35: When Your Prayer's Aren't Getting Answered

Speaker: 00:00:06

Hey, I'm your host, Mari Wagner,

and you're listening to the ever be

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podcast where faith meets lifestyle.

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I'm so excited you're here, whether you're

a new listener or a longtime follower,

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I know there's something here for you.

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Pull up a chair and listen in for

insightful real life conversations

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and actionable steps on how to claim

the full life God created you for.

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If you're a woman desiring to live

a Christ centered life in today's

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modern world, then this is for you.

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Welcome to Ever Be.

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mari-wagner_1_11-12-2024_152013:

Welcome back to ever be you guys.

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It's Mari, uh, your host per usual.

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And today we're going to dive into a

topic that is challenging and deeply

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personal for all of us, honestly.

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Um, what to do when your

prayer isn't getting answered.

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And if you've ever felt, , maybe looked

over or unheard or confused or frustrated

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in your prayer life, then this is for you.

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I want to start out by just saying that

whether your prayer is big or small,

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it's worthy and the Lord hears it.

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And I think that there's a misconception

even in the name of this podcast

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episode, even in the phrase that

I just said What to do if your

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prayer is not getting answered.

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That's a misconception in

itself because the truth is.

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No prayer goes unanswered.

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The Lord doesn't ignore us and just

chooses to listen to some of our prayers

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or chooses to respond to some and

not respond or not listen to others.

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So I want you to know, and I just want you

to remember that God answers any prayer.

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Every single prayer that you bring to him,

no matter how big or no matter how small.

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And this is something my mom taught me

when I was little, um, that he answers

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it in one of three ways, either yes.

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And he answers it the way that

you asked for or yes, but not now.

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And that basically means like, yes, like

that is my will, but right now isn't the

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right time, you know, wait a little bit

or no, I have something better for you.

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And in all of these answers, whichever

one it is, he is intentional, he is

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present, and he is working for our good.

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And I know that sometimes, especially

when these prayers involve long

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periods of waiting for an answer of

some sort, um, it can get really hard.

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And you can enter into some

really long periods, um, of

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waiting and seasons of waiting.

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So I just want to unpack how we can

really begin to understand, um, in our

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human is cause the reality is we'll never

be able to fully understand the way God

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works or, you know, why he's working.

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But in our human is how we can kind

of begin to understand how God

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responds to our prayers and how we

can trust him through that process

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So let's just start out by

reflecting on what prayer is right

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prayer isn't Just a way to tell

God what we want or what we need.

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It's not just a list of Wishes for a

genie to fulfill but it's really a sacred

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space for building a relationship with

him And through prayer, we open our hearts

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to the Lord and we let him shape us.

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We let him form our hearts and mold

our hearts to be more like his.

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And the challenge about prayer

is that we don't often or ever

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hear or feel anything good.

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Physical in return.

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Um, you know, we might experience

beautiful graces, like feeling a wave

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of peace, um, or maybe a clarity or just

like an overwhelming love for the Lord.

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These are all beautiful graces

that we may receive in prayer.

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Most of the time we won't feel anything.

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And most of the time you won't feel

an audible confirmation from the Lord.

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Like, yes, this is my will,

or no, this is not my will.

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And you won't always like

physically feel any sort of comfort,

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but this is just part of the mystery of

prayer and the part of the mystery of

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our relationship with the Lord and the

fact that he is divine and we are human.

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And it's part of the process of

surrendering and trusting and having

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greater faith in him, regardless of

what we actually physically hear.

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Or feel like we are getting in return

from him because in the end, our

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relationship with the Lord is not a

transactional one, but it's one of love.

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However, throughout your prayer journey,

especially when you feel like a prayer

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isn't getting answered the way that

you wanted it to, or you don't feel

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any response at all, it's easy to

feel like God is not there or easy to

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feel like he's not listening at all.

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And I just want you to know that

that can't be further from the truth.

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The Lord is always listening, always

attentive to every prayer, but his

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answers aren't always immediate.

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And they aren't always what we expect.

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In fact, in scripture, we see several

examples of the Lord answering prayers

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in weird ways that we never expected or

whoever was praying for ever expected it.

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Think about Abraham and Sarah who

waited decades for a baby, probably

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thinking that they would never have

children and pleading to the Lord that

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they would be able to have children.

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And the Lord, you know, gave Abraham a

promise that his descendants would be as

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many as, you know, the numbers in the sky.

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And after decades finally

gave birth to a son, Isaac.

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And then from that whole line of

descendants eventually came Jesus.

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That's probably not what they

thought they were praying for.

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Right.

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And not what they thought God's plan

was going to be, or, you know, Mary and

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Martha praying to Jesus to heal Lazarus

only for him to arrive after he had

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already died and then rebuking him and

be like, Lord, we asked you to come.

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We asked you to come heal him.

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Why didn't you answer this prayer?

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And for him to answer the

prayer by raising him from

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the dead three days later.

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This just shows us that God's timing

and God's ways are often beyond our

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understanding, but they're never random.

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They're intentional.

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They're part of God's plan for our lives.

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And especially this week, I've literally

said out loud to Trey several times, like,

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I just don't know what God's plan is.

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I just don't know what God's plan is.

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And it's funny because it's like I'm

saying it in frustration, kind of

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expecting The Lord to be like, Oh, my bad.

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I didn't give you the plan.

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Like, here you go.

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My bad.

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I thought I gave you the plan.

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Like, no, like we're not supposed

to know the plan you guys.

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And honestly, I'm starting

to firmly believe that.

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And that's not something I think I

would have ever said or wanted to

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believe years ago, because years ago,

my life just kind of always worked out.

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Anything I prayed for, I

pretty much got it answered.

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And it hasn't been really until the last

few years that we've had an unanswered

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prayer that I've really wrestled with

the Lord of like, what does it look

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like to have an unanswered prayer?

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What does it mean about God's goodness?

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What does it mean about his plan?

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Right?

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Cause before it always seemed

like God and I had the same plan.

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We were on the same page and I

knew the plan and I was like, yes,

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Lord, glad we're on the same page.

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You know, on the same page,

like working for the same plan.

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This is going great.

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We're on track.

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And then curve ball.

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And now it feels like we have different

plans and I don't know what the plan is.

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And like I was saying, I

just feel like that's okay.

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And it might honestly be a good thing.

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I actually don't think we're supposed to

know the plan because in the end, we're

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not God and we're not supposed to be God.

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And.

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We cannot be more fully his children

if we know the plan, because in our

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humanness, we try and control and we

try and lead and we try and take over.

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And that's not what a child does.

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If you think about it, a little

girl, three year old, five year

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old, she doesn't know what to do.

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the life plan is, let alone

what the day plan is, let alone

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what the afternoon plan is.

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Like, even though her mom might

tell her in the morning, like,

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here's what we're going to do today.

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She probably forgets it in 0.

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2 seconds.

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And all she's doing is following

her mom throughout the day.

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All she's doing is, you know,

trusting her dad that he's going

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to provide for her, that he's going

to lead her to the next place.

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He's going to keep her safe, you know,

or her mom that, you know, she's going

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to follow her to the grocery store or to

the park that day or to do an activity.

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Kids just follow literally blindly

because they trust in the person

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that they're following, not

because they trust in the plan.

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However, God's working in our lives.

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It's always part of a greater plan.

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And it's honestly a good thing

that we don't know what it is.

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Let's just keep that in mind as we

move forward but as we wait for the

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plan to unfold, whatever that is in

our lives and whatever it is that

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we're praying for, um, there could

be a season of suffering as you wait.

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Maybe what you're praying for

is something, something deeply

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important, deeply personal, difficult

that you're struggling with.

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Maybe you're waiting to find your

future spouse and you are just longing

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for your vocation of being married

and you just haven't found the person

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yet and are losing hope on that.

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And you're just struggling to

know, you know, what the Lord's

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plan is for your vocation.

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Maybe you're waiting on growing your

family, um, on your first baby or second

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or third, and you're struggling to know

when the Lord, you know, Has the right

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time in mind for you to have another

child, or maybe you're struggling with

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health issues, um, a chronic illness or

a cancer, or, um, just something that

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is, you know, largely uncomfortable

and impedes your everyday life.

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And you are just waiting for healing.

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You're just waiting on the Lord to help

you find the healing you need so that

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you can have a better quality of life.

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Maybe you're waiting on a friend

or a family member to be healed.

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Maybe you're on a job that is finally

fulfilling, um, or can support you.

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Your family better financially.

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Um, maybe you're waiting to get

out of, you know, debt or financial

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struggle when you're family.

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And you're just waiting to find

a place of stability and peace.

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All of these places carry a lot

of weight in our hearts and can

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bring on a lot of suffering.

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And sometimes the

waiting can seem endless.

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And even though we're praying fervently

and faithfully, yet we're asked to wait,

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yet the Lord has prescribed a season of

waiting, um, probably for her own good,

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to shape our hearts, to

bring us closer to Him.

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, And like I said, I, I

don't have the answer.

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I don't really know why, but something

that's brought a lot of comfort

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lately has been a Saint Faustina.

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, if you have been following me for a while,

I've talked about her often in the past.

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I absolutely love this

Saint and her diary.

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I learned so much through

reading her diary, , years ago.

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And one of the things she says

in there is about suffering.

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Actually, she talks about suffering a lot.

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, one of the things she says

is that suffering is a great

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grace through suffering, the

soul becomes like its savior.

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And in suffering, love

becomes crystallized.

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So the greater, the suffering,

the purer, the love.

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Basically she talks about how suffering

is a, is a great blessing to us

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because it draws us closer to the Lord

in a way that can only purify our love

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and make it so our relationship with

the Lord is purely based off that.

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Like true love, true, unconditional

love for the Lord, not based off

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of the way he answers our prayers.

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And I know that when we're in

times of waiting or suffering, we

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can hear a lot of things, um, you

know, that try to bring us comfort.

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Maybe this brought you comfort.

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Maybe it didn't, maybe friends try and

lend a word of comfort and sometimes

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it works and sometimes it doesn't.

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, but I know that at least

it can give it meaning.

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Because that's what I have learned in

the past few years, is that there's great

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meaning to suffering and I hope that

if these words don't bring you comfort

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right now, they can just further give

you some meaning to hold on to as you

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wait for your prayer to be answered.

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And I think that one of the most important

things in these seasons of waiting for

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a prayer to be answered is to continue

to be faithful in prayer, to continue

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to seek the Lord out on a daily basis

and build that relationship, deepen

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that trust, continue that surrender, and

just be a child in the Father's arms.

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that you can continue to stay

close to him in your journey.

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Because he is where you're going to draw

the strength to keep going while you wait.

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Now, what if God answers your

prayer by saying, yes, but not now?

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Honestly, I feel like this is

one of the harder questions.

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Uh, prayer answers to get because it's

the one that's most in limbo, you know,

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if the Lord says, yes, here you go.

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Obviously that's an easy one.

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That's exciting.

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If the Lord says, no, it can be really

difficult to receive that answer.

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But if you do get that clear,

clear of an answer, I feel like it

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would be easier to honestly just.

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You know, deal with that,

accept that and move on.

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But if the Lord says, yes, but

not now, it's like the most

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confusing, like in the middle gray

area of like, okay, so then when,

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especially in a world of instant

gratification, where we are just so

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used to getting answers quickly to

getting a hit of dopamine, when we

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open up our phone to moving quickly.

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Throughout our day and being efficient

and productive and getting things done.

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Waiting can seem so treacherous sometimes

because I feel like our patience and our

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ability to just like be in the present

moment without something new coming has

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really dwindled over the last few years.

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And many times I feel like the Lord

says, yes, but not now, because

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he's waiting for something that

he sees that we don't yet see.

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And I saw a post on Instagram

once that painted this

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picture for me really clearly.

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And again, it uses the analogy of

like a child and a mother, because

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I feel like that is the most

clear way for us to understand.

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the most tangible way for us to understand

what our relationship with God is really

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like as children and him as the father and

just kind of like that gap of separation,

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you know, and kind of that like knowledge

gap that there is between us and the

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Lord, given his divinity and our humanity.

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And the post I saw on Instagram was,

you know, there's a mom who just made

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this chicken for her one year old baby.

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And she is, you know, getting

ready to feed it to him.

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And he is like starting

to get super impatient.

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He's starting to scream and to hit

the table and to cry because he's

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super hungry and he's asking for food

and he's trying to make it known.

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Like I want food, I need food.

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And the mom has the chicken, you know,

like on the countertop and she's looking

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at him and she's like, almost honey,

like, Yes, I'm making you chicken.

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I'm getting you the food.

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I'm just cutting it up

cause it's super hot.

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Like I'm just blowing on

it cause it's super hot.

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She is just preparing the chicken

the right way so that she can give

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it to her baby so he can fully enjoy

it and be nourished by it and not

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hurt himself as soon as he puts it

in his mouth because it's piping hot.

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And as humans, we see that picture

and we completely understand.

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And if we saw in real life, a mom do this

to her baby, we would be looking at the

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baby, like, Oh, like it's okay, buddy.

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Like you just can't see yet.

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You know, you just like, mom's trying to

help like chickens coming, you know, but.

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When it's us and the Lord, and when

it's a prayer we're asking for,

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and we're waiting on, it's so easy

for us to just throw that tantrum.

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How many times have we thrown

from that tantrum of like, God,

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I'm asking for this prayer.

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Like, can't you hear me?

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Like I'm yelling at this point.

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I'm crying at this point.

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Like, can't you hear me?

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And the Lord is saying

like, yes, I hear you.

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And the answer is yes.

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That's in my plan.

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Our wills are aligned.

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That is my will, but.

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I'm preparing something or I'm

waiting for something out of your

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own protection for your own good or

so that you may more freely and more

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fully enjoy it in the right time.

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Cause if I give it to you right

now, you won't be ready for it.

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It might burn you.

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Does that make sense?

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I don't know why, but when I

heard that reflection, it made.

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So much sense to me and it broke it

down and just like the easy human

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way that I needed it to for me to,

yeah, just take that to prayer with

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me and just remind myself of like,

okay, if the answer is yes, but not

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now, the Lord probably see something.

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I don't.

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The Lord is probably

protecting me something or.

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Protecting me from something or

waiting for it to be the right

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time where I can receive this gift

more fully and more fruitfully.

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if the Lord says no, I have

something better for you.

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This answer can be really

heartbreaking sometimes and

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Very, very difficult to accept.

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Maybe you've experienced praying intensely

for something and just felt absolutely

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shattered when you knew the answer was

no, when you just like felt that in

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your heart, it wasn't going to happen.

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Or when you got the, you know, the

rejection from the job you applied for,

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or when a family member died of cancer

that you prayed for healing for, or,

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um, when he maybe wasn't the one that

you thought you were going to marry.

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But just because God is saying no, I

want you to remember that it doesn't

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mean he's withholding good things.

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And I think it can feel that way.

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A lot of the time, I think it can feel

that if the Lord is saying no to a prayer,

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it can feel like he's just saying no.

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And that's it.

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But remember that the answer is no,

I have something better for you.

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He's never withholding

something good for us.

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In fact, he has something

even better in store.

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And I'm sure you've seen this, um, image.

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It's gone viral the last few years.

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It's like a classic Pinterest image.

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You could look it up like Jesus

holding flowers for a little girl.

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And it's this picture of Jesus with this

huge bouquet of flowers behind his back.

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But it's basically this image of a

little girl giving Jesus a single flower

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and he's reaching out to receive it.

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And he has this huge bouquet

that he's holding behind his

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back, ready to give to her.

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And the way that I see it, This is,

you know, she's coming to him and

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offering him, you know, what she has,

she's offering him a small prayer and

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the Lord is like, Oh, just you wait.

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Like I have this whole bouquet for you.

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This whole bouquet when all you, you know,

we're offering was one little flower.

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All you asked for was maybe

this one little thing.

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I have this whole bouquet for you.

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And it's just kind of a symbol

of like the Lord always has the

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greatest gift in store for us.

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He always has the most

good in store for us.

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And it just takes trusting God's wisdom

to recognize that his no sometimes

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is part of the way he's loving us.

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And I think about this in my

own life in past relationships,

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I remember, especially in high

school, I feel like in high school,

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like you just are learning things

about love for the first time.

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And you're like, I think I'm going

to marry this guy as soon as you,

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you know, meet him basically.

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And then you don't obviously.

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And you're like, God, why?

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Like what happened?

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Um, But like, if I would have just

continued to pine for the one guy I

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thought I was gonna marry, I would

have not ended up marrying Trey.

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Or I just like, I never had the

insight to know that the Lord had

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the right man in store for me.

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And so when maybe the answer was

no, to a earlier prayer of, is this

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the person I'm supposed to marry?

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And maybe it would have caused a lot of

like grief or anger or doubt or whatever.

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, if that's what you're going through,

you know exactly what I mean.

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And maybe it's because the Lord is like,

I actually have the best guy ever for you

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or whatever it is that you're praying for.

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I actually have the best

timing ever for you.

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And you have no idea.

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I actually have the best job ever for you

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or maybe the answer is just no, because

the Lord is like, I just have something

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completely different in store for you.

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And the thing that we always have to

remember is that whatever God's will

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is, it's going to bring us more joy

than whatever we thought our will was.

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And that's something that's a really

hard pill to swallow and that I

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constantly have to remind myself,

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but just know that when you are facing

no as an answer to a prayer, it's okay

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to grieve and it's okay to feel sad.

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And it's okay to hand those emotions

to the Lord and just be like, I

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have literally no understanding

as to why this is not your will.

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And I give you my sadness.

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I give you my anger.

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I give you, you know, my

resentment, whatever it is that

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you feel because he can handle it.

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And you can process those

feelings with the Lord

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so as I wrap up here, the biggest

thing I want you to walk away with as

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you walk through this journey of, you

know, praying to the Lord for something

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big and waiting for an answer is to

really just embrace true surrender.

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And surrender doesn't necessarily

mean that you're giving up

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actually doesn't mean that at all.

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: 00:20:50

Surrender doesn't mean that you're like,

okay, Lord, I don't desire this anymore.

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The Lord isn't waiting for you to

like, let go of a desire, especially

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if he's placed a desire on your heart.

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That's it.

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Good thing.

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And it's there for a reason,

whatever the answer is.

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So surrender doesn't mean

that you let go of that.

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It just means that you let go of control

and expectation and that you trust in

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the Lord and whatever way he is working

for that prayer that you're asking for.

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And by surrendering our will to God's, we

allow him to transform us, to sanctify us.

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Even through these seasons

of waiting and hardship,

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especially through these

seasons of waiting.

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If you're like, I have no idea how to

surrender, or yeah, like I try to but

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it's so hard, I highly encourage you

to pray with the Surrender Novena.

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It's been an extremely

powerful novena in my life.

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Mostly in just praying.

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Bringing me peace and increasing my

faith in the Lord, which is a gift

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faith and trust is not something

we can just manufacture ourselves.

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It's truly a gift that we

need to ask the Lord for.

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And so praying the surrender novena,

it goes through the words like, oh

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Jesus, I surrender everything to you.

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Take care of everything

or something like that.

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I don't have it memorized, but

it's basically along those lines.

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And you say that 10 times along

with a little reflection that they

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write for each day of the novena.

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And every time I read

it, it is so spot on.

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It is so spot on to how we feel

as humans, like letting go of

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whatever prayer it is, you know,

and offering it to the Lord and just

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surrendering it completely to the Lord.

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Um, but in the end, it really just brings.

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Um, and it brings a whole new

wave of peace in whatever it

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is that you're praying for.

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: 00:22:30

So friends, I hope that today's

episode has brought you some

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comfort, some solidarity.

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Um, especially if you are in a season

of waiting for a prayer to get answered.

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: 00:22:39

And I hope that you just have

maybe a new perspective on how the

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Lord is responding to your prayer.

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: 00:22:44

Um, and just that you're reminded

that he responds to every prayer,

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that you're never going ignored or

abandoned, um, or unheard by the Lord.