508
:When you want to do that, how many you
want to have, um, openness to life in
509
:general discussions about pornography.
510
:Is that something that you've
struggled with in the past or
511
:your partner has struggled with
or is currently struggling with?
512
:How are you working through that?
513
:How are you working to break that
sin and be free from that in and make
514
:sure that it's not a part of your
marriage, um, past relationships or
515
:wounds from past relationships or
family dynamics of how you grew up.
516
:All these, um, just heavier
conversations are going to come
517
:up during this marriage prep time.
518
:And if you have a solid priest that's able
to guide you through it, that's amazing.
519
:And if not, make sure that you're
finding a program that's going to
520
:help you have these conversations
and guide you through them.
521
:And then there's NFP.
522
:And I want to say a quick note on this.
523
:Don't wait to learn nfp.
524
:We started learning nfp like a few
months after we got engaged I literally
525
:did an fp for like 10 months before
we got married because we had a long
526
:engagement And so we had ample time
to really understand the nfp method We
527
:were learning we learned the creighton
method and feel really confident in how
528
:to use it in marriage both to avoid And
to achieve pregnancy And so I encourage
529
:you to start early to find an instructor
in a method that you really trust.
530
:Personally, I am the biggest
advocate for the Creighton program.
531
:I know it's really popular
nowadays to use Marquette because
532
:it has the little machine.
533
:And personally, I don't recommend
that you just do that, especially
534
:when you're starting out.
535
:Um, because.
536
:You don't learn as much
as you do in Creighton.
537
:When you learn the Creighton method,
you look for markers in your body
538
:that tell you where you are in
different parts of your cycle.
539
:And you learn so much about your cycle as
a woman, as well as Your fiance learned
540
:so much about your cycle as a woman.
541
:So Trey wouldn't know what he knows today
about my cycle and our fertility as a
542
:whole and how cycles and fertility works.
543
:If we hadn't done Creighton and I
wouldn't feel as confident in knowing
544
:my cycles and knowing my body as
well, if I hadn't done Creighton.
545
:And if I just had a machine, tell me.
546
:Where I, like, if it, if my
fertility is high or low and, and
547
:that's it, you know what I mean?
548
:So, highly encourage you to start early,
um, to learn the method so that you
549
:can feel really, really comfortable and
solid in what you're going to be doing,
550
:either achieving or avoiding pregnancy.
551
:And I also just want to say a quick
note about just the whole decision
552
:of if you're going to try for
kids right away or not, this is a
553
:really touchy and um, controversial
subject in the Catholic world.
554
:I feel like, right.
555
:And a lot of people have a lot of
opinions on this and truly what the
556
:church teaches is that we should
be open to life in our marriage.
557
:Basically you should not
be entering into marriage.
558
:If you know for a fact that you
are not ready to have children.
559
:And if you know for a fact that if you had
a child, There would be a grave situation.
560
:Now, if you have fears about having
children, that's completely normal.
561
:And I would say having this,
these fears, isn't necessarily the
562
:reason to call off an engagement.
563
:If you, if you feel the Lord is really
calling you to that in this time,
564
:but it is really important that you
work through those with the spiritual
565
:director and with your fiance.
566
:So by the time you're saying, I
do, You feel more confident in the
567
:possibility of bringing children
into your family at any time.
568
:Now I will say that reasons why a couple
will abstain and wait to have children
569
:is going to be different for each family.
570
:And the church guides us and tells
us that there should be really a
571
:grave matter for putting that off.
572
:And that can look different
for every family, financial
573
:things, emotional things.
574
:Whether it be financial or
emotional or whatever it is.
575
:What may be grave to one family
may not be grave to another.
576
:And I really encourage you to make this
decision together with the Lord in prayer,
577
:allow the Lord to speak into this, um,
and then find a spiritual director.
578
:I can't tell you how helpful it is.
579
:To be honest, you guys, the first
few months of marriage, I was
580
:afraid to have kids and I am someone
who has always wanted to be a mom
581
:and has always desired children.
582
:For some reason, there was
this certain fear that I had.
583
:And at first I thought I wanted to wait
a while and through spiritual direction
584
:through my engagement season in those
early months of marriage I was able to
585
:uncover certain wounds that needed healing
that my spiritual director was able to
586
:pray through and uh through that and a
certain retreat that I went to Was able
587
:to find healing in these old childhood
wound areas in my heart and in my soul
588
:That all of a sudden lifted this fear
and anxiety off of my heart In a few
589
:months into marriage, I think it was like
Eight months into marriage, we were like,
590
:yeah, we are ready to have children.
591
:We really want to have children and we've
been trying to have children ever since.
592
:And if you follow me on Instagram,
you know that I share openly that
593
:we're struggling with infertility.
594
:So pray for us if you ever have a moment
to, um, that we'd be able to have a
595
:family and conceive, um, children one day.
596
:But all I'm trying to say is that it's
totally normal for you to have fears.
597
:And so much happens in those first few
months of marriage, where if you have
598
:certain hesitations or fears that you're
working through, the graces of marriage
599
:and working with a spiritual director
are abundant and will change your heart.
600
:Um, and in the end, bottom line, you
want to be open to children whenever
601
:the Lord calls you to have them.
602
:Okay.
603
:Last thing I want to talk about is
in this time of planning for your
604
:wedding, focus on planning the mass.
605
:I think this part is so overlooked by
couples where we get so caught up in
606
:the florals and the colors and the food
and the, just the design of everything.
607
:And the mass is.
608
:A lot of the times, one of the last
things people look at are one of the
609
:things that people speed through the most.
610
:And I think if you're Catholic, it's
easy to do this because the church gives
611
:you certain readings to pick from for
your first, second, and gospel readings.
612
:Um, you don't just get to pick any book
of the Bible or any passage in the Bible.
613
:They have certain ones
that are for weddings.
614
:So I think it can be easy to just be
like, Oh, it's already done for us.
615
:We just have to pick one
really quick and that's it.
616
:And I'll tell you, our
mass was my favorite.
617
:Favorite part of the entire day.
618
:And we spent the most time planning
that, that part of our day and the
619
:feedback that we got from our guests,
our family and friends was that it
620
:was truly one of the most heavenly
masses that they were a part of.
621
:And I believe it's because we put
so much thought and meaning into
622
:the things that we picked out
to really make the mass our own.
623
:We read through all of the
different readings at the church
624
:provided for the wedding mass.
625
:We picked out a few that we felt
like resonated with us more,
626
:and then we prayed through them.
627
:We prayed Lectio Divina through
these different passages together
628
:and discussed what we felt like
the Lord was saying in prayer, what
629
:resonated with us, what message we
wanted to bring into our marriage or
630
:share with our family and friends.
631
:And that's how we picked the readings.
632
:We did the same things with the Psalms.
633
:And then when it came to the songs in
the music, that sounded really similar.
634
:We did the same things
with the Psalms, right?
635
:From scripture.
636
:And then the songs, S O N G S, we picked,
um, Also with a lot of intention, and
637
:this is also going to vary depending on
what church you're getting married in.
638
:Some churches have really strict rules
about what kind of music you can have.
639
:Some only have very traditional organs
and maybe like string instruments.
640
:Um, some have more flexibility and
allow you to pick your own, um,
641
:cantor maybe and pick your own songs.
642
:Luckily, um, we had a lot of
flexibility in the parish we were
643
:getting married in, and we chose some
of our favorite praise and worship
644
:songs to be, um, throughout our mass.
645
:And it just brought this beautiful element
of like, charismaticness that we love
646
:in our faith, um, into the mass with
a very traditional way of doing mass,
647
:um, and a really traditional homily.
648
:It just kind of blended all these
parts of our faith that we love and
649
:it allowed the mass to be really
reverent and beautiful, as well as
650
:allowing us through the songs to have
a space for more of that free praise
651
:and worship that we all really love.
652
:I'm telling you, there were people in
the crowd, you know, with their hands
653
:up, we were just like, Belting and I
was just like eyes closed, just like
654
:praising the Lord through these songs.
655
:Um, if you want any inspiration on
those, I think I have it linked in
656
:my wedding highlight or something.
657
:Um, I'll link it in the show notes too.
658
:I have a Spotify playlist with all
the songs we used in our wedding mass.
659
:And the name of the playlist
is the date of our wedding.
660
:Oh, three 1321.
661
:Um, so I'll link it in the show
notes if you want any inspo,
662
:because I'm really biased, but I.
663
:I love the songs we picked for our wedding
mass and I listen to them all the time
664
:in prayer and they just bring me back.
665
:Um, so be really intentional
about planning your wedding mass.
666
:It makes all the difference.
667
:It's the most important part of your
day, so don't leave it till the end.
668
:Whew.
669
:That was a lot and I'm sure there's
so much more we could talk about,
670
:but I don't want to overwhelm you.
671
:And these were just the most important
points that I felt like were necessary
672
:to talk about for preparing to have a God
centered marriage and to have a peaceful
673
:and just really embrace your season of
engagement with whatever it comes with.
674
:And in the end, what I want to leave you
with is that the engagement season is so
675
:much more than just planning a wedding.
676
:It's time to prepare for a holy
and lifelong commitment and your
677
:vocation, which essentially is the
path the Lord has paved for you to
678
:get to heaven and be with him forever.
679
:And every challenge you
face now is an opportunity.
680
:opportunity for you to strengthen
your marriage, for you to grow in
681
:your faith and grow in intimacy with
the Lord and surrender with the Lord.
682
:There is so much about this process
that's going to call you to surrender.
683
:And that is a good thing.
684
:It helps you grow and rely on the
Lord, which we need to more and
685
:more in which you'll find you're
going to need to do in marriage.
686
:So if you're in this season, I want to
encourage you to stay grounded in prayer.
687
:Don't neglect your prayer life.
688
:Make sure you're having time with
the Lord every single day so that you
689
:actually have the space to hear him
as he guides you through this process.
690
:And lean on the support
of your loved ones.
691
:If you have maybe your mom that you're
really close with a best friend, who's
692
:really going to support you through
this and your fiance, you're going to
693
:need those people that are going to
help keep your head straight on and help
694
:you with wedding planning and just be
a sounding board as you work through
695
:any emotions and anything that happens
throughout your engagement season,
696
:embrace the messy, the imperfect.
697
:And just let this time be one where
you can grow close to your fiance and
698
:really strengthen your trust and and
your relationship with each other.
699
:Thanks for joining me today.
700
:You guys, I really hope that it was
helpful and know that I'm praying for
701
:you as you prepare for your vocation.
702
:If you have a friend who is engaged,
please send this over to her.
703
:I'm always wanting to welcome
new people into our community.
704
:So it's It's so helpful to me when you
give me a five star rating or share an
705
:episode with a friend that you feel
like would really resonate from it,
706
:um, or share on Instagram at ever be
so that we can reach more people and
707
:help them live Christ centered lives.
708
:If you have any more questions
about your engagement, I'm happy
709
:to provide any insight that I can.
710
:Again, I am not the end all
be all, but I do have some
711
:experience in my own engagement.
712
:Um, in walking with a few
other friends and I just love
713
:supporting women in this season.
714
:So if this is you and you feel like
you still have some questions, drop
715
:me a DM on my Instagram at mari.
716
:c.
717
:wagner.
718
:I try to get to as many DMs as possible.
719
:Um, and if I don't have time to type
out a huge long thing, I'll usually
720
:just send you a voice message, um, with
some of my thoughts and prayers for you.
721
:So feel free to do that as well.
722
:But all in all, I'm praying for you and I
hope that you have a wonderful engagement
723
:season and a wonderful day by you guys.
724
:See you next week.
